Miraaa We are family.

Miraaa posted on Sep 10, 2014 at 03:14PM
Okay, this forum is about us. Only us. I hope that this forum chat will work cos I really want to.
This is not a competition.
This is not a test or quiz.
This is like a web therapy. But its not face to face but typing instead.
No one is attention seeking. No one is a whore. Just let it all out.
Because we are family.
Basically, this is like a diary.
This is about us.. expressing our feeling on how we feel recently.. about life, about friends, about family... literally about everything. Just write it here.. we will get through this together. We all in this together.. give advice, helping hand together.. you are not alone.
Me and you. People says that typing or talked our feelings out will make us feel better about it, so why now try it here. I don't know if this will work but I just.. I don't know. I'm sorry if I post this forum chat in my club cos I don't know where to post it..
The most important thing in this forum chat is honesty. I know some of my friends have a depression problems and sort.. if you want to let it out, let it out here.. we will be here together.. support each other through thick or thin. So yeah, if this isn't work I will delete it.
last edited on Sep 10, 2014 at 05:05PM

Miraaa 16 antwoorden

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een jaar geleden harry_ginny33 said…
This is such a kind thing of you to do, babe! Thankfully, I've been good lately. Just a few arguments with my family but beside that, I'm good. Thank you for making this and I'll definitely consider it if I go through shit or whatever.
last edited een jaar geleden
Miraaa commented…
To be honest Jen, it really does means a lot to me when u commentaar it. I thought this forum will be useless.. And no need to thank me.. we all here for each other. I hope u share your problem of anything.. no one wants u to keep it t yourself and make it even worst. I love u Jen <3 een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden Imyselfandme said…
smile
Mira,this is really sweet and thoughtful for you to do.
I don't know where to start,I really don't want strangers to see my problems and I don't know who you're gonna invite here. But I guess that's the point (as long as it's not like a support group) First I wanna know,who answers our posts? Just you or can anyone?
This is really weird,so bear with me.
Um,basically I'm just really scared right now. I haven't gone to school yet but I'm afraid I will be bullied when I go next week. I was raped about a month ago and i don't want to go through that again,but basically I've been through so much since then. I've refrained from cutting again,but it's really hard sometimes. I have nightmares and depression and sometimes I want it to be over. Last Saturday,I dug my nails in myscars on my wrists and they started to bleed. And I wanted to start cutting again because the scars didn't bleed enough. I'm better than that,right? I don't know.
I'm feeling better now but I still take meds for my depression and see a psychiatrist but I have bad days so much now.
Miraaa commented…
Well, don't worry Ari. It's family, I only invite the person who i know only. I won't invite someone who I barely know. Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing when I'm about to post this forum. Strangers. Ari, don't worry.. everyone will answer your problem, I'm not an expert. Maybe someone have the same problem with u could give u a heads up and help you. It's not everything have to be with me so don't worry. We all here for u <3 een jaar geleden
EDWARD_TWIHARD commented…
Ari ♥ I am so glad u let me read this, now I know what's going on with you. Mira, & anyone else who reads this, don't worry I will not read anyone else's post without their permission. Ari, I can only imagine how u feel. I used to cut myself also, so I know how hard it can be to stop. I can promise u that once u do, you'll feel better. I'm so sad that happened to you! I'm here for you, if u want someone to talk to of someone to just listen. I think time is the best thing to heal your pain. Also talking about it, I know it was probably really hard for u to open up and talk about it. I hope it helps! I know u are going to get meer urges to cut yourself, I know this because I did. But even though it makes u feel better for that brief moment, it's not worth it in the end. I only want the best for you, sweetie. u are such an amazing and sweet girl, I don't want u to loose that wonderful, upbeat personality of yours ♥ een jaar geleden
EDWARD_TWIHARD commented…
I am going to pray that u get the strength to stop cutting, and that u feel better, mentally & physically. Thank u for letting me read this. I hope what I say is some what helpful. I really hope u don't get bullied when u go back to school. I know it's really hard to not let that bother u though, I know the feeling. Stay strong, sweetie! This will pass, I promise. The first step is to admit that u need help, u are past that step. I'm really glad u are talking about it, that's something that always helps me. I love u ♥ een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden xayeishax said…
kiss
My LiamQueen <3, Omfg Mira I LOVE THIS!! I think its an AMAZING idea. For me personally, when I go through shit and stuff, I do write it down, becoz it gets rid of those feelings. Only problem I have is that I'm not always on this site nowadays (thanks to overload coursework >.>) BUT i will post I a link here to my online diary everyday, so at least its writen (Does that makes sense?)

