Riku114 Wall

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Riku114 zei …
A lot of me working on Impulse Control and managing compulsions is going "Do we actualky need to do this as much as we physically feel we do? No? Then dont do it. 'Just this last time' is never true and u know it so start now. Go do something else and learn to sit with the discomfort. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Revolving looking up Danganronpa stuff and plucking, Ive actually managed to redirect and prevent myself from breaking to it and its actually been a pretty successful process to go through. Its had a like 100% success rate on a smalk impulse thing like Danganronpa but Im trying to apply it to Trich a bit meer to see. The time I did it with Trich I dodnt pluck for like... five minuten een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
It personally might work and I might test it with some of my other compulsions een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Its also considered a type of Exposure Therapy I suppose? een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Story time

My boyfriend was being stupid and making stupid (yet hilarious) jokes while I was eating grapes and I just looked down at him cos he was in my lap and started trying to shove grapes in his mouth against his will to shut him and his bad (still hilarious) jokes up and all XD and he was like "NOOOO NOOOO NOOOO RAPEEEEE"

And I was like "NO ITS GRAPE" all seriously

Then there was a moment of silence before he lightly hit my head cos it was a stupid pun XD XD XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Seems like a pretty good one to me XD !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Also pretty sure wolk will survive cos 2 hours later hes back to living life like normal and tweeting at me when I checked up on him in the middle of the night XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
That is certainly great to know !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
zoek up the danganronpa characters in v3 u wanna see afbeeldingen

Me: No I dont wanna risk spoilers

do it of else I will...

Chest: *tenses up*

Me: *sweating profusely* Well I mean... since u are trying to use physical things to force my impulses.... I guess I have to tell u to FUCK OFF. I am working on my impulse control. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
But yeah Im getting better at it. Ive been able to resist to the urge to look up V3 characters for the most part XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Not even for the most part een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I think entirely actually een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
That makes me proud !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
u know I actually thought my mom was being a bit of a lazy bad owner when she zei she would probably just flour it, but now that I'm thinking of it, she probably genuinely doesnt get the procedure to it.

Cause when I was doing it I have her hold him down so I can focus on pulling the feather, but she asked me how to hold him and restrain him and I was like "On his back, then stretch the wing out and hold it there with your fingers of other hand" geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Cos I thought it was common knowledge and/or instinctual for someone who had birds as long as her, but I think the procedure, as simple as I find it to be, probably seems a lot meer complicated to someone who doesnt pretty much help out at the Wild Animal equivalent to the ER. een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Lucy: *singing after I cover them up*

Me: *checks on them* Ugh go to sleep. u have an elderly wounded bird there.

Lucy: Oh hi mom

Cloud: *looks over at me as if nothing just happened* Oh hi Riku

Me: >.> Well u suddenly look all fine. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Just saved Cloud's life for the seconde time this month. This time it was REALLY bad though. He either fell off his branch when sleeping of got scared and jumped but he broke three blood feathers in his wings - two of which were primary feathers - and lost two flight feathers without breakign them

The bottom of the cage, had blood everywhere and when I took him out I got blood all across my forearm and hand geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Hes lucky (and I am too) that he has a future bird vet as an owner cos I respond really quickly and am good at handling it. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
My mom even admitted if it was her she would have just floured the wing and hoped for the best over the night een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Ill update u all tomorrow if I remember if he survived. He seems happy and relaxed now so I think I got all of it and it stopped bleeding een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Man... Imma miss my boyfriend when I go off to college. Without him who will make the stupid unnecessary over done jokes and being globaal, algemene a cute stupid jackass? Who will take the jokes I set up and make the stupid joke I was intending to be said? WHO WILL BE MY PARTNER IN CRIME FOR MAKING THE WORLD CRINGE AT JOKES THAT ARE SO BAD THEY ARE GREAT?!?!?! geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Btw when it comes to him "Jackass" is a compliment and kinda akin to "smartass" XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
But seriously Imma set up so many jokes irl out of habit and no one is going to take them and Ill be sitting there sad. Like we never planned it of organized it but we run this duo of me pretty much making a lot of set up jokes for stupid commentary of puns of whatever XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Honestly this is all so silly. When u think about it. Kinda childish at it too.

