An excerpt from:
Who am I?
Summary: u are lonely and scared and just can't bring yourself to care anymore. But u do and he doesn't, which makes your hart-, hart hurt even more.
+.::.+.::.+.::.+.::.+.::.+
"Leave, please, just . . . leave." u look around, with tearful eyes and try not to meet his.
He tries to catch your attention; tries to place a hand on your shoulders, but u shake him off stiffly, a look of deep regret on your face.
His mouth opens, as if he is about to speak, but he quickly closes it just as fast, a ghost of a forced smile flitting across his lips. u give him a moment; u want to see if he will even try to make amends.
He still doesn't speak.
u release a sigh and turn your back to him, eyes burning with tears, your hart-, hart throbbing painfully in your chest.
Thump. Thump. Your hart-, hart doesn't feel broken, does it? It should feel broken, u think.
u spent a good half of your "school" jaar pining after him, trying to get him to notice you. For months after that, when u finally told the big dope your feelings, suddenly he was different.
Not the boy u used to know, not this boy now. A new personality, new feelings, but still that same, stupid, body.
How dare he march into your life, spin your world around, and then leave again when he found someone new? How can he even look at u without remorse of regret? Does he not know that as u walk away u can start to feel your hart-, hart throbbing louder and louder, your head a mix of faint buzzing sounds, your legs moving without your mind's consent?
Your feelings aren't here now; they remain behind with him. Not that he'd know, anyway, since he obviously doesn't care anymore.
Suddenly, u feel your body turn, and your eyes flutter open, your tears dry and your lips chapped.
Your mouth widens and u say, dead calm, so calm it scares you, "I want to hate you, u know. I wish I could squeeze that little head of yours into a bloody pulp, but I can't. I want to—oh, gods—"
u let meer tears fall as u try to find the right words, ignoring his confusion. "Oh, shut up," u start off with, but as he tries to say something your voice slows, becoming emotionless and flat as your face relaxes considerably, "and I simply can't hate you, and I hate that, because it's me—damn it!—I should be able to hate whoever I please!"
u wipe stray tears off your face. "I trusted you. A lot, actually. I trusted u with my life—and I absolutely hate that I still do. I don't want to trust u with my life; I don't want to feel a lot of things around you, to be frank."
u shake your head, willing yourself not break down in front of him. "I don't even know why I'm telling u this, u know, I feel like I need to tell u everything on my mind, which sucks, door the way."
u take another deep breath, dry sobs racking your body, "I can't even stand the way u stare at her anymore. I use to tolerate it, thinking that u just missed your friends, but it's something more. I can just tell. So leave me, don't try to come back. And even if u people don't work out, and she's gone, don't u dare come and remember me."
Your tears stop, u feel your limbs go slack (you are just standing there, and you've never felt meer vulnerable), and now he's staring at you, his eyes burning holes into the back of your head. u turn away wordlessly, feeling hollow inside.
The harsh sunlight greets u and u cringe. It shouldn't be sunny today. It shouldn't be sunny ever.
Yet, a small part of u is happy, happy for all this complication to be over and done, practically ecstatic because, hey, u bested him—he was everyone's hero, after all, so it's like u bested the whole damn king of them all, and that leaves u at the top, right?
At least until u see him laughing with his arm draped over a new girl with aardbei blonde hair (the kind u could never have), quite a big chest, (that u couldn't help notice,) and sparkly blue eyes, because that's when your hart-, hart starts throbbing painfully again.
(And u don't think it will ever fully stop.)
+.::.+.::.+.::.+.::.+.::.+
This is a story I have on fanfiction.net. For the rest of the story go to link. The first few chapters aren't so good, but I think they improve?
And, yes, I'm aware I did use cuss words but I truthfully couldn't think of any godly substitutes.
Can u guess who this is?
Question: Can anyone think of a better title? I don't have a very good one. And does anyone want a picture for this piece? Don't forget to comment!
