Sunday night, 8 p.m. sharp you're there with your face pressed against Equius' sweaty teef tits as he holds u like the baby.
6 months back, Equius lost both of his testicles and since then he lost his wife, Aradia, and daughter, Nepeta. u only remebered their names because thats all he talks about. Well that and his glory days as a fucking sap head, u mean "competitive body builder." However, unlike other bodybuilders Equius' has tits. Hormone therapy came along with a side of high testosterone and because of that, his body had to kick up the estrogen to maintain balance.
Equius' big arms looped u right inside him, but u didn't push back. u pulled in, right in his musk and sweat and buried your face into his tits. Motor boot him while you're at it.
"If u wish to cry, go ahead." He drone as he pat down your wild licks of jet. "It will be alright."
It will be alright, u chanted. Instantly, a set of dominos were set off. One door one from the core of your useless piece of shit of a body, chemicals started to react and soon enough u further dug your nose into his chest. u let go.
Crying is what u need. The release from your shitty job, your shitty boss and his shitty accent, from your shitty harelquin filled life. No one understands but most of all no one listens to your bucktooth ass. Your mouth agape, tongue readying and willing to lash out to those who put your ezel down. Then again who are u really trying to face? Staring at your mirror, staring at your baggy, colbalt glare of purest form of isolation. Even u don't listen to your mind, body of soul, and thus is why u have an insomina.
Which is why you're here, for two years and 6 months you've been attending support groups. It's only when u have an invisible gun to your head is when someone actually leads an ear. Actually make u feel like you're beloved. It feels nice to be cared for, after you've been rejected door the ones u loved. Makes a whole lot easier to cry too.
This is how u meet Karkat Vantas.
Equius gives a jerking sob. Up with the shoulder blade, down with his articulation of breath. Huff, huff, puff, puff. Big bad Equius is going to blow down your house. Though, that doesn't bother u one bit. This is the closet u will get to sleep, and u will get your sleep because u fucking earn it door those hours u pull.
"Only the strong will survive," Equius remarked.
Peaking your cerulean open, u see the other men in the Remaining Men circle. All hugging and crying, it warms u up until u saw him.
His face contorted to one side while he pulls a long drag from his lips, blowing into your cirkel as a man cry his burdens into the crook of his neck. His eyes meet yours.
Pants on fucking fire.
He just rubs u the wrong way, he wasn't even trying to fake it. Short matte black hair, half-lidden amber eyes that fell endlessly against the porselein flesh that barely covered bone. Maybe he is sick, in the fucking head because he's always in yours tuberculosis group on Friday. Around Wednesday night, he's staring at u with that same drag in his mouth at your melanoma round table. Monday night he's attending the lukiemia rap group. What a fucking joy, oh wait, he also goes to your brain parasite group on Thursdays.
It annoys you, it infuriates u to know he's there. u need to this, u need to relax and let go of all the stress thats blocking your chi.
This is your vacation.
The first time u ever step foot into a support group, it was right after your doctors appointment for your insomnia. u don't know why u have it, but u do know it's killing you. Albeit, your doctor refuses to see the murderous aspect. Only telling u to chew valerian root, get excrise and just listen to your body. When all u really want is the red-and-blue pill.
"If u wish to see true torture, I suggest witnessing First Eucharist on Tuesday night, Brain Parasites on Thursday," Doctor Maryam kept listening meer and more, door the end of it all.
u never gave out your real name when it came to introductions: This is Andrew, this is Jack, this is Droogs. All force smiles and greetings.
"Hello, Hey, Hi," we all get it.
Making her way towards the front, Aranea took center stage. No doubt she was captivating, the way her hips pop with each click of her heel. Too bad u lost all effort and energy to prove your heterosexuality back in high school. Still, you'll admit when u see an attractive female. Especially how smoothly her words flow like velvet, leaving tracks of bumps along your forearm.
She instructs u with a tug of her frames up her nose to close your eyes and just follow her voice. Follow her through the red curtains, green curtains and pass a man with a cue ball.
u wake up again. Eyes flown open to nothing but the sky. Body stretch across fields upon endless fields of shade, soon enough u pop on your elbows and took a glance around.
"Watch out," with a snap, u gaze at a lone figure to the north. Hesitantly, u began your journey. Closer and closer, louder and louder they warned," watch out."
For what? u differ. Shoving a wristful into your flanellen broek, broek door the time u reach the yellow salamader.
u wake up and you're up on the first floor. Equius and other men file out the building, while u just stood there. Bewildered and unresponsive. Until push came to shove.
"Move bitch, get out of the way."
His boney fingers sunk into your linen pressed dress shirt, allowing him to shimmy right pass you. A trail of toxin following every whip of his heel.
u will get Karkat Vantas back, if u could u would throw that painters bucket at his face. Just to watch him squirm on the floor where he belongs.
u need some fucking sleep.