The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Two
Blair walked up the stairs into Serena’s room to decide what she was going to wear for that gala that evening. She brought Patrick upstairs with her as well. She felt guilty that this was the first time she was seeing her godchild when in fact he was over a jaar and a half.
She opened the door to Serena’s spacious bedroom and sat on the floor with Patrick in his lap. He really was the exact replica of his father and she couldn’t help feel pleased that Serena and Nate had each other. A few years geleden she would have felt extremely jealous that they were together but now she realized that they were meer important things in life than that.
Patrick started babbling some inane things while he tugged on one of Blair’s earrings. She talked to him about everything that had happened to her recently even though she understood that he wouldn’t understand one word of anything that she was saying. It was just nice to finally see her own godchild and bond with him.
“What do u think of that little man?” She asked him.
Patrick looked her in the face and let out a big, “Goo, Gah.”
Blair burst out laughing. Ask a baby a vraag and u should be prepared for the answer u were bound to get. She placed a hand on his head and ruffled his hair playfully. He decided he didn’t like that much and pulled hard on a strand of her hair.
“OW!!” She screeched.
Serena flew in the room when she heard Blair yell. “Blair, what’s wrong?”
Blair massaged the top, boven of her head. “Your son has got a pretty strong grip there. He tried to physically harm me.” She zei in a joking manner.
Serena laughed with her. “Yeah, he likes to pull things. Especially hair, that’s one of the bad things about having long hair around a child. Anything they can reach, they will try to pull and see if it’s attached.”
Blair continued to play with Patrick and made goofy faces at him.
“Did u pick out a dress for tonight, Blair?” Serena asked.
She shook her head. “I didn’t make it over there yet, S. I decided to get to know my own godchild a little better. He is so cute, Serena.”
Serena smiled. “I know, I think he’s the most adorable thing in the entire world. And so does Nate. He’s got my personality along with Nate’s looks. How can he ever go wrong?”
Blair smirked at her. She noticed that Patrick had fallen asleep in her lap and she handed him off to Serena. She left the room to go put him down for his afternoon nap. While Serena was gone, Blair went to her huge closet and went to try and find something suitable for the gala. She didn’t have to worry, Serena’s closet was bigger than a dress koop and meer stocked also. There was at least one of every designer label there and she even noticed a few of her designs that Serena must have bought at one point.
She pursued the racks and tried to decide what would look good on her. She finally chose a deep red gown, which had a beaded lijfje, bodice and would look great with her honey complexion. Blair knew that it was stupid but she wanted to look absolutely perfect since she was going to have to come face to face with her past tonight. She had done very well for herself since she left but she always felt the need to prove herself to her peers. Blair was still a very unsecure woman underneath it all.
Serena came back into the room and found her in the closet. She noticed that Blair was fingering the red silk of the dress. “Blair, are u nervous about tonight?”
She turned around. “Is it that evident on my face?”
Serena shrugged her shoulders. “No, not really. You’re really put together Blair but since I’m your best friend, I can tell. So, let me ask again. Are u nervous about the whole gala tonight?”
Blair tried to control her emotions but found that she had been keeping it inside for too long already. “I know what you’re really asking, Serena. u mean am I nervous to see him, don’t you?”
Serena nodded once.
Blair sighed and took a zitplaats, stoel at the vanity table. “I’m not so much nervous as I just don’t want to fight with him. And I know that’s going to happen when I see him. That’s always how it’s been between us. I don’t blame him for being mad and when he sees me tonight, I know he’s going to be furious.” She finally allowed herself to say his name. “Chuck hates me, doesn’t he?”
Serena crouched down beside her and rubbed her back. “I’ve got to tell u something that I should have told u a few years ago, Blair.”
“What?” She asked warily.
“After Bart’s funeral and Chuck moved back in here we became close. We are brother and sister if u ever saw one. Chuck loves me and I love him. Our relationship is not how u remember it, Blair.”
She suddenly felt the urge to slikken hard because she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “You’re telling me that the two of u are actually close? What happened? I thought u always hated him.”
“I did.” Serena admitted. “But after u left and Bart died, he changed, Blair. He’s grown up and I don’t think you’re going to recognize the man u see tonight as the Chuck u knew. But then again u might not see it because he’s going to be cruel to u because of how much u hurt him. I need u to understand that he’s different, Blair. Both of u have to let go of the past and just verplaats on with your lives. Try to be civil to each other tonight.”