Who am I?
Summary: u are lonely and scared and just can't bring yourself to care anymore. But u do and he doesn't, which makes your hart-, hart hurt even more.
+.::.+.::.+.::.+.::.+.::.+
"Leave, please, just . . . leave." u look around, with tearful eyes and try not to meet his.
He tries to catch your attention; tries to place a hand on your shoulders, but u shake him off stiffly, a look of deep regret on your face.
His mouth opens, as if he is about to speak, but he quickly closes it just as fast, a ghost of a forced smile flitting across his lips. u give him a moment; u want to see if he will even try to make amends.
He still doesn't speak.
u release a sigh and turn your back to him, eyes burning with tears, your hart-, hart throbbing painfully in your chest.
Thump. Thump. Your hart-, hart doesn't feel broken, does it? It should feel broken, u think.
u spent a good half of your "school" jaar pining after him, trying to get him to notice you. For months after that, when u finally told the big dope your feelings, suddenly he was different.
Not the boy u used to know, not this boy now. A new personality, new feelings, but still that same, stupid, body.
How dare he march into your life, spin your world around, and then leave again when he found someone new? How can he even look at u without remorse of regret? Does he not know that as u walk away u can start to feel your hart-, hart throbbing louder and louder, your head a mix of faint buzzing sounds, your legs moving without your mind's consent?
Your feelings aren't here now; they remain behind with him. Not that he'd know, anyway, since he obviously doesn't care anymore.
Suddenly, u feel your body turn, and your eyes flutter open, your tears dry and your lips chapped.
Your mouth widens and u say, dead calm, so calm it scares you, "I want to hate you, u know. I wish I could squeeze that little head of yours into a bloody pulp, but I can't. I want to—oh, gods—"
u let meer tears fall as u try to find the right words, ignoring his confusion. "Oh, shut up," u start off with, but as he tries to say something your voice slows, becoming emotionless and flat as your face relaxes considerably, "and I simply can't hate you, and I hate that, because it's me—damn it!—I should be able to hate whoever I please!"
u wipe stray tears off your face. "I trusted you. A lot, actually. I trusted u with my life—and I absolutely hate that I still do. I don't want to trust u with my life; I don't want to feel a lot of things around you, to be frank."
u shake your head, willing yourself not break down in front of him. "I don't even know why I'm telling u this, u know, I feel like I need to tell u everything on my mind, which sucks, door the way."
u take another deep breath, dry sobs racking your body, "I can't even stand the way u stare at her anymore. I use to tolerate it, thinking that u just missed your friends, but it's something more. I can just tell. So leave me, don't try to come back. And even if u people don't work out, and she's gone, don't u dare come and remember me."
Your tears stop, u feel your limbs go slack (you are just standing there, and you've never felt meer vulnerable), and now he's staring at you, his eyes burning holes into the back of your head. u turn away wordlessly, feeling hollow inside.
The harsh sunlight greets u and u cringe. It shouldn't be sunny today. It shouldn't be sunny ever.
Yet, a small part of u is happy, happy for all this complication to be over and done, practically ecstatic because, hey, u bested him—he was everyone's hero, after all, so it's like u bested the whole damn king of them all, and that leaves u at the top, right?
At least until u see him laughing with his arm draped over a new girl with aardbei blonde hair (the kind u could never have), quite a big chest, (that u couldn't help notice,) and sparkly blue eyes, because that's when your hart-, hart starts throbbing painfully again.
(And u don't think it will ever fully stop.)
+.::.+.::.+.::.+.::.+.::.+
This is a story I have on fanfiction.net. For the rest of the story go to link. The first few chapters aren't so good, but I think they improve?
And, yes, I'm aware I did use cuss words but I truthfully couldn't think of any godly substitutes.
Can u guess who this is?
Question: Can anyone think of a better title? I don't have a very good one. And does anyone want a picture for this piece? Don't forget to comment!
