Song: link
Sean The Hedgehog: Welcome to the seconde half of our show. We will be tonen u the Thomas & vrienden spoof, Thomas & The Magic Railway.
Theme song: link
Me: I'm creating my own parody of T&TMR. :D
Thomas Fans: Oh no!!
Me: Oh yes!! :D
Thomas Fans: No!!
Me: Yes :D
Thomas Fans: Fine, get on with it.
link
Mage: Get on with it.
Soldier: Yes, get on with it!
Warriors: YES, GET ON WITH IT!!
* * *
Narrator: Hello, I'm Mr. Conductor, but my real name is Alec Baldwin. Please don't tell anyone I told you. I'm also going to be narrating.
Thomas: *Goes through tunnel*
Narrator: This is the Island Of Sodor, where talking trains go around, and act like normal trains, but talk. There's a lot of engines on the island like Thomas, but due to a very tight budget, we'll only allow Thomas, and five of his friends, Diesel Ten ,and his two goons, as well as a purple tank engine that has no face to be in the movie.
Gordon: *Waiting at station* 8, 7, 6, 5, 4-
Thomas: *Arrives* 3, 2, 1, blast off!! *Stops at station* Why were u counting down?
Gordon: I was counting how many seconden u had until u were late.
Thomas: Ha, look who's talking fatty.
Gordon: Fatty? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! NOBODY CALLS ME FATTY!!
Diesel 10: *Goes past* Outta my way steamies! Suck my dick... of cock!
Gordon: Isn't that the same thing?
Thomas: Who cares? Can't he suck his own di... What was it he said?
Gordon: u don't want to remember.
Narrator: And now to interrupt the story so that I can toon u where I live. Shining Time Station. I live there with many other people, but I have to tell u meer about it later, because I'm holding up the story. And door the way, I think u might be in this story too.
Thomas: Hmm, if Diesel 10 is causing havoc, there must be a lost steamie around here.
Stop the song, because James wants to sing for you.
James: 1 2 3 O' Clock, 4 O' Clock Rock!
Engines: *Hearing James* Make it stop!!
James: 5 6 7 O' Clock, 8 O' Clock Rock!
Engines: *Leaving sheds*
James: 9 10 11 O' Clock, 12 O' Clock Rock!
Thomas: *Slowly backs into buffers* HOLY BOTHERATIONS!!!
James: u weren't concentrating Thomas. Lucky for u that u were going slow.
Thomas: What? u think I'd be that crazy to go fast, and come off the rails?
James: uhh.. Maybe?
Thomas: What are u doing in the shed James?
James: I was being naughty, and the fat ezel controller told me to stay here, and think about my mistake.
Thomas: I think u made another mistake door calling Sir Tophamm Hat fat.
James: Well, it's not my fault he's overweight.
Diesel 10: *Arrives* hallo u two!! My name is Diesel 10!!
Thomas: Great, no one cares.
Diesel 10: Well u should. I'm looking for a lost steam engine! Have u seen her?
Thomas: Four wheels?
Diesel 10: Yup.
Thomas: Purple paint, with a golden smokebox?
Diesel 10: Yep.
Thomas: The word Lady is written on both sides?
Diesel 10: Yup.
Thomas: Never heard of her.
Diesel 10: Oh well. *Leaves*
James: There's a lost engine?
Back at Shining Time Station.
Patch: *Sitting on bench* Where's Burnett Stone when u need him?
Mut: *Barks*
Patch: Oh, right. I get those two mixed up. Where's Billy Twofeathers when u need him?
Billy: *driving train towards station*
Mut: *sees train, and barks*
Patch: I see him.
Billy: *Stops train at station* Hi Patch.
Patch: hallo Billy. Check out this banner I made for the station.
Billy: Very good. I like it.
Patch: Thanks.
Mut: *Barks*
Billy: It happens.
Patch: What?
Billy: Mut was telling me u got me confused with Burnett Stone.
Patch: Yeah.
Billy: Burnett is over at his house. u can go visit him if you'd like.
Patch: Are u sure it's okay?
Billy: Yeah, go ahead. I have to go in the station now.
Burnett was indeed at his house, but he wasn't doing anything.
Burnett: *Turns song on record player*
Song: link
Narrator: Burnett has this engine named Lady. He drove it a lot, but something bad happened to it.
Burnett: *Looking at paintings of Lady, then has a flashback*
Lady: *In ditch* You'll fix me, right?
Burnett: Yeah!
The flashback ended.
Burnett: She's fixed now, and I don't have to worry about anything happening to her anymore. She shall not verplaats from her current position. *Turns off record player*
Meanwhile on Sodor.
Sir Tophamm Hat: Thomas, I'm going on holiday with Lady Hatt. Mr. Conductor is going to be in charge while I'm away.
Thomas: Yes sir.
Sir Tophamm Hat: That's a good engine. I'm gonna go now.
Splatter: *Overhears conversation* I gotta tell this to Diesel 10 now! *Goes off*
Meanwhile, near some random cliff
Diesel 10: *Looking at carving in cliff* That's my face. It's so beautiful!
Dodge: Sir, try to focus on our job.
Diesel 10: Oh, ehem! Thank you, I almost forgot.
Splatter: *Arrives* Diesel 10, Sir Tophamm Hat's leaving on holiday!
Diesel 10: Great! Now we have this entire railway to ourselves. u know what we can do now, right Splodge?
Splatter: Actually, it's Splatter.
Dodge: And Dodge.
Diesel 10: I ain't got time to say both names.
Splatter: We've looked everywhere for Lady, but she doesn't seem to be on the island.
Diesel 10: Then look for the magic buffers. We go through them, and we'll get Lady.
Dodge: Magic buffers?
Splatter: What's next? A bunch of adult males watching a toon about multi-colored ponies?
Diesel 10: Ehem, I resent that.
Dodge: u mean you're a brony?!
Diesel 10: Yeah, and if u got a problem, Pinchy will kill you!
Pinchy: *hitting Diesel 10*
Diesel 10: AH! Pinchy, what the fuck?!
Dodge: *Laughing*
Splatter: Seems like Pinchy doesn't like bronies either.
Song: link
Narrator: I was getting ready to leave for Sodor. For some reason I was as small as a dog treat.
Mutt: *Barking*
Narrator: Okay, maybe I shouldn't have zei that. Anyway, I'm short at Shining Time Station, but not at Sodor. I was just about to leave when....
Billy: Hello Mr. Conductor.
Mr. Conductor: Good morning Billy. *Looking for whistle* Where is it? I know I left it somewhere.
Patch: Hi Mr. C.
Mr. Conductor: Hello Patch. Where's that whistle?
Stacey Jones: Mr. C? *Holding Mr. Conductor's whistle* I have it sir.
Mr. Conductor: Oh, thank u Stacey. *Takes whistle* Now, I must get going. The engines on Sodor need me, and I mustn't be late.
Stacey Jones: But u already are late.
Mr. Conductor: Oh F**k.
Director: Watch your mouth Alec!
Mr. Conductor: Don't call be door my real name! I'm Mr. Conductor! Anyway, nice work censor team.
Censor team: No problem Mr. Baldwin.
Mr. Conductor: I told you, it's Mr. Conductor!! Ugh, I have to go now. *reading script* Oh no.
Stacey Jones: What is it?
Mr. Conductor: sparkle... sparkle... sparkle... *Blows on whistle, and goes to Sodor*
Meanwhile on sodor
Thomas: *Puffing across Bridge* Mr. Conductor? Where are you?
Mr. Conductor: *Appears door track* Thomas, I'm here!
Thomas: *stops* Oh, hello Mr. Conductor. How have u been?
Mr. Conductor: Well, my dag had a rough start, but things should get better now that I'm here.
Thomas: That's good to hear. When you're on Sodor, nothing bad ever happens, except for when diesels attack, and Hit Entertainment taking over, and making a CGI version of me. I'd rather stay the way I am, without my face moving, and only my eyes move. Then the camera crew has to stop filming just to change my face, depending on what happens.
Mr. Conductor: *Driving Thomas* Well at least they finally got rid of Michael Angelis as the U.K narrator.
Thomas: I agree with u on that.
Mr. Conductor: So what else has been happening?
Thomas: Diesel 10 has arrived, and is trying to take over everything.
Percy: *Passing Thomas* ster biller!
Thomas: Oh shut up Percy. It has nothing to do with getting all the fame, and glory!
Mr. Conductor: I can understand.
Thomas: Thank you. At least someone doesn't think I'm a ster billing bastard.
On another part of the island
Diesel 10: Oh magic buffers? Where are you?
Splatter & Dodge: *Following closely behind*
Splatter: Maybe they got destroyed.
Diesel 10: Impossible. They have to be around here somewhere.
Narrator: Now we meet Lilly. She's almost the same age as Patch, and lives in New York City. Her grandfather is Burnett Stone.
Lily: Grandpa always seems upset.
Mother: Well maybe your visit will cheer him up.
Lily: I hope it does. I made him a frienship bracelet.
Mother: What about that engine he always talks about?
Lily: Lady? It's fixed, but he doesn't want anything bad happening to it.
Mother: Why? What happened?
Lily: Well, grandpa told me that a diesel was chasing her, and that grandpa ran out of coal for the engine. The diesel pushed him, and Lady into a ditch.
Mother: How terrible.
Lily: I'm gonna get my stuffed bluebird, then I'll be ready.
Ringo Starr: Meanwhile on sodor.
Mr. Conductor: Ringo, what the fuck?!
Ringo: I'm narrating the episode.
Mr. Conductor: Well this is a movie. Go back to making music.
Ringo: But the only other band member that's alive today in the Beetles is Paul McCartney- *Losing breath*
Mr. Conductor: Correction, Paul is the only Beetle member alive today. Now then, before I was rudely interrupted, the engines were completing their work on Sodor.
Percy: I'm glad our work is almost over today.
James: Only because you're too lazy.
Gordon & Henry: *Laughing*
Song (Start at 8:25): link
Splatter & Dodge: *Arriving* Hello.
James: Diesels?!
Gordon: What are u doing here?
Dodge: We want to do nothing, but our boss is making us defeat you.
Gordon: Oh no u don't. *Slowly moves towards Dodge*
Splatter: Uhm.. What are u doing?
Gordon: Oh nothing, just slowly moving towards you. *Rams Splatter*
Dodge: Okay, it's on!
Henry: *Rams Dodge*
All the engines got off the tracks, and started fighting each other.
Harold: *Flying above them* Hey, stop that at once!
Dodge: NO!
Thomas: They started it!
Harold: Fine, u leave me no choice! *Flies away*
Percy: Wait, what did he mean door that?
Toby: I don't know.
Gordon: Who cares? Keep fighting them!
Splatter: *Pours Flour on Thomas*
Thomas: *Sneezes*
James: *Hits Splatter*
The fighting continued until the Scottish Army started marching towards them.
Toby: *Hears bagpipes* oh no.
Everyone: *Stops fighting*
Gordon: What is it?
Toby: *Points at Scottish Army*
Scottish Soldiers: *Carrying rifles, and playing bagpipes*
Thomas: run for your life.
Dodge: But it's just scottish humans carrying rifles, and playing bagpipes.
Splatter: Yeah, if we stay here any longer, they'll shoot us- watoihowethiksejgt, what?!