Her words hit Blair hard. “I have moved on with my life, Serena. I’m not going to start trouble with Chuck. I want to get this out of the way, once I see him then I know that I can keep doing it.”
A puzzled look appeared on Serena’s face. “What do u mean?” Then it hit her. “Do u still have feelings for him?”
A slight frown came over Blair’s face. “What nobody ever understood was how much I really did love Chuck. That never goes away and of course I still have some feelings left for him. But what I meant is that I want to get this out of the way, so I don’t have to feel so anxious about running into him. The first time is always the hardest.”
Serena nodded her head in agreement. “I’ll be there for u every step of the way, Blair. I’m going to let u get ready now.” She left the room.
As soon as the door closed, Blair buried her head in her arms and tried to stel samen herself. This wasn’t going to be easy and she knew that. When she had left for France four years ago, she had never thought that she would have to see the face of Chuck bas, bass again. Now the time had come and she was dreading the moment when they would both see each other again. She also had the secret that she had to keep from him at any cost and he would never forgive her if he found that out. Blair shook her head rapidly, like she thought that was going to rid her of the thoughts of a certain Bass.
She stood up and faced the full length mirror in the closet and slid the dress over her body. Once the dress was in place, she noticed that it showed quite a bit of cleavage. That was not the image that she wanted to present tonight, so she tried on another dress of Serena’s. The same thing happened. Serena wasn’t as busty and Blair figured that all of the dresses were going to fit like that. She decided to put the red dress back on. She just hoped a certain someone didn’t think she was dressing for him, because of course she wasn’t. She pulled the zipper of the dress up and went to begin working on piling her hair into a careless yet sophisticated bun with a few tendrils lying against the back of her neck.
Blair made her way back to the living room to wait for Serena and Nate. Her clutch started vibrating and she realized that her cell was ringing. She took her phone and glanced at the caller i.d. Ben. A smile crept over her face as she answered it. “Hi, sweetie.”
His voice came over the phone. “Blair, how’s everything going?”
She nodded even though he couldn’t see her. “Everything is fine so far. Serena’s mother is throwing me a huge gala tonight to welcome me back. And I’m a little nervous about it since everybody that I haven’t seen in four years is going to be there.”
“That’s great Blair; I wish I could be there with you. But at least this way you’ll be able to get reacquainted with everyone from your past.”
“That’ true, Ben. But I still can’t help myself from being a little scared about what everyone’s reaction is going to be from seeing me again.”
“It’s normal, Blair. But u have to remember that whatever anyone thinks of u doesn’t matter. The only opinion that matters is yours. u always must remember that.”
Her smile grew even wider. “How is it that u always know what to say to get me to calm down?” They chatted for a few meer minuten until she asked, “So, what are we about a week from u being here? I hope my mother isn’t driving u insane.”
He chuckled. “Eleanor is oddly calm right now, Blair. That’s actually my reason for the call. I’ll be flying in tomorrow night. We have all the business done here and we’re ready to make our arrival.”
“Wow, that’s great.” She quickly hung up after that because she didn’t know what else there was left to say to her fiancé. Something was bothering her. And she didn’t know why she wasn’t meer excited for Ben’s arrival tomorrow night, instead she was dreading it.
After waiting another fifteen minutes, Blair made her way into the study in zoek of Nate and Serena. She found Nate sitting in his bureau chair all doled out in his best tux. He smiled at her. “Serena’s going to be a little longer; she always takes forever to get ready.”
She smiled. “I remember that about her. That’s okay though because we have some time to catch up.”
“That sounds great, Blair.”
She took a zitplaats, stoel opposite him and tried her best not to wrinkle the dress. “I’ve wanted to ask u something, Nate. How did u know that it was Serena? What made the both of u decide to give it another try?”
Nate paused a moment before answering, “I think it was after u left that I decided that I always loved Serena and wanted to with her no matter what.” He seemed to realize what he had zei and looked ashamed. “Blair, I’m sorry.”
She waved his apology off and covered his hand with her own. “Don’t worry about it, Nate. I knew back when we were dating that u were in love with Serena. I could always tell and don’t apologize for it because you’re finally happy with her. That’s all I ever wanted for both of u to be happy.”
“Thank you.” He smiled and laughed before turning serious. “If u don’t mind me asking, are u nervous about seeing him tonight?”