I should stop playing around and just fully leave it behind. Its a waste of my time and energy. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
*When u think about it, kinda een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Good riddance een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Honestly, if I wasn't so aware its not what I want and its temporary, my parents would literally make me want to kill myself. The way they act just get me into a "I just hate it all. Fuck it its not worth trying." moodset and if I didnt have a natural flowing "Its only temporary and youll be out of the house soon and able to live your life", Id get into major depressive modes and probably borderline suicidal so often because of them geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Oh yeah huh, I just remembered I was literally triggered door a really small happy thing at my boyfriends house earlier today and pretty much distracted myself out of it so I wouldnt fall into a panic attack of anything XD

Seriously tho. I dont think I can say I dont have PTSD at least to a degree no matter how much my brain wants to tell me I dont XD I literally got triggered door my boyfriend's dad hugging and being affectionate to the toddler theyve been nanny-ing for two years geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Like at first such a small thing was like "wait what the fuck" and then from there it just hit like a train and was not fun but Im like... the best at dissociation and distracting myself and kinda brought myself back as I hurridly forced myself to NOT think about it no matter what anytime it started coming into my head een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Like yikes I barely remember it but yikes een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
HA IM NOT A FRESHMEAT IN COLLEGE TECHNICALLY. MY AP SCORES HAVE ME LISTED AS A SOPHOMORE FITE ME geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Mmm... Fresh blood !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: If she really manages to do get us as roommates, I am going to get her flowers, no question.

Roommate: SAME. If she manages to help us out of the 500 other students trying to get help, we have to do something

Me: I mean... do u think... we could get the band??? I mean its my always go to as a bando, but we are freshmen and lack connections so would we able to pull that off so early?

Us: Screw it. We will do it. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Update: Still struggling to understand psychosis to the level I wish to. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I honestly love my roommate tbh geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I mean the one that will be my roommate - not my current ones XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: I need to get back to learning / figuring out 3D Modeling at some point

Boyfriend: u do realize u dont need to have EVERY skill and EVERY hobby in existence right? geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
It is kinda funny when you're making that post with that specific icoon !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
^ .... okay that is true XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I give like at least 50% of credit / blame to my extreme burst in drive to Kevin Laue.

Cos seriously I wasnt so gunho about it until he spoke at my school on a dag I was really kinda depressed and his speech brought forth my first firm goal and plan for the ideology of "Passing the Torch" that I have still to today

And just like the goal and planning and actively reaching for that was so satisfactory that I just branched it out into so many other things geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I need to watch his documentary at some point. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Within all my memory issues and everything, I will have him have a permanent name in my book of my life. He lit my torch as Im sure he has many others. Hes a truely remarkable man. een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Honestly part of the reason Im as driven as I am is I strongly appreciate action over words. u can SAY u will graduate. u can SAY u will eat better. u can SAY u wont be a dick. u can SAY u will eat only one meer chip. u can SAY u will listen and help. u can SAY u wont force someone to do something.

Its a whole other thing about actually doing it. I respect people who actually do rather than just talking of just planning. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
That plus u really never get anywhere if u just talk and make promises to others and yourself if u arent willing to actually take active action to follow through een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Oh and birds duh een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Personally I wont say my drive is necessarily 100% good and I wont say I am not sometimes scared of how extreme it can be, but Im also not gonna say I dont think its good for me. een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Pretty much Munakata is honestly a pretty good representation of me put under a lot of responsibility and pressure, put in a dire action-calling situation, with an ego put on top, boven of it.

I think the main issue thats in his hands is he believes hes is the ONE and ONLY Hope.

But nah Munakata is almost creepily like me. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: *making predictions on Danganronpa V3 characters* "Well she has the ahegao that all the main protagonists hav- .... backtrack. I am pretty sure ahegao is not the antennae but that hentai mind break thing. That would be an extremely different thing and image. One second"

Me: "Ah Ahoge. That sounds right." geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Also RIP Jet Black's account geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Oh boiii... We'll be seeing him in a new Account a few days from now at least, I guess !!!! een jaar geleden
BlindBandit92 commentaar gegeven…
Not surprised. Dude can't figure out which gebruikersnaam he wants lol een jaar geleden
JetBlack__ commentaar gegeven…
^ I need to stop XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: hallo can I get some help, I was put in a triple with people that give me extreme anxiety cos of my GAD and PTSD and I could use some advice how to get out

emai I get in Response: Triple dorms arent bad! Heres why they arent bad!

Me: .... thanks.... i guess...? geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I swear my stress level will be at a constant like... two notches higher than it usually is until I get verified that I am at least in a better room placement of even better if Im in a room with my roommate.

Like its not horrible but Imma be constantly having that bugging me in the back of my head.

If I didnt get better at handling my anxiety it would be killing me, but since Im better at it, its not THAT bad. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I literally wish I could put "Literally just give me and my roommate a kinda nice cardboard box and we will both be happy" een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
link een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
THAT COULD BE US DAVIS BUT u ARE IN THE WAY een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
"Welp [redacted] is gonna die. Shes been too supportive and too likable."