Thomas: *Leaves*
Percy: *Follows Thomas*
Toby: *Follows Percy*
Scottish Soldiers: *getting closer*
Gordon: *Follows Toby*
James: *Following Gordon*
Henry: Duh, I'll follow the diesels.
Splatter: We're not going anywhere.
Dodge: If we stay, then so do you.
Scottish Soldiers: *Getting closer*
Scottish Captain: Ready!
Scottish Soldiers: *Holding Rifles*
Scottish Captain: Aim!
Scottish Soldiers: *Aiming at Henry, Splatter, and Dodge*
Scottish Captain: FIRE!!
Scottish Soldiers: *Shooting, and keep missing*
Splatter, and Dodge: Okay, let's get out of here! *Leaves*
Henry: *Follows Splatter, and Dodge* Harold must have called these guys over to kill us if we didn't stop fighting.
Splatter: Henry got something right for once.
Scottish Soldier: *Shoots Splatter*
Splatter: Ow! Stop shooting, we're leaving!
Scottish Soldiers: *Shooting Dodge*
Dodge: What do I look like?! A Target?
Scottish Soldiers: Enemies are retreating!
Scottish Captain: From this moment on, Tidmouth Sheds belong to The Mainland!!
Scottish Soldiers: How about Scotland?
Scottish Captain: That too! Now get Donald, and Douglas. Those two will be happy to have the sheds door theirselves.
Narrator: The Scottish claimed Tidmouth Sheds that day, and helped the British Army win World War 2.
Stop the song
Narrator: After the Scottish won the battle for Tidmouth Sheds, they had a party, got drunk, and forgot all about the fight. Meanwhile, Diesel 10, and his group continued searching for the magic buffers.
Splatter: How do we know which one is the magic buffers?
Dodge: Yeah boss. How do we know?
Diesel 10: If we send freight cars flying into them, and they go right through. We'll know.
Splatter: Oh. Is that all?
Diesel 10: Yeah! Now keep looking!!
Splatter & Dodge: Yes sir. *Looking for buffers*
Back at Tidmouth Sheds.
Thomas: It's good that we got the sheds back when those drunk soldiers left.
Percy: Yeah. If they didn't leave, that would be terrible.
Gordon: We'd make them leave.
Toby: Yes u could, if they didn't shoot you.
Henry: hallo Thomas?
Thomas: What is it Henry?
Henry: I overheard Splatter & Dodge talking about something called magic buffers a few minuten ago.
Thomas: When was that?
Henry: It was when the scottish were attacking. We left, and they accidentally told me about the magic buffers, thinking I wouldn't remember about them.
Thomas: And u proved them wrong. Well done Henry.
Henry: Duh, thank you. Why are u thanking me?
Thomas: Never mind.
At Sir Tophamm Hat's office.
Mr. Conductor: *Talking like Sir Tophamm Hat* Dear Mr. Conductor, where were you? My wife zei u would be here door 1 PM, but you're at least 1 uur late. We'll telephone u when we arrive at our strand house. Signed, Sir Tophamm Hat. *Sees his hat, puts it on, and looks at himself through a mirror* Now all I need is his suit.
The telephone rings.
Mr. Conductor: *Answers phone* Hello?
Sir Tophamm Hat: Where were you?
Mr. Conductor: At Shining Time. I'm very sorry for being late, but I think I'm running low on goud dust.
Sir Tophamm Hat: goud dust?
Mr. Conductor: It's that thing I use to go from place to place. Because on Sodor, I'm the size of a man, but at Shining Time, I'm as small as a toy.
Sir Tophamm Hat: That's really stupid, and fucked up.
Mr. Conductor: Sir, what would the kids think if they heard u say that?
Sir Tophamm Hat: I've got meer things to worry about then children.
Lady Hat: Oh Tophamm... Come to bed.
Sir Tophamm Hat: I have to go. *Hangs up*
Mr. Conductor: Interesting.
George Carlin: The engines, and Mr. Conductor were sleeping together in Tidmouth Sheds.
Mr. Conductor: Hey, you're not supposed to be alive!
George Carlin: Well, fuck that! I was always a better narrator then you, and u know it!
Mr. Conductor: That's it. I'm calling ghostbusters.
George Carlin: *Disappears*
Mr. Conductor: Now, where were we? *Setting alarm clock to go off at 6 AM* Oh, what have we here? *Grabs bat* u wanna play with this guy? *Grabs ball, and hits it with the bat* Why do u keep hitting him like that?
Bat: *Comes to life* It's the way I was made! Everyone knows that! *Grows legs, and walks away*
Thomas: And I thought talking trains were a bad thing.
Diesel 10: *Arriving to the right side of sheds*
Mr. Conductor: *Hears a sound* What's that?
Diesel 10: AAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Pinchy: *Hits hole in shed*
Mr. Conductor: Whoa!! *Falls out of bed*
Diesel 10: Twinkle toes is finally here!
Mr. Conductor: Twinkle toes? What kind of a name is that?
Diesel 10: I don't know. This is supposed to be a kid's show!
Mr. Conductor: Oh, yeah. *Grabs script* And it says I need to grab a bag of sugar, and threaten u with it.
Diesel 10: Oh no!! u may have won this round Twinkletoes, but volgende time, I'll win! *Goes backwards, away from sheds*
Thomas: Mr. Conductor, what was all that about?
Mr. Conductor: I don't know Thomas.
Percy: u don't know?
Mr. Conductor: No Percy. I'm sorry. And I'm losing my goud dust.
Thomas: That's not good. How do we fix that solution?
Mr. Conductor: Good question. We'll figure it out tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Lily was boarding a train for her grandfather's
Lily: *Walks downstairs to station platform*
Mutt: *Walking* Bark, bark!
Lily: What?
Mutt: *Walking towards Billy Two Feather's train*
Lily: *Follows Mutt*
The train was heading for Shining Time Station.
Meanwhile, Burnett Stone was at his house. After watching an episode of Welcome Back Kotter, he was going to go to sleep. But the wind was blowing at the trees, and he heard a sound that sounded familiar. Almost like the whistle of an engine.
Mr. Conductor: *Washing James' face*
James: Ah, that feels really great. A little meer to the left.
Mr. Conductor: *Finishes cleaning James* There we go. All nice, and shiny.
James: *Has his face glowing from a lot of cleanliness*
Mr. Conductor: *Covers eyes* Perhaps a little too shiny.
James: hallo Mr. C? Do u think you'll get your goud dust back?
Mr. Conductor: Of course I will. Now run along, and get to work.
James: Yes sir. *Leaves sheds*
Mr. Conductor: *Walking along bushes* Hey, *sees carrot, and celery* How very thoughtful. *Eating carrot, and then eats celery* Meh, I got nothing. Wait a minute, I gotta call Junior.
Meanwhile at a strand that had an oversized bucket, along with an oversized shovel.
C Junior: *Relaxing on chair* Ah. This is the life. *Hears smartphone ringing, and answers* Hello?
Mr. Conductor: Junior, it's me. Mr. Conductor.
C Junior: Ah, top, boven of the mornin to ya.
Mr. Conductor: Junior, I need your help. I'm running low on goud dust, and I need u to bring some extra dust to the Island Of Sodor.
C Junior: Sure thing man. I got a shitload of goud dust.
Mr. Conductor: Thanks. I knew I could count on you.
C Junior: But first I gotta catch some waves on my surfboard.
Mr. Conductor: No, don't do that!!
C Junior: *Hangs up*
Mr. Conductor: Goddamnit!
Director: Cut!
Camera Crew: *Stops filming*
Director: Mr. Baldwin, u need to stop cursing.
Mr. Conductor: Why are u always calling me Mr. Baldwin, of Alec Baldwin? My name is Mr. Conductor!
Director: That's great, but u need to stop cursing.
Mr. Conductor: I don't give a fuck.
Director: Well u should, this movie is supposed to be for little children.
Mr. Conductor: It's supposed to be for little children, yes, but that doesn't mean they're going to watch it! Let's face it, most of our fans are teenagers that think season's 1-4 were better then the current seasons. Hell, I don't even think anyone is going to watch Tale Of The Brave!
Worker: I will.
Mr. Conductor: Ah, shut up Chuck.
Meanwhile at Shining Time Station, Lily arrived there on the train.
Lily: *Reading station name* Shining time? What's that supposed to mean?
Shining Time Station fan: What do u think it's supposed to mean?!
C Junior: *Walks in station* Hello Stacey.
Stacey Jones: Hi Junior. Why are u here?
C Junior: I have to get onto Sodor to help Mr. Conductor. He's running low on goud dust.
Lily: *Walks in* What?
C Junior: You! *Pointing at Lily* Who are you, and what have u done with the goud dust?!
Lily: Nothing. I don't even know what you're talking about.
C Junior: Oh. Well, do u want to go to Sodor with me?
Lily: Sure.
And so they both go into the portal that takes them to Sodor.
Stacey was confused. She didn't know what C Junior, and Lily were up too.
Stacey: *Calling Burnett*
Burnett: *Answers phone* Hello?
Stacey: Burnett, it's Stacey Jones.
Burnett: Stacey, what's happening? And where's Lily?
Stacey: That's the point. She's not here.
Burnett: What are u talking about?!
Stacey: She left with some guy as small as Mr. Conductor.
Burnett: Aw, she must be on the Island Of Sodor.
Stacey: Where's that?
Burnett: Seriously? Mr. Conductor told u he was going there, and u forget?
Stacey: I'm sorry! I've got an important job here, and it's not easy to remember so many things at once.
Burnett: Well do a better job at it!
Meanwhile, on Sodor.
C Junior: Well, here we are.
Lily: *Looking around* All the trains... They have-
C Junior: Faces? I know, ain't it awesome?
Lily: I guess.
C Junior: *Walking up hill*
Lily: *Following*
C Junior: *Sneezes*
Lily: Are u okay?
C Junior: Oh yeah. Just a little bit of allergies. *Gets to top, boven of hill, and slides down* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Lily: Junior?!
C Junior: Relax! I'm okay.
Lily: *Slides down to bottom of hill* Weeeeeee!! This is fun.
C Junior: I told u so. This is fun.
P.T. Boomer: Hey! Stop that noise over there.
C Junior: What for? We aren't bothering anyone.
P.T. Boomer: Well you're bothering me! P.T. Boomer!!
Diesel 10: *Arrives* Ah, Twinkletoes' brother.
C Junior: How did u know that?
Diesel 10: Eavesdropping.
Thomas: *Heading towards Diesel 10* I just got a great idea. *Speeds up*
Diesel 10: Nice to meet u Mr. Boomer, but I gotta stop Junior from-
Thomas: hallo Douchebag 10, I bet u can't stop me! *Takes off*
Diesel 10: Ugh! I'll deal with u later!
P.T. Boomer: *Gets in Diesel 10*
Diesel 10: *Takes off* Get back here puffball!!
Lily: What was that all about?
Junior: I have no idea. Maybe Mr. Conductor can explain.
Thomas: *Going fast*
Diesel 10: *Chasing Thomas*
P.T. Boomer: Go faster!
Diesel 10: This is my top, boven speed. That puffball is going faster than us.
Thomas: Of course I am. I'm Thomas The Tank Engine. Nobody can go faster then me!
Michael Brandon: Thomas huffed, and puffed. He wanted to get away from Diesel 10.
Mr. Conductor: *Shows up from nowhere* Shut up Michael! No one likes you.
Michael Brandon: zei Alec Baldwin.