... Mmm maybe not, okay basically I've always had my own "Dear Diary", but recently becoz I spend so much time on the laptop, I decided to do it on Wattpad, where I can upload daily entries. So everyday, I'll post a link here to my entry, if anyone of this beautiful family wants to read it :)

Heres the link!! link

Again, I love this idea!! <3 Love you my Liam <3
last edited een jaar geleden
Miraaa commented…
Oh yeah, it make a lot of sense I mean a lot of people used wattpad as their diary too. And thank u sharing my Louis queen <3 een jaar geleden
xayeishax commented…
Oh thats good :') Yeah I just find it alot easier x And no worries!! :* x een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden S8rah said…
wow Thank you for doing this Mira it means a lot

First I'm always worried about my mum I always have been but now even more
since she almost died in hospital. I always try to do my best for her and look after her
but I never feel like I'm doing a good enough Job and sometimes it does get a lot for me
I don't mind looking after her because she is disabled but I do get tired and I just feel bad
because I want to take the pain away from her and I can't I hate to see her in so much pain

I'm going to start driving soon and I'm so scared because it looks so hard and I don't
think I will get everything I have to do and I'm worried that I will never pass my test or
learn how to drive

I'm going to start college next year and I still don't know what I fully want to do and
I'm worried about starting because I'm scared about meeting new people and getting
bullied I'm so awkward around new people I don't want them to think I am weird or just
not want to be around me. I'm also worried about people judging me or not seeing who
I really am

In the last few months my depression has gotten bad and still is at the moment because
I can't take the tablets to help it because they make me sick so I'm not coping with it
very well at the moment I have cut but I stopped and haven't for almost a month I do
think about it when I see the scars but I'm trying to stay strong and keep my mind off it

The last few weeks I have been getting more panic attacks sometimes only over a little
thing and I don't know how to handle it sometimes I get one if I am going somewhere new

I haven't been sleeping right for the past few weeks and when I do no matter how
much sleep I get I am still tired and don't have a lot of energy

I haven't been eating as much as I should because I haven't been hungry and I have
been feeling sick everyday which doesn't help with my eating

I love my family but there is always fighting either with me my mum and nan or just
my brother and mum and it's getting hard

Somedays I miss my dad and would like to know what would happen if he was around more
I will always feel like it's my fault that he left

I do try and stay strong but sometimes it does get to much
Imyselfandme commented…
It's me here. Your little amazing sister :D I feel so bad I didn't ask u thi s info in the first place but I want to help you. SO first,I will be praying for your mother,I hope she gets better. What is wrong with her? u are an amazing and strong girl to be caring for your mother the way u do and I look up to u in the way u are with your family. een jaar geleden
Imyselfandme commented…
Speaking of your family,I know it must be hard and that's the way it is for a lot of us. Stay strong okay? It is not your fault your dad left. This may be rough to hear,but I want u to know that it was his fault he left,not yours. Not anyone else's. There could have been a stronger path for him but he chose the weak path and left and that is not your fault. een jaar geleden
Shorouk4ever commented…
Sarah i am writing to u and tears are in my eyes...Your mom is angel Sarah..And u will be in heaven for helping her and serving her and don't worry god watches her and angels takes care of her so don't worry honey and i have the same probelm i hate meeting new poeple and talking to them of even saying hallo so don't worry honey we are in this both my diamond♥we will try to do our best to meet new people and we are gonna face every probelm be in our roads...About your dad he lost such an amazing daughter like you♥You are a strong girla nd brave too honey and yes being stuck in all this things and so much strees happening around you...I am sorry Sarah and yes it gets so much but ia m sure that everything is going to be OKAY : ) een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden sini12 said…
Wow,Mira! This is such a nice idea to lessen the pain of each other:):) yes,we ARE family!

Right now,Im really really worried abt my status in class:(
When i wasn't on Fanpop,i used to come 2nd or 3rd in class,now I get normal marks,they are not as awesome as it was before..
I feel so sad and bad.,its all happened becoz of Fanpop & Facebook.
I try to stay away but i couldn't control myself from signing in. I always decide at night at "NEXT DAY,I WILL SURELY DELETE MY FANPOP ACCOUNT! AND FACEBOOK TOO!" but ah! its so painful to hurt your friends by leaving!

and you know Mira,earlier..all the students in my class..used to come to me when they were unable to solve a problem in maths or science or any subject and i always solved it ,now i have become totally dumb:(

From,15th exams are starting but i still could not concentrate on studies,oh god,what should i do? Im so much worried abt my future..