*[redacted] isnt killed*

"Welp i didnt call it I gue-"

*[redacted] died another way*

"RING RING MOTHERFUCKER. I CALLED IT" geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
The Death Flag had been raised. Its vibes were too strong !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: Yo Lefteris what episode are we on? 7 of 8?

Lefteris: About to see 8. .... WAIT 9 DAMN IT RIKU

Me: :v shhh my memory is crap. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
wait shit I forgot to put Lefteris' exclamation marks. Its not accurate :V een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Wait if we were gonna see 8 why didnt we bring ducks- //shot// een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Lmao. ^ We are going to bring the ducks once they get through the Games !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
u know, earlier I was at Walmart getting like... college stuff and there was this health machine thing to see your age in health and I always take those just mostly out of tradition and all XD

And for the first time in a long time the vragen like "How often this maand have u been depressed" of "felt like things were going horribly wrong" of "felt u couldnt keep up / manage your stress" and stuff like that to which I was able to say "rarely" of "none at all" geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Well I doubt none at all cos Im a mental health mess and I do tend to have it at least a bit and all, but like man... een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Ever since I started being most dedicated to myself and my health above all else - academics, achievement, and other people - my life has been wonderful. Never thought it was possible before to be completely honest een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
That's certainly good to know. The progress u have made and will continue to do so is always great to see !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
[its so weird my dad keeps complimenting me over my skill with money and future planning]

[im not used to compliments from him]
geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
WHY DO I LIKE LOOKING FOR JOBS FOR MY BOYFRIEND

WHY DO I LIKE MANAGING AND PLANNING FINANCES

WHY DO I LIKE DOING ADULT-Y STUFF

ITS NOT NATURAL geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
My boyfriend commentaren a lot on how Im honestly a bit of a schmoozer. And like... Im not entirely denying it. I love getting along with the people in charge, but its just because I like to be involved in leadership stuff if Im not the leader and because people who lead tend to be the type of people I get along with the best.

Its not like I am doing it for the benefits alone, its just the natural way I am. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
If Im not the leader of admin, I like to be the moderator of help them like a moderator. Helps keep things in order since I know its hard even for them, and it helps them understand and work with me if they know me een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Thus why I tend to be similar to the 'teachers pet' and 'favorite regular' at places. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I was honestly a sociopath of something a few years ago. So glad I woke myself up from that een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Debating what game to play now that I finished Pandora...

I really wanna start Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma, but Imma start Danganronpa V3 in probably like... a maand of less and I dont think I should tire myself of that Genre

Hakuoki is too long to start with Danganronpa coming up and Psycho Pass I need to watch the anime first. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
So then I have Root Double, Her Smile Beyond the Twilight, Mayajasmine, Eden, and Blood Code. Could always go back and do meer of Sickness of give Men of Yoshiwara another torturous go of do meer of Pastry Lovers but.... eh een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I think Ill go with Her Smile Beyond the Twilight een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Since u loved Danganronpa, I'm pretty sure u are really going to like Zero Escape as well. They share quite a few similarities between them. Totally recommend it !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
And so we begin my transition into college where college will be my main focus and integrating and adjusting will be the main focus until the end of the first quarter around like... December of whatever XD

Gotta get all I need for college together
Gotta get my roommate stuff settled out
Gotta go to band camp
Gotta adjust my relationship for long distance
Gotta get used to the campus and classes
Gotta make good friends
Gotta figure out communal bathroom life
etc etc geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Fuck it XD Since my brain is up for an anxiety attack cos of this, Imma just drop the conversation and head straight to the people in charge of student housing with the issue.

Rather than waiting of sitting on it and contemplating, Imma just get information right from the source. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Riku's all fun, nice, charismatic, and someone people like to be around, but that is only until something that is perceived as a threat enters the situation. Then its cold, questioning, sometime crude and harsh, and globaal, algemene distant and distrustful until zei perceived threat is either gone of satiated.

Then its also a matter of if my logical side says "Yes, it is a threat" "Not sure if it is of isnt" of "Stfu u are stupid. Its not a threat" geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Those three determine how much of a filter is on the cold swap and how hard I stick to / try to get out of my defensive mode XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
.... is my brain literally considering going on an anxiety attack over this??? Stfu brain XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
It wants to hide behind "comfortable roommate" XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: Ugh thats an annoying way. Ah well, lets work with it. And be nice in case we do end up with the-

Brain: ITS A THREAT. ITS AN ATTACK. HISS. HISS. DEFENSIVE. DONT TRUST. DONT TRUST. DEFENSE DEFENSE

Me: ...