Mr. Conductor: *Shoveling coal into Thomas' firebox*
Michael Brandon: Alec Baldwin shoveled meer coal into Thomas' firebox. He hoped it wouldn't catch on fire.
Mr. Conductor: I zei shut up Mr. Brandon! My name is Mr. Conductor, not Alec Baldwin!
Thomas: Mr. Conductor, I think we lost him.
Mr. Conductor: *Looks behind Thomas* Yep. We lost him. *Stops at windmill*
Thomas: *Sees Windmill* Hey, I remember this. It's about time they had this back.
Mr. Conductor: What are u talking about?
Thomas: The windmill. No one has ever seen it in any episode for a long time. They only get to see it in the intro.
Meanwhile, on Muffle Mountain.
Burnett: *Sitting in rocking chair*
Patch: *Knocking on door* Mr. Stone? Are u there?!
Burnett: *Goes to door, and opens it* Ah, Patch. What can I do for u my friend?
Patch: Lilly. She went to Sodor with C Junior. Mr. Conductor's brother?
Burnett: Well, we need to go get her. Why would C Junior try to do that while she's coming to visit me?
Patch: I don't know, but we can ask them vragen when we see them.
Back on Sodor.
C Junior: *Arrives with Lilly* Alec Baldwin! It's good to see u again!
Mr. Conductor: Oh great. Everyone's been calling me that, I don't need u calling me that too!
C Junior: Sorry Mr....
Mr. Conductor: Conductor?
C Junior: Ah, I knew that sounded familiar. Mr. Nutterbutter.
Mr. Conductor: My name is Alec Baldwin- I mean Mr. Conductor!
C Junior: *Sees Windmill* Oh, that looks like fun. *Climbing on top, boven of windmill*
Mr. Conductor: Junior, get down from there.
C Junior: No way. *Holds onto windmill blade* This is just like the funfair!
Mr. Conductor: of Dragon Ball Z.
Lilly: Why that?
Mr. Conductor: Because he's acting like Goku.
C Junior: I might be able to hit London with a Kamehameha. That'll scare them.
But the windmill was going faster.
C Junior: Whoa. Why is it going faster?!
Mr. Conductor: Get down from there.
C Junior: *Lets go, but goes flying away* AAAAW YEAHHHH!! *Lands on Diesel 10*
Diesel 10: Well well well. If it isn't the brother of Twinkletoes?
C Junior: Hello.
P.T. Boomer: Yes. Hello Junior. *Sees abandoned warehouse* Stop here. This'll be the perfect spot for an interrogation.
Diesel 10: Whatever u say Boomer.
Percy was shunting some coal cars, but they were being troublesome.
Freight Cars: We want a better engine to shunt us!
Percy: Well I'm the best u got!
Freight Car #1: No! What about Thomas?
Freight Car #2: of James?
Freight Car #3: of Toby?
Freight Car #4: of Percy?!
Freight Cars: He's already shunting us!
Freight Car #4: Oh.
Percy: *Getting angry* Be quiet! *Bashes freight cars*
Freight Car #1: *Rolling towards buffers*
The freight car soon went into the buffer, and a whistle could be heard as he went in the buffers. Percy didn't know how that happened, but he decided to use it as an advantage to make the cars behave.
Freight Cars: Did he just-
Percy: Okay, does anyone else have a problem with me shunting u into your proper siding?
Freight Cars: No.
Percy: Good. (Wait a minute. That freight car went through the buffers, and a whistle was heard. Those could be the magic buffers! I have to tell Thomas at once!) *About to leave*
Freight Cars: Where are u going?
Percy: None of your business u shitheads. *Puffs away*
Freight Car #4: I don't have any shit on my head.
Freight Car #3: It's just a figure of speech genius.
Freight Car #4: Oh, thank you.
Freight Car #2: He was being sarcastic.
Freight Car #4: Aw man.
Meanwhile, while Diesel 10 was standing guard, P.T. Boomer was interrogating C Junior.
P.T. Boomer: Where are those magic buffers?
C Junior: I don't know what you're talking about.
P.T. Boomer: *Grabs baseball bat* We can do this the easy way, of the hard way.
C Junior: Go ahead, and do it! I don't care anymore.
P.T. Boomer: What? u actually thought I was gonna hit u with this baseball bat? You're crazy. What I was really gonna do was go play baseball, and leave u here alone if u didn't talk.
C Junior: Alright! I'll tell u everything u need to know!
Michael Angelis: And so, Mr. Conductor's brother told P.T. Boomer everything he needed to know.
P.T. Boomer: Okay, seriously? You're the worst narrator ever, and even after u got replaced, you're still here?
Michael Angelis: Well, where's Alec Baldwin? I'm supposed to narrate when he makes an appearance, and rescues C Junior.
P.T. Boomer: Well, I don't know. I guess he got fed up with seeing Ringo Starr, George Carlin, and Michael Brandon, so I guess he decided to-
Mr. Conductor: *Arrives from nowhere* Buy meer goud dust off of E-bay, and rescue my brother! *Sends goud dust to C Junior* Let's get out of here! *Blows whistle*
C Junior: *Blows whistle*
Michael Angelis: Then they both teleported out of the warehouse.
Mr. Conductor: Okay, Michael? You're the worst narrator ever. Why are u still here?
Michael Angelis: Because, I-
Mr. Conductor: That's enough. Go away!
Thomas: *Arrives* Mr. Conductor, Percy says he found the magic buffers.
Mr. Conductor: Really? Where?
Thomas: Get in my cab, and I'll take u there.
Narrator: So we both got in Thomas' cab, and he took us to the magic buffers. While Thomas was taking us to the magic buffers, Junior remembered something.
C Junior: Oh no.
Mr. Conductor: What's the matter Junior?
C Junior: Lilly. We left her at the windmill!
Mr. Conductor: Alright, Thomas. Get us to the windmill, then take us to the magic buffers.
Thomas: Yes sir Mr. Conductor. *Goes to windmill*
Pierce Brosnan: Thomas went as fast as he could to the windmill.
Mr. Conductor: Is that James Bond narrating?
James: *Passing Thomas with a short freight train* Did someone say my name?
Thomas: We're talking about another James.
James: Uh, huh. Sure u are. *Goes faster then Thomas*
Pierce Brosnan: I was James Bond, but now I'm Pierce Brosnan. I'm going to take a break from narrating, and go drink coffee.
Thomas stopped at the windmill. He saw Splatter & Dodge harassing Lilly.
Splatter: Where's the magic buffers?
Lilly: I don't know.
Dodge: Where's the magic buffers?
Lilly: Stop asking me!
Splatter: Where's the magic buffers?
Mr. Conductor: Alright, that's enough u two!
Splatter: Oops. Sorry.
Dodge: We were just about to leave. *Leaves*
Splatter: *Following Dodge*
C Junior: Are u okay Lilly?
Lilly: I think so.
Mr. Conductor: What did they do to you?
Lilly: All they did was ask where the magic buffers were.
Thomas: Ah, good. They don't know where they are yet.
Mr. Conductor: And we do.
C Junior: Climb in with us on Thomas, and we'll take u to them.
Narrator: While we were climbing on board Thomas, we didn't realize that Splatter, and Dodge were hiding in a nearby siding, and heard everything we said.
Splatter: We need to tell the boss about this.
Dodge: Which one? Diesel 10, of P.T. Boomer?
Splatter: Who cares? If we tell one of them, the other one will find out sooner of later.
Dodge: Let's tell them now. The sooner, the better.
Thomas: *Sees siding with magic buffers* Brace yourselves. Here we go. *Goes into magic buffers* We made it.
Mr. Conductor: How did Percy find them?
Thomas: It was door accident.
Mr. Conductor: Yeah, that figures.
Lilly: Wait a minute. My grandfather could use that coal in the freight car to get Lady started.
Thomas: Lady is the lost engine. Let's find that coal car quickly.
C Junior: But Thomas, it's right there.
Thomas: *Sees freight car with coal in siding* Oh. You're right. *Goes past points, stops, and reverses into siding to get freight car*
Mr. Conductor: We got it. Go.
Thomas: *Pulls coal car*
Lilly: You're a really useful engine Thomas.
Thomas: You're goddamn right I'm useful.
God: u are not allowed to curse. Because of this, I will make u end up on a cliff for no reason! *Makes Thomas end up on cliff*
Thomas: Ummm, how was that possible?
Mr. Conductor: Don't worry. We'll get u out of this. *Blows whistle*
Narrator: Thankfully, I teleported all of us, including the freight car of coal to Burnett Stone's house. Thomas, was right door Lady.
Song: link
The coal from the freight car was loaded into Lady's bunker.
Burnett: *Gets Lady's brand started*
Lilly: *Gets into cab with Burnett* I'm sorry I didn't get to spend much time with u Grandpa.
Burnett: It's alright. We'll make meer plans to hang out.
Thomas: I'm ready when u are.
Mr. Conductor: Okay Thomas. Make sure you're coupled up to that freight car.
Thomas: *Goes forward* Yeah, I'm coupled to the freight car.
Mr. Conductor: Good. Let's go. *Drives Thomas*
Burnett: *Drives Lady*
C Junior: *Looking at Lady* Sir, how come Lady doesn't have a face like Thomas? How is she supposed to talk?
Mr. Conductor: She'll only be like that until we get to Sodor. Then, she'll get a face.
C Junior: I can't wait to see what she looks like.
Mr. Conductor: Don't flirt with her Junior.
C Junior: Flirt? What does that mean?
Mr. Conductor: It means to behave as though attracted to of trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.
Thomas: I thought this was supposed to be for little kids.
Soon, they entered Sodor.
Lady: *Gets her face* Ah, finally I can breathe! u have no idea how terrible it was to not have a face!
Burnett: Well, now u got one my Lady.
Lilly: *Smiles*
Thomas: *Continues going down the line*
Lady: *Following Thomas*
Thomas: We're almost at the well where u can get meer magic goud dust.
Mr. Conductor: Good.
C Junior: Wait a minute, I thought I got us meer goud dust on E-bay.
Mr. Conductor: It hasn't arrived yet, and I've been getting impatient.
Thomas: *Sees magic well* There it is. *Stops at well*
Lady: *Stops behind Thomas*
C Junior: meer magic goud dust!
C Junior & Mr. Conductor: YAY!
Splatter: *Sees Lady*
Dodge: Damnit.
Mr Conductor & C Junior: *Gets back in Thomas*
Diesel 10: We need to stop those puffballs now!
P.T. Boomer: u got that right.
Thomas: It's Diesel 10, let's get out of here. *Takes off fast*
Lady: *Follows Thomas*
Dodge: They're going fast boss.
Diesel 10: No kidding. *Chases Lady*
Splatter & Dodge: *Following Diesel 10*
Lilly: *Sees Diesels chasing them* What do they want?
Burnett: To destroy Lady. I let them do that once, I won't let them do it again.
Thomas: *Switches to right side of track*
Lady: *Following Thomas*
Diesel 10: *Follows Lady*
Splatter: The points were just switched again.
Dodge: We're heading away from the chase!
Diesel 10: I don't care, u two are always ruining things anyway.
Dodge: I got an idea. Let's get some freight cars, and go to Gordon's Hill.
Splatter: Good idea.
Meanwhile with the chase.
P.T. Boomer: *Loading up revolver* I've been saving this for a good time.
Diesel 10: Be careful, I don't want u shooting me!