harry_ginny33 commented…
Sini, I know how u feel because that was exactly what happened to me last year. I used to be top, boven of my class but then my grades became average because I was so distracted door social media, u know, twitter and tumblr and other sites and it almost took over my life. My parents were disappointed in me, and everyone were surprised at how my grades went downhill after I used to be top, boven of my class. This year, things are different. Whenever it comes to studying, I get away from anything that distracts me. I mean I stopped logging in to twitter, and I let my mom hide my laptop so I won't leave my homework and go online and I stay away from my phone. Believe it of not, it actually worked and even though the jaar has just started, I actually feel like I could do this and make up for my crappy grades last year. u should try it too because the internet isn't going anywhere and your grades and future are meer important. Hope this helped. x een jaar geleden
sini12 commented…
Yes,this is what happening to me right now,my sir zei to me "Nothing is left in u now,where are u lost,i just cant understand?" i felt so bad..Wow,Jen! thats so cool then,But i don think that i would be able to do like u,i 4-5 steps are the distance between my studying tafel, tabel and my computer. But I will try! thank u so much for advice. een jaar geleden
harry_ginny33 commented…
Anytime, babe! Good luck, I'm sure you'll be able to make your grades better in no time. Just push away the distractions! x een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden sini12 said…
sick
Another thing which makes me worry is Hairfall:3
I dislike praising myself,but my hair was really beautiful,it was/is long and silky and soft as well..
when i stand infront of anyone,they start touching my ponytail and says like "wow" XD

But 2 weeks ago,one of my school friend,Riya..exclaimed like "OMG SINI YOUR HAIR IS BECOMING THIN DAY BY DAY! DO SOMETHING OH MY GOD,IT REALLY BECAME THIN:O"
Now,im really worried abt it,i asked my mom and searched on net abt it but whatever solution it gave,I dont think it will stop my hair from falling!:(