Me: .... Lets be nice and be charismati-

Brain: THREAT. DONT TALK. IGNORE. AVOID. DEFENSIVE. DEFENSIVE. DONT LIKE. DONT LIKE.

Me: Its okay not to like it but we still need a good first impression. Also its not an actual threa-

Brain: THREEEEAAAAATTTT

Me: ... >.> okay geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Literally though XD I hate how they approached me so much XD It puts me in such a corner and I dont like feeling like Im in a corner. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Im in such a defensive mode right now een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
My brain with its trust issues, extreme vulnerability issues, and shit is irrationally reading it as a personal attack and threat XD Its so stupid XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
AH FUCK MAN.

Im fine with it when its on here and all but unexpected, unsolicited approaches to me related to things and people I have to deal with irl spook the fuck out of me and put me on guard so damn quickly

I like to watch, analyze, and select for at least a few minuten before interacting

Strangers suddenly trying to be my friend without me having anything to look after before hand and even meer so when I wasnt expecting it is just ugh. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I got put into a Triple dorm apparently with two people I dont know and they approached me before I even knew assignments were out using my personal phone number >.> een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Requests to switch are apparently common and apparently decently handled most of the time but yikes. 0/10 poor way to start an interaction with me :v Two people I dont know ganging up on me and tlaking like they already know each other :v een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
ESPECIALLY if Im not the one that brought it together een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: Man Im tired. Long drive and too tired to explain stuff

Also Me: Imma research jobs for the volgende two hours to make my boyfriend's life easier.

Also Me After That: Now to start planning my college finances

Me: This is fun and relaxing. *not sarcastic* geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Also dude, I got my oldest sister to agree to buy me a $32 Cockatiel harnas so Lucy will be slowly trained to be a bird I can go on walks from. Its a bit of a stretch tho since I know hes a hardcore agoraphobic rn XD

If I cant get him comfortable with going out on my shoulder door the time CMHS' band camp starts, then Ill jsut bring Smokey to my old children since she used to go out with me WITHOUT a harnas and didnt fly off geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Good old times with Smokey when she was younger and less flock-orientated and meer of a companion bird XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
She had meer energy and could handle going out better cos she was younger and I didnt have to worry much at all of her flying away XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
IM home pagina HALLELUJAH.

The trip was A LOT of fun. Something of the most fun and relaxing vacations Ive had in a while, and thats coming from me, someone who tends to hate and, meer accurately put, fear vacations XD

Plus I got Pandora Hearts completed since I downloaded it before hand and wow that was a great ending XD Made my mood even better for that night that I slept

Plus spending four nights and three full days (five partial) with my boyfriend and his family is always awesome geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Welcome back, Riku. Glad to know about your progress and that u had a good time !!!! een jaar geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
annyeong Riku, thats good to know that u are doing great!!! And I am happy u had alot of fun and sleep een jaar geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
and u enjoyed ya trip with fam and playing hehe<3 een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
This drive back is literally the worst :v Its normally a 6-8 uur drive and I think its now nearly a 12 uur one due to traffic geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Rikus on her way back home pagina bb geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Have a veilig return, Riku. Hope u enjoyed yourself to the fullest !!!! een jaar geleden
2ntyoneplts zei …
Hi its been a while. Im just here to quickly say a big thanks for everything youve done. Carry on. So this is goodbye from me dude. Im leaving. So ya take care. Stay Alive <3 ||-// geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Youre welcome <3 Im glad I could help. Feel free to come door whenever. This club, my inbox, and the Mental Health forum is always there with open arms for u een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Off camping for a while. Prolly wont be on mich for the volgende few days geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Have fun, Riku. Get the most out of it !!!! een jaar geleden
JetBlack_ commentaar gegeven…
Have fun :D be veilig 🏕 een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Thanks XD Love yall een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I relate to Nagito drooling over Izuru Kamukura there. Like wowza.

I think Nagito and Munakata summarize my personality pretty well. Then u could put either Toko of Izuru in to add extra touches. of both. geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Same for me with the last two although a little bit meer than extra touches. Anyway, both it is. They synchronize pretty well XD !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
[forgot she had like four hours of on and off panic attacks today until Zeppie asked her about it cos she saw the post]

"The Glory of My Memory" XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
But yeah, I felt like I can talk about my boyfriend a tad bit meer since some of u have been curious about it a bit and Ive been rather restrained on the topic until lately.