P.T. Boomer: Relax, I've used one of these before. *Shoots at Lady, but misses*
Lilly: Why are they shooting at us?
Burnett: I don't know.
Thomas: Let's go faster. *Goes faster*
Lady: *Goes faster*
Diesel 10: I'm losing them! Hmm. *Sees switch tracks, and gets on Thomas' left side* Hello blue puffball.
Thomas: What do u want?
Diesel 10: I want u to meet Pinchy.
Pinchy: *Tries to grab Thomas*
Mr. Conductor: Don't let him get u Thomas!
Thomas: I'm doing my best!
Pinchy: *Grabs Thomas*
Thomas: *Gets off rails* This can't be good.
Diesel 10: *Sees tunnel* Throw him.
Pinchy: *Throws Thomas into tunnel*
Thomas: AAAHH!! *Hits tunnel wall, and lands in field*
Burnett: Well, that ain't good.
Lilly: Can we save them?
Burnett: No. Otherwise, Diesel 10 will kill us.
P.T Boomer: *Shoots at Lady again, but misses*
Lilly: Don't forget that crazy nut with the revolver.
Burnett: How could I forget him? *Drives Lady into tunnel*
Lady: *Turns on lights*
Burnett: Can u see?
Lady: Better than ever.
Diesel 10: And I see a purple theekopje begging to be crushed.
P.T Boomer: of shot at!
Burnett: They're still on the track volgende to us. They could end up on the same track we're on, but that would be half a mile up. I got a good idea. *Applies brakes*
Diesel 10: They're stopping!
P.T Boomer: *Applies Diesel 10's brakes*
Lady: *Goes backwards*
Burnett: I always have a few tricks up my sleeve. *Goes over switch track*
Lilly: We're away from them.
Diesel 10: They're gone!
P.T Boomer: We'll go on their track. *Backs up Diesel 10 to switch, and ends up on right track*
Meanwhile with Lady
Lilly: Good thinking Grandpa.
Burnett: Thank you. *Goes pass another switch* Okay, we're on Gordon's express line now.
Lady: *Goes vooruit, voorwaarts again*
Lilly: Still no sign of those two.
Diesel 10: *Backs up pass switch track*
Lilly: I stand corrected.
Burnett: They're far away from us. They won't catch up to us.
Splatter: *Shows up on other track volgende to Lady* Hello Mr. Stone. Did u miss me?
Gordon: *Pulling express* Out of my way! Express coming through!
Splatter: *Sees Gordon in front of him* Uh oh.
Gordon: *Crashes into Splatter*
Splatter: Whoa! *Blocking Diesel 10's track*
Diesel 10: Oh damnit. *Goes faster, and rams Splatter off of his track*
P.T Boomer: Shit, that was close.
Lady was getting very far away from Diesel 10, but she was heading towards Gordon's Hill.
Thomas was still in the field, where he landed after Diesel 10 threw him into a wall.
Percy: *Arrives* So, I guess u found the magic buffers.
Thomas: Whatever gave u that idea.
Percy: I saw Lady. How did u end up in this field anyway?
Thomas: Diesel 10's beloved pinchy did that to me.
Percy: Pinchy?
Thomas: Yeah, u know that claw on top, boven of Diesel 10?
Percy: Where are Mr. Conductor, and C Junior?
Thomas: They found a phone booth about half a mile from here. They're calling the break down gang.
Meanwhile, near Gordon's Hill.
Lady: *Going fast*
Burnett: *Looking behind Lady* We're in the clear my lady.
Splatter: *Pushing freight cars up Gordon's hill* Why am I doing this again?
Dodge: To stop Lady. Once she hits these freight cars, I'll get behind her, and we'll both take her to the smelter's yard. *Going down other side of Gordon's hill*
Splatter: *Gets freight cars to top, boven of Gordon's hill*
Lady: *Going up hill*
Dodge: Special delivery!
Splatter: *Uncouples himself from freight cars*
The freight cars came rolling toward Lady.
Burnett: *Applies brakes*
Lady: *Stops, and gets hit door freight cars*
Dodge: *Goes past Lady*
Lilly: He's going to find a set of points to switch onto our track.
Burnett: But he won't catch us. *Tries to make Lady go forward*
Lady was slipping, as she was starting uphill with several freight cars in front of her.
Lady: I can't push these freight cars.
Splatter: *Couples to other side of freight cars, then pulls them*
Lady: I got coupled up to the cars when they hit me.
Burnett: We just have to try, and go backwards.
Lady: *Slipping in reverse*
Burnett: *Keeps Lady in reverse* Keep trying my lady. u got to!
Lilly: *Walks out of Lady, and uncouples her from train, then quickly jumps back on*
Lady: *Going backwards fast*
Lilly: I don't know about you, but this engine did say those freight cars were too heavy for her.
Burnett: Well, let me know when you're gonna do a crazy stunt like that volgende time. What if u didn't make it back in on time?
Dodge: *About to get on Lady's track*
Lady: *Passes Dodge*
Dodge: What happened?!
Splatter: *Arrives* I'm sorry, but she just escaped.
Dodge: u imbecile. No wonder why Diesel 10 thinks of us as idiots. He blames your stupidity on me!
The three engines were going backwards.
Diesel 10: *On the track left to Lady*
P.T Boomer: We have u surrounded.
Lady: Mr. Stone still has a lot of tricks up his sleeve u know.
Diesel 10: Like what?
Burnett: This! *Applies brakes, and has Lady going forward, passing the three diesels*
Diesel 10: After her!
Splatter: She's heading back to Gordon's Hill.
Diesel 10: What do u mean, "Back to Gordon's Hill?"
Dodge: We tried stopping her door blocking her track with freight cars, and surrounding her.
Diesel 10: If that was my plan, it would've worked successfully.
P.T Boomer: What about me?
Diesel 10: It would've worked if it was your plan too Boomer.
P.T Boomer: Thank u sir. *Grabs revolver, and aims it at Lady*
Lilly: The points are set to the track that the freight cars are on.
P.T Boomer: *Shoots switch door accident* Oh dear.
Lady: *Gets onto right track*
Dodge: Whoa! *Applies brakes, but can't slow down in time*
The points were against Dodge, and he derailed.
P.T Boomer: Sorry Diesel 10.
Diesel 10: Ah, don't worry about it. He was an asshole, and we're still behind Lady. Only she's not heading for the freight cars.
Splatter: *Next to Lady* I'm going to get you.
Lady: No you're not, because you're on the left side of the mainline, and there's another track between us.
Splatter: So? *Sees points in front of him* Oh good, I can switch onto the middle track.
Henry: *Passing Splatter on middle track*
Splatter: And now I have to wait for Henry. *Applies brakes, but crashes into Henry's train*
One of the freight cars was heading towards Lady.
Burnett: Oh no u don't. *Puts meer coal into Lady's firebox*
Lady: *Goes faster*
Diesel 10: *Goes faster*
The freight car hit Pinchy.
Diesel 10: Oh no! Pinchy, say something!
Pinchy: *Dead*
P.T Boomer: Well, u still have me sir.
After escaping the diesels once again, Lady saw a bridge. She had to stop, because it was under reconstruction.
Burnett: I think we can make it. What do u two think?
Lilly: Sure. Is that okay with u Lady?
Lady: I can make it.
Burnett: *Drives Lady backwards*
Diesel 10: *Getting towards Lady with Splatter, Dodge, and P.T Boomer*
Splatter: There she is.
Lady: *Stops*
Diesel 10: This is it. Let's get her.
Lady: *Going vooruit, voorwaarts very quickly*
Splatter: What's she doing?
Dodge: She's gonna destroy that bridge.
Lady: *Continues going over bridge*
The bridge started to crumble, but Lady made it across before it fell apart.
Lady: Woohoo!
Burnett: We did it!
Dora: We did it, we did it!
Burnett: Fuck u Dora The Explorer. *Pushes Dora out of Lady*
Dora: *Dies*
Diesel 10: Well I'll be.
P.T Boomer: She actually made it across.
After getting over the bridge, Burnett stopped Lady at Knapford Station where Sir Tophamm Hat was waiting.
Sir Tophamm Hat: *Sees Burnett Stone, and Lady* Hello. Who are you? And where did this engine come from?
Burnett: I am a friend of Mr. Conductor's. I'll take u to him if you'd like, but Diesel 10 has been causing havoc.
Sir Tophamm Hat: I'll deal with Diesel 10, and his goons later, but now I want u to take me to Mr. Conductor. *Climbs aboard Lady* This is a really beautiful engine u have.
Lady: *Blushes*
Burnett: *Drives Lady to Mr. Conductor's location*
Narrator: Later, I was helping some workmen get Thomas back on the rails.
Thomas: Do u think Lady escaped?
Mr. Conductor: I don't know Thomas. I hope she did, because u know how much she means to Burnett.
Lady: *Blows her whistle*
Thomas: I see her.
Burnett: *Stops Lady volgende to Thomas*
Sir Tophamm Hat: *Jumps out of Lady* Mr. Conductor, I'm glad to see you're safe. Your friend Burnett Stone told me everything about what happened.
Mr. Conductor: I'm sorry if I disappointed u sir.
Sir Tophamm Hat: I'm not disappointed. Although Thomas will have to go to the Steam works for repairs, and Henry's tunnel will need to be repaired, nothing serious happened.
Burnett: Oh, a bridge collapsed.
Sir Tophamm Hat: Well, I better go find Diesel 10.
Diesel 10: *Arrives* Hello Teapot! I'm back to scrap you!
Sir Tophamm Hat: I don't think so. *Grabs grenade*
Diesel 10: P.T stop him!
Sir Tophamm Hat: *Throws grenade into Diesel 10*
Diesel 10: oh shit. *Blows up*
Thomas: Who are you, and what have u done with the real Sir Tophamm Hat?
Sir Tophamm Hat: Don't worry. I assure u that I'm still the real Sir Tophamm Hat.
Burnett: u got a good arm Tophamm. *Laughing, but then he starts to choke, and falls on the ground*
Lady: Mr. Stone?
Sir Tophamm Hat: *Checking Burnett's pulse* He's dead.
Narrator: Everyone gasped. We couldn't believe it. He was dead, and this was supposed to be a kid's show. I guess the explosion, and all the swearing, and violence caused him to die in this story. Splatter & Dodge were sent to The Other Railway on the Mainland, and never set their wheels on Sodor again. After Burnett Stone passed away, Lady was gegeven to Sir Tophamm Hat, knowing that he would take good care of her, as he does with all his other engines. As for me, Mr. Conductor? I'm glad this is over. Now, I can go back to being Alec Baldwin, and think about other films I've done that were better than this, such as The Hunt For The Red October, Cats & Dogs, and maybe even Madagascar 2, Escape To Africa.
The End
Song (Start at 0:23): link
Sean The Hedgehog: Thanks for stopping door everyone. We'll be back on December 9. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sean The Hedgehog: Welcome to the seconde half of our show. We will be tonen u the Thomas & vrienden spoof, Thomas & The Magic Railway.
Theme song: link
Me: I'm creating my own parody of T&TMR. :D
Thomas Fans: Oh no!!
Me: Oh yes!! :D
Thomas Fans: No!!
Me: Yes :D
Thomas Fans: Fine, get on with it.
link
Mage: Get on with it.
Soldier: Yes, get on with it!
Warriors: YES, GET ON WITH IT!!