I dont know,if you are thinking im worried coz of silly thing,but my hair means alot to me..
I dont even use hair dryers,colours ,straighteners and all still why this is happening to my hair:(
Imyselfandme commented…
hallo sini. I'm Ari btw,and I know we don't talk much but I wnated to be helpful and u can get an unbiased opinion about what's going on with u :) So,here it is. I'm sorry your schooling's really tough,why is it so important for u to leave Fanpop/Facebook? If your intelligent before,you are now and i odn't think that can change. Maybe it's just getting harder an dyou have to work a little meer than u used to :) I'm sorry about your hair (I love mine too) and it's okay to like you. I like it when u like u :) u and your hair. I know your worried and I'm worried too and i don't wnat to upset u of anything,but maybe u should go to the doctor and see why your hair's thinning and falling out. I hope this has helped a little and just now i have thought of a really improper joke(keep your hair on!) that was wrong of me I know...lol :) Smile,beautiful girl. een jaar geleden
sini12 commented…
Aww Thanks Ari! Yeah. Actually,My family and teachers expect alot alot from me,they think I will top, boven in class like before,but when i sit to study,i feel like "Lets check fanpop first,ok only for 5 minutesO:)" when those 5 minuten become one uur and when that 1 hr become 3-4 hrs,its really difficult to recognize.I will try to stop myself from coming on sites too much!(Lol its diffiicult u know),But I will really try! Thanks ari:):) een jaar geleden
sini12 commented…
& yeah,Thats a good idea! As I finish my exams,i will visit a doctor ..maybe she will suggest be some medicines of hair oil which might make my hair thick like before! and umm i will ask that doctor for another medicines for my another problem that is,im always unable to sleep at night,i dont know why..,i just change my position on bed till 4 am -.- and then i fall asleep only for 1 hr,i have to wake up at 5 am for getting ready for school..so i dont properly sleep also..i hope doctor will help me alot..and thanks for your suggestion <3 :)) een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden LoveSterlingB said…
heart
You have no idea how much this means to me. I love how we can express our feelings and everything, and there's no one I trust more than you guys. I'll definitely write on here when I'm feeling down or just want to blow off steam. I really think this is perfect♥.
sini12 commented…
and u can count on me too,Rachel!^^ een jaar geleden
LoveSterlingB commented…
Of course Sini, I love u so much, all of u <3 een jaar geleden
Miraaa commented…
Aww thats the point of making this forum in the first place. If we can't express how we feeling openly, we can express it here typing.. I know this because its help me a lot. Just typing our feeling out. Thank you, this means a lot to me. een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden harry_ginny33 said…
Okay so, this definitely sounds like a great place for comfort so, I'm gonna go ahead and let it out. My dad used to work in another city but he decided to come work in our city so that he can spend more time with us. But the problem is, he's been causing nothing but drama since he came back! Me and him aren't exactly close and whenever I try to bond with him, he either shuts me out or turns it into a fight so I just stopped trying. Anyway, we spent the summer with him in London and he was terrible, and I mean terrible! He let out his anger on all of us, especially mom who was sick and had really high blood pressure. He yelled at her for the silliest things and he wouldn't apologise, but he would use work as an excuse and say he's really stressed out so, he unintentionally lets it out on us. The summer ended and we came back home and then we find out, he's coming to work in our city and we'll be seeing him everyday unlike before where we only saw him twice a week. Honestly, I'm already wishing he was gone and I know it's wrong of me to say it but he's still letting his anger out and he keeps making mom cry and this morning he made me cry! My brother and I were joking around and I accidentally hit him in his leg and hurt him, dad went berserk and he literally THREW a bottle at me and almost blinded me and I couldn't stop crying. It isn't the first time he's done something like that. I tried to ignore it and I focused on studying but my hands were shaking and I was almost having a panic attack because he was yelling and he was acting like I hurt my brother on purpose and I just felt so bad. Main point: he does nothing but argue, make me and my mom cry when he yells at us, blame everyone for his shit and I'm just so done with him!
S8rah commented…
Babe I'm crying right now reading this I didn't know things were this bad with your dad and it's not helping u with everything u have going on I really wish I could come and give u a hug and take u away from it. He shouldn't of done that to u it sounds like he is breaking the family apart are u scared of him? does your mum know he treats u like this? if u need me babe please just tell me and I will be there een jaar geleden
LoveSterlingB commented…
That's so terrible! Sarah's right, he shouldn't have done any of that. There are better ways of working out anger, not taking it out on family. He just sounds mean, plain and simple. He sounds mean and angry. But anger is no excuse to treat family like that, no matter what's going on. Just try not to let him get to you, okay? I know he's your father and I understand how it feels, but it's okay to feel the way u do. There's no excuse to treat family like that. Like Sarah said, I'm here if u need me, always. een jaar geleden
harry_ginny33 commented…
Thank u guys so freaking much, it felt great to know I have your support, I love u so much! Things are good at the moment, I'm avoiding him, to be honest, it's always better that way and although I'm stressed, I've been okay so thank u guys so so much for caring! een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden Shorouk4ever said…
crying
"First of all I wanna than you Mira for considering me a part of your big amazing family...Well i really don't know from where i should start but i have a lot of things to say...My dad who is a crazy person by the way i still can remember him and he was holding the knife on my mom neck and i still cry for that every day or when he slapped me and my twin sister coz we made mistakes in the maths exam and we were crying so much and it was the worst or when he put the knife on my older sister neck just becoz she refused to marry a person she doesn't love and he wanted to make her marry a person she doesn't love...Or when he was cheating my mother yes he did...Or when he beated my brother only for craps...I hate him and becoz of him i hate men all of them i just wanna leave this place immediately...