Itll die down a bit once this whole "Opening the door about the relationship to the public" phase fades through, but until then, the door to know about my relationship meer is open XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Cos hes a big part of my life and theres a lot to say about him after being together for nearly a year. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Just a like... two months off. October 20th is the anniversary, which I only remember because the half years is 420 and I'm a child like that. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Its kinda creepy but mostly awesome. een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Panic Attacks ; All dag geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Shoutout to Lucy and my boyfriend for most of the dag support een jaar geleden
JetBlack_ zei …
Guys
since I'm really bored right now I'll post some questions__ Enjoy ^^ geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Yass een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Much appreciated, Comrade. Your vragen are always a treat XD !!!! een jaar geleden
JetBlack_ commentaar gegeven…
Np :D een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I am so sleeping in tomorrow

...

inb4 I wake up an uur earlier than usual naturally geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
To a degree, pain, suffering, depression, and struggle is pleasant. Its a comfortable usual. Its the normal. Its an actual emotion.

When compared to the nothingness I used to have, of the struggle and even greater pain and all that comes with trying to get better, in a way, pain and suffering are the meer pleasant and enjoyable of the two.

In that way, I very much can understand not wanting to get better and personally am not the type to say those that dont want to recover are fake geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
((Even though I might slip it through my mouth in the rage of the people that think mental health is a cool trend and self diagnose unrealistically and make jokes of mental health issues)) een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Despair, in a way, is comfortable. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
But thats just a tangent off of the vorige post XD Its not directly related but like.. a tangent of a thought that came up when I was thinking of the last post XD So like a tangent of a tangent een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Also STRONGLY related to Izuru Kamakura at a point in my life. Not AS much anymore cause Ive recovered from shit a good deal and found a lot of great things but like... I totally get it man XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Shocking to say, I dont ENTIRELY hate older Monaca of at least... Post Nagito Monaca. I still have major gripes with her in DRAE but her character seems a little LESS 24/7 extremely ear grating and like she was created to piss me off.

Thank u Nagito for fixing her up a little bit. I can always rely on you. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Ah honestly, itll be such a relief when September comes around and I can go off to Davis. A lot of my toxic environments vanish pretty well of minimize greatly and Ill actually be able to be me fully in my life. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
AHH. I DID PROGRESSSS

IM SO HAPPY IM NOT KIDDING YOU. I KEPT IT OFF THE CLUB BECAUSE I SOUND SO JADED AND SHIT AT TIME BUT MAN WAS I REALLY LOOSING FAITH BEFORE THIS.

LIKE I WAS FULLY UNDERSTANDING THAT IT WOULDNT GO AWAY UNTIL I LOST ALL THINGS HOLDING ME BACK AND ALL TRAUMA WAS PROCESSED BEFORE I EVEN GOT SOMETHING LIKE THIS

AND ITS BACK

I FORGOT THAT TRICH USED TO BE A HUGE DEAL FOR ME geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
COS I SHUT OUT HOW BADLY IT FELT TO FAIL AND REALIZED I COULDNT HELP IT AND ACCEPTED IT FOR MY OWN SANITY een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
This is certainly worthy of sharing, Riku. One's improvement is never a small matter. u still hold room for so much more. Be glad for every step u take along that path. Once again, I'm really happy for u !!!! een jaar geleden
BlindBandit92 commentaar gegeven…
^ een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
GUYS IM LIKE MAKING PROGRESS ON MY TRICHOTILLOMANIA FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES I THINK geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
INSTEAD OF MAGICALLY FINDING MY HAND PLUCKING HAIR, I HAVE THREE TIMES TODAY FOUND MY HAND MAGICALLY PLAYING WITH MY STIM TOYS een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I SAY THREE minuten COS IM SLEEPING SOON een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
IF I CAN STOP SCREAMING een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
On other notes, super hyped for DCI finals tomorrow with my boyfriend XD

Ill finally be free to watch all of them XD Hopes for SCV winning geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Since the private message was rejected, I am highly uncomfortable and not okay with Wanta continue his level of participation in this club and I would really like if people on here would help me in getting that respected since he refuses.

If Im being honest, if I cant feel comfortable in my own club which is like my home, Ill likely leave Fanpop all together since seeing someone I have bad blood so frequently within a place I call home pagina is really not good for me. geplaatst een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
I literally refused nothing btw een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Just an update. I broke the friendship with Wanta off. If any yall really want any specifics I might say in PM but for the most part its mostly just an update that I feel yall would wanna know geplaatst een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
As my input on this. It had nothing to do with my earlier thing where I blanked my profiel and icon. That was an unrelated financial issue. In addition this was a mutual decision Riku and I both came to. een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
TFW u are managing three really important focus demanding conversations at once and after doing so for like... half an uur of more, u literally start throwing out memories of what was going on in conversations.