* * *
Narrator: Hello, I'm Mr. Conductor, but my real name is Alec Baldwin. Please don't tell anyone I told you. I'm also going to be narrating.
Thomas: *Goes through tunnel*
Narrator: This is the Island Of Sodor, where talking trains go around, and act like normal trains, but talk. There's a lot of engines on the island like Thomas, but due to a very tight budget, we'll only allow Thomas, and five of his friends, Diesel Ten ,and his two goons, as well as a purple tank engine that has no face to be in the movie.
Gordon: *Waiting at station* 8, 7, 6, 5, 4-
Thomas: *Arrives* 3, 2, 1, blast off!! *Stops at station* Why were u counting down?
Gordon: I was counting how many seconden u had until u were late.
Thomas: Ha, look who's talking fatty.
Gordon: Fatty? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! NOBODY CALLS ME FATTY!!
Diesel 10: *Goes past* Outta my way steamies! Suck my dick... of cock!
Gordon: Isn't that the same thing?
Thomas: Who cares? Can't he suck his own di... What was it he said?
Gordon: u don't want to remember.
Narrator: And now to interrupt the story so that I can toon u where I live. Shining Time Station. I live there with many other people, but I have to tell u meer about it later, because I'm holding up the story. And door the way, I think u might be in this story too.
Thomas: Hmm, if Diesel 10 is causing havoc, there must be a lost steamie around here.
Stop the song, because James wants to sing for you.
James: 1 2 3 O' Clock, 4 O' Clock Rock!
Engines: *Hearing James* Make it stop!!
James: 5 6 7 O' Clock, 8 O' Clock Rock!
Engines: *Leaving sheds*
James: 9 10 11 O' Clock, 12 O' Clock Rock!
Thomas: *Slowly backs into buffers* HOLY BOTHERATIONS!!!
James: u weren't concentrating Thomas. Lucky for u that u were going slow.
Thomas: What? u think I'd be that crazy to go fast, and come off the rails?
James: uhh.. Maybe?
Thomas: What are u doing in the shed James?
James: I was being naughty, and the fat ezel controller told me to stay here, and think about my mistake.
Thomas: I think u made another mistake door calling Sir Tophamm Hat fat.
James: Well, it's not my fault he's overweight.
Diesel 10: *Arrives* hallo u two!! My name is Diesel 10!!
Thomas: Great, no one cares.
Diesel 10: Well u should. I'm looking for a lost steam engine! Have u seen her?
Thomas: Four wheels?
Diesel 10: Yup.
Thomas: Purple paint, with a golden smokebox?
Diesel 10: Yep.
Thomas: The word Lady is written on both sides?
Diesel 10: Yup.
Thomas: Never heard of her.
Diesel 10: Oh well. *Leaves*
James: There's a lost engine?
Back at Shining Time Station.
Patch: *Sitting on bench* Where's Burnett Stone when u need him?
Mut: *Barks*
Patch: Oh, right. I get those two mixed up. Where's Billy Twofeathers when u need him?
Billy: *driving train towards station*
Mut: *sees train, and barks*
Patch: I see him.
Billy: *Stops train at station* Hi Patch.
Patch: hallo Billy. Check out this banner I made for the station.
Billy: Very good. I like it.
Patch: Thanks.
Mut: *Barks*
Billy: It happens.
Patch: What?
Billy: Mut was telling me u got me confused with Burnett Stone.
Patch: Yeah.
Billy: Burnett is over at his house. u can go visit him if you'd like.
Patch: Are u sure it's okay?
Billy: Yeah, go ahead. I have to go in the station now.
Burnett was indeed at his house, but he wasn't doing anything.
Burnett: *Turns song on record player*
Song: link
Narrator: Burnett has this engine named Lady. He drove it a lot, but something bad happened to it.
Burnett: *Looking at paintings of Lady, then has a flashback*
Lady: *In ditch* You'll fix me, right?
Burnett: Yeah!
The flashback ended.
Burnett: She's fixed now, and I don't have to worry about anything happening to her anymore. She shall not verplaats from her current position. *Turns off record player*
Meanwhile on Sodor.
Sir Tophamm Hat: Thomas, I'm going on holiday with Lady Hatt. Mr. Conductor is going to be in charge while I'm away.
Thomas: Yes sir.
Sir Tophamm Hat: That's a good engine. I'm gonna go now.
Splatter: *Overhears conversation* I gotta tell this to Diesel 10 now! *Goes off*
Meanwhile, near some random cliff
Diesel 10: *Looking at carving in cliff* That's my face. It's so beautiful!
Dodge: Sir, try to focus on our job.
Diesel 10: Oh, ehem! Thank you, I almost forgot.
Splatter: *Arrives* Diesel 10, Sir Tophamm Hat's leaving on holiday!
Diesel 10: Great! Now we have this entire railway to ourselves. u know what we can do now, right Splodge?
Splatter: Actually, it's Splatter.
Dodge: And Dodge.
Diesel 10: I ain't got time to say both names.
Splatter: We've looked everywhere for Lady, but she doesn't seem to be on the island.
Diesel 10: Then look for the magic buffers. We go through them, and we'll get Lady.
Dodge: Magic buffers?
Splatter: What's next? A bunch of adult males watching a toon about multi-colored ponies?
Diesel 10: Ehem, I resent that.
Dodge: u mean you're a brony?!
Diesel 10: Yeah, and if u got a problem, Pinchy will kill you!
Pinchy: *hitting Diesel 10*
Diesel 10: AH! Pinchy, what the fuck?!
Dodge: *Laughing*
Splatter: Seems like Pinchy doesn't like bronies either.
Song: link
Narrator: I was getting ready to leave for Sodor. For some reason I was as small as a dog treat.
Mutt: *Barking*
Narrator: Okay, maybe I shouldn't have zei that. Anyway, I'm short at Shining Time Station, but not at Sodor. I was just about to leave when....
Billy: Hello Mr. Conductor.
Mr. Conductor: Good morning Billy. *Looking for whistle* Where is it? I know I left it somewhere.
Patch: Hi Mr. C.
Mr. Conductor: Hello Patch. Where's that whistle?
Stacey Jones: Mr. C? *Holding Mr. Conductor's whistle* I have it sir.
Mr. Conductor: Oh, thank u Stacey. *Takes whistle* Now, I must get going. The engines on Sodor need me, and I mustn't be late.
Stacey Jones: But u already are late.
Mr. Conductor: Oh F**k.
Director: Watch your mouth Alec!
Mr. Conductor: Don't call be door my real name! I'm Mr. Conductor! Anyway, nice work censor team.
Censor team: No problem Mr. Baldwin.
Mr. Conductor: I told you, it's Mr. Conductor!! Ugh, I have to go now. *reading script* Oh no.
Stacey Jones: What is it?
Mr. Conductor: sparkle... sparkle... sparkle... *Blows on whistle, and goes to Sodor*
Meanwhile on sodor
Thomas: *Puffing across Bridge* Mr. Conductor? Where are you?
Mr. Conductor: *Appears door track* Thomas, I'm here!
Thomas: *stops* Oh, hello Mr. Conductor. How have u been?
Mr. Conductor: Well, my dag had a rough start, but things should get better now that I'm here.
Thomas: That's good to hear. When you're on Sodor, nothing bad ever happens, except for when diesels attack, and Hit Entertainment taking over, and making a CGI version of me. I'd rather stay the way I am, without my face moving, and only my eyes move. Then the camera crew has to stop filming just to change my face, depending on what happens.
Mr. Conductor: *Driving Thomas* Well at least they finally got rid of Michael Angelis as the U.K narrator.
Thomas: I agree with u on that.
Mr. Conductor: So what else has been happening?
Thomas: Diesel 10 has arrived, and is trying to take over everything.
Percy: *Passing Thomas* ster biller!
Thomas: Oh shut up Percy. It has nothing to do with getting all the fame, and glory!
Mr. Conductor: I can understand.
Thomas: Thank you. At least someone doesn't think I'm a ster billing bastard.
On another part of the island
Diesel 10: Oh magic buffers? Where are you?
Splatter & Dodge: *Following closely behind*
Splatter: Maybe they got destroyed.
Diesel 10: Impossible. They have to be around here somewhere.
Narrator: Now we meet Lilly. She's almost the same age as Patch, and lives in New York City. Her grandfather is Burnett Stone.
Lily: Grandpa always seems upset.
Mother: Well maybe your visit will cheer him up.
Lily: I hope it does. I made him a frienship bracelet.
Mother: What about that engine he always talks about?
Lily: Lady? It's fixed, but he doesn't want anything bad happening to it.
Mother: Why? What happened?
Lily: Well, grandpa told me that a diesel was chasing her, and that grandpa ran out of coal for the engine. The diesel pushed him, and Lady into a ditch.
Mother: How terrible.
Lily: I'm gonna get my stuffed bluebird, then I'll be ready.
Ringo Starr: Meanwhile on sodor.
Mr. Conductor: Ringo, what the fuck?!
Ringo: I'm narrating the episode.
Mr. Conductor: Well this is a movie. Go back to making music.
Ringo: But the only other band member that's alive today in the Beetles is Paul McCartney- *Losing breath*
Mr. Conductor: Correction, Paul is the only Beetle member alive today. Now then, before I was rudely interrupted, the engines were completing their work on Sodor.
Percy: I'm glad our work is almost over today.
James: Only because you're too lazy.
Gordon & Henry: *Laughing*
Song (Start at 8:25): link
Splatter & Dodge: *Arriving* Hello.
James: Diesels?!
Gordon: What are u doing here?
Dodge: We want to do nothing, but our boss is making us defeat you.
Gordon: Oh no u don't. *Slowly moves towards Dodge*
Splatter: Uhm.. What are u doing?
Gordon: Oh nothing, just slowly moving towards you. *Rams Splatter*
Dodge: Okay, it's on!
Henry: *Rams Dodge*
All the engines got off the tracks, and started fighting each other.
Harold: *Flying above them* Hey, stop that at once!
Dodge: NO!
Thomas: They started it!
Harold: Fine, u leave me no choice! *Flies away*
Percy: Wait, what did he mean door that?
Toby: I don't know.
Gordon: Who cares? Keep fighting them!
Splatter: *Pours Flour on Thomas*
Thomas: *Sneezes*
James: *Hits Splatter*
The fighting continued until the Scottish Army started marching towards them.
Toby: *Hears bagpipes* oh no.
Everyone: *Stops fighting*
Gordon: What is it?
Toby: *Points at Scottish Army*
Scottish Soldiers: *Carrying rifles, and playing bagpipes*
Thomas: run for your life.
Dodge: But it's just scottish humans carrying rifles, and playing bagpipes.
Splatter: Yeah, if we stay here any longer, they'll shoot us- watoihowethiksejgt, what?!
Thomas: *Leaves*
Percy: *Follows Thomas*
Toby: *Follows Percy*
Scottish Soldiers: *getting closer*
Gordon: *Follows Toby*
James: *Following Gordon*
Henry: Duh, I'll follow the diesels.
Splatter: We're not going anywhere.
Dodge: If we stay, then so do you.
Scottish Soldiers: *Getting closer*
Scottish Captain: Ready!
Scottish Soldiers: *Holding Rifles*
Scottish Captain: Aim!
Scottish Soldiers: *Aiming at Henry, Splatter, and Dodge*
Scottish Captain: FIRE!!
