I could be golden
I could be glowing
I could be freedom
But that could be boring
Sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of losing you
Fear Of Bliss
It was a bad idea. Tremendously so - she reasoned, sipping her coffee, drowning in guilt, smelling him on her and missing the sight of him. He was gone - some walk of shame at the break of dawn, she imagined. Convenient.
Like most things in her life, her story with him was a complete, sudden mess - like a tornado had swept off a house and let it crash on her head - and yet, yet it had been slow (achingly so), a self-finding/self-losing journey.
So many reasons it could go wrong; so many she wanted it to go wrong - dismiss it as a one night stand, a mistake, a perverse dream for God's sake. He was gone now - and rationalizations are better made alone, when she could pretend it hadn't meant anything for him as well, as if they hadn't been dancing around it for years, as if he hadn't repeated promises of love during the night, in whispers and moans and caresses, crashed her world and put it together, one piece at a time, unruly and beautiful and melancholic like a blues melody.
But oh no. She couldn't pretend - not when a stupid, yellow post-it lied on her keuken-, keuken table. 'Don't go.' it said. 'Pick Me.' it asked. 'Don't run' it begged. 'I love you' it shot. She hated yellow.
So she did the only reasonable thing possible: grabbed a pen, a paper sheet, and started to compile a Pro-Con list.
CONS
1. He was Married
2. He was her colleague
She stared at point 1 and 2. They were really stupid points - for years she had been obsessed about the worlds' opinion of her. As an artist, as an actress, she had sold herself to the world, so much so that at some point she had lost herself. Strangers poking in her life like kids in a cookie jar, journalists winking at her, hinting, presuming, with a mischievous glint in their vampire eyes. She was tired - she loved her job, she loved her fans, they were her people and she was grateful for that. But she was tired to pretend - tired to hide in fear of their judgments. Tired of moral, tired of right and wrong, tired of bad press. To hell.
3. They were not compatible.
And they weren't. Sometimes, it was amazing how well they got along, how could they enjoy each other presence, how they could be soulmates when there couldn't have been two meer different souls.
He hated to party. He hated the spotlight. He hated to dance. He hated loud music. He hated to travel. He hated red carpets, and sparkling bars. And she loved all of these: it was her world, how she decided to decorate her life.
She was dag and he was night, she was pop and he was blues, she was loud and he was quiet.
Hardly a match made in heaven.
Yet they made it work. She would drag him to parties, and she would listen to him play at night, sadness sipping through his fingers; she would force him to a Charity Event, and she would laugh with him when he mocked every other guest; he would dance with her just once, and she would let him leave early afterwards. It was a complicated dance.
4. Her mom liked him
She had made a point, ever since she was 15, that an interesting, fascinating guy was a guy her mom would hate. She'd had a long history of terribly wrong boys, dangerous boys, sexy boys. When she grew up, she tried the obtain the opposite: choose someone good on paper, be miserable with him, bored door him, make yourself happy and suck it up. Epic fail.
So the fact Hugh was both a wrong choice and the best choice (so far away from her usual standards, and yet what she had been looking for her entire life) was certainly a bad omen, right?
5. People will be hurt
Sometimes she ignored that Jo ever existed. She could go on days pretending she wasn't destroying a marriage. The truth was - she felt for that woman. After all, they both loved the same man. And they were both hurting over him. In another life, maybe, they would've been friends.
Could she shut down her guilt and walk past it? Could she erase Jo from her mind?
6. He loved her
She was in trouble. She had broken men's hearts before - she had commitments issues.
When things got serious, she ran for the hills. She sabotaged herself, 'Fear Of Bliss' someone once sang, she ruined what she had - but could she survive losing him? Could she look at herself in the mirror knowing that she had hurt him? And how won't this kill her?
She wanted him. She loved him, cherished him. But if there was one thing worse than not having him, it was losing him afterwards.
***
She stared at her lijst thoughtfully.
She was alone - had been for a long time.
She was miserable.
She was unsated.
She was happy, too.
She was satisfied.
She was alone.
***
- It's over - she had zei the night before, when he had knocked at her door - Go away.
- I've filed for divorce. Let me in.
- No - she almost cried, almost begged.
He gently pushed her back, one hand on her waist, on hand on her cheek. Half in, half out.
- Ask me to stay.
She didn't. But he kissed her, and she felt suddenly weak. But her body was sparkling with the energy of a thousands suns - nuclear explosions, atoms shattering and creating new matter, matter destroying itself to transform in light, pure light, in her eyes and soul. She felt the heat pounding between her legs, her arms grabbing his shoulders - as if trying not to drown, clinging to him.
Her resolve from a couple of days geleden forgotten: the fights, the guilt, the press. How she had tried to end whatever had been going on between them for the last jaar - everything was erased door the touch of his lips. She closed the door and let him in.
***
Lisa blinked, the memories of the night before still fresh.
She grabbed her car keys.
PRO
1. I love him.
And, for now, it was all that mattered.
The End and The Beginning.
commentaren are love – I’m really insecure about this, being it my first HuLi fic, so I’d really like for u to share your opinions. This way, I’ll do a better job volgende time!
I could be glowing
I could be freedom
But that could be boring
Sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of losing you
Fear Of Bliss
It was a bad idea. Tremendously so - she reasoned, sipping her coffee, drowning in guilt, smelling him on her and missing the sight of him. He was gone - some walk of shame at the break of dawn, she imagined. Convenient.
Like most things in her life, her story with him was a complete, sudden mess - like a tornado had swept off a house and let it crash on her head - and yet, yet it had been slow (achingly so), a self-finding/self-losing journey.