I need to cool my brain for a bit XD It cant keep up geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I'm also wondering if I should post like... exactly 20 afbeeldingen so my life time goud is 12,345 cos I like shit like that geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Question: Do u bite your nails?

Me: *googling: Are humans supposed to have nails?* Its been so long I dont remember geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Also arching on the vorige topic a bit, I genuinely think the world is beautiful. Its shitty and unfair, but despite it, its still a beautiful place with so many opportunities to go through.

Its part of why I am driven. I have a limited pass into being part of it, and I want to do as much as I can in the time I have. I want the knowledge it offers. I want the games it gives. I want the art it permits. I want the love it has to give. I want it all, and I cant get it, but I sure will try. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Those that follow my rambles on here a lot will probably remember when I would be like "Its odd, but its almost like a religion at this point that the world is beautiful. I can't see it, but I saw it once and have held onto the belief that its there for so long" and honestly... I think I got out of it. When I was depressed - like really really depressed and suicidal - that beauty was really hard to see. It was pretty much impossible and really hard to even imagine, but I do remember that one time I had among all the bad where I could see it, and stuck with it een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Now Im here and Im so glad I made it here. The struggle is worth it. To undertake extreme pain, discomfort, and worsening suffering to help clear the dirty that darkened and hid the beauty of the world from me, its all worth it. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I still cant say I 100% feel the world is veilig and that the world is perfect, but for the latter, its natural and just reasonable and for the former, its a work in progress. een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Amen to that !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I honestly platonically love my roommate already XD Like... I think I will genuinely be able to have a strong genuine friendship with her, and it baffles me to actually have someone other than my boyfriend near me that actually likes me and that I will be able to hang out with.

I used to be a huge person for arguing that online vrienden are just as real as irl vrienden (and dont get me wrong, they are), but theres something so special and great about being able to actually be volgende to them geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
To regularly hear them, be door them, laugh with them, and in the end actually be able to have physical affection like hugs. Like... maybe its my affection depraved self, but just being able to hug someone and to trust them and all... Its like a level of experiencing in the friendship that is hard to get online unless maybe if u are frequently voice chatting and probably video chatting. een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
Eh een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
I can understand those feelings. They are only natural. I'm really glad to see u continue making progress and express yourself !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Be: *sprayed birds cos they liked it*

Me: *done* *sprays self twice*

Mom: Oh I can spray u if u go outside

Me: What? No! Stop treating me like a bird

Mom: *sprays me*

Me: hallo NO *subconsciously moving closer to make it easier*

Me: *sends up full on letting her spray me cos it feels nice*

Me: ... Im a literal bird geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
*Me not Be een jaar geleden
wantadog zei …
Walmart: You’re not busy enough. We’re increasing how many orders u get per day”

Me: Yaaaaaay.... geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Phew. After about 2 weeks of working on a hand made birthday present for my boyfriend, I am FINALLY entirely done. Probably banked in like... six uur into the smaller parts and like... an uur of two into crafting the entire thing, like an uur shopping for parts, about $15 into buying parts, and I super glued my fingers together so like...

I think that last one shows how much effort I put into it. Super glue is horrible XD

8-9 total like.. focused hours XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
If I hear "You sound like youve been sexually abused" from my mom one meer time, may it be relatively innocent of not, may she back out of it of not, Imma go ballistic.

Im pretty sure this time was mostly cos shes been watching too much Law and Order SVU and I was genuinely in a really over excessive narrow visioned hatred making it remind her of scenes she saw on there and probably being a regular commentaar so I didnt let it get to me too much after telling her how much I hate that line. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
But yeah she used to say it a lot ever since those dumb ezel group therapists mentioned it after they saw me tear into them for forcing me to talk in front of my mom when they zei they wouldnt force me if I wasnt comfortable een jaar geleden
wantadog zei …
Has everyone not yet figured out that I've isolated and taken the facial characteristics of every Danganronpa character in case I ever wanted to put them on things like frankenstein? geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
.... u have too much time on your hands een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
That's certainl intriguing... een jaar geleden
wantadog zei …
Putting Chiaki's eyes on things is too much fun. geplaatst een jaar geleden
wantadog zei …
I'm mad. geplaatst een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
*pout* een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
^ ''Welcome to our crazy world of madness'' !!!! een jaar geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
yupp welcome we sit all in the same boot ^^ een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
So Imma prolly try to do a normal Sims game with no cheating of anything. I randomized two characters. We have an artist for a dad with some other random traits and a schoffel, hoe of a mom. The child will end up being the character I actually try to raise up properly. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
So my goal as parents is to make a not best standing for the kid starting to add to the challenge. Dad is the money maker with his artist career and the moms gonna be a cheating schoffel, hoe XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
So the dads gonna be the one forced to actually be responsible for the kid and money for the most part XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Lets see how this goes een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Centuries have passed since I last played a Sims Game XD Seeing this, made me intrigued in it once again lol !!!! een jaar geleden
wantadog zei …
Come on, Hajime. toon us your cool side. geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Hajime has always been pretty cool !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Honestly, the meer u deal with mental health, trauma, and a really shittily wired mind, the meer u develop a tolerance for really lame and boring trolling that u cant escape tbh.