Scottish Soldiers: *Shooting, and keep missing*
Splatter, and Dodge: Okay, let's get out of here! *Leaves*
Henry: *Follows Splatter, and Dodge* Harold must have called these guys over to kill us if we didn't stop fighting.
Splatter: Henry got something right for once.
Scottish Soldier: *Shoots Splatter*
Splatter: Ow! Stop shooting, we're leaving!
Scottish Soldiers: *Shooting Dodge*
Dodge: What do I look like?! A Target?
Scottish Soldiers: Enemies are retreating!
Scottish Captain: From this moment on, Tidmouth Sheds belong to The Mainland!!
Scottish Soldiers: How about Scotland?
Scottish Captain: That too! Now get Donald, and Douglas. Those two will be happy to have the sheds door theirselves.
Narrator: The Scottish claimed Tidmouth Sheds that day, and helped the British Army win World War 2.
Stop the song
Narrator: After the Scottish won the battle for Tidmouth Sheds, they had a party, got drunk, and forgot all about the fight. Meanwhile, Diesel 10, and his group continued searching for the magic buffers.
Splatter: How do we know which one is the magic buffers?
Dodge: Yeah boss. How do we know?
Diesel 10: If we send freight cars flying into them, and they go right through. We'll know.
Splatter: Oh. Is that all?
Diesel 10: Yeah! Now keep looking!!
Splatter & Dodge: Yes sir. *Looking for buffers*
Back at Tidmouth Sheds.
Thomas: It's good that we got the sheds back when those drunk soldiers left.
Percy: Yeah. If they didn't leave, that would be terrible.
Gordon: We'd make them leave.
Toby: Yes u could, if they didn't shoot you.
Henry: hallo Thomas?
Thomas: What is it Henry?
Henry: I overheard Splatter & Dodge talking about something called magic buffers a few minuten ago.
Thomas: When was that?
Henry: It was when the scottish were attacking. We left, and they accidentally told me about the magic buffers, thinking I wouldn't remember about them.
Thomas: And u proved them wrong. Well done Henry.
Henry: Duh, thank you. Why are u thanking me?
Thomas: Never mind.
At Sir Tophamm Hat's office.
Mr. Conductor: *Talking like Sir Tophamm Hat* Dear Mr. Conductor, where were you? My wife zei u would be here door 1 PM, but you're at least 1 uur late. We'll telephone u when we arrive at our strand house. Signed, Sir Tophamm Hat. *Sees his hat, puts it on, and looks at himself through a mirror* Now all I need is his suit.
The telephone rings.
Mr. Conductor: *Answers phone* Hello?
Sir Tophamm Hat: Where were you?
Mr. Conductor: At Shining Time. I'm very sorry for being late, but I think I'm running low on goud dust.
Sir Tophamm Hat: goud dust?
Mr. Conductor: It's that thing I use to go from place to place. Because on Sodor, I'm the size of a man, but at Shining Time, I'm as small as a toy.
Sir Tophamm Hat: That's really stupid, and fucked up.
Mr. Conductor: Sir, what would the kids think if they heard u say that?
Sir Tophamm Hat: I've got meer things to worry about then children.
Lady Hat: Oh Tophamm... Come to bed.
Sir Tophamm Hat: I have to go. *Hangs up*
Mr. Conductor: Interesting.
George Carlin: The engines, and Mr. Conductor were sleeping together in Tidmouth Sheds.
Mr. Conductor: Hey, you're not supposed to be alive!
George Carlin: Well, fuck that! I was always a better narrator then you, and u know it!
Mr. Conductor: That's it. I'm calling ghostbusters.
George Carlin: *Disappears*
Mr. Conductor: Now, where were we? *Setting alarm clock to go off at 6 AM* Oh, what have we here? *Grabs bat* u wanna play with this guy? *Grabs ball, and hits it with the bat* Why do u keep hitting him like that?
Bat: *Comes to life* It's the way I was made! Everyone knows that! *Grows legs, and walks away*
Thomas: And I thought talking trains were a bad thing.
Diesel 10: *Arriving to the right side of sheds*
Mr. Conductor: *Hears a sound* What's that?
Diesel 10: AAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Pinchy: *Hits hole in shed*
Mr. Conductor: Whoa!! *Falls out of bed*
Diesel 10: Twinkle toes is finally here!
Mr. Conductor: Twinkle toes? What kind of a name is that?
Diesel 10: I don't know. This is supposed to be a kid's show!
Mr. Conductor: Oh, yeah. *Grabs script* And it says I need to grab a bag of sugar, and threaten u with it.
Diesel 10: Oh no!! u may have won this round Twinkletoes, but volgende time, I'll win! *Goes backwards, away from sheds*
Thomas: Mr. Conductor, what was all that about?
Mr. Conductor: I don't know Thomas.
Percy: u don't know?
Mr. Conductor: No Percy. I'm sorry. And I'm losing my goud dust.
Thomas: That's not good. How do we fix that solution?
Mr. Conductor: Good question. We'll figure it out tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Lily was boarding a train for her grandfather's
Lily: *Walks downstairs to station platform*
Mutt: *Walking* Bark, bark!
Lily: What?
Mutt: *Walking towards Billy Two Feather's train*
Lily: *Follows Mutt*
The train was heading for Shining Time Station.
Meanwhile, Burnett Stone was at his house. After watching an episode of Welcome Back Kotter, he was going to go to sleep. But the wind was blowing at the trees, and he heard a sound that sounded familiar. Almost like the whistle of an engine.
Mr. Conductor: *Washing James' face*
James: Ah, that feels really great. A little meer to the left.
Mr. Conductor: *Finishes cleaning James* There we go. All nice, and shiny.
James: *Has his face glowing from a lot of cleanliness*
Mr. Conductor: *Covers eyes* Perhaps a little too shiny.
James: hallo Mr. C? Do u think you'll get your goud dust back?
Mr. Conductor: Of course I will. Now run along, and get to work.
James: Yes sir. *Leaves sheds*
Mr. Conductor: *Walking along bushes* Hey, *sees carrot, and celery* How very thoughtful. *Eating carrot, and then eats celery* Meh, I got nothing. Wait a minute, I gotta call Junior.
Meanwhile at a strand that had an oversized bucket, along with an oversized shovel.
C Junior: *Relaxing on chair* Ah. This is the life. *Hears smartphone ringing, and answers* Hello?
Mr. Conductor: Junior, it's me. Mr. Conductor.
C Junior: Ah, top, boven of the mornin to ya.
Mr. Conductor: Junior, I need your help. I'm running low on goud dust, and I need u to bring some extra dust to the Island Of Sodor.
C Junior: Sure thing man. I got a shitload of goud dust.
Mr. Conductor: Thanks. I knew I could count on you.
C Junior: But first I gotta catch some waves on my surfboard.
Mr. Conductor: No, don't do that!!
C Junior: *Hangs up*
Mr. Conductor: Goddamnit!
Director: Cut!
Camera Crew: *Stops filming*
Director: Mr. Baldwin, u need to stop cursing.
Mr. Conductor: Why are u always calling me Mr. Baldwin, of Alec Baldwin? My name is Mr. Conductor!
Director: That's great, but u need to stop cursing.
Mr. Conductor: I don't give a fuck.
Director: Well u should, this movie is supposed to be for little children.
Mr. Conductor: It's supposed to be for little children, yes, but that doesn't mean they're going to watch it! Let's face it, most of our fans are teenagers that think season's 1-4 were better then the current seasons. Hell, I don't even think anyone is going to watch Tale Of The Brave!
Worker: I will.
Mr. Conductor: Ah, shut up Chuck.
Meanwhile at Shining Time Station, Lily arrived there on the train.
Lily: *Reading station name* Shining time? What's that supposed to mean?
Shining Time Station fan: What do u think it's supposed to mean?!
C Junior: *Walks in station* Hello Stacey.
Stacey Jones: Hi Junior. Why are u here?
C Junior: I have to get onto Sodor to help Mr. Conductor. He's running low on goud dust.
Lily: *Walks in* What?
C Junior: You! *Pointing at Lily* Who are you, and what have u done with the goud dust?!
Lily: Nothing. I don't even know what you're talking about.
C Junior: Oh. Well, do u want to go to Sodor with me?
Lily: Sure.
And so they both go into the portal that takes them to Sodor.
Stacey was confused. She didn't know what C Junior, and Lily were up too.
Stacey: *Calling Burnett*
Burnett: *Answers phone* Hello?
Stacey: Burnett, it's Stacey Jones.
Burnett: Stacey, what's happening? And where's Lily?
Stacey: That's the point. She's not here.
Burnett: What are u talking about?!
Stacey: She left with some guy as small as Mr. Conductor.
Burnett: Aw, she must be on the Island Of Sodor.
Stacey: Where's that?
Burnett: Seriously? Mr. Conductor told u he was going there, and u forget?
Stacey: I'm sorry! I've got an important job here, and it's not easy to remember so many things at once.
Burnett: Well do a better job at it!
Meanwhile, on Sodor.
C Junior: Well, here we are.
Lily: *Looking around* All the trains... They have-
C Junior: Faces? I know, ain't it awesome?
Lily: I guess.
C Junior: *Walking up hill*
Lily: *Following*
C Junior: *Sneezes*
Lily: Are u okay?
C Junior: Oh yeah. Just a little bit of allergies. *Gets to top, boven of hill, and slides down* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Lily: Junior?!
C Junior: Relax! I'm okay.
Lily: *Slides down to bottom of hill* Weeeeeee!! This is fun.
C Junior: I told u so. This is fun.
P.T. Boomer: Hey! Stop that noise over there.
C Junior: What for? We aren't bothering anyone.
P.T. Boomer: Well you're bothering me! P.T. Boomer!!
Diesel 10: *Arrives* Ah, Twinkletoes' brother.
C Junior: How did u know that?
Diesel 10: Eavesdropping.
Thomas: *Heading towards Diesel 10* I just got a great idea. *Speeds up*
Diesel 10: Nice to meet u Mr. Boomer, but I gotta stop Junior from-
Thomas: hallo Douchebag 10, I bet u can't stop me! *Takes off*
Diesel 10: Ugh! I'll deal with u later!
P.T. Boomer: *Gets in Diesel 10*
Diesel 10: *Takes off* Get back here puffball!!
Lily: What was that all about?
Junior: I have no idea. Maybe Mr. Conductor can explain.
Thomas: *Going fast*
Diesel 10: *Chasing Thomas*
P.T. Boomer: Go faster!
Diesel 10: This is my top, boven speed. That puffball is going faster than us.
Thomas: Of course I am. I'm Thomas The Tank Engine. Nobody can go faster then me!
Michael Brandon: Thomas huffed, and puffed. He wanted to get away from Diesel 10.
Mr. Conductor: *Shows up from nowhere* Shut up Michael! No one likes you.
Michael Brandon: zei Alec Baldwin.
Mr. Conductor: *Shoveling coal into Thomas' firebox*
Michael Brandon: Alec Baldwin shoveled meer coal into Thomas' firebox. He hoped it wouldn't catch on fire.
Mr. Conductor: I zei shut up Mr. Brandon! My name is Mr. Conductor, not Alec Baldwin!
Thomas: Mr. Conductor, I think we lost him.
Mr. Conductor: *Looks behind Thomas* Yep. We lost him. *Stops at windmill*
Thomas: *Sees Windmill* Hey, I remember this. It's about time they had this back.
Mr. Conductor: What are u talking about?
