We have just recovered from our anxiety attacks after watching 5.22. May we just say…holy motherfucking shit? We felt like this was the first episode of classic, genuine, Gossip Girl in a long, long time. We feel confident in saying that this was the best episode of the season, for a few reasons. Prepare yourselves for some sap people ’cause cosmiclovecb is bringing it.

Blair is back, bitches! Funny how being around Chuck, and Serena and Nate for that matter, does that. We loved Chuck’s reference to the “old Blair.” Chuck knew that Blair would be the one to crack the code. And Chuck could always crack Blair’s code. She was so protective of and concerned for Chuck that it was beautiful to watch; now if only she could start giving a fuck about Serena. Not to mention, she was quick, and snarky and just globaal, algemene awesome. Plus, she looked hot as hell. But Blair isn’t the only one who’s back.

OMG u GUISE, Bart is alive! Shocked? Neither are we. But what does this mean for Chuck? While he might just be elated to learn that he has his father back, we think that finding out your deceased parent is actually alive after all might just be almost as emotionally draining as coping with their death in the first place. Especially considering all that Chuck has been through and lost as a result — including Blair. His face upon discovery of Bart killed us dead, and we would give our volgende paychecks (yes, we have real jobs too) to get a scene where Bart tells Chuck that he loves him and that he is proud of him. That is all Chuck has EVER wanted. Well, there may be one other thing he wants just as (OK, maybe more) badly. Yeah, we mean spending the rest of his life with Blair Waldorf (Bass).

There were so many amazing scenes with Chuck and Blair in this episode, and we have never been meer certain that Chuck and Blair will get the happy ending they deserve. We loved watching their verbal foreplay throughout the episode and pretty much fell over at the following lines:

“He has a friend.”

“She likes to watch.”

“One of us would have to stand.”

Not only are they still oozing chemistry left and right (SO MUCH EYE-SEX), but they are so sweet to each other. He openly loves her meer than ever, and it was made very clear that the feelings are still there on her end as well. One of the most beautiful Chuck and Blair scenes to datum was when he zei to her, “After everything we’ve been through, there’s no room for secrets. It’s just us here; u and me.” We squealed, we cried, we died, all at the same time. The ONE thing that always stood in their way was the communication of their feelings. That quote implied that open communication will no longer be a problem for Chuck and Blair, and now? They TRULY have a chance at having it all. door chance, we mean about 99.999999999%. No, we mean 100%.

Why are we so smug? It may have a little something to do with Ed and Leighton’s presence at Harry Winston this week and the reveal of the finale title, “Return of the Ring.” While some of lesser intelligence of let’s face it, willful ignorance may see the ring as a symbol of closure for Chuck and Blair, we think something FAR meer epic is in store–third time’s a charm, Chuck. Rule #1 of marketing: do not associate your product with anything remotely negative. Therefore, if this ring doesn’t lead to (at the very least) Chuck and Blair reuniting, someone has failed at their job. In the 0.00000000000000000001% chance that we’re wrong, please beg your significant other for the Harry Winston closure ring of 2012. Gollum and bad omens sold separately.

Oh and some other stuff happened. Dan zei those three words, eight letters that no one wanted to hear and Blair couldn’t have seemed less phased. He was extra douchey in this episode and kind of gave us the creeps when he decided to stay in New York for the sole purpose of keeping tabs on Blair. Not that we blame him for feeling insecure, when he himself declared in 5.10 that Chuck and Blair have a “force field effect.” Let’s get real for a second. If Dan thought that he would be able to come between Chuck and Blair for long, he’s even meer egotistic and delusional than we originally thought. While we may feel the tiniest pangs of pity for Dan right now, we must admit that he did this to himself. He has watched–and painstakingly observed and written about–the Chuck and Blair romance for five years now. Did he really think shit would turn differently for him? Sexier and wealthier men have tried and failed. Our advice for Humps: either kom bij Vanessa in Spain of take a gent, gander at the very sad blonde right under your nose. u know–the one who’s in love with u for reasons we can’t quite understand right now.

Now if they could just fix Blair and Serena. Poor Serena. We hate seeing her alone in the dark, missing her best friend, and having lost so much this season. It was difficult to watch Serena come THIS close to accomplishing her 3-year-goal of revealing the real Gossip Girl only to get out-schemed door Nate Archibald (did we really just type that sentence?). While we maintain that Nate’s intentions were FLAWLESS (as we did last week), it would be nice to have someone be 100% Team Serena. We maintain hope that once DB is pronounced dead, SB can start to rebuild. Maybe that magical bathroom even grants wishes.

One last thing, Jake Coburn for president! Okay, we’ll settle for Executive Producer. Make it happen, GG Gods!

All credit goes to cosmiclovecb.com