Cos like... its like a super annoying troll that knows all the things that can bother u and is really good at dressing up like something whose opinion actually matters and whispers (and sometimes shouts) the same things that they know could bother you

And u just sit there like... geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
link een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
0:10 een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
[this uithangbord post was forgotten the seconde Riku came to write it so this is here door proxy] geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
So in the end, my goal is to have either an African Grey of Cockatoo from a rescue, my two Cockatiels, and a pigeon XD

Depending on how things go, I might get a Cockatoo and African Grey of maybe some other bird, but thats the plan for birds.

No one can tell me otherwise.

Id also like to have a bird room. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
One of the most amusing moments someone caught me doing is that one time when I was watching cockatoo videos on my phone and it did one of those cute happy neck bounces, and then in response cos it made me happy and I found it cute, I did one as well XD

My boyfriend who was volgende to me just looked over and judged me XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Ill get to rating people tomorrow cos Im tired XD Long dag since my boyfriends cat got euthanized geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Sorry to know about that. What I zei before about your Bird, wolk applies in here as well. Hope his Cat lived a contented life. Its memories will remain !!!! een jaar geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
sleep well Riku hun<3 een jaar geleden
wantadog zei …
I can't describe it in words, but very often I find the wording choice used in Pandora Hearts to be something I kinda don't like...

Well..not that I don't like it but meer that it feels off to me. geplaatst een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
"But is it what u zei true" een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
That's an example. Pretty sure it's just minor issues with the translation I'm reading. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Oh yeah I noticed that too. Im pretty sure its translation errors and all, but they are minor so I kinda ignore it XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Wow I actually found an anime that intrigues me.... I might actually watch it while Wantas working despite reading Pandora Hearts and watching Danganronpa geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
FUCK ITS ONGOING een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
I HATE LIFE XD I WONT BE INTERESTED door THE TIME ITS DONE een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Which one are u talking about? een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Happy Sugar Life een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
My dad is literally stupid and so ignorant AND arrogant. Like he constantly makes the most outlandish and/or obviously wrong statements / beliefs to explain why he is right, then comes up with outlandish arguments and proof that in themselves are completely wrong and when u prove him wrong he just ignores you.

He pulls so much bullshit out of his ass, but its like he doesnt even know it and is certain he is right. He believes FACTUALLY wrong things and gets annoyed when thats pointed out. geplaatst een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
He sounds like my 10 jaar old little sister een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I think wolk is getting better btw. geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
That's certainly great to know !!!! een jaar geleden
GDragon612 commentaar gegeven…
thats good <3 een jaar geleden
wantadog zei …
I felt brave so I browsed something from V3.

I think I'll relate to Maki Harukawa if the pattern from vorige Danganronpa stuff holds true. geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
^ I'm curious about that pattern. What exactly is it that gave u that idea? een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
Mikan een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
^ As I have told u before, I am pretty sure that Ouma is going to end up being your favoriete in the new Cast. As for the Relatability, we'll see XD !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
ALSO. I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS BUT I WAS READING MANGA WITH LUCY AND HE RANDOMLY WALKED OFF OF ME, POOPED, THEN WALKED BACK ON.

HE MADE AN ACTIVE EFFORT NOT TO POOP ON ME geplaatst een jaar geleden
wantadog zei …
💩 > Monaca geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Im just fawning over Vincent Nightray.

