Edward took me home pagina to Charlie, leaving the other Cullens to clean up their house. I should be helping, it was partly my fault why their house was in that state. But they refused to let me help in ‘my condition’. I was pregnant, not handicapped.
Charlie knew all about Mitchell now. Esme, Alice and Rosalie had paid him a visit while I was talking to Edward. They also dropped the little bombshell that I was pregnant. Jacob had yet to wake up and was fast asleep in the back of Edward’s car.
Charlie waited at the door for me. As soon as I was out of Edward’s silver Volvo, Charlie was rushing towards me. I still hadn’t changed out of my bloody clothes, so Charlie performed a check of me too even though I told him I was okay. His eyes lingered on my stomach and self consciously, I covered my stomach with my hands.
“Dad,” I said, my tone of voice telling him to lift his eyes to my face. “I’m going to have a douche then I’m going to sleep. I’ll talk to u later.”
He nodded and let me walk past him to the house. Tess was waiting in the hallway and she let me pass her without a word. She could sense my mood and she knew I didn’t want to talk to her. Edward and Charlie carried Jacob into the house and lay him on the sofa. I heard the beginnings of a conversation about me before I locked the bathroom door, hoping to block out their words. I turned on the shower, making sure the water wasn’t too blazingly hot but not freezing cold, somewhere in the middle. I stripped off my clothes, thinking of burning them later. I stepped into the hot water and shuddered. It felt good to feel the water running down my skin, like it was washing away everything that had happened today. Mitchell’s blood had soaked through my top, boven so now I had a faint reddish colour on my stomach. I grabbed the sponge and loaded it with douche gel and began to scrub at my stomach. I was trying to be gentle so as not to hurt my baby but I wanted to get it off. I had to get it off. I felt no nudges of discomfort so I gathered that the baby was cool. I then began to wash the rest of my body with a roze sweet smelling douche gel Sarah had left. Again I scrubbed at my skin, feeling OCD when I did. I just wanted to feel like me again. I wanted to leave this numb shell behind when I stepped out, like I could scrub it away. The water would be cleansing me.
When I had used nearly the entire bottle of roze stuff I dropped the sponge and seemingly myself too. I was now sat in the shower, my back against the uithangbord and the water running over my head. I sat, my legs pulled up to the chest again with my arms wrapped around my legs. I waited for a nudge from my baby to see if I was causing any discomfort but nothing so I continued to sit like that until I heard a knocking on the door.
“Kayla?” It was Tess. “You okay in there?”
“I’m fine,” I said, trying to send out happy vibes so she didn’t break down the door. “Just taking an extra long shower.”
“Okay, honey,” she said, but she didn’t sound convinced. “Just shout if u need anything.”
“Will do,” I called back and listened for her retreating footsteps before I could quit the happy vibes and sink back into my world of - what exactly? What was I feeling? What would someone describe this as? I couldn’t find words for it. It was when something happened to you, could be something small of something big, of when u think of something and u don’t feel too happy. u don’t feel as good as u did two seconden ago. Then as u continue to sit, stand, lie, of ski of whatever u were doing, u feel your mood sink. Slowly, u become sad and yet u do nothing about it. u don’t get up and put some muziek on to cheer u up, u don’t go and find your dog so she’ll lick your face in a gesture of love, no. u just let yourself fall deeper and deeper into this sadness until something pulls u out.
Like my husband, for example, who I could hear calling me from outside the bathroom door. I had no idea how long I had sat there since Tess had gone. Time doesn’t mean anything when u feel like that.
“Kayla, love, are u okay in there?”
“I’m fine,” I called back, again sending out the happy vibes. Wait, Edward didn’t sense of feel emotions, I had to send out happy thoughts instead. I couldn’t find any happy thoughts. It was too difficult.
I didn’t hear a reply back so I assumed he had gone. With that assumption, I let my mind wander back to the darkness that was slowly consuming me. The sadness that wouldn’t leave but again something pulled me out. The opening of the bathroom door.
“Edward, u are so invading my privacy!” I half shouted.
He had picked the lock on the bathroom door! The door to the douche slid open and Edward stood there with my dressing japon, jurk in his hand. He looked down on me with the saddest eyes I had ever saw on his face. Without stopping the water, he wrapped the dressing japon, jurk around me and sat volgende to me. I leaned into him, resting my wet head on his shoulder. He took one of my hands and kissed it. We didn’t speak. There was no need to. We both understood each other perfectly.
Jacob was awake when I walked downstairs. He was sitting on the sofa talking with Charlie. When he saw me he rushed to me and scooped me up into one of the gentlest beer hugs he had ever gegeven me.