Thomas: The windmill. No one has ever seen it in any episode for a long time. They only get to see it in the intro.
Meanwhile, on Muffle Mountain.
Burnett: *Sitting in rocking chair*
Patch: *Knocking on door* Mr. Stone? Are u there?!
Burnett: *Goes to door, and opens it* Ah, Patch. What can I do for u my friend?
Patch: Lilly. She went to Sodor with C Junior. Mr. Conductor's brother?
Burnett: Well, we need to go get her. Why would C Junior try to do that while she's coming to visit me?
Patch: I don't know, but we can ask them vragen when we see them.
Back on Sodor.
C Junior: *Arrives with Lilly* Alec Baldwin! It's good to see u again!
Mr. Conductor: Oh great. Everyone's been calling me that, I don't need u calling me that too!
C Junior: Sorry Mr....
Mr. Conductor: Conductor?
C Junior: Ah, I knew that sounded familiar. Mr. Nutterbutter.
Mr. Conductor: My name is Alec Baldwin- I mean Mr. Conductor!
C Junior: *Sees Windmill* Oh, that looks like fun. *Climbing on top, boven of windmill*
Mr. Conductor: Junior, get down from there.
C Junior: No way. *Holds onto windmill blade* This is just like the funfair!
Mr. Conductor: of Dragon Ball Z.
Lilly: Why that?
Mr. Conductor: Because he's acting like Goku.
C Junior: I might be able to hit London with a Kamehameha. That'll scare them.
But the windmill was going faster.
C Junior: Whoa. Why is it going faster?!
Mr. Conductor: Get down from there.
C Junior: *Lets go, but goes flying away* AAAAW YEAHHHH!! *Lands on Diesel 10*
Diesel 10: Well well well. If it isn't the brother of Twinkletoes?
C Junior: Hello.
P.T. Boomer: Yes. Hello Junior. *Sees abandoned warehouse* Stop here. This'll be the perfect spot for an interrogation.
Diesel 10: Whatever u say Boomer.
Percy was shunting some coal cars, but they were being troublesome.
Freight Cars: We want a better engine to shunt us!
Percy: Well I'm the best u got!
Freight Car #1: No! What about Thomas?
Freight Car #2: of James?
Freight Car #3: of Toby?
Freight Car #4: of Percy?!
Freight Cars: He's already shunting us!
Freight Car #4: Oh.
Percy: *Getting angry* Be quiet! *Bashes freight cars*
Freight Car #1: *Rolling towards buffers*
The freight car soon went into the buffer, and a whistle could be heard as he went in the buffers. Percy didn't know how that happened, but he decided to use it as an advantage to make the cars behave.
Freight Cars: Did he just-
Percy: Okay, does anyone else have a problem with me shunting u into your proper siding?
Freight Cars: No.
Percy: Good. (Wait a minute. That freight car went through the buffers, and a whistle was heard. Those could be the magic buffers! I have to tell Thomas at once!) *About to leave*
Freight Cars: Where are u going?
Percy: None of your business u shitheads. *Puffs away*
Freight Car #4: I don't have any shit on my head.
Freight Car #3: It's just a figure of speech genius.
Freight Car #4: Oh, thank you.
Freight Car #2: He was being sarcastic.
Freight Car #4: Aw man.
Meanwhile, while Diesel 10 was standing guard, P.T. Boomer was interrogating C Junior.
P.T. Boomer: Where are those magic buffers?
C Junior: I don't know what you're talking about.
P.T. Boomer: *Grabs baseball bat* We can do this the easy way, of the hard way.
C Junior: Go ahead, and do it! I don't care anymore.
P.T. Boomer: What? u actually thought I was gonna hit u with this baseball bat? You're crazy. What I was really gonna do was go play baseball, and leave u here alone if u didn't talk.
C Junior: Alright! I'll tell u everything u need to know!
Michael Angelis: And so, Mr. Conductor's brother told P.T. Boomer everything he needed to know.
P.T. Boomer: Okay, seriously? You're the worst narrator ever, and even after u got replaced, you're still here?
Michael Angelis: Well, where's Alec Baldwin? I'm supposed to narrate when he makes an appearance, and rescues C Junior.
P.T. Boomer: Well, I don't know. I guess he got fed up with seeing Ringo Starr, George Carlin, and Michael Brandon, so I guess he decided to-
Mr. Conductor: *Arrives from nowhere* Buy meer goud dust off of E-bay, and rescue my brother! *Sends goud dust to C Junior* Let's get out of here! *Blows whistle*
C Junior: *Blows whistle*
Michael Angelis: Then they both teleported out of the warehouse.
Mr. Conductor: Okay, Michael? You're the worst narrator ever. Why are u still here?
Michael Angelis: Because, I-
Mr. Conductor: That's enough. Go away!
Thomas: *Arrives* Mr. Conductor, Percy says he found the magic buffers.
Mr. Conductor: Really? Where?
Thomas: Get in my cab, and I'll take u there.
Narrator: So we both got in Thomas' cab, and he took us to the magic buffers. While Thomas was taking us to the magic buffers, Junior remembered something.
C Junior: Oh no.
Mr. Conductor: What's the matter Junior?
C Junior: Lilly. We left her at the windmill!
Mr. Conductor: Alright, Thomas. Get us to the windmill, then take us to the magic buffers.
Thomas: Yes sir Mr. Conductor. *Goes to windmill*
Pierce Brosnan: Thomas went as fast as he could to the windmill.
Mr. Conductor: Is that James Bond narrating?
James: *Passing Thomas with a short freight train* Did someone say my name?
Thomas: We're talking about another James.
James: Uh, huh. Sure u are. *Goes faster then Thomas*
Pierce Brosnan: I was James Bond, but now I'm Pierce Brosnan. I'm going to take a break from narrating, and go drink coffee.
Thomas stopped at the windmill. He saw Splatter & Dodge harassing Lilly.
Splatter: Where's the magic buffers?
Lilly: I don't know.
Dodge: Where's the magic buffers?
Lilly: Stop asking me!
Splatter: Where's the magic buffers?
Mr. Conductor: Alright, that's enough u two!
Splatter: Oops. Sorry.
Dodge: We were just about to leave. *Leaves*
Splatter: *Following Dodge*
C Junior: Are u okay Lilly?
Lilly: I think so.
Mr. Conductor: What did they do to you?
Lilly: All they did was ask where the magic buffers were.
Thomas: Ah, good. They don't know where they are yet.
Mr. Conductor: And we do.
C Junior: Climb in with us on Thomas, and we'll take u to them.
Narrator: While we were climbing on board Thomas, we didn't realize that Splatter, and Dodge were hiding in a nearby siding, and heard everything we said.
Splatter: We need to tell the boss about this.
Dodge: Which one? Diesel 10, of P.T. Boomer?
Splatter: Who cares? If we tell one of them, the other one will find out sooner of later.
Dodge: Let's tell them now. The sooner, the better.
Thomas: *Sees siding with magic buffers* Brace yourselves. Here we go. *Goes into magic buffers* We made it.
Mr. Conductor: How did Percy find them?
Thomas: It was door accident.
Mr. Conductor: Yeah, that figures.
Lilly: Wait a minute. My grandfather could use that coal in the freight car to get Lady started.
Thomas: Lady is the lost engine. Let's find that coal car quickly.
C Junior: But Thomas, it's right there.
Thomas: *Sees freight car with coal in siding* Oh. You're right. *Goes past points, stops, and reverses into siding to get freight car*
Mr. Conductor: We got it. Go.
Thomas: *Pulls coal car*
Lilly: You're a really useful engine Thomas.
Thomas: You're goddamn right I'm useful.
God: u are not allowed to curse. Because of this, I will make u end up on a cliff for no reason! *Makes Thomas end up on cliff*
Thomas: Ummm, how was that possible?
Mr. Conductor: Don't worry. We'll get u out of this. *Blows whistle*
Narrator: Thankfully, I teleported all of us, including the freight car of coal to Burnett Stone's house. Thomas, was right door Lady.
Song: link
The coal from the freight car was loaded into Lady's bunker.
Burnett: *Gets Lady's brand started*
Lilly: *Gets into cab with Burnett* I'm sorry I didn't get to spend much time with u Grandpa.
Burnett: It's alright. We'll make meer plans to hang out.
Thomas: I'm ready when u are.
Mr. Conductor: Okay Thomas. Make sure you're coupled up to that freight car.
Thomas: *Goes forward* Yeah, I'm coupled to the freight car.
Mr. Conductor: Good. Let's go. *Drives Thomas*
Burnett: *Drives Lady*
C Junior: *Looking at Lady* Sir, how come Lady doesn't have a face like Thomas? How is she supposed to talk?
Mr. Conductor: She'll only be like that until we get to Sodor. Then, she'll get a face.
C Junior: I can't wait to see what she looks like.
Mr. Conductor: Don't flirt with her Junior.
C Junior: Flirt? What does that mean?
Mr. Conductor: It means to behave as though attracted to of trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.
Thomas: I thought this was supposed to be for little kids.
Soon, they entered Sodor.
Lady: *Gets her face* Ah, finally I can breathe! u have no idea how terrible it was to not have a face!
Burnett: Well, now u got one my Lady.
Lilly: *Smiles*
Thomas: *Continues going down the line*
Lady: *Following Thomas*
Thomas: We're almost at the well where u can get meer magic goud dust.
Mr. Conductor: Good.
C Junior: Wait a minute, I thought I got us meer goud dust on E-bay.
Mr. Conductor: It hasn't arrived yet, and I've been getting impatient.
Thomas: *Sees magic well* There it is. *Stops at well*
Lady: *Stops behind Thomas*
C Junior: meer magic goud dust!
C Junior & Mr. Conductor: YAY!
Splatter: *Sees Lady*
Dodge: Damnit.
Mr Conductor & C Junior: *Gets back in Thomas*
Diesel 10: We need to stop those puffballs now!
P.T. Boomer: u got that right.
Thomas: It's Diesel 10, let's get out of here. *Takes off fast*
Lady: *Follows Thomas*
Dodge: They're going fast boss.
Diesel 10: No kidding. *Chases Lady*
Splatter & Dodge: *Following Diesel 10*
Lilly: *Sees Diesels chasing them* What do they want?
Burnett: To destroy Lady. I let them do that once, I won't let them do it again.
Thomas: *Switches to right side of track*
Lady: *Following Thomas*
Diesel 10: *Follows Lady*
Splatter: The points were just switched again.
Dodge: We're heading away from the chase!
Diesel 10: I don't care, u two are always ruining things anyway.
Dodge: I got an idea. Let's get some freight cars, and go to Gordon's Hill.
Splatter: Good idea.
Meanwhile with the chase.
P.T. Boomer: *Loading up revolver* I've been saving this for a good time.
Diesel 10: Be careful, I don't want u shooting me!
P.T. Boomer: Relax, I've used one of these before. *Shoots at Lady, but misses*
Lilly: Why are they shooting at us?
Burnett: I don't know.
Thomas: Let's go faster. *Goes faster*
Lady: *Goes faster*
Diesel 10: I'm losing them! Hmm. *Sees switch tracks, and gets on Thomas' left side* Hello blue puffball.
Thomas: What do u want?
Diesel 10: I want u to meet Pinchy.
Pinchy: *Tries to grab Thomas*
Mr. Conductor: Don't let him get u Thomas!
Thomas: I'm doing my best!
