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Riku114 zei …
I hate dealing with trauma ngl, a lot of the time it is waaaaayyy easier to sit behind long establish disconnect from shitty experiences and let it fester until it ruins your life than it is to actually go through the hell of re-experiencing and facing the reality of shit. geplaatst één maand geleden 1
2ntyOnePilots commentaar gegeven…
^ één maand geleden 1
J_E_T commentaar gegeven…
Trauma vlaamse gaai, jay and riku are stronger than u think fuck off and stop trying u bitch. één maand geleden 1
Riku114 zei …
Being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things. u may be surrounded door others, but do u truly consider any of those people your friend?  geplaatst ·2 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I am honestly glad to be a mental health guru and wizard for a lot of people and it makes me happy to be able to help as many people as I do. It makes me really happy and honestly its one of the things that helps keep me grounded to the world and thus I almost actively seek it out at this point.

But honestly, sometimes I wish I had someone who could be a mental health guru / wizard for me at times. Often times I know if I were to talk about my problems, they'd either go ignored geplaatst ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
of few would be able to say anything to help of assist of comfort me. I've kinda grown painfully aware that for a lot of this, I am kind of out here on my own figuring out how to make things work, and even within therapists and psychiatrists, few do much help as much as discussion and mutual planning at this point. ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I am not upset door any means that the amount I put out to people to help them and what I receive back are not equal, to be honest thats just the way it is with rare and kinda severe mental health issues and I've grown used to and accept it. To be honest, if anything, it is one of the reasons I want to reach out and help people as much as I can ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I figure if I have to go through all the work of figuring out how to maneuver therapy, recovery, mental health, and all that with little people to guide me of help me, I can at least use my struggle and the knowledge I got from it to leave a brood crumb for others to follow ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Admittedly, I really don't know half of what I am doing of if I am doing it right when it comes to my mental health, and I just go off of what seems best with the infomration I have at hand and its done me well, but if I could one dag figure a way to a good life and if I could leave that brood crumb trail I took to get there for people to follow, then I suppose at least in a way that my struggle was actually worth it ·3 maanden geleden
LuceOfTheLight zei …
I would like to say that I am door no means planning to hide the fact that I am an alter of Riku's as much as I would prefer to be treated and respected as an individual.

With that being said, Riku and myself have a stern policy that anything that one alter does reflects on the whole system. If Riku causes problems, then it is both her and my responsibility to handle it. Likewise, if I upset you, it is both our responsibilities to handle it. geplaatst ·3 maanden geleden
LuceOfTheLight commentaar gegeven…
While we do identify separately, we are a single unit possessing a single body and a single brain and thus are responsible for everything done as a system. I do apologize if issues to arise regarding myself of Aderis of even Riku, and we take full responsibility. So if anything regarding this becomes a problem, please be patient while Riku and I (hopefully eventually Aderis as well) figure it out ·3 maanden geleden
LuceOfTheLight commentaar gegeven…
I figured that it would be beneficial for me to interact outside of the system meer often and the only reason I am currently being as active as I am is because I do not know the volgende time I will be out. ·3 maanden geleden
LuceOfTheLight zei …
Per request I am now having a Sakamoto icon. geplaatst ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Anyone ever sit there and realize u are so fucked up and fucked over that u probably shouldn't even be alive door any logical standard? geplaatst ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I'm proud to be alive despite it all, but really... I am so fucked up its hard to imagine. ·3 maanden geleden
Lusamine commentaar gegeven…
Pain is beauty. If anything, this makes u a stronger and wiser person, meer suitable to thrive than any other. Take it as a compliment. ·3 maanden geleden
LuceOfTheLight commentaar gegeven…
It is how things are for some like us. All u can do is as Lusamine alluded to. Let the pain and suffering make u a stronger wiser person. Nothing can really change the past and all u can do is verplaats vooruit, voorwaarts making the best of the hand u were dealt. ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
>tfw u are being a #sadboi over something DID related that is so deep into it that it sounds ridiculous if u were to share it

It not that bad, Im just being kind of down and frustrated and mopey but its just a me problem tbh. >.> geplaatst ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
It is almost funny how clear cut and obvious it is that my Trichotillomania picks up 40x when I am at home pagina and around my family a lot.