I suffer from panic attacks and my parents refuse to believe that...I can't sleep in the night : (
I am not a normal girl i have been never felt like i am a teenager i lost my best years staying at home coz i am sacred from people to judge on me...And i still scar from getting out of the house...
I am about to join to the collage and i am still a dump can't even say hallo to others...I scar so much when i go out of the house i feel like everyone staring at me...And i always feel like i am ugly person and i would never have the chance to leave from here and be free like a bird and i fee like i am gonna stay here for ever...I am now almost 19 and in Egypt girls and boys still stay at their parents house till they get married and now any man comes to the door my dad will accept him...I might can't live my late teenage life i just want to breathe the freedom even for a second...This life is not fear with me or with anyone here at all : (("
Miraaa commented…
I remember when u told me about your sister refused to getting married a few maand ago. No offence but this is fucked up. What kind of father putting a mes at his love one's neck? Based on your profile, u read Quran and thats very clear that u are a muslim. Always remember that Allah always give a test to His stronger creator. He gave this to see how strong u will get through this. I pretty sure u know this. Shorouk, always remember that no matter what happen, Allah always there for u if u remember Him. u are not ugly nor dumb. No one is ugly of dumb. I may don't of never see how u look like, but in my knowledge, Allah creation is the most beautiful thing ever. een jaar geleden
Miraaa commented…
Apart from beautiful, they are also full with perfect body and mind. u are not dumb Shorouk. Please don't think negative about your life. Allah loves you. Everyone loves you. Trust me, this is just the beginning. Maybe u have a horrible life in this world but who knows what Allah plan for u in the afterlife right? Stay strong Shorouk and always remember Allah cos He always remembers you. een jaar geleden
Shorouk4ever commented…
Ari♥ ♥ Thanks my queen u always make me feel much better i swear and u are such a great friend honey♥ I am just scared from forcing me to do something i don't want i want a good life for my kids when they born! I will kepp posting honey♥ een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden Miraaa said…
smile
This is how I feel. Hurt. That is kind of word I'm describing right now.. I literally hurting right now.. Do you ever have that one friend who you literally would do anything to them? Do you ever feel like she love you so damn much and she makes you feel so special! Turns out, she don't actually love and care about you? Well, thats how she did to me. I feel so stupid for love her. I feel so stupid to care about her when I shouldn't. A few days ago we have a little argument.. which I start it first. And it lead to us hate each other now. I'm surprise that she didn't even care about our friendship. She just let it go and move on.. Some part of me thinking that she is a heartless woman. She saying that I'm just jealous cos she's found a new friends. What kind of jealous? Cos to be honest, she didn't talk to me like a few weeks! And she always talked to her new friends! What am I? What does "you mean everything to me" "I love you" kind of shit? Do I mean anything to her? I know her for almost 2 years now all I get was nothing. She does not even cared when I left her life. And people keep blaming me.. while they don't know my side of the story. I feel like cutting a few days back but to think of it its quite pathetic to just cut for the girl who doesn't give a shit about you. And when I block her on twitter, all she did was laugh it out and didn't say anything. Like what does 2 years of friendship means to he anyway? I just heartbroken and stupid. So apparently, this is how I feel. Some of you know who she is, and will tell her everything I don't care anymore.. if she care enough about me, she should talked to me, not leave me be and treat me like someone you just met in 2 days. #done lol
sini12 commented…
Awe Mira! I totally understand u right now,There are lots of fake people on the sites,they pretend to love u like hell,but in real,they dont even give a F . Maybe i know,abt whom are u talking right now,(dont worry,i wont tell her becoz i support you:) ) Oh my goodness,she's a foolish person then,i know that how much good friend u can be,Mira! She left u for new friends,I wanna laugh on her right now,she herself left the company of the girl who used to be her bestie and cared abt her most. een jaar geleden
Miraaa commented…
u know who? omfg haha babe its not even someone in this website ..idk she was on this website she didn't even go here anymore. if u know who, haha keep a secret lol. yeah, she did leave me for her new friend, in reality, she don't even care about our years friendship. im so easy to forget and replaced. she left me for the girl who she met 2 of 3 maand geleden and left the girl who love her for a jaar now sigh een jaar geleden
Imyselfandme commented…
I know your hurting right now Mira,and I get that. I can't imagine anyone doing that to me. But look,forget about her. I know it will be hard but u can and u should. For whatever reason,she wanted to hurt u and u have to be brave door tonen her u have moved on. She is not worthy of your love. It's a really sad thing to happen,I know and i just wanna hug u right now. But think of all the amaizing vrienden u have and how they will never leave u ever for one moment. EVer. No matter what u say of do,no matter where your life goes. That's a special thing I think. The girl who did that didn't know what she did,because u are so special and amazing. I hope u can recover from this,I am always here x een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden Miraaa said…
heart
How is everyone's feeling today?
sini12 commented…
I was feeling supercool B) but not anymore,bcoz my friend just called me on phone and zei "at 5 pm,we have chemistry and maths classes,get ready on time,ok? Bye!" -___- een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden ChrissyStyles1 said…
LiamQueen x