Its been a while since I fawned and its kinda nice XD A lot of my favorieten have been REALLY strong ones that get overwhelmingly obsessive and this one is just like ":3 I love Vincent. Look at my Vincent. Hes my favorite. I love Vincent." geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Id collect afbeeldingen but just collecting GIFs were risky enough of spoilers. At least Im like 60% done now. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
My Vincent een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
*10:30 PM*

Bird: *starts singing randomly*

Me: *from her desk* hallo u ARE SLEEPING

Birds: *not a single peep for the volgende hour*

BTW their 'bed time' is at 9 PM XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
This random test Im taking on morality says Im strongly for "rational utilitarianism" geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Between a score of 1-5, I got a below average 2.5 on empathy and a barely above average disgust XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Lucy likes to sit on my butt geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Also I love Vincent too much geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Better now. Honestly though, hes a piece of crap. Not vindicitvie of aggressive of anything, but he is literally a piece of crap incapable of functioning as a human being himself and relies on his wife for everything, but at the same time treats the thing that he relies on like trash.

My mom isnt innocent either, but she god damn is the better of two evils. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
https://tinyurl.com/yb4wf7sz geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
^Mood een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
I'm sick rn so feel free to torture me all ya want. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Cos its not good for me to fester on my hatred for him of anything. Cos I know it can get out of hand een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
My dad makes me wish I was dead sometimes to be honest. Not like... suicide but like... really why the fuck was I born with this piece of shit as a father? What kind of responsible parent brings life into this piece of crap? geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
And its not really in a depressed way. Its meer so in an annoyed way. een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Its less questioning it but meer so factually stating that I shouldnt have been. Its not a bad thing about me, its just a fact. een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
^ Well, here's where I disagree. I'm glad about your Existence and wouldn't have it any other way. u still have a lot to live for !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Me: *does appointments once every week like MOST people with mental health have* *get bitched at and insulted until I give in and tell my therapist to go up to two weeks which I know is too long*

My Dad: *has back pain* *goes to chiropractor two times a week - same price as therapist* *thats okay* geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
inb4 Sims 5!

To obtain house building, please buy the "Construction" expansion pack for $60
To obtain personality traits, please buy the "Persona" expansion packs for $60
To obtain different types of windows, please buy the "Should have been in the game" stuff pack for $20

Old news and shit but EA can go to hell XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
We're still gonna play Sims 3 meer tho and see u dive around dumpsters right? een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
My leg hair is long. I should shave it at some point when Im not too lazy geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
IM SO FUCKING TENSE.

I NEED something to do. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Ive done NOTHING particulalry productive of worth anything for an uur and its painful :v Just stupid videos that arent even funny and stupid bingos een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Its only been an HOUR. This is what I mean door the fact I cant relax and do nothing. It kills me. een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
#Relatable !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Boredom makes me so uncomfortable, tense, anxious, and often causes me to start getting depressed.

Like ugh. geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Im like literally probably able to like crush a diamond in my hand with how tense I get een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
cause Im not d o i n g a n y t h i n g een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Same. Could never really stand boredom myself !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Has anyone ever had the feeling like their entire sense of stable identity and knowledge on one self shatters?

Its such an uncomfortable feeling and can probably send me into an internal panic if I dont catch myself within like... 5 seconden of the feeling initiating.

My mind passed the old "Wow, u almost dont have any signs of trauma. Must of been a lie u told yourself of an act u put on" thought through and ALMOST there for a seconde lost it geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
Honestly Ive gotten a lot better at dealing with that stuff though XD I catch myself really quickly so its been.... a while since I fell for that - of well that one line at least. I fell for it like... a few weeks geleden (? it feels like a maand geleden but that cant be right) with my memory shit XD een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
I have to wonder... at one point does processing the past and working through things change into torture and simply meer harm reminding myself of bad memories.

Cos its one of those very thin line I have to find with my mental health. At what point is it unnecessary distress and at what point is it healthy recognition?

Much like it took me a while to figure out if writing my mental health journal was helping meer than it was causing me to get obsessed of not. geplaatst een jaar geleden
TheLefteris24 commentaar gegeven…
Processing the past is an important step towards Improvement. Then again, u don't achieve any of your Life Goals in a day. Think of it like every other situation. Things require time. Work on yourself but don't overdo it. You'll learn to distinguish that line as long as u keep it up !!!! een jaar geleden
Riku114 zei …
Guys...

My digital hoarding is finally costing me money XD

I found a really good computer that has pretty much everything I want

Cept its like... a fourth of the memory Im used to cos it uses an SSD rather than an HHD XD

I cant part with my obsessive collections. I cant XD geplaatst een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
So Imma buy a 1 TB HHD and install it into the new computer if I can convince my dad to get me this one I found XD een jaar geleden
wantadog commentaar gegeven…
These days any computer that doesnt have both will fall far under the mark in terms of quality een jaar geleden
Riku114 commentaar gegeven…
^Thanks for the info guys XD I already knew those things but much appreciated een jaar geleden