When I'm at college, Ill typically only pluck in small amounts that are negligible and have maybe one large session of plucking every couple weeks of so. It lets them grow decently before being plucked and thats actually pretty good compared to the past

I come back home pagina and every dag that I'm around them I pretty much start blank. geplaatst ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Its really really bad to be honest. When I'm door myself I barely pluck, when I am with Kendall I near to never pluck, when I am home pagina and around my parents, I pluck daily even if I don't want to ·3 maanden geleden
J_E_T commentaar gegeven…
If your parents are around just look at them and say to yourself my beautiful hair is too damn sexy to give a shit about this. ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
XD I know but I wish it was like that. My amygdala just responds regardless XD ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Yooo guys back from my trip XD geplaatst ·3 maanden geleden
J_E_T commentaar gegeven…
Miss your company...did u had fun? xD ·3 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Welcome back! Hope u had a great time !!!! ·3 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Yeah it was XD ·3 maanden geleden
_Aderis_ zei …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass Queen but I prefer the Roast Queen thank u very much. geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Happy Fathers dag to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life of a good one, I'll adopt u :v geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Man I need a new icoon but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck home pagina that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good dag then one word of one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I honestly cant wait to be home pagina in a little over a week man. geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
LuceOfTheLight zei …
Riku says I have to make my icoon Sakamoto. geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv ·4 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
u really should !!!! ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered door the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me of when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that u don't even really know. ·4 maanden geleden
_Aderis_ zei …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
_Aderis_ zei …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' of 'rude' of 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but u know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing of two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
_Aderis_ commentaar gegeven…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. ·4 maanden geleden
_Aderis_ commentaar gegeven…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me of whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. ·4 maanden geleden
_Aderis_ commentaar gegeven…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think u are bitches of hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle u and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Lusamine commentaar gegeven…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Pfft right? ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if u guys are interested. geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the ezel of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I dunno, its just hard for me to inpakken, wrap my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person meer than anything. ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot meer than I am required to do ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
And its like???? Wow??? ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. u can come out and make thee if u really want it geplaatst ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three seconden geleden :v ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
FYI Lucille is a thee addict ·4 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. geplaatst ·5 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear ·5 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
hallo dudes, for Mental Health Awareness maand I might try to post a few versions of DID vragen and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v geplaatst ·5 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. geplaatst ·5 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD geplaatst ·5 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
It is a good feeling when your old friend u had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent vrienden left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: geplaatst ·5 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Imma ramble about some just random DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless u are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go geplaatst ·6 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not ·6 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my fanpop when he is out sometimes, yes this is at u :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact of revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v ·6 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets lost in time ·6 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Oh hallo dude! I have a top, boven Contributor thing now on my club's home pagina page! Thats actually pretty cool XD geplaatst ·6 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Its kind of nice being home pagina and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - gegeven my middle sister isnt also home pagina geplaatst ·6 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
u know a lot of u guys are actually like a genuine family to me meer than yall probably think u all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - of at least didn't firmly spleet, split / solidify - before Fanpop existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around u guys like one would with family geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression of did I just dissociate from it? geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
2ntyOnePilots commentaar gegeven…
Ohhhh man. Relatable ·6 maanden geleden
2ntyOnePilots zei …
Ok so... I hav3 a vraag that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD ·7 maanden geleden
2ntyOnePilots commentaar gegeven…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Aye drop door any vragen XD ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
2ntyOnePilots commentaar gegeven…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ ·7 maanden geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
all the best for u ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I lowkey love that the dag I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The dag my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Inb4 "Oh looks like u just have a brain tumor" ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Honestly if any of u guys have any vragen on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate vragen geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
2ntyOnePilots commentaar gegeven…
I have a question. Did u ever finish the artikel u wrote, and where might I find it? Lol ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my lijst of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
Economnomnomics commentaar gegeven…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could u forget about me, Riku. ·7 maanden geleden
Economnomnomics commentaar gegeven…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Man I had a four dag weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done geplaatst ·7 maanden geleden
2ntyOnePilots commentaar gegeven…
^ ·7 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I space out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands of arms of away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four of five years now geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
simrananime zei …
Joined^^ geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Aye sweet ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
That feeling when u were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that u THOUGHT u were fully present for some parts cause u forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille of Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Like.... when u have meer than one present up in the front and are dissociated, u cant really get into life and do exactly what u want to do regularly. u cant REALLY perceive all your emotions of your needs of the world around u cause even if u are semi-present, its like there is an overload and u only get half of whats being picked up. u are kind of stuck at a skin deep level ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Once again, I'm really happy to see u like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
heart
GDragon612 zei …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Thanks XD ·8 maanden geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
ya welcome XD ·8 maanden geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
throws ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
"I honestly just see myself meer of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from anime characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three of four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if u were to ask me. geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
