posted by MJ_Fan_4Life007
u sit beside Justin on the couch, laptop on your lap while u scroll through your timeline on Twitter. Not finding anything interesting, u switch over to going through your mentions. A smile finds its way to your lips as u read through the tweets at the top, all of them flattering compliments. Your smile instantly turns into a frown however when u continue to read and find aq lot of rather hateful messages.
“@y/t/n is so ugly… I don’t understand why Justin is with her”
“@y/t/n ever thought about trying a diet? I don’t think it’d hurt. Lol”
“@y/t/n just kill yourself already! Nobody wants u here and Justin doesn’t love you”
u whimper softly, the familiar urge coming back. Closing your computer, u place it on the coffee tafel, tabel in front of you. u stand up from the divan, bank slowly and stretch your limbs - pretending to be tired. Of course, since the clock had only just reached 8pm, Justin looked at u questioningly when u announced that your were going to bed.
“Are u okay, babe? u know it’s only eight, right?” He asks u skeptically and he adds a chuckle at the end, trying to conceal his concern for you.
“I’m okay, Justin. Just tired.” u answer quickly. Leaning down, u press your lips to his cheek, “Night.”
“Night…?” He trails off and his sentence is turned into a vraag because door then u have already disappeared up the stairs.
A couple of weeks later, u and Justin are eating avondeten, diner at home pagina with Pattie, Scooter, Carin and Ryan and his girlfriend - who had become one of your best friends. Everyone are just enjoying themselves when Justin places the delicious looking food at the table. Scooter lets out a holler, complimenting on how good it looked.
u cringe as the wonderful taste enters nostrils, but u still wait patiently for your turn. u only place a small portion of food on your plate though and you’re grateful that Justin is too engrossed in a conversation with Ryan too notice.
Throughout dinner, u keep quiet and continuously poke your food with the fork. u don’t talk much either, only from time to time when Carin desperately tries to add u into the conversation.
“Are u okay, honey?” Pattie asks suddenly when she notices your absent mind.
u bite your lip, placing the fork back down volgende to your plate. Looking up to meet Pattie’s concerned eyes, u give her a small smile. “Yeah. I’m just not feeling too good. I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, hon, don’t apologize. We only want u to be okay. Go take a nap, sweetheart. I’ll make sure Justin checks up on u later.” Pattie gives u a reassuring smile, but u know her well and can easily see the worry deep within her eyes. u nod, send an apologizing look to Ryan’s girlfriend before heading upstairs.
Meanwhile downstairs, all of the girls are looking at Justin hopelessly when u disappear out of sight and they are sure u can’t hear.
“Justin, something is up with [Y/N] and I don’t like it. She barely ate any of her food!” Carin exclaims and Justin nods.
“I know.” Justin states, his voice cracking at the last word. Before he can say anything else, Pattie is out of her chair and beside her son. She pulls him into her arms and Justin nuzzles his face into her neck, willing himself not to cry.
“I…” Justin trails of, pulling away from Pattie. “She has barely eaten for the past week. Last couple of weeks, actually. I’m so worried that she’s gonna faint anytime when I’m not there. What if she faints in the shower, mom? What would I do then?”
“Have u tried talking to her about it, hon?”
“Yes! I’ve tried asking her about it, almost pressuring her into eat but she’ll either say that be isn’t hungry of like she did now, saying she’s not hungry. I… I think she’s starving herself, mom, and I don’t know what to do.”
Justin looks so scared and lost that Pattie’s hart-, hart aches for her son. She wishes she can just take the pain away from him, but she also knows that this is something Justin and [Y/N] has to fix themselves.
“Go talk to her now, bro. We’ll leave u guys alone. Thanks for avondeten, diner though.” Ryan speaks up for the first time. He stands from his chair and pulls his best friend into a hug. “Talk to her, find out what’s wrong and help her fix it. We need our girl back soon, JB. The happy, careless one.”
u hear Justin call out quietly and your hart-, hart begins to race unbelievably fast, pumping the blood around in your veins. u only watch as the blood streams faster from the cuts on your wrist, not moving a muscle.
