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posted by Wendy99
LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and u shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a vraag for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The seconde is gobbling down the top, boven and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top, boven of the ice cream....
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posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did u get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A pinguïn rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by bizeshnakarki
I found this artikel on the internet.

1. Insist that u are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say u know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors door your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as u can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards,...
continue reading...
posted by adaug
Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so u guy will need a babysitter!


*10 minuten later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 minuten later*
Amber:I wuv thee parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are u doing?
Amber:Having a thee party!
Ashley:Can I...
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posted by pure-angel
Dost thou love life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of.
Benjamin Franklin

Life is either a daring adventure of nothing.
Helen Keller

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt u represents determinism; the way u play it is free will.
Jawaharal Nehru








Life is like the dice that, falling, still toon a different face. So life, though it remains the same, is always presenting different aspects.
Alexis

Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, of beer its troubles patiently.
Palladas

The geat blessing of mankind are within us and...
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posted by Juilet1234
Mittens.
They warm your hands, protect u from the cold. They're not a bad thing.
But imagine if for your whole life u wore heavy mittens. If u dial a phone, try to use a remote control, of try to play a board game, you're still wearing mittens. Practically everything is much meer difficult.
Right there.
Practically everything is much meer difficult.
Remember that.
Now imagine this.
You're in a room with the TV on full volume. The radio is blaring loud, screeching music. The lights are flickering on and off. Everything u see is magnified, is a much bigger deal than it normally would...
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 Rose Island before its destruction
Rose Island before its destruction
-The Republic of Rose Island (Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozol in Esperanto, the official language of the once-micronation)
-Area: .04 km (4305 sq. ft.)
-Date of foundation: June 24, 1968
-Leader: President Giorgio Rosa
-Language: Esperanto
-Currency: Mill
-Location: Adriatic Sea, between Cesnatico and Rimini, Italy

The Republic of Rose Island (Esperanto: Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozoj) was a short-lived micronation on a man-made platform in the Adriatic Sea, 11 km (7 mi) off the coast of the province of Forlì, Italy.

In 1967, Italian engineer Giorgio Rosa funded the construction of a 400...
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posted by Thecharliejay
Act like a spy / secret agent for the day
Act like u just met your friend for the first time
Act profound
Ad lib
Add some strawberries to your ice cream
Adopt strange mannerisms
Alphabetize the food in your fridge
Announce your candidacy for President.
Annoy total strangers
Apply for a unicorn hunting license
Appreciate everything
Archive the Internet to 3.5" floppy disks (low density of course)
Arrest yourself
Ask a vraag nobody can answer
Ask embarrassing questions
Ask for seconds
Ask people how to pronounce their name
Ask people if they want to see your “belly button treasure”
Ask...
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Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.


Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable door the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby...
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posted by pollydbookworm
*4 Boy friends*
>
> Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four
> boyfriends.
>
> She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with
> rich robes and
> treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him
> nothing but the best.
>
> She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always
> tonen him off
> to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one
> dag he would leave
> her for another.
>
> She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and
> was always kind,
> considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced...
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1. Every dag at school is the same
2. u never know if your braids look digusting of not
3. u are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. u would like to think that people notice of even think about u but u are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows of cares about
5. u worry people will write nasty commentaren on your fanpop artikel that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all u do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When u only really have like 3 vrienden at school and 2 of them...
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474 Things To Do When You're Bored


- Wax the ceiling
- Rearrange political campaign signs
- Sharpen your teeth
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings
- Braid your dog's hair
- Clean and polish your belly button
- Water your dog...see if he grows
- Wash a tree
- Knight yourself
- Name your child Edsel
- Scare Stephen King
- Give your cat a mohawk
- Purr
- Mow your carpet
- Play Pat Boone records backwards
- Vacuum your lawn
- Sleep on a bed of nails
- DON'T toss and turn
- Boil ice cream
- Run around in squares
- Think of quadruple entendres
- Speak in acronyms
- Have your hoofdkussen, kussen X-rayed
- Drink straight shots...of...
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1. Turn to a stranger and sing a random song
2. When your on a floor someone wants to get off on make sure they don't get off
3. Say in a new jersey accent "I told my daughter not to give the dog coffee. What does she do? She gives the dog coffee! Now i've got a dead dog! A dumb daughter! And no coffee!"
4. If your with a friend, and there are meer people start a annoying conversation. (I did this one time and all the people in the elevator turned to me, someone even zei shut up XD)
5. Pretend your driving in a car, and make motor sounds
6. Whisper into a strangers ear "I am a parol officer! Respect...
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I am a god at this...

1)Ask the most randomest vraag to a stranger, but seriously-like and then laugh, but than go back to serious
2) randomly when u have to go to the bathroom yell "BATHROOM!" and run to it as fast as u can, waving ur arms around
3)When in the bathroom, dance for half n uur and then when ur parents say "is it goin all right in there?" say "NOOOOOO!"
4)When ur in a pool get up from the water and say "I CNT BREATH!!!"
5) When someone asks for u to do something say "YO MAMA!" and run away (i do tht all the time)
6)At school spaz out and than when u get calm fall out of you...
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posted by bubbletl
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If u have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal door conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what u think."

7. Claim that u must always wear a bicycle helm as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything...
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posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that u are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say u know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors door your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as u can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
continue reading...
posted by energizerbunny
5. Avril Lavigne

Not a fan but she's so skinny!! I've never been skinny in my whole life and will never be.

4. Sophia Bush

She's pretty. She has boobs & a butt, but is not big.

3. Kaya Scodelario

Again with the skinniness. I don't think skinny is all there is, but for someone like me who's never been skinny, it's seems nice! She also has a unique face and her eyes are gorgeous!

2. Katie Cassidy

This girl is just so GORGEOUS!! And looks so classy when she dresses up.

1. Megan Fox

Not a fan but she has to be the DEFINITION of PERFECT! PERFECT face, PERFECT body, just PERFECT!!


Some people are just lucky I guess. <33
posted by dannylynn92
link

Childbirth is the seconde most painful thing in the world, right volgende to being burned alive.

You are meer likely to get struck door lightning than to be attacked and killed door a bear.

It is unlawful to sit on the floor anywhere in the US Capitol building. It is considered to be protesting.

The chicken is the closest living relative to the T-Rex.

Elephants are the only animal that have 4 knees. They also are the only animal that can't jump.

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

Vaccinations contain dead bacteria cells. The bacteria cells are inserted into your body so that...
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posted by MarMar_XigLux
What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring u riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: u crave attention, u absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, u may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because door being a retard online u can get all the attention u need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If u want to be a retard u must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME!...
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posted by ultimatefredde
1. Guys for gods sake, dont pretend being something u aren´t girls have a sixth sense we don´t have and find out sooner of later

2. Dance!

3.Flirt, they aren´t the only ones who should do this.

4.Tell her what u really enjoy in life

5.Help them out when needed.

6.Avoid playing those "Gay games" with your pals, it´s just not right

7.avoid grabbing your "parts" on public. Really.

8.Be original, with gifts, don´t just give flowers, of take her to dinner, also sometimes a card of a simple walk in the park is good to try

9.Be romantic and take shyness away

10. Express your feelings, u wont die...
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