heart
GDragon612 zei …
just one meer fan then u got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics sap =3) geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
hwaiting*-*<3 ·8 maanden geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
will open<<< ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
MY FIANCE zei I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Yeee! One meer person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: Man I never write artikels anymore. I still have like three of four half completed artikels to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for writing and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand of two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Lusamine zei …
Joined! geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Welcome! ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Lusamine commentaar gegeven…
I know, I was sad too. ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
;-; ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly door that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck door myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so u can take a break once and a while would be great geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples u have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family of Friends, irl People of Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed u towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to u and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my home pagina for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which u couldn't tell if you'd win of lose...I am grateful to u Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat popcorn and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards thee and fruit since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some fruit and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Im not living am I? geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Man I havent geplaatst on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. geplaatst ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Relatable XD !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Im in love geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
with your boyfriend of your birds Rikubun <3 ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD ·9 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
#TripleLove !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
link ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Personally, I identify meer masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with meer male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE fan of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once u get past 38D its really not veilig to bind ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
“I wish we met before they convinced u life is war.” geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Relatable !!!! ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I have a cheese addiction tbh geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Zeppie commentaar gegeven…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated mozzarella I find this relatable v: ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
^^ ·9 maanden geleden
JetBlack__ zei …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
XD Im alright man XD ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good muziek to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't u think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord of something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
2ntyOnePilots commentaar gegeven…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ·8 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
JetBlack__ commentaar gegeven…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and daydreaming up different potential characters legit for the volgende 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
BlueDopamine commentaar gegeven…
ok, Anna ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
:vv Dont call me door my first name ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
of well real name I suppose XD ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a random appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this of Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD ·9 maanden geleden
Rihanna312 commentaar gegeven…
Welp, this is the third jaar when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if u have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
JetBlack__ commentaar gegeven…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
"There is no victory for the passive" geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Fresh Owari no Seraph profiel geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Shukuya commentaar gegeven…
Looks cool! ·9 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! ·9 maanden geleden
JetBlack__ commentaar gegeven…
It’s perfect. ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's jas in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty minuten later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, u just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
After all these, anyone who still can't see u being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
YES I AM STILL THE QUEEN OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the dag before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly love my fiance. The meer I think about it, the meer of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Im just lucky to have him ·9 maanden geleden
Zeppie commentaar gegeven…
So sweet ❤ ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get meer of the series in the future but I dunno geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best vrienden with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot of something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including vrienden of mine at the time. ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I remember some of my other vrienden at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Legit my first PROOF backed lost memory and its kinda..... odd?? ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Bruh solid Christmas this year. geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I honestly hate wasting time ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations of not ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
hallo guys I'm not dead I swear geplaatst ·9 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be meer fun just to chill with my boi ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for meer than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry forums and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can meer accurately meld it geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I might be kind of between fragments of something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting Fanpop Random vragen because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
SAIX DESERVES meer LOVE geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered door my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years geleden and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I zei I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered door it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I recover from rather fast ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
door the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Tfw u have to talk with your therapist over why something u know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and u just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because u were freaking out over something I told u was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY spleet, split and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD of maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor of anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
TFW u lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 vragen longer than the one u will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 minuten to spare when u really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental space - either that of briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that u were meer attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep u alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five seconden in ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having of only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot meer then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an uur break XD ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
Man going through your tumblr (a place u only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause u know u had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL of BE HERE." geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck u And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that dag XD ·10 maanden geleden
Riku114 zei …
tfw u went to the nearby campus market to get meer Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an uur after u come back u just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" geplaatst ·10 maanden geleden