“I am so sorry,” he whispered in my ear. “He threw a bottle at me before I could phase. There was this red smoke and I passed out. Then I woke up here.”
“It’s okay,” I zei and he put me down, his hand resting on my stomach. “We’re okay.”
He nodded and then he turned serious. He had turned into Sam’s beta now.
“You killed him then?” Jacob asked.
“Yes, I killed him,“ I said, and my mood descended. “I stabbed him through the hart-, hart with a dagger and he died.”
Jacob sensed my not so good mood and he wrapped him warm arms around me again.
“I’m sorry, I should have known u wouldn’t be happy about it.” He kissed the top, boven of my head and then let me go. “I have to meld to Sam.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I have to meld to Charlie.”
“Esme, Rosalie and Alice told him the good news,” he laughed. “He told me as soon as I woke up.” Jacob lowered his voice. “I acted surprised so he didn’t feel like the last to know.”
I smiled for him and he ruffled my hair like I was a small child. I smacked his hands and he laughed again.
“I’ll come and see u tomorrow,” he said, walking to the door.
“No,” I said, sternly. “You no longer need to protect me so relax. Catch up on all that missed sleep.”
He nodded and disappeared. I watched the closed door for a few seconden until Edward walked through it. He had left to change into some dry clothes. He took my hand and we walked together into the living room where Charlie sat on the sofa with Tess. He looked up at me and I launched into an explanation of what had happened with Mitchell. I was sure Edward had already zei most of it to Charlie while I was taking my douche but I zei it all anyway. Charlie didn’t interrupt me as I spoke, he sat silent throughout. Tess had to leave halfway through. I’d watched her slide further and further away from Charlie and towards the door as I described Mitchell’s death so it was understandable she had to leave. I envied her. I wish I could leave too. When I had finished speaking, planning on returning to my bed, Charlie spoke.
“So, you’re pregnant.”
“Yes,” I replied. “I am.”
“I’m going to be a granddad,” Charlie spoke distantly. I could see in his mind a picture of a little baby boy. Charlie was holding the baby proudly, tonen him off to random people I should know but didn’t. I smiled slightly as the afbeeldingen turned into little videos of Charlie teaching his grandson to play football (or soccer as they called it in America), taking him fishing and teaching my future child to fight. I was slightly appalled that Charlie would do that but it was just a daydream so I’d let him away with it.
“Yes, u are.”
“You’re going to be okay, right?” Charlie asked, worriedly. “Nothing is going to go wrong. This is a normal pregnancy.”
He looked at Edward, daring him to say otherwise. Edward glanced at me and I sighed.
“I’m eight weeks pregnant and it’s been two weeks since I was married. u do the working out.”
I stood up and walked up the stairs before Charlie could call me back and ask for an explanation. I crawled under my blankets and felt Edward slide in beside me before I fell into a dreamless sleep.
I was worried about Kayla. She did nothing. She spent almost an uur in the shower, most of the time I suspected she spent sitting on the floor. I wanted to have Carlisle check her for depression of something but it was too soon. It was a reaction to killing Mitchell. She was going into autopilot of something. She shuts down mentally but her body continues to carry out the normal functions. Hopefully it would pass before she endangered herself.
If only I had taken out Mitchell when I could have. He was standing there and I could have ripped his head off but I didn’t. I can be so stupid sometimes. But Mitchell was worse than me. He could have walked away alive if only he hadn’t still persisted in killing Kayla. I knew she would have told Mitchell she was pregnant in a bid to prevent her killing him. Kayla wasn’t the killing type and any opportunity to not kill she jumped at. I bet she thought he would walk away after she told him she was expecting but that didn’t happen.
She lay sound asleep volgende to me. She lay perfectly still and made no noise. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep, so beautiful. She also looked younger, even meer fragile looking than she was awake. How had she managed to keep sane these past two years? With everything that had happened I’d expected her to have a nervous breakdown before now. She was a strong woman, I zei to myself. She could handle it.
But Mitchell was like the tip of the iceberg that crashed into the Titanic and sinking the unsinkable ship.
I want to help her, I do, I just don’t know how. I thought that she accepted that he wasn’t her friend so she had no reason to be upset about killing him. He wanted to kill her baby that should be enough for her to realise he wasn’t a nice guy. Maybe it was just the fact that she had killed someone. Maybe not all of us can kill a man and verplaats on like it was nothing meer than a small crack in the sidewalk.
I remembered seeing her in the shower. She was huddled up against the wall, staring up at me with this great sadness in her eyes. It killed me to see her like that. I just wanted to be able to fix it all with a hug of a kiss but it didn’t work that way. She would get better. This was Kayla. She won’t give up. She never does.