So many reasons it could go wrong; so many she wanted it to go wrong - dismiss it as a one night stand, a mistake, a perverse dream for God's sake. He was gone now - and rationalizations are better made alone, when she could pretend it hadn't meant anything for him as well, as if they hadn't been dancing around it for years, as if he hadn't repeated promises of love during the night, in whispers and moans and caresses, crashed her world and put it together, one piece at a time, unruly and beautiful and melancholic like a blues melody.
But oh no. She couldn't pretend - not when a stupid, yellow post-it lied on her keuken-, keuken table. 'Don't go.' it said. 'Pick Me.' it asked. 'Don't run' it begged. 'I love you' it shot. She hated yellow.
So she did the only reasonable thing possible: grabbed a pen, a paper sheet, and started to compile a Pro-Con list.
CONS
1. He was Married
2. He was her colleague
She stared at point 1 and 2. They were really stupid points - for years she had been obsessed about the worlds' opinion of her. As an artist, as an actress, she had sold herself to the world, so much so that at some point she had lost herself. Strangers poking in her life like kids in a cookie jar, journalists winking at her, hinting, presuming, with a mischievous glint in their vampire eyes. She was tired - she loved her job, she loved her fans, they were her people and she was grateful for that. But she was tired to pretend - tired to hide in fear of their judgments. Tired of moral, tired of right and wrong, tired of bad press. To hell.
3. They were not compatible.
And they weren't. Sometimes, it was amazing how well they got along, how could they enjoy each other presence, how they could be soulmates when there couldn't have been two meer different souls.
He hated to party. He hated the spotlight. He hated to dance. He hated loud music. He hated to travel. He hated red carpets, and sparkling bars. And she loved all of these: it was her world, how she decided to decorate her life.
She was dag and he was night, she was pop and he was blues, she was loud and he was quiet.
Hardly a match made in heaven.
Yet they made it work. She would drag him to parties, and she would listen to him play at night, sadness sipping through his fingers; she would force him to a Charity Event, and she would laugh with him when he mocked every other guest; he would dance with her just once, and she would let him leave early afterwards. It was a complicated dance.
4. Her mom liked him
She had made a point, ever since she was 15, that an interesting, fascinating guy was a guy her mom would hate. She'd had a long history of terribly wrong boys, dangerous boys, sexy boys. When she grew up, she tried the obtain the opposite: choose someone good on paper, be miserable with him, bored door him, make yourself happy and suck it up. Epic fail.
So the fact Hugh was both a wrong choice and the best choice (so far away from her usual standards, and yet what she had been looking for her entire life) was certainly a bad omen, right?
5. People will be hurt
Sometimes she ignored that Jo ever existed. She could go on days pretending she wasn't destroying a marriage. The truth was - she felt for that woman. After all, they both loved the same man. And they were both hurting over him. In another life, maybe, they would've been friends.
Could she shut down her guilt and walk past it? Could she erase Jo from her mind?
6. He loved her
She was in trouble. She had broken men's hearts before - she had commitments issues.
When things got serious, she ran for the hills. She sabotaged herself, 'Fear Of Bliss' someone once sang, she ruined what she had - but could she survive losing him? Could she look at herself in the mirror knowing that she had hurt him? And how won't this kill her?
She wanted him. She loved him, cherished him. But if there was one thing worse than not having him, it was losing him afterwards.
***
She stared at her lijst thoughtfully.
She was alone - had been for a long time.
She was miserable.
She was unsated.
She was happy, too.
She was satisfied.
She was alone.
***
- It's over - she had zei the night before, when he had knocked at her door - Go away.
- I've filed for divorce. Let me in.
- No - she almost cried, almost begged.
He gently pushed her back, one hand on her waist, on hand on her cheek. Half in, half out.
- Ask me to stay.
She didn't. But he kissed her, and she felt suddenly weak. But her body was sparkling with the energy of a thousands suns - nuclear explosions, atoms shattering and creating new matter, matter destroying itself to transform in light, pure light, in her eyes and soul. She felt the heat pounding between her legs, her arms grabbing his shoulders - as if trying not to drown, clinging to him.
Her resolve from a couple of days geleden forgotten: the fights, the guilt, the press. How she had tried to end whatever had been going on between them for the last jaar - everything was erased door the touch of his lips. She closed the door and let him in.
***
Lisa blinked, the memories of the night before still fresh.
She grabbed her car keys.
PRO
1. I love him.
And, for now, it was all that mattered.
The End and The Beginning.
commentaren are love – I’m really insecure about this, being it my first HuLi fic, so I’d really like for u to share your opinions. This way, I’ll do a better job volgende time!
Shore on Huddy of is this Huli? **SPOILER**
door now we're all familiar with that foto of House and Cuddy (Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein) cozying it up on the beach, taken earlier this summer, but House creator and executive producer David kust-, oever says we shouldn't read too much into the image. "That picture was so deceptive. It's not going to be lovey-dovey, happily ever after," says Shore.
"I think the picture is taken between takes, of the two of them relaxing."
link meer From TVGuide[/url]
Does kust-, oever knows something? xD
door now we're all familiar with that foto of House and Cuddy (Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein) cozying it up on the beach, taken earlier this summer, but House creator and executive producer David kust-, oever says we shouldn't read too much into the image. "That picture was so deceptive. It's not going to be lovey-dovey, happily ever after," says Shore.
"I think the picture is taken between takes, of the two of them relaxing."
link meer From TVGuide[/url]
Does kust-, oever knows something? xD