We know where the princesses stand... but what about their movies? Well, if you read this then you'll find out!
I had one for the princesses, but what about the films they're from? Gah, this was so hard to decide. ;_____;
Yes, I like a good joke and yes, I swear like a sailor. Fucking deal with it. If I say something u don't like, then too bad. It was a joke.
Anyway, on with the countdown!
9) Sleeping Beauty
NOT FUNNY ENOUGH. D:<
SNOW WHITE ISN'T LAST? I know, what a shocker.
I watched this quite recently and it bored me. A lot. The muziek isn't amazing, it's not very long and there aren't enough gags. Aurora is pretty personalityless and that really sums up the whole movie. It has the makings for the movie but the input just seems to fall at the final hurdle. I love the funny parts of films and this film was severely lacking in them. One silly drunken song and a few wise cracks from Merryweather. I was not in hysterics. PLUS, THERE WAS NO VILLAIN SONG. Is there no God? Every good film needs a good... Oh wait, I placed some other films higher and they don't have a... Well, this film needed one. It was bland and unfunny and a villain song would have entertained me.
8) Snow White and The Seven Dwarves
Surprisingly good for what it is, but not half as good as the rest.
As much as I wanted to place this higher, I loved the other films more. I watched this for the first time in a long time on Wednesday when I was ill... And I was surprised at just how good it was. Ok, so Snow White's voice really does sound like a drowning cat and she's not very pretty, but it was quite funny for 1937. That poor turtle. Gets all the way up the stairs and then the animals come running out and push it back down again. It was funny until the schildpad got hurt. Then it was fucking hilarious. The animatie quality is very surprising in itself and it's MUCH meer consistent than most films from the Renaissance (apart from Snow White's hair. Unless it actually was a wig and the times when it appears to detatch from her head were intentional) even if the movements can look a little dodgy at times. I'm blessed to have the 1994 Collector's edition (ikr, how up-to-date) and it has a deleted scene on the end and it was so funny. Hence why it kicks Sleeping Beauty into the dust.
Iconic, but not the best.
I see that all the classics have collapsed to the bottom. Probably because they all struggle to get over 1 uur in length.
Cinderella is door far the most iconic Disney princess film, and it has good reason to be. It's magical and funny and the songs are surprisingly good (all, what, 4 of them?). Cinderella looks like a fucking supermodel. Except maybe for her hair. The film itself is pretty weird, due to it's storyline. Really, have u ever looked into it? A girl who is mourning her father's death is ridiculed and humiliated door her step-family (those were the narrator's terms for it, not mine) until it gets to the point that she is their servant
. She is then attacked door her step-sisters when she tries to go to ball (and she has a monstrosity of a bow in her hair. Srsly, who decided that would look good?) where she has to be helped door some weird old woman in her garden who claims to be a Fairy Godmother. She then goes to a ball where the prince basically just goes "Eww, these step-sisters are fu- Oh, hello, nurse!" and lusts after Cinders all night. Then they're about to get off when they don't even know each other's names. Heh, they probably haven't even spoken. So she runs off and he orders her to be found but can't even be bothered to zoek for her himself? Yeah, he's really in love.
6) Beauty and The Beast
It's just not that good a film. AND THE animatie IS SO INCONSISTENT, GAH.
Yes, it's not top. I simply don't like it as much as the others.
Luckily, we are now into the Renaissance and have some funny gags to fuel us. Cue a candlestick and a clock? Ok, whatever. Where to start on reasons why I don't really like BatB that much... Well, the songs. Usually get great acclaim for being amazing and the such. Honestly, how many of them are good? About two. Two out of how many? What, nine? Yeah, great job. There's an amazing little villain running around looking in pots and pans to admire his Adam's appel, apple and there's even a talking wardrobe but this film... Just no. It's so rushed as well. Inconsistency to the max, especially on plain old Belle. She's so boring, she really does draw this movie down. They should rename it Boring and The Beast. She isn't beautiful and she's bland. In fact, I've already explained all this. Do I need to repeat it? No, I don't think I do.
Apart from that, this film is quite good. Not one I watched repeatedly as a kid. Heck, I didn't even have it on video until I was like 9. I was a kid of the sequels. I used to watch the Enchanted Christmas so much. I loved that film. I have Magical World too, but meh. I didn't like that one as much. Anyway, back to the original. It was ok. I enjoy watching it. But the other films are better. So let's verplaats on to...
5) The Little Mermaid
A great film. Funny, nice songs, good story... Not as good as the rest.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Ariel hasn't made it very far either.
I love this movie. No, really, I do. I've had it on video since before I can remember. I haven't watched it in forever, so that can go on my lijst of things to watch on Thursday and Friday along with Aladdin. From what I remember being fuelled door YouTube videos of the songs and making my own videos and countdowns and stuff, this film was very funny. Scuttle still makes me lol when I think of a little thing he says that has been stuck in my head for God knows how many years. Ariel was very funny too and everyone loves a hilarious princess. Ok, so every single outfit was an 80s monstrosity. What do I care? It provides me with silly jokes to crack regarding roze marshmallows and halterneck jumpers. Would they make such a thing? No. Would Triton force such a thing to be made for his daughter? Yes, he would. That purple sequin thing looks like a halterneck jumper. It's just impossible. It was one thing to put the poor girl in pink, but to dress her in the impossible? No. Just no. Though, on a high note, Eric is fit as.
