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Can I get an opinion? Past of Present tense? *See details

For my fanfiction I'm going back and forth between the two. On one hand I feel like present tense fits the theme of the fic but I've noticed that many readers think that present tense pulls them out of the story. I've written two versions of part of my fic would u mind telling me which u like more?

The air is rotten beyond reparation, centuries could pass and Azula feels as though the smell will never leave. At this point, it has probably been weaved into the atmosphere of the place. Decaying meat and death never truly leaves a place. Even if the odor was to fade in ages to come, there would still be residue of what had once been there. Even if she manages to leave the place, a part of her tormented soul will probably remain, etched into the sick energy of the place.

Her cheek is pressed against the ground and she can’t feel anything anymore. She can’t even remember how she got here. She just knows that she’s been here for a while and has long since gegeven up on the notion that someone might be looking for her. Who would? She has no one left who would really care. She can hear the raspy breathing and knows that the suffering will begin again shortly. She closes her eyes and tires to shift her position.

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The air was rotten beyond reparation, centuries could pass and Azula felt as though the smell would never leave. At this point, it had probably been weaved into the atmosphere of the place. Decaying meat and death never truly leaves a place. Even if the odor was to fade in ages to come, there would still be residue of what had once been there. Even if she managed to leave the place, a part of her tormented soul would probably remain, etched into the sick energy of the place.
zanhar1 posted een jaar geleden
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Her cheek was pressed against the ground and she couldn't feel anything anymore. She couldn't even remember how she got there. She just knew that she’d been there for a while and had long since gegeven up on the notion that someone might be looking for her. Who would? She had no one left who would really care. She could hear the raspy breathing and knew that the suffering would begin again shortly. She closed her eyes and tired to shift her position.
zanhar1 posted een jaar geleden
 zanhar1 posted een jaar geleden
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Random Antwoorden

Riku114 said:
Personally I read past tense better and meer comfortably personally. It allows me to focus in meer since - as u zei - the present tense pulls me out of the story a bit.

The present tense fits better, but I prefer the past tense version since its hard to focus in on the present tense
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posted een jaar geleden 
Zippy100 said:
Present tense. It feels meer engaging. Also, bonus point: As a narrator, u are the omniscient and omnipresent of this story if u are using present tense ;) Furthermore, u will have to modify less and less words will be used...saving the time and energy.
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posted een jaar geleden 
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Interesting, last time I did present someone zei it was less engaging lmao. Maybe it just didn't fit the theme as well. Thanks for the feed back.
zanhar1 posted een jaar geleden
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Welcome. I dunno how past tense can make a reader feel engaged. I mean it already happened and I feel a sense of powerlessness that... "oh yeah..it already happened.. All I can do is listen/know/read" Though it's just a subtle subconscious itching.. nothing more.
Zippy100 posted een jaar geleden
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But, the present tense provides the thrill that it's happening right now
Zippy100 posted een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 said:
Personally, seeing u use the Present tense appeals to me more. As u said, it fits the Theme of your Fic so I would advise to go along with that. I could also see the Past sense working just fine but the former simply feels meer alive to me !!!!
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posted een jaar geleden 
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That's what I was thinking myself. I was thrown off though because of what I mentioned in Zippy's post. I'll probably give present a whirl again.
zanhar1 posted een jaar geleden
Rihanna312 said:
I somehow feel that u could even use both door using past tense for the first paragraph and then switching to present for the volgende one. In my mind that highlights the action that is happening after setting the scene.
But if I had to choose one I`d probably go with past tense, because I`m way too much used to it. And I gotta agree, it seems to be a bit meer immersing. At least for the descriptive part. But it`s been quite a while since I read anything in english, so take this with a grain of possibility that my latvian knowledge is mixing in the opinion. ^_^ Maybe I`ll analyze this again meer thoroughly when I have the time.
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posted een jaar geleden 
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I was actually considering doing that, in fact that was how the initial draft looked lo; with paragraph one being in past tense and the seconde being in present.
zanhar1 posted een jaar geleden
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I think what I'm going to do is write one chapter in both past and present and see which I like more. While I do like present tense, as u zei details are harder to work in when using it. And details are critical to the story. So yeah I think I'm just gonna have to demo both and see which works better.
zanhar1 posted een jaar geleden
trisha1 said:
Probably.
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posted een jaar geleden 
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