Vaguely, u can hear Justin call out your name again, but you’re caught up in your own world to think anything about it. u continue to watch as the blood trickles down your forearm, dripping down and then staining your skinny jeans. Glancing around the bathroom u notice your high heels and suddenly u remember the guest u had invited for dinner.
That’s when u break. u break into tears, your crying increasing every seconde until you’re full on sobbing. Forgetting about your cuts, u bring your knees up to your chest. Hugging them, u continue to sob uncontrollably and u even have to gasp for air from time to time.
“Babe, is that you? [Y/N]? [Y/N]!” Justin’s voice is frantic now and before u can respond of even comprehend it, Justin has opened the bathroom door.
u don’t look at him. u don’t want to. u just can’t. Justin doesn’t love you. He thinks you’re ugly and so does everyone else. u deserve this. So u continue to sob into your knees, pretending your boyfriend isn’t there.
“Oh… My god. Babe!”
Justin is door your side like lightening and pulls u into his arms. He gently pries your hands away from your knees door grabbing your wrists and if it hadn’t been for the cuts - u wouldn’t have cared. u wince and a whimper escapes your mouth which causes Justin to freeze his actions. He looks down slowly, as if he was afraid of the sight that would meet him. He takes a sharp breath, his hand shaking slightly as he inspects your arm.
“Fuck…” Justin mutters and u can easily hear that it’s strained. He looks up again and his glazed eyes meet your puffy ones. “Why?” He croaks.
“Because I’m not good enough, Justin! I’ll never be good enough. I-I’m… I’m not good enough.” u whisper the last word, still trying to catch u breath as the salty tears continue to stream down your face.
“Of course you’re good enough! u always have been and u always will be. Who in the world told u that u weren’t?” Justin asks bewildered, anger blazing in his eyes.
“W-what?” Justin stammers, trying to understand what u just told him.
“Your fans, Justin. They tweet me all the time saying how ugly I am, that I don’t deserve you, that I’m better off dead. It hurts, Justin. It hurts so much…” u whimper, hiding your head in the crook of Justin’s neck.
“Shh, baby, I know. I know. Is it… Is that why u haven’t been eating lately? Did any of them call u fat?” Justin asks cautiously seeing as he doesn’t want to make u feel worse. u bare nod, but it’s there.
“[Y/N]…” And he’s crying too. u feel his tears on your exposed neck, but u don’t care. All u want is yo sit there in Justin’s arms as long as possible. “I was so worried about you! I thought there was something seriously wrong. u were almost avoiding me and it hurts knowing that u don’t want to talk to me about it. I was so scared you’d faint as soon as my eyes left you. You’re so thin, so fragile… I don’t like this new you. I want the old [Y/N] back - the one I fell in love with. Can u do that?”
“I-I can’t, Justin. It hurts too much. I… I need to take the pain away. I deserve to be in pain!” u whimper, the pain from your cuts now beginning to appear.
“No!” Justin exclaims immediately and u flinch, hearing the tone of his voice.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I hate seeing u in so much pain, [Y/N]. It physically hurts me to know that you’ve been hurting yourself. We’re gonna get through this, okay? I’ll talk to my fans, I’ll have a press conference, hell, I’ll even wis your twitter if I have to.” He laughs sadly, gripping each of your arms to pull u away so he can look at you.
“Everything’s gonna be alright. I’ll help u through this. I will be here every step of the way. I won’t leave, ever.”
“Promise?” u sniff, looking at him. “I promise.”
“And u are beautiful, okay? So damn beautiful. u are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and u always will be. I don’t want u to change. I love u for you, [Y/N]. Forget those jealous bitches, they’ve got nothing on you. You’ll always be my favoriete girl.”
“You are so corny!” u giggle quietly as Justin pulls u close to him again. u feel his chest shake as he laughs half-heartedly.
“Yes, but u love me!” Justin teases, stroking your hair softly.
“Mm, that’s true.” u whisper as u doze of. Tired of crying, tired of feeling useless, tired of starvation. So u lay in Justin’s arms, listening to his calming heartbeat, while falling asleep. u smile softly, knowing that Justin would always love you, no matter what.
I just wanted to say that if any of you, anyone, have these kind of problems - I’m here. My ask box is always open and I’m here to talk if u want me to be. And u are beautiful. u are so damn beautiful, all of you. I love u so much! x