The smile that had been residing on her face fell off. “You know that u can say his name, right? Chuck. See, I didn’t die from uttering it.”
He nodded stupidly.
“I will admit that I am very nervous about his reaction to me. How furious was he when I left and moved to France?”
Nate seemed hesitant to say anything. “I don’t think that’s my place, Blair.”
“Please, I need to be prepared if I’m going to try and be civil to him tonight.” She pleaded.
He looked warily at her for another minuut before consenting. “Alright, but don’t u ever repeat another word of this to Chuck. He wasn’t so much furious when u left then he was hurt. Blair, I never seen him like that. It was even worse because Bart had just died but he was unbelievably hurt. And over the last four years his pain and hurt has grown and festered into something even more. He’s very bitter towards you, Blair. I remember a conversation that I had with him after u left; he thinks that u never loved him and that it was all a game to you. u abandoned him in his time of need and he’s never going to forgive u for that.”
She swallowed hard but zei nothing.
Nate continued, “But u can’t blame him for that, Blair. What was he supposed to think when u took off the dag after Bart died? And not to mention the dag u told him that u loved him. I know he never zei it but he loved you, and I think it’s possible that he might still. But nothing is going to triumph over the resentment he feels for you.”
She felt the tears spring to her eyes and replied in a low voice, “I loved him, Nate. I loved Chuck meer than I’ve ever loved anybody. I loved him meer than I care about myself. And when I saw him the dag after Bart died, I couldn’t stand to see the pain he was in. I even felt his pain because I loved him so much. I guess, I can’t blame him for doubting all of that but he should know how I felt about him. I didn’t leave because I wanted too, I left for a reason.”
One of Nate’s eyebrows quirked. “Why did u leave, Blair?”
She wet her lips before continuing, “Let’s just say that I loved Chuck enough to leave him because I knew he would never want to be a part of the reason why I had to leave. All these years later, I still can feel his pain and that kills me. Chuck, you, and Serena will find out the reason I left in time but it’s very difficult to talk about. But I do promise you, that I will tell u when I’m ready.”
Nate seemed to accept her answer. Serena knocked on the door and came striding into the room. She was wearing a gorgeous goud gown. She smiled at Blair and gave Nate a kiss. She slipped an arm around her. “Are u ready, Blair?”
Blair slipped her arm thorough hers. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go.”
They arrived at the gala a little over a half uur later and it was already in full swing. Blair stepped inside the room where it was being hosted and immediately faces and people started to swarm her. It was just like old times, nothing seemed to have changed. She didn’t even have time to look for a certain someone since she was busy talking to so many different people.
Three hours had passed and she hadn’t even had a chance to breathe. Her return to New York was a huge event and she knew that this would make the New York society page tomorrow. Her feet were starting to ache because of the fact that she hadn’t stopped dancing since she had arrived. All in all, she was having a marvelous time and Blair never thought that this would be an enjoyable event.
She spotted Lily a few minuten later and made her way over to her. Lily noticed her and held her arms open, she and Blair exchanged a hug.
“Lily, I just had to thank u for throwing me this gala. It’s nice to have something like this and just throw myself back into the graces of New York.”
A beaming smile overtook Lily’s face. “It’s no problem, Blair. I really wanted to do something for u since I found out that u were coming back. We all missed u and I know that Serena loves having her best friend around again.”
Blair laughed. “I feel the same way about Serena. I don’t think I realized just how much I missed her and New York until I stepped off the plane. France was never my home pagina but this is.” The sentence flew out of her mouth and she was shocked to find that it was the truth. She was happy to be home.
Nate walked briskly over to Chuck when he saw him enter the banquet hall. “Chuck.”
He turned around and gave a sardonic smile. “Nathaniel, what are u doing?”
“Nothing.” Nate didn’t hide it very well though.
Chuck smirked. “She’s here, then?”
Nate nodded. “That’s actually why I decided to come over here. u have to lay off of her Chuck, she’s very nervous about seeing u again.”
“No, I’m not going to lay off her, not after everything that she’s done to me. Where is she?” His eyes scanned the ballroom for Blair but he didn’t see her.
Nate shook his head in disgust. “You two are going to wind up killing each other one day. Do u know that?”
Chuck zei nothing but continued to scan the room for her. Nate continued, “Don’t try anything with her, she’s engaged man.”