This is so sweet for you to and honestly for me I don't know where to start. I have so many problems with my dad. I don't think he really cares for me at all. He does not speak to me anymore and he does not even try to to become part of my life. My parents are separated and seeing them fight really hurts and sometimes I just got to my room and just cry for hours.I just wish he could get his life together so my family can be happy again because everyone is drifting apart. Also I have a few problems and I take meds for them and I get depressed a lot. One reason is because of my mom She yells at me about things that's not even my fault and blames it on me just because i'm the oldest and it pisses me off. I get bullied at school because I am a very different girl I should say and very weird and people don't except me for who I am. I also have problems with loving myself.I don't think I'm smart or pretty worth it at times even though people tell me I am I just don't think I am.I would come home and cry in my the corner of my rooms having thoughts of killing myself everyday. I have been having thoughts about talking my life these past couple of days because of problems at school and home. I told everyone yesterday "I just don't want to be here anymore" "I can't take it" maybe if I was dead I would not have to suffer. People make fun of me because of my culture;race;the way I dress, and the list goes on and on. I struggle with school and I think I might have a learning disorder because I see letters and numbers and they all just looked mixed up and I cant comprehend them at all. I feel like my mom only cares for the her two other kids because they are straight A kids and smart. With me I just can't seem to get everything right or perfect and I feel like a piece of crap in my own home. With no one to talk to at all. I mean I have friends at school but they don't understand and don't listen to me and i'm just lost at the moment. x
Miraaa commented…
Your life is worth living if u were not worth it then your parents would have thrown u in a trash can of on the river after u were born... sorry if I have offended u with that but it's true that's what my mother would always say to me. Don't give up when u feel that nothing u do is working because you're can do it again. When what u plan doesn't work just say it's just a try it's nothing just don't give to reach your goals u are worth to live in this world there is meer good in it than bad it's not the end never give up in striding against the odds of problems evil and downsides for your life is worth! een jaar geleden
Shorouk4ever commented…
Chrissy♥Please don't say that your death is not gonna make things much better...Honey♥I have a father who never cares to me even he lives in the same house he calls my name when he just wants somethings from me...I got sick so many times when i was in the school and i called my dad to come but he didn't come i kept waiting for him bt he never came...Chrissy while i am writing to u now i am crying so what if your were weird of stranger of anything it' your freedom it' u being a differnet and i am sorry but your mom loves so much Chrissy she might have a hard to believe that her daughter is differnet so please give her some time....It' u honey and u are not gonna change yourself for anyone even for your parents no offence! een jaar geleden
Shorouk4ever commented…
I have been thinking of killing myself to end my life but i always rememeber taht my life worth for anyone in sometime and i will find who loves me...So hhoney i am sure that things will get better for you...Fuck to everyone makes u angry...Fck them all they don't deserve your caring about them.. een jaar geleden
Imyselfandme commented…
Chrissy,hazza-bear. I am crying reading this. u don't deserve this. I am so sorry about your family,I don't know what to say there. Who are u closer to,your mom of dad? It really sucks that u get bullied,and of course,you don't deserve that treatment at all. Could u please check out Staying Strong door Demi? Please. That book has helped me so much. It's a daily devotional but u don't have to read an entry a day,that's fine. I think it would really help you. u are beautiful okay? Fight your way out of your depression becaus eyou deserve it. u really do. If u are ever feeling like cutting of taking your life,take ten deep breaths and think realistically about everything. NO one would be better off without you,everyone would be so much worse,I swear. ANd please promise me you'll talk to me whenever u want to take your life., Please. I love you,my hazza. I promise you,it will pass. een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden sini12 said…
big smile
Hello,My New dear friends here:)

