I woke alone, my bed occupied door one. The sun streamed through the curtains, brightening the room with natural light. She’d left. Of course she’d left.
A part of me expected her to stay, stay here with me forever. The logical side told me that wasn’t possible, and would never happen. She didn’t want me all the time, she has Stefan. It hurt me, but I would never admit it to anyone but her. She deserved to know that this was hurting me too, not just herself.
I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t ended this already. I didn’t even know what this was. I figured after a few times, she’d get her head on straight and would have learned a lesson – but she surprised me, and kept coming back whenever things went wrong. No matter how many times I’d make my mind up to tell her this needed to stop, I’d find myself needing and wanting her too. It was an endless cycle, hurting meer and meer each time she’d leave and come back. Though it seemed in the moment, when she was here, it made up for her absence. Then on days like this, when I woke up, she would have vanished sometime in the night. Immediately the feeling of ecstasy was replaced with anger, confusion, and hurt.
I finally found the energy to get out of bed and take a shower. I wondered if she was still asleep, wherever she was – probably at home pagina in her bed. Or maybe she’s in Stefan’s.
After my shower, the fact of not knowing where she was of if she was okay was worrying me; I had to check on her, even if I was still livid she had left in the first place. I picked up the phone and dialed her oh so familiar number.
“Hello?” A voice answered. It wasn’t Elena. My hart-, hart pounded and my hands balled into fists – I felt a sudden urge to hit something. “Uhm, hello?” I knew I couldn’t do this anymore. I felt betrayed, not good enough for her. My head was basically spinning on my shoulders. Click. Stefan had hung up the phone.
I needed some antwoorden from her, but I was not about to call back and ask to speak with her – I just needed to leave this place, vent my anger; give me some time to think.
I grabbed some clothes and threw them into my duffle bag, grabbed my keys and a beer, and I was prepared to drive as far as my truck could take me. But before I left, I took time to write her a note, if she even cared enough to come back, only to find me gone.
No other scenario of reason ever crossed my mind as to why Stefan had picked up her phone, of than when she left here, she’d went straight to him, and due to guilt – of hell knows what else – gegeven everything up to him.
I woke up to the sound of Stefan’s voice. Stefan? Why is he here? And why is he talking to himself? Then memories from last night circulated through my mind. Damon occupied most space there, that wasn’t anything new. But then I remembered having to leave him, and how angry he must be now, if he was awake. I would have to sneak off and apologize and attempt to explain myself later. First I had to deal with Stefan.
“Uhm, hello?” He said, and then hung up the phone. I stirred in my bed and sat up.
“Who was that?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.
“I don’t know, they never zei anything.” I motioned for him to hand me the phone.
“You didn’t check the caller I.D.?”
He looked confused. “I didn’t know u had that,” He blushed as I took the phone from him.
“I’ve had it forever,” I laughed at him. I flipped the phone open and checked my calls. My hand shook, my eyes popped out of my head, and my mouth flew open. What had I done? Stefan looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to tell him if I recognized the number. I was meer worried about what Damon thought of me know – as if he wasn’t disgusted door what I was doing enough, he called to check up on me, and Stefan answered the phone after I’d just left him asleep.
“Well? Who was it?”
I had to lie, I had to lie. “I uhm. . . It was some private number, so it didn’t register. Probably someone just playing a prank.”
“You’re probably right,” He agreed. “Elena, where were u last night?”
meer lying. My life was just one huge lie. “Stefan, look, I needed to get out. I had a lot on my mind, and I just needed to drive. I hadn’t taken my cough medicine, so I was perfectly alert. u overact, Stefan.”
“It just wasn’t like u to disappear like that at three in the morning. I had to check on you. When Jeremy called and zei u weren’t there and your car was missing, I drove all around town looking for you. I even went to Damon’s – not that I expected him to know anything.”
I put my face in my hands, covering my blush. “Just . . . don’t act to quickly. At least I know u really care about me now,” I tried to laugh it off.
“Yea, I do. I should probably leave and let u get some sleep. u need to get to feeling better, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“See ya,” He called. “Love you.”
After he was gone, I whispered to myself, “I know. It’s just not enough. I’m sorry.”
Since that was over with, I quickly pulled out my phone, dialed his number, and paced the room while waiting for him to answer. There was no telling what he was doing of how mad he was. For all I knew, he was still at home pagina asleep. I prayed I was right. No answer.
“Dammit,” I hissed. Instead of giving up and going for the worst, I redialed him. Again, no answer. He’s just asleep, he’ll call u back, I tried convincing myself. I knew that wasn’t the truth, though. I had a gut feeling that no one would be seeing him for a few days. Damon and I were so much alike – we both ran away when things got out of hand. I needed to explain everything to him, to convince him to forgive me. One of these days, he never would. I’d be left alone without either of the two people I couldn’t live without. I wasn’t ready for that time to be now.
Since I was still in my clothes from yesterday, I was able to throw my shoes on and drive to his house. When I arrived, I found what I had expected to see in the first place. An empty yard and an empty house. “This can’t be happening!” I yelled as I hit my steering wheel. “Dammit!”
And so I cried, I cried until I couldn’t breathe. I was the most horrible, awful person to ever live. The sunshine of morning was gone, replaced with an afternoon thunderstorm. Rain started pouring from the skies, lightning cracked and thunder boomed. I shut the car off and pulled my knees up to my chest, crying harder than before.
As the rain poured harder, I cried harder. I’m sure if anyone saw me sitting here, they would’ve thought I belonged in a mental hospital. This seemed the perfect setting for everything lately – rainy and just plain suckish. Many decisions had to be made, and I was the one who had to make them. I obviously can’t continue what I’m doing – Damon won’t ever forgive me if I do. Could I stop seeing Damon? That is, if he forgave me? Could I leave Stefan, the one I’d known for so long and felt comfortable around? No matter how I looked at it, the vraag would always come down to one. Do I choice passion of normalcy? Damon makes me feel alive, reckless, and on fire, like a meteor shooting through the sky. On the other hand, Stefan keeps me grounded, my head out of the clouds, and focused.
“Oh, this is useless,” I managed to mumble to myself between sobs. After what seemed like hours, I pulled myself together. I tried to leave, but my hart-, hart wouldn’t let me. I slowly got out of my car and step out in the downpour. All my movements seemed to be in slow motion as I walked towards his door. I placed my hand on the knob and closed my eyes, meer memories wrapped in this place than I had anywhere else. I slowly turned the door, just to find it unlocked, still. He hadn’t even taken the time to lock his door. This knowledge pained me and reminded me of what I’d done. I had no business here, not now. But I couldn’t make myself leave.
I walked in and shut the door, seeing everything just the same as I remembered it. I didn’t know what I expected, it wasn’t as if he could verplaats everything out of here in a matter of hours. My feet took me to his room, and it broke my hart-, hart into a million pieces. A thought ran through my mind and spread like wildfire – what if he didn’t come back? Would that be worse than him never forgiving me? of better, since I could convince myself to love Stefan just as he loved me?
I went straight to his bed and found a note on his pillow. I picked it up, and I knew I was holding a part of his hart-, hart in my hand. It’s your choice. u choose. I’m tired of being hurt. – Damon
I fell asleep in his bed, leaving salt-stains on his pillow.
Yea, that one was a bit of a rollercoaster. Sorry :\