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posted by IloveMyLord
Grammar, perfectly understood, enables us not only to express our meaning fully and clearly, but so to express it as to enable us to defy the ingenuity of man to give to our words any other meaning than that which we ourselves intend them to express.
William Cobbett
Grammar and logic free language from being at the mercy of the tone of voice. Grammar protects us against misunderstanding the sound of an uttered name; logic protects us against what we say have double meaning.
Rosenstock Huessy
The writer who neglects punctuation, of mispunctuates, is liable to be misunderstood for the want of merely...
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posted by IloveMyLord
Remember, u don't forgive someone for his of her sake - u forgive them for your sake. (On a side note, I just read that as "sake", the drink. I think that means it's time for me to get some sushi.)

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you've gegeven the message that what someone did was okay. It just means that you've let go of the anger of guilt towards someone, of towards yourself. But that can be easier zei than done. If forgiveness was easy, everyone would be doing it.



"When u hold resentment toward another, u are bound to that person of condition door an emotional...
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posted by IloveMyLord
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only door this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

"My vrienden are my estate."
- Emily Dickinson

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"
-Walter Winchell

"A friend is someone who is there for u when he'd rather be anywhere else."
- Len Wein - Sent door Paulo Louro

"A friend is someone who knows the...
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posted by tokidoki123
[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits volgende Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have u tried tonen him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like u - very homosexually.
Contributed door funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - vis Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...
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posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did u get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A pinguïn rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by 16falloutboy
Bad Shows on Disney
-------------------
So Random
A.N.T Farm
Good Luck Charlie
Jonas
Lizzie McGuire
The Proud Family
Phil of the Future
Dave the Barbarian
Brandy and Mr. Whiskers
The Buzz on Maggie
The Emperor's New School
Good Luck Charlie
Fish Hooks
Shake It Up
The Replacements
PrankStars
Jessie
Austin & Ally

Bad Shows on Cartoon Network
--------------------------------------
Cow and Chicken
I Am Weasel
The Powerpuff Girls
Ed, Edd n Eddy
Johnny Bravo
The Life and Times of Juniper Lee
Camp Lazlo
My Gym Partner's a Monkey
Class of 3000
The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack
The Secret Saturdays
Chower
Adventure Time...
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Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.


Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable door the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby...
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posted by pollydbookworm
*4 Boy friends*
>
> Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four
> boyfriends.
>
> She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with
> rich robes and
> treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him
> nothing but the best.
>
> She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always
> tonen him off
> to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one
> dag he would leave
> her for another.
>
> She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and
> was always kind,
> considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced...
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1. Every dag at school is the same
2. u never know if your braids look digusting of not
3. u are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. u would like to think that people notice of even think about u but u are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows of cares about
5. u worry people will write nasty commentaren on your fanpop artikel that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all u do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When u only really have like 3 vrienden at school and 2 of them...
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posted by xoPixie-Popxo
If you've never laid your eyes on these shows, YOU'RE DOING YOURSELF A FAVOR! Oh and feel free to add your own reasons door commenting below! I may include some of your ideas in this artikel and I'll make sure to add your username! :D (Oh God I sound like an annoying advertisement.)
(Sorry for the long reasons!)

From Cartoonnetwork:

The Problem Solverz
-Poor animation. It looks like it's been drawn door a 7 jaar old's foot with the lights out.
-I cannot understand ANYTHING that they're saying.
-What exactly is that brown guy? A block of poop?
(I would lijst meer reasons but I only saw the toon for 2 seconds...
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posted by samuraibond005
I find homework to be arrogant and inefficient. Schools think they are so important that they can dictate whether of not the kid can have time after school for other, also important things. yeah, we learned all this in class and some kids didn't get it, but first of all, it is not like nobody else in the class understood it, seconde of all, they won’t get it any better without a teacher to help, and third of all, if they care enough to get anything out of their education anyway, they will ask somebody for help.
Of course, there are classes in which homework makes sense, such as my AP world...
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posted by bubbletl
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If u have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal door conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what u think."

7. Claim that u must always wear a bicycle helm as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything...
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posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that u are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say u know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors door your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as u can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
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posted by Tamar20
1. WRITE EVERYTHING IN badges LOCK OVERUSE badges LOCK! WHEN u REALLY SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING IN ALL badges THOUGH, USE ALL LOWERCASE LETTERS!

2. Don't use any punctuation.

3. Purposely spell things wrong and then get really upset when people don't understand you.

4. Overuse the comma, for example: "today, I, really, had, a, bad, day."

5. Use Sticky badges Capitalize every other letter.

6. Forget the grammar And when someone asks u what u mean just repeat it the exact same way.

7. Capitalize each word This annoys some people very, very much.

8. Use absolutely no vowels.

9. Answer every thing they say...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This lijst was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My favorieten are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round tafel, tabel was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much u push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by iluvsmj
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do u want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take u out to dinner?" = Same as Above

"Can I call u sometime?" = Same as Above

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give u a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why u are making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are u going through now?

"I love you, too." = Okay, I zei it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I...
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posted by ilovetech29
1."My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
2."Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
3."Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
4."Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
5."Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a boom and misplaced his hip."
6."John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
7."Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
8."Megan...
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posted by karpach_14
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
Molly McGee

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, u haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
Helen Rowland

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. u order what u want, then when u see what the other fellow has, u wish u had ordered that.
Unknown

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a hart-, hart attack. His hart-, hart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first u don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on brand with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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posted by BlackSunshine
Something I got in an e-mail. Still pretty funny. Especially since I've done a few...

1. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open door themselves.

2. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call u Admiral.

3. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until u hear the penny u dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

4. Do Tai Chi exercises.

5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

6. Meow occasionally....
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