I wanna tell you all that Im leaving for one year because of studies and shit examinations.I know this is stupid but Im doing this so that i can gain that self confidence again:D
Once,I get my self confidence back,no one gonna stop me from being a topper ,and my real life sis also have suggested me to do this only!:)

Thanks for being so nice to me,I love ya all forever :D ♥
Take care,all of you! & Plz don't forget me XD

Omg Im scared bcoz what if,I come back..i will say "Hiiiiiiii Miraaaa,Im back^_^" and she will say like "But who are you? Sorry,I couldn't recognize you,Have we ever talked? :/ "
LOL

Bye bye,Wish me luck!:))
Always keep showing your teeth^^
Stay happy and healthy <3 :)
I will never forget you all,you all are so nice:)
 <i>Hello,My New dear vrienden here:) I wanna tell u all that Im leaving for one jaar because of s
LoveSterlingB commented…
Aww Sini, I'll miss u so much! Good luck with everything xx een jaar geleden
Imyselfandme commented…
I'll miss u babe. Good luck okay? I wanna heaar everything about what has been going on with your life when u come back. u will come back braver and stronger and I know i will be proud :) een jaar geleden
harry_ginny33 commented…
Good luck, Sini! Wishing u all the best, babe. Don't worry, no one will forget about you. x een jaar geleden
S8rah commented…
I will miss u babe but good luck! No one could ever forget u xxx een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden Imyselfandme said…
smile

