Orphan Black recap: 'Manacled Slim Wrists' 

Serious question: What if my entire recap was just “OMG, KRYSTAL” copied and pasted approximately 100 times?

I won’t subject you do that, but after an episode last week that felt lacking, it was so refreshing to get back into some good old-fashioned clone drama and some Grade-A Krystal-idiocy-disguised-as-wisdom (or is it the other way around?) as she and her beauty vlog stumbled smack into a Dyad smoking gun.

Those revelations aside, there was a lot more that happened here, too — particularly the folks at Revival getting a rude awakening to the fact that their 170-year-old man isn’t

what he claims to be. But attempts to usurp him don’t go well, to say the least.

Without further ado, it’s time again to run our clones through the Orphan Black Clone Status Hyper-Sequence Generator Calcutron and — in honor of Krystal doing her best attempt at espionage — export our subjects based on their undercover skills this week.

Krystal’s detective work this week is somehow both spectacular and spectacularly terrible. Since we last saw her, Krystal and her roommate Bree have been cohosting a popular beauty vlog that teaches you how to use party straws as hair curlers but also exposes the lies of “Big Cosmetics.” You know, the usual. But when Bree tries to take her hair out of their lifehacked DIY pin curls, her hair straight-up falls out, which sends Krystal back to the Clone Club convinced her friend has

been poisoned by those corporate enemies. DUH. (“What’s confusing about that?”)

Art calls Sarah, who’s also ready to dismiss this as typical Krystal nonsense, until she mentions crossing paths with the CEO of a company called Blue Zone Cosmetics… which is on S’s list of the companies purchased by Dyad.

So… all that time Krystal was convinced Neolution was tied to the cosmetics industry… she was right????? Unleash all your screaming face and laughing-crying face emojis. It’s just too perfect.

“Did Krystal just fall ass-backwards into something big again?” marvels Sarah. Looks like it. As S points out, cosmetics is a billion-dollar industry, so it’s no surprise Neolution wants to get involved. But could their interest have anything to do with Lin28A? Sarah suggests they use Krystal’s access to that CEO, Len, to try to find out more. This is the part where you

it’s clone-playing-clone time (my favorite time!), but Krystal has other plans — she doesn’t want Art and Sarah (a.k.a. “that Australian girl”) messing things up with her source. So, she sneaks out of the safehouse and goes back to her apartment to take the meeting with Len herself… but sets up a surveillance camera and earpiece so Sarah and Art can watch and communicate with her from outside. This girl never ceases to amaze me.

She of course does the opposite of what Art and Sarah tell her to — flirting and making out with the guy right when he walks through the door, and flat-out demanding to know why his company was bought by Dyad instead of casually steering him towards the subject. (She claims to know of the deal because of their “insider” status in the beauty industry.) He claims to have no idea why Dyad would want to buy a cosmetics company, but it’s not that lie that makes Krystal mad — it’s when he’s sarcastic about liking her beauty vlog.

When Scott phones Art and Sarah with another bit of intel — Bree stole some face cream from Len’s house during a party there, and it may have been experimental (hence why her hair fell out) — Krystal gets relayed that information at the same time Len finds the cream and confronts her about why she has it. When she says Bree got sick after using it and he calls her stupid for taking what is indeed a prototype, she kicks him in the balls, pins him to the ground, and threatens to use the cream on him unless he talks. (Look, all those self-defense classes last season paid off!) He admits the cream has a dermal delivery system, which is what Dyad is after — something that works on a cellular level. This version, as Bree learned the hard way, made subjects’ hair fall out, so Krystal smears it all over his face and tells him to get out. So, mission accomplished? Sort of?

Aside from the Krystal Undercover aspect of this week’s episode, Sarah also dabbles in deception when they help Kira fake sick to get out of her visits to Dyad (she throws up on Mr. Frontenac’s shoes, which makes the illness seem legit, but they really just gave her ipecac syrup, which can induce vomiting).

After Mr. F leaves, Sarah reveals that she now knows S has been in contact with Delphine, who warned them to keep Kira away from Dyad. And as if we didn’t hear it enough last week, Sarah and S explain

that they’ve identified the gene they were looking for in Kira, P.T. Westmoreland’s so-called “fountain of youth” gene, Lin28A.

Delphine’s next stop is Geneva to rendezvous with Felix and Adele, who’ve found new dirt as they play Follow the Money with Neolution — our little science-loving friends have made big acquisitions in the healthcare sector and some other ventures as well (which, we know, also includes the beauty biz). And S says again that Delphine wasn’t her source who found Virginia Coady, but then…who is?

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