The mes on my dressesr,
and rope under my bed...
this empty feeling with always...
linger within my head.

Fear, envy, hate and love...
these things drag me into my own hell.
And I sit in the fire,
where I cry and dwell.

There only are three words I can speak,
Two are alike and one is diffrent...
it's just like me...
Who am I?

Am I`m Lucas Wetch?
The kid who just two years geleden had brown hair...
of played soccer?
Never touching a mes and wondering...
Just maybe.

I am Lucas Wetch...
15 years old...
Hurt...
But not alone.

And as I down my last bottle of Cough Syrup...
I sit on my bed,
Tears fill my eyes
and thoughts in my head...

When will I truly know who I am?
They watch and know I`m not ok,
but half of them care,
and the other half could care less.

It's all just me...
myself and I...
and If one day,
I must die.

God just lay me down to sleep,
and hope to prey,
my soul...
u never keep.

I walk My life a shadow
A shadow of what I use to be
This isn't me
The real me isn't here
She's left behind
Gone.....forgotten

This new me is dark, a black shadow
She thinks about poems of blood and death
Reading boeken to escape her own personal hell
She is obsessed with blood
When alchacol enters her she flies

Her old self reappears
Happy and bubbly
This is a new addiction to her

Its eating away at her
Screaming at her to do it over and over
Telling her to try something new

So she does
It caused her death
She was found in her bed
A note reading
"I was never me... Do not fear I have died...I. Died long geleden ....inside... I tried alchacol it made me alive again...it made me happy...so do not fear that I'm not here....but beware I'm always watching..."

One dreadful night,
did it become plight,
my fears became real,
and oh how did I feel.

Waking up,
in a quiet white room,
counting down time,
until my doom.

Scars from my nightmares,
scars from my fears,
scars from my hate,
and scars from my tears.

Anger can spread,
until u are dead,
and until you're messed up,
inside the head.

Just like me,
until the last week,
when they broke my mind,
and the fear they did sweep.

I still cut,
I still cry,
I still think about,
when I may die.

But the sadness is gone,
the anger is away,
until the volgende person,
dies another day.

I'm numb
Feeling nothing
I'm here...but not
In class I sit and listen...
Drowning in a sea of blue

Waiting fo my call slip
To get out of class
Jittering,shaking,panicking with every sound
The dreadful slip to the counselor
Pretty and blue I know it's for me
To talk about my issue

They'll probably open me up
Look inside me and try too fix what's wrong
Probably diagnose me as a psycho
Tattoo it on my skin...leave it my record...forever

Because of me I keep them busy
I keep them watching
Friends,enemies,teachers....all on suicide watch
I guess I'm worthwhile?
They watch me closely,
Checking me......my arms
Waiting for my volgende verplaats
Seeing which weapon ill use

Darren is not well, not at all. Today his Grandpa slapped him for getting the wrong soda. Also, Darren dyed his hair black…. And got snake bites, Sam took him to some random piercing store. He looks awesome! But it seems too dark for him, and now he wears his sleeves down. I think he started cutting, just like I did. I know being emo could be a faze of a trend, but for some teens…. It’s their way to get away from the reality of abusive parents, the death of a loved one, poor times of anything else that is bad. I know that some people to do it to get attention, but if they hide it…. they are not. The scars are the wounds of our fear, anger, sadness of lust. They go away…. but not for a while. But I can’t hate him, he still is a friend… I think u understand, right?

Note: A few pages were ripped out because of my orderly…. FUCK HIM!

Darren’s parents and sister died in a car accident today. He is devastated, crying loudly, and screaming in his room all day. Soon after, he found out he had to verplaats in with his Grandpa…. The son of a teef himself. I hate that man; I just wanna rip out his throat. Any ways, Darren isn’t ok; will he ever be again though? I mean… If I lost my horrible parents; I would miss them, go insane, and die of sadness. I wouldn't be able to live again, ever! I hope his is going to be ok. I love the dude, u know?

Couldn’t find my diary, so I had to live without talking to u for 24 days… but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I thought Lial took it and was reading it, but no… under my fucking bed the entire time. Damn it. volgende time I looked under there first. And I`m sorry, I forgot to write about my Halloween. I was a pirate… an awesome one though. The eye patch was itchy, but I still stayed in character. Lial was a jungle boy, Heather was a princess, Sam and Bekka were the Frankenstein’s, Tyler was a bottle of bier (of cores) Gwen was a Slushy, Darren was a serial killer, Nate was a robot, and James was Romeo.

I couldn’t talk this morning…. I felt sick. Eight O’clock at night now, I guess I could write. Fuck the Flu. Wow, I didn’t even notice this as an ACDA diary… I must have had a blond moment… and yes, Diary, I was blond. But then I dyed my hair black and red. My favoriete two colors. Well, gotta go… Tyler, Sam, Gwen, Nate, I are going to play fork-aroo. I just glad we don't use razors of knives. Right?
Bye!
Bye!



That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!
That was It!

Sorry, I didn’t write yesterday… Diary, I apologize. I was hanging out with Darren and eating with him, his sister, and his parents. Gosh, they are so kind. Biscuits, ham, and a salad…. NUMMY! Darren balanced 3 spoons on his nose, it was awesome! Not one fell off. I wish I could do that. But so dag I might, I hope he could teach me.



THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!
THAT IS IT!

Hey, I`m back… best trip ever! Mom fell off the side walk when we first arrived; the Mexicans probably thought we are stupid. Today is October 3… So closed to Halloween, yet so far.

And there was no more
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And there was no more
And there was no more
And there was no more
And there was no more
And there was no more

Surprisingly, I`m going to Mexico for 3 weeks. Mom says I can’t take u with me, Diary. But, I`ll tell u later. Any ways, I broke up with Kate today… she called me a twat, I think that’s British for idiot. Kate never even explained why she was going to leave me, all she zei was “I`m breaking up with you… u twat, It’s me, not you.” stier Shit, she found someone better. But why does she have to lie.... I don't get her thinking. I never really did...... ever. I wonder if I`ll be good enough for any other girl, a very pretty one too.

The seconde jaar of middle school in eighth grade is not as bad as I thought it would be. Today was the first dag of school. Bekka and Sam made out the entire time at lunch. Darren got cheese stuck in his hair, and because of the grease, his brown hair looked trashy (More than it already was). Tyler is playing plastic fork-aroo with Nate and Gwen, but the fork kept snapping in half. Hear, Lial, Colten, and I then had to go into Social Studies (4 period) and make up our test. Turns out, I got a C. That’s ok. When I came home, Darren, Lial, Sam, and Colten were already in my back yard. But how did they get there before me? O’Brien is very far away.