Hercules: u like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.
Hades: Hmm. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.
Hercules: Going once...
Hades: Is there a downside to this?
Hercules: Going twice...
Hades: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. u get her out. She goes, u stay.
[Hercules dives in to save Megara]
Hades: Oh, there's just one thing. You'll be dead before u can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?
Hades: How sentimental. u know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a homp, stoere binken of moussaka caught in my throat.
Panic: "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?
Panic: Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...?
Pain, Panic: Oh, my Gods!
[they run, Hades seizes them]
Hades: So u took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your *exact* words?
Pain: This might be a different Hercules.
Panic: Yeah. I mean, Hercules is a very populair name nowadays.
Pain: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?
Hades: We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home pagina happy. What do u say? Come on.
Hades: It's a small underworld, after all, huh?
Hades: Zeusy, I'm home.
Hercules: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah. I mean, it's, u know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, u know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do u owe these people, huh?
Hades: So is this an audience of a mosaic?
Zeus: So, Hades, u finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades: Well, they're just fine. u know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are u gonna do?
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
Panic: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns]
Pain: Pain - Ow!
Panic: And Panic - eechk!
Pain, Panic: ...reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minuut the Fates arrive.
Panic: Oh, they're here!
Hades: [shouting] What! The Fates were here and u didn't tell me?
Pain, Panic: Ohh... We are worms!
[as they grovel, they turn into worms]
Pain, Panic: Worthless worms!
Hades: Memo to me... Memo to me: Maim u after my meeting.
Zeus: Aw, Hades, don't be such a stiff. kom bij the celebration.
Hades: Love to, Babe. But unlike u gods lounging about up here, I regretfully have a full-time job that you, door the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus. So, can't. Love to, but can't.
[after Pain and Panic, disguised as children, are rescued door Hercules]
Hades: Stirring performance, boys. I was really moved.
Panic: "Jeepers, Mister"?
Pain: I was going for innocence.
Hades: [after taking Hercules' powers away] u might feel just a little queasy. It's kinda natural. Maybe u should... sit down.
[Knocks Hercules down with dumbells]
Hades: Now u now how it feels to be like everyone else. Isn't it just peachy?
Hades: I'm sorry. u mind runnin' that door me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear of something...
Meg: Then read my lips - forget it!
Hades: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail?
[Hades explodes into flames]
Hades: [shouts] I own you!
Hades: He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay?
Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even...
[Hades notices Pain is wearing Air-Hercs]
Hades: What... are... those?
Pain: Um, I don't know. I-I thought they looked kinda dashing.
Hades: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, of the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke,
[begins to shout]
Hades: and u are wearing his merchandise?
[Hades almost blows up in front of Pain, but stops to see Panic slurping a Hercules drink]
Panic: [chuckling nervously] Thirsty?
[Hades shouts out loud, blows up and the whole city rumbles]
Hades: Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way.
Hades: Name's Hades, Lord of the dead. Hi, how ya doin'?
Hades: We were so close! So close, we tripped at the finish line! Why? Because our little *nut*-Meg has to go all noble.
Hades: Ah. There's the little sunspot. Little snootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker. Eh? Here u go. u just...
[Baby Hercules squeezes Hades' finger too tightly]
Hades: Sheesh. Uh, powerful little tyke.
Zeus: u ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah. Work yourself to death.
Zeus: Oh, I kill myself.
Hades: [to himself] If only. If only.
Hades: Ladies. Hah. I am so sorry that I'm...
The Fates, The Fates, The Fates: Late.
The Fates: We knew u would be.
The Fates: We know everything.
The Fates: Past.
The Fates: Present.
The Fates: And future.
The Fates: [aside, to Pain] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.
Meg: I've done my part. Get your little imps...
Hades: They couldn't handle him as a baby. I need somebody who can... handle him as a man.
Meg: Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.
Hades: Well, u know, that's good because that's what got u into this jam in the first place, isn't it? u sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? door running off with some babe. He hurt u real bad, didn't he, Meg? Huh?
Meg: Look, I learned my lesson, okay?
Hades: Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. u give me the key to bringing down Wonder Breath, and I give u the thing that u crave most in the entire cosmos: your freedom.
[Pegasus blows the flames off Hades' head]
Hades: Whoa. Is my hair out?
Hades: [anger rising] I'm about to rearrange the cosmos, and the one *schlemiel* who can louse it up is waltzing around in the woods.
Hades: What d'ya say? It's happy ending time. Everybody's got a little taste of somethin' but me. I got nothin'. I'm - I'm here with nothin'. Anybody listenin'? It's like I'm - What am I, an echo of something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace? Hello, it's me. Nobody listens.
The Fates: In 18 years precisely / The planets will align ever so nicely.
Hades: Ay, verse. Oy.
The Fates: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band.
Hades: Mmm-hmm. Good, good.
The Fates: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will rule all!
Hades: Yes! Hades *rules*!
The Fates: A word of caution to this tale...
Hades: Excuse me?
The Fates: Should Hercules fight, u will fail.
[they laugh and disappear]
Hades: [shouting at the top, boven of his lungs] What?
Hades: Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine.
Hades: Meg, my little flower, my little bird, my little *nut*-Meg. What exactly happened here? I thought u were gonna persuade the river guardian to kom bij my team for the uprising and here I am sort of... river-guardian-less.
Meg: Look, I gave it my best shot, but he made me an offer I had to refuse.
Hades: [Hercules and the Hydra are fighting, and the Hydra is winning, while Hades watches] My favoriete part of the game: sudden death.
Hades: Brothers. Titans. Look at u in your squalid prison. Who put u down there?
Hades: And now that I set u free, what is the first thing u are going to do?
Titans: Destroy him.
Hades: Good answer.
Hades: Guys, get your titanic rears in gear and kick some Olympian butt.
Hades: Well, gotta blaze. I have a whole cosmos up there waiting for me... with, hey, my name on it.
Hades: Pain. Panic. Got a little riddle for ya. How do u kill a god?
Pain: [sounds assertive at first] I do not... know.
Panic: u can't... they're immortal?
Hades: Bingo, they're immortal. So the first thing we gotta do is make the little sunspot... mortal.
Hades: If I say I want Wonder Boy's head on a platter, u say...?
Meg: [without much enthusiasm] Medium of well done?
Hades: Let's get ready to RUMBLLLLLLE!
Hades: Hercules, stop! u can't do this to me, u can't...
[Hercules punches Hades in the face]
Hades: Fine, okay, well I deserved that.
Hades: Meg, listen. Do u hear that sound? It's the sound of your freedom, fluttering away, *forever*!
Meg: I don't care, I'm not going to help u hurt him!
Hades: [sighs] I can't believe you're getting all worked up over some "guy."
Meg: This one is different. He's strong, he's caring, he would never do anything to hurt me...
Hades: He's a guy!
Meg: [smugly] Besides, O Oneness, u *can't* beat him. He has no weaknesses! He...
[she turns and sees Hades smiling slyly at her]
Hades: I think he does, Meg.
[envelops her in his arm]
Hades: I truly think he does.