A bark of laughter escaped her lips. “Why in the hell would I want her?”
Nate just gave him a look. “I know u and don’t u forget it. You’re always going to want Blair, just like she’s always going to want you. It’s just in your blood.”
An ugly look came over Chuck’s face. “Blair want me? That’s laughable since she never wanted me. I was just a fuck toy to her.”
“Chuck!” He hissed. “You know that is not true. Blair loved you; she admitted it to me today.”
“She doesn’t know what the word means. She abandoned me when my father died and I fucking loved her! Okay, I zei it. I did love her and she just left without a seconde thought.”
He laid a consoling hand on Chuck’s shoulder. “You’re too bitter, Chuck. I know u loved her and she loved you. All that’s left is for the two of u to verplaats on.”
“Blair always loved you, Nathaniel. Never me, I was just the seconde choice.”
Nate shook his head sadly. “You don’t understand what u meant to her. Blair never loved me, just like I never loved her. It was always you, Chuck.
Before Chuck had a chance to respond the crowd began to thin in the ballroom. Chuck spotted his stepmother and a woman volgende to her. The woman threw her head back with laughter and she turned around. He knew it was Blair, he could tell door her body and the motions of her movements. But when she turned around, he noticed that she was meer beautiful than ever. Nate quickly made himself scarce. And Blair and Chuck’s gaze’s connected for the first time in four years.
Her breath immediately left her body when her eyes connected with his. Neither one of them took their eyes off the other. The first thing Blair noticed was how much he had changed. He had become bigger and a little meer muscular. Someone would call it perfect. His hair was no longer slicked back, like it had been the last time she had seen him. Instead it was looser and lay almost flat on the top, boven of his head. His eyes were the same dark color and the intensity of his gaze still burned her.
She felt herself verplaats in his direction and she had no control over her body anymore. She had to see him and talk to him at least one meer time. Blair kept her eyes trained on his the entire time while she walked towards him. Finally, she stood right in front of him. Their moment had come.
A shy smile came over her face. “Hello, Chuck.”
He zei nothing and just as she was about to leave because he wouldn’t answer her, he swept her in his arms and twirled her around the dance floor. minuten later, a slow song came over the speakers and they swayed to the music. She put her hands cautiously on top, boven of his shoulders and his hands tightened on her waist. As soon as he touched her, the feeling returned. The feeling that she had been missing for the last four years.
He still hadn’t zei anything. She felt the need to say something. “Are u going to actually talk to me?”
His eyes turned cold and he asked, “What do u want me to say?”
She bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t really know. I just figured u would have something to say to me after all of this time.”
A slow smirk spread across his face and she knew that smirk. She felt her stomach tighten in dread. “You want to talk, Blair? Fine. How about we talk about u took off four years geleden and I never expected to see u again?”
She sighed. “Can we not rehash the past, Chuck. You’ve hurt me plenty, so don’t compare what I did.”
His arms dropped from around her waist. “Yes, I have hurt you. But what u did to me rivaled anything that I could have ever done to you. u abandoned me the dag after my father died and u claimed to love me. That sure as hell was bullshit.”
She stepped back into his arms and his hands went back to her waist. “What I told u that dag was never a lie, I promise u that. There was a reason I left.”
“Why?” The word rushed out of his mouth and he needed to know the answer like he needed to have his volgende breath of air.
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?” He asked again.
“I’m sorry, Chuck. For everything.” She whispered.
“God damn it!” He growled. “Tell me why u left.”
She reached out with a shaky hand to caress his cheek. He didn’t verplaats away. “I left because of something that I discovered and I knew that I could never tell anybody about it without anyone judging me. I will tell u someday but u need to give me some time.”
Her words enraged him. “Time? You’ve been away for over four fucking years and u still can’t tell me?”
He pushed her away from him and a feral growl issued out of him. “Then I will find out. I will do everything I can to find out and trust me I will. Nothing ever stops me and u should know that better than anyone.” He gave her one last look full of anger, determination, and passion before he left.
Blair made her way shakily over to a table. She knew that Chuck was serious about finding out why she left. But if he find out why she left, he would also find out her secret. There was only one thing left to do. She had to tell him the truth before he found it out for himself.
To Be Continued…
A/N: So, do u still like it? Please take the time to let me know. I’m not sure what story I will be updating next, I might be taking a little break. :D