Pinchy: *Grabs Thomas*
Thomas: *Gets off rails* This can't be good.
Diesel 10: *Sees tunnel* Throw him.
Pinchy: *Throws Thomas into tunnel*
Thomas: AAAHH!! *Hits tunnel wall, and lands in field*
Burnett: Well, that ain't good.
Lilly: Can we save them?
Burnett: No. Otherwise, Diesel 10 will kill us.
P.T Boomer: *Shoots at Lady again, but misses*
Lilly: Don't forget that crazy nut with the revolver.
Burnett: How could I forget him? *Drives Lady into tunnel*
Lady: *Turns on lights*
Burnett: Can u see?
Lady: Better than ever.
Diesel 10: And I see a purple theekopje begging to be crushed.
P.T Boomer: of shot at!
Burnett: They're still on the track volgende to us. They could end up on the same track we're on, but that would be half a mile up. I got a good idea. *Applies brakes*
Diesel 10: They're stopping!
P.T Boomer: *Applies Diesel 10's brakes*
Lady: *Goes backwards*
Burnett: I always have a few tricks up my sleeve. *Goes over switch track*
Lilly: We're away from them.
Diesel 10: They're gone!
P.T Boomer: We'll go on their track. *Backs up Diesel 10 to switch, and ends up on right track*
Meanwhile with Lady
Lilly: Good thinking Grandpa.
Burnett: Thank you. *Goes pass another switch* Okay, we're on Gordon's express line now.
Lady: *Goes vooruit, voorwaarts again*
Lilly: Still no sign of those two.
Diesel 10: *Backs up pass switch track*
Lilly: I stand corrected.
Burnett: They're far away from us. They won't catch up to us.
Splatter: *Shows up on other track volgende to Lady* Hello Mr. Stone. Did u miss me?
Gordon: *Pulling express* Out of my way! Express coming through!
Splatter: *Sees Gordon in front of him* Uh oh.
Gordon: *Crashes into Splatter*
Splatter: Whoa! *Blocking Diesel 10's track*
Diesel 10: Oh damnit. *Goes faster, and rams Splatter off of his track*
P.T Boomer: Shit, that was close.
Lady was getting very far away from Diesel 10, but she was heading towards Gordon's Hill.
Thomas was still in the field, where he landed after Diesel 10 threw him into a wall.
Percy: *Arrives* So, I guess u found the magic buffers.
Thomas: Whatever gave u that idea.
Percy: I saw Lady. How did u end up in this field anyway?
Thomas: Diesel 10's beloved pinchy did that to me.
Percy: Pinchy?
Thomas: Yeah, u know that claw on top, boven of Diesel 10?
Percy: Where are Mr. Conductor, and C Junior?
Thomas: They found a phone booth about half a mile from here. They're calling the break down gang.
Meanwhile, near Gordon's Hill.
Lady: *Going fast*
Burnett: *Looking behind Lady* We're in the clear my lady.
Splatter: *Pushing freight cars up Gordon's hill* Why am I doing this again?
Dodge: To stop Lady. Once she hits these freight cars, I'll get behind her, and we'll both take her to the smelter's yard. *Going down other side of Gordon's hill*
Splatter: *Gets freight cars to top, boven of Gordon's hill*
Lady: *Going up hill*
Dodge: Special delivery!
Splatter: *Uncouples himself from freight cars*
The freight cars came rolling toward Lady.
Burnett: *Applies brakes*
Lady: *Stops, and gets hit door freight cars*
Dodge: *Goes past Lady*
Lilly: He's going to find a set of points to switch onto our track.
Burnett: But he won't catch us. *Tries to make Lady go forward*
Lady was slipping, as she was starting uphill with several freight cars in front of her.
Lady: I can't push these freight cars.
Splatter: *Couples to other side of freight cars, then pulls them*
Lady: I got coupled up to the cars when they hit me.
Burnett: We just have to try, and go backwards.
Lady: *Slipping in reverse*
Burnett: *Keeps Lady in reverse* Keep trying my lady. u got to!
Lilly: *Walks out of Lady, and uncouples her from train, then quickly jumps back on*
Lady: *Going backwards fast*
Lilly: I don't know about you, but this engine did say those freight cars were too heavy for her.
Burnett: Well, let me know when you're gonna do a crazy stunt like that volgende time. What if u didn't make it back in on time?
Dodge: *About to get on Lady's track*
Lady: *Passes Dodge*
Dodge: What happened?!
Splatter: *Arrives* I'm sorry, but she just escaped.
Dodge: u imbecile. No wonder why Diesel 10 thinks of us as idiots. He blames your stupidity on me!
The three engines were going backwards.
Diesel 10: *On the track left to Lady*
P.T Boomer: We have u surrounded.
Lady: Mr. Stone still has a lot of tricks up his sleeve u know.
Diesel 10: Like what?
Burnett: This! *Applies brakes, and has Lady going forward, passing the three diesels*
Diesel 10: After her!
Splatter: She's heading back to Gordon's Hill.
Diesel 10: What do u mean, "Back to Gordon's Hill?"
Dodge: We tried stopping her door blocking her track with freight cars, and surrounding her.
Diesel 10: If that was my plan, it would've worked successfully.
P.T Boomer: What about me?
Diesel 10: It would've worked if it was your plan too Boomer.
P.T Boomer: Thank u sir. *Grabs revolver, and aims it at Lady*
Lilly: The points are set to the track that the freight cars are on.
P.T Boomer: *Shoots switch door accident* Oh dear.
Lady: *Gets onto right track*
Dodge: Whoa! *Applies brakes, but can't slow down in time*
The points were against Dodge, and he derailed.
P.T Boomer: Sorry Diesel 10.
Diesel 10: Ah, don't worry about it. He was an asshole, and we're still behind Lady. Only she's not heading for the freight cars.
Splatter: *Next to Lady* I'm going to get you.
Lady: No you're not, because you're on the left side of the mainline, and there's another track between us.
Splatter: So? *Sees points in front of him* Oh good, I can switch onto the middle track.
Henry: *Passing Splatter on middle track*
Splatter: And now I have to wait for Henry. *Applies brakes, but crashes into Henry's train*
One of the freight cars was heading towards Lady.
Burnett: Oh no u don't. *Puts meer coal into Lady's firebox*
Lady: *Goes faster*
Diesel 10: *Goes faster*
The freight car hit Pinchy.
Diesel 10: Oh no! Pinchy, say something!
Pinchy: *Dead*
P.T Boomer: Well, u still have me sir.
After escaping the diesels once again, Lady saw a bridge. She had to stop, because it was under reconstruction.
Burnett: I think we can make it. What do u two think?
Lilly: Sure. Is that okay with u Lady?
Lady: I can make it.
Burnett: *Drives Lady backwards*
Diesel 10: *Getting towards Lady with Splatter, Dodge, and P.T Boomer*
Splatter: There she is.
Lady: *Stops*
Diesel 10: This is it. Let's get her.
Lady: *Going vooruit, voorwaarts very quickly*
Splatter: What's she doing?
Dodge: She's gonna destroy that bridge.
Lady: *Continues going over bridge*
The bridge started to crumble, but Lady made it across before it fell apart.
Lady: Woohoo!
Burnett: We did it!
Dora: We did it, we did it!
Burnett: Fuck u Dora The Explorer. *Pushes Dora out of Lady*
Dora: *Dies*
Diesel 10: Well I'll be.
P.T Boomer: She actually made it across.
After getting over the bridge, Burnett stopped Lady at Knapford Station where Sir Tophamm Hat was waiting.
Sir Tophamm Hat: *Sees Burnett Stone, and Lady* Hello. Who are you? And where did this engine come from?
Burnett: I am a friend of Mr. Conductor's. I'll take u to him if you'd like, but Diesel 10 has been causing havoc.
Sir Tophamm Hat: I'll deal with Diesel 10, and his goons later, but now I want u to take me to Mr. Conductor. *Climbs aboard Lady* This is a really beautiful engine u have.
Lady: *Blushes*
Burnett: *Drives Lady to Mr. Conductor's location*
Narrator: Later, I was helping some workmen get Thomas back on the rails.
Thomas: Do u think Lady escaped?
Mr. Conductor: I don't know Thomas. I hope she did, because u know how much she means to Burnett.
Lady: *Blows her whistle*
Thomas: I see her.
Burnett: *Stops Lady volgende to Thomas*
Sir Tophamm Hat: *Jumps out of Lady* Mr. Conductor, I'm glad to see you're safe. Your friend Burnett Stone told me everything about what happened.
Mr. Conductor: I'm sorry if I disappointed u sir.
Sir Tophamm Hat: I'm not disappointed. Although Thomas will have to go to the Steam works for repairs, and Henry's tunnel will need to be repaired, nothing serious happened.
Burnett: Oh, a bridge collapsed.
Sir Tophamm Hat: Well, I better go find Diesel 10.
Diesel 10: *Arrives* Hello Teapot! I'm back to scrap you!
Sir Tophamm Hat: I don't think so. *Grabs grenade*
Diesel 10: P.T stop him!
Sir Tophamm Hat: *Throws grenade into Diesel 10*
Diesel 10: oh shit. *Blows up*
Thomas: Who are you, and what have u done with the real Sir Tophamm Hat?
Sir Tophamm Hat: Don't worry. I assure u that I'm still the real Sir Tophamm Hat.
Burnett: u got a good arm Tophamm. *Laughing, but then he starts to choke, and falls on the ground*
Lady: Mr. Stone?
Sir Tophamm Hat: *Checking Burnett's pulse* He's dead.
Narrator: Everyone gasped. We couldn't believe it. He was dead, and this was supposed to be a kid's show. I guess the explosion, and all the swearing, and violence caused him to die in this story. Splatter & Dodge were sent to The Other Railway on the Mainland, and never set their wheels on Sodor again. After Burnett Stone passed away, Lady was gegeven to Sir Tophamm Hat, knowing that he would take good care of her, as he does with all his other engines. As for me, Mr. Conductor? I'm glad this is over. Now, I can go back to being Alec Baldwin, and think about other films I've done that were better than this, such as The Hunt For The Red October, Cats & Dogs, and maybe even Madagascar 2, Escape To Africa.
The End
Song (Start at 0:23): link
Sean The Hedgehog: Thanks for stopping door everyone. We'll be back on December 9. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well, this is a game I’ve been willing to talk about for a while. Madworld was a game for the Wii that I really loved, but with how much of a commercial failure it was, I doubt it would ever get a sequel. And thankfully, Anarchy Reigns came along to prove me wrong. And yes, I am well aware that it doesn’t count as a true sequel, since it’s so different, but look, there’s Jack, Black Baron, Rin Rin, and Big Bull. So it counts, shut up. Now let’s talk about why this game so so damn good. And I am aware I made a What’s Your Take about it, but….. We don’t talk about that.
Anarchy...
Sound: link
People: *Listening to the whistle as they stand door the train tracks*
Song (Start at 0:42): link
Announcer: They call her a legend. A celebrity. A lady that knows how to get the job done. Now, in a futuristic tale, u will see her like never before. In SeanTheHedgehog's 765. In a race against Norfolk Southern from Fort Wayne Indiana to Chicago Illinois.
Peter: I want her stopped immediately!
Dragovich: We are doing everything we can.
Peter: You're not trying hard enough! She needs to be stopped!
Announcer: She is helping a cause to restore Norfolk Southern. Leaders of the group are...