A film of epic proportions. Just lost out thanks to one shitty sequel.
Ooh, certainly edging our way up here.
This movie is one of my favourites for sure. It was very much dragged down this far door that godawful sequel. Pocahontas is my seconde favourite princess and rightly so. She's amazing and THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE ON THE PLANET... of princesses. Even some pixie dust couldn't help Aurora beat her. It only helps that her dress is skimpy and she doesn't wear shoes, but whatever. THIS FILM IS AMAZING. THE MUSIC, JOHN SMITH, THE STORYLINE... I could go on for days. Why make a sequel? Why dirty this masterpiece? WHY HAVE POCAHONTAS MARRY THAT FUCKTARD ROLFE? WHYYYYY, DISNEY? WHYYYYYYYY?
Erm, yes, anyway...
An epic film. Just not quite as epic as the other two.
I dislike nothing about this movie. Nothing at all. Ok, maybe Return of Jafar, but I haven't actually seen that.
I'll admit it: I prefered King of Thieves to this as a child. I was a sequel lover in many ways. Some sequels I couldn't stand, but I loved sequels that a lot of people had never even heard of. ANYWAY, leaving sequels behind, this film is amazing. So funny! Robin Williams = love. Ahhhh, yes. The storyline is amazing and u can't help but sing along to the music. Well, the stuff that u can actually hear the lyrics to. There isn't really much meer to say on this film except that it's a good one.
Includes most of my favourite stuff... But it somehow got knocked off the top, boven for once!
My favourite princess. My favourite message. My favourite songs. But not my favourite movie?
First off, I'd just like to say that Mushu is made of epic win. Whoever decided that Eddie Murphy should accompany Mulan in the form of a dragony hagedis thing deserves a medal. A bigass medal. A medal that reads "I'm so epic win that Chuck Norris knows my name". That's how epic win it is. Aside from that, this film has so many magical moments. u never forget the first time u hear Be A Man and u end up singing along even though u don't know the words. I had a series of actions door the time I was 7. It just makes u want to run around in happiness and go "YES, THIS FILM HAS MADE MY CHILDHOOD WORTHWHILE!". Heck, even the fucking sequel was epic win. I think Walt Disney's been sitting on his wolk giving this Chinese legend the thumbs up since it was made. But what could possibly have beaten it? It can only be one thing. Yes, it's...
1) The Princess and The Frog
THIS FILM COULD NOT BE meer AMAZING IF IT TRIED. Well, Clopin could have been in it, but I don't think the world would have survived such a large level of epicness being produced.
ACHIDANZE! HELLO, NEW ORLEANS!
As if I didn't already think highly of Disney, this masterpiece jumped up at the end of last jaar and pretty much wiped the floor with the Renaissance. What a magnificent take on a traditional tale!
The things I could lijst on how much I love this film. Let's just keep it short and snappy.
First off, there's Naveen. The fucking sexy studmuffin. u just want to run over there and dance with him, yes? His voice, his hair, his fashion sense... Oh, the world just simultaneously jizzed. AND NOT TO MENTION, HE'S FUNNY. A GUY WITH A FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOUR! YES, THANK u DISNEY, THE WORLD IS COMPLETE! Not to mention that he's basically just a non-asexual version of Clopin, as Lullaby rightly noted in a compliment to me. And we all know how epic win Clopin is.
Moving on. As if this film wasn't funny enough, they decide to give Tiana the most amazing best friend ever. Lottie is made of love. Love and epic win and sparkly roze dresses. AND OMG, HER VOICE. I went so squee when she opened her mouth in that opening scene. Tiana's voice is equally as amazing. DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY TALK LIKE THAT? DO THEY, REALLY? Ohhhh, those voices are so amazing. Lottie is so ditzy and crazy. She's so goddamn COOL!
Moving on once meer in a desperate bid to sum this up a little meer quickly. THERE ARE SO MANY AMAZING THINGS ABOUT IT. Doctor Facilier for one. Ohhhhhh. He's so cool. Tiana is an amazing character too. What are those things she makes, beigenets? ARE THEY REAL? WHAT ARE THEY? I want to try one, oh I really do. I was like this when I was 5 and I loved Popeye. Then I actually ate spinazie and I hated it. So yeah, these beigenet things had better be both real and amazing. LOUIS AND RAY. Oh poor Ray, popping his clogs at the end. I was like "OMFG, NOT RAY. NOT straal, ray THE HILLBILLY FIREFLY!" and then I was like "OH, THIS IS A HARD KNOCK TO MY JUDGE OF AMAZINGNESS. I LOVE straal, ray AND I LOVE FACILIER. OHHHH, WHAT AM I TO DOOOO?" and then Facilier basically fucking dies? Srsly? Meh, it's karma I suppose. And stops the film dragging on too long. Damn it, I've still wrote too much. THIS FILM IS EPIC, to cut the long story short. Erm, short-ish.
There's your lot. Be happy about it.
If u don't like my opinion, then fuck you. What the fucking hell are u doing reading my artikel if u don't want to know about my opinion?
Also, here's a picture to relieve the pain of coming to the end of my article. Because obviously, u wish it was never ending:
Don't ask. I drew this... a week ago? It was a joke. Like everything I do.