Hey guys,the depressing Ari again :)
I want to just say this.
Um,I think I have bipolar depression. I want to go and get treatment but I don't know where to begin or if any Rehab facilities will accept me because I might be too young or something.
Just for the last month I have felt so so happy at times at the next moment I would be crying or severely down. A few weeks ago I stopped feeling anything altogether and I hated that feeling so much that I made myself fight out of it. But anyway,it happened again yesterday when I was at my writer's group and when I came home,I just felt this need to cut. I refrained but then I had a nightmare so bad last night,I almost cut in my sleep. It didn't make sense,like God wanted me to die or something...I wasn't even really conscious and I almost...
I haven't cut since March of this year and I have been so proud of that but sometimes I feel down again and I don't care about my pride I just want it to end or I need to escape.
So I need advice on this.
I also want you guys to know that I am so grateful for your comments. I am not that open and I keep almost everything to myself but when I posted my first "entry" a couple fays ago,I just...I knew you guys cared but people I've never really spoken to cared for me enough to take their time and offer help (Jen,Sini). I just wanted to say this whole thing has helped me immensely.
Also,I read Demi Lovato's Staying Strong book and never in a million years did I think it would help me as much as it had.
But I still am not healed even though I've had such positive thoughts and healing,I feel like I'm not even close to recovery. I want to believe in myself,but I loathe myself constantly and I am still scared because school starts Monday and I don't think I will be able to handle the stress or the bullying again. I am happy at times and depressed at others,like I said. I feel weak even though everyone says I am strong.
S8rah commented…
I know what it's like maybe seeing someone can help u a lot and u can tell them everything and how u feel. And no matter how low u are feeling u shouldn't cut because it won't make anything better it will just make everything worse I have been there it's no good and I can see why u are worried about school but maybe that won't happen u just have to try and stay strong and keep your mind of it and think of do things that make u happy because if u don't u will just feel like that for the rest of your life and u don't want that try and set yourself a goal and work towards that and god would never want u to die it was just a nightmare and u should believe in yourself because u can get through it and it won't be easy but u have to try else u won't get anywhere and your not weak u are a strong person u just have to believe in yourself a bit meer een jaar geleden
LoveSterlingB commented…
Babe, this is terrible. We're here for you, okay? And I can understand that it's hard. u may not believe this, but just think about it rationally. When is there every a time in life, where u absolutely have to make yourself bleed? When is there a time when cutting yourself fixes things? I know it's been hard for you, I understand. Maybe u should go to a doctor, they might be able to tell u if you're bipolar of they could direct u to a doctor who would know. u need to do what's best for you. God doesn't want u to die, Ari. After everything you've been through, you're still here. He doesn't want u to die. u were put on this earth for a reason. It's hard, I know. And I'm not expecting u to be perfectly okay, but I'm expecting u to try. For me, for all of us. Just try your hardest not to cut, not to think any negative thoughts, just try staying positive, okay? een jaar geleden
xayeishax commented…
omfg ari, i don't even know what to say ... i just feel so bad, im supposed to be your twin dammit! i should be able to know how u are feeling ... some twin a am. Right so what can i say, i still feel bad ... i really do understand about the whole cutting becoz well having been down that road, i know it can gt bad, but babe, u ARE STRONG, OKAY? Becoz if u wasn't how else have u coped through all your hard times in life? door staying strong and keep fighting. You've done it before, so u can do it again, okay? I'm here for you, even though im likenot there there with you, but i'm there okay? and babe, i'm pretty sure that god doesn't want u to die, okay? and i really do think u should maybe perhaps go to the doctor,and tell them whatd going on? necoz for someone of the age of 15, shouldn't have to go through the things u do. so please babe, do it for me okay? i really care about you,and its a start for your solutions xx i love you, don't ever forget it okay ♥♥ een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden Imyselfandme said…
So here's what I feel like right now: A failure.
I have been cutting again and I hate myself so much. I hate myself because I break promises I make and make others give. I hate myself because I thought it was okay,ya know? That whatever happened in my life I would never cut again. I can't even keep that goal.
I can't talk to my friends because I want to cry every time I do. Because I know what I make them feel like: I make them feel like I don't listen. Like everything they tell me doesn't matter. And it does matter. They just don't know how weak I am. I have been taking off my anti-depressants and sleep-aids because my parents think that is the cause of my eating disorder. They stopped paying for my psychiatrist,they don't think he helps. He doesn't really,but he makes me see things clearly sometimes. And now I have lost all that.
School was okay until I defended a girl who was getting bullied,so now I am getting bullied. Again. They make fun of my cutting,they joke about the things that happened to me,they are terrible people but I can't blame them because they are true.
I wake up every morning and I don't want to do anything I like. I feel like everything I do will amount to failing. I'm weak ya know? I can't take it all. Not anymore.
I can't even kill myself right.
Miraaa commented…
Ari, I am so sorry to hear about everything that have happen to you. u are not alone in this. I’m here for you. We all here for you. I may not give an amazing advice to help u but just so u know, I'm here for you. I may not be able to understand exactly how u feel, but I care about u and want to help. een jaar geleden
xayeishax commented…
omfg ari ... im in tears :( i literally had no idea u were going through so much shit, im the worst twin ever! so firstly babe,you aren't a failure okay? Yes u might feel like u are, but u aren't. ever have and never will be. it breaks me knowing u are cutting again babe and i fear one dag it'll get out of hand. i just,arggh im soupset and angry becoz here i am stuck in the uk, on my bed, trying to give u advice, but how can i? i need to be there, in there usa to properly help u :( and those stupid bullies, arrgghh they are so fucking glad i son't live there, else theywon't live to see daylight. babe, if they do anything, and i mean anything tell me okay? and also threaten them, make them feel small. let them joke, becoz u know what? they are the idoits, not you. never you. noo ari don't ever say that!! please remember that u WILL pull through this okay? im here for u ♥♥ een jaar geleden
xayeishax commented…
AND YEA FUXKING CAN,YOU CAN GET RID OF ALL THOSE SHARP THONGS, THINK OF ZAYN, THINK OF OUR BOYS. THEY ARE HERE FOR u TOO AND THEY DON'T WANT u TO HARM YOURSELF, OKAY? PLEAZE PLEASE ARIANNA I KNOW u CAN DO THIS een jaar geleden
een jaar geleden xayeishax said…
Well here I am, the infamous Lisha ;)
Dear Diary,
Well today was just .. i don't know. The past days for me have been pretty stressful, mainly becoz i've had so much work to do, and well just been really busy i guess :( However what i want to tell you today is something that happened. So today my mum got back from the hospital, she stayed overnight becoz my sister Houria was having a sleep study, but anyway, she got back around 9, i think? and we were all at school and well the house was a mess. So i texted my mum to tell her sorry about the mess that was left behind, just being nice and all. And so the day continued. When i got home after school today, she seemed okay, not pissed at me which was good and so i just got on with my own things. Then later on i was sitting in the frontroom, doing my work, listening to music. my mum then asks to get something for her, and so i do and then get back on with my work. then like minutes later she calls me again to do something, and then again, and i was literally so pissed off becoz she knows i have loads of coursework, but she still tells me to do things and fucking tells me that i need to help! its just soo annoying, and then eventually i sit back down my dad tells me to log off, becoz of dinner and i was just soo pissed off, in that hour? i barely got anything done ... and then during dinner my mum kept on giving me dirty looks, and like when i tried talking to her she'd just ignore me like wtf? So anyway after i cleared up from dinner, i sat in the front room to do my work becoz my back was really hurting. in the backroom my dad had zayd who was like crying mad, so my mum says, "somebody go and get zayd", SOMEBODY, right? so i go and get him and try putting him into his buggy and well he didn't want to go in, so i held him until my mum took him, and well he didn't want to go yo her, and well that pissed my mum off, and well that was it, she started on me, for no reason! saying random shit like im not his mum, that she didn't ask me (when really she did say someone), saying other stupid stuff like ipm in her way?! and well as if i'm just gonna stand there and let her talk to me like that! And well guess what the outcome of that was? her taking my laptop, telling me to go to bed. amd i was just so pissed off, like i was literally shaking becoz what did i do wrong? nothing. and so thanks to her, im even more stressed with my work, and its not fair. i wasted like two hours doing nothing and when i could've done my work >.< and so ywah, thats it. i'm also really worried about arianna, i feel so bad i can't do anything to help her! :( i feel so useless ... im supposed to be a friend.....
last edited een jaar geleden
Imyselfandme commented…
hallo babe. This is really sad. I keep reading stuff like this on your wattpad and now here. I'm not sure what advice to give you. idk...maybe one time u can confront her and ask her why she's so pissed at u all the time and treats u like an errant child. Why? What have u done wrong,ya know? I don't think it's fair. based on what I've heard and what you've told me,it sounds like your a really mature eldest sister who does take care of your younger siblings and doesn't whine about it. And yet,your mum is still mad at you?! I don't understand it. Also,I want u to know that your not useless okay? The problems I'm going through and the cutting. Well,that's all me, I need to get my shit together and I understand that and it's not your fault that u can't know every little detail of my life. But we are always together,okay? In our hearts. I don't care where u are in life,I am always there. Always. Don't forget that. Don't feel useless okay? een jaar geleden
Imyselfandme commented…
u help me in meer ways than u can imagine. I love youx een jaar geleden