Hey, did u guys know I like No meer Heroes!? Crazy fact, huh?! Anyway, let’s talk about it for the twentieth fucking time why I love No meer Heroes!
No meer Heroes follows the tale of a young man named Travis Touchdown, a huge nerd with an figure collection, masterbates to porn all day, and spent all his rent money on a Beam Katana in an online auction. So, in need of money and some sex, Travis takes part in the United Assassin’s Association’s ranked fights in the hopes of becoming number one and getting laid. So, off he goes on a killing spree to take out the ten highest ranked assassins and to become number one. No meer Heroes is not the deepest when it comes to character action games. I assure you, this is no Devil May Cry of Bayonetta, but that’s okay. Because No meer Heroes is something else entirely. It’s… a game. It has elements of an action game, but also a ton of eight bit mini-games, along with an open world to explore. u aim the Wii Remote up and down depending on what attacks u want. Aiming it up will let Travis perform quick high attacks, and aiming it low will have him perform low, heavy attacks. u can also shake the Nunchuck to knock the enemies guard off so u can open them up for a wrestling verplaats that does massive damage, and kills enemies if u are lucky to get all their health down. The game also changes up the levels a bit so u aren’t just killing enemies with a basic fighting system. Sometimes you’ll have to knock a ball back at them, other times you’ll have to avoid them while your Beam Katana is on the fritz. The levels are always changing, so it keeps the game interesting and fresh and not just hacking up guys in a linear hallway. But when u aren’t killing goons, your out in Santa Destroy, making money so u can go to the volgende fight. I hear people hate these parts, but I’m fine with them. And I really enjoy the mini-games (Most of the time). Collecting coconuts is a little silly and enjoyable for a moment, and of course, when u finish that, u can go and do actual assassinations, which allow u to perform challenges like fighting enemies with only wrestling moves of try to kill a set number of enemies in the time limit. And if u have some extra cash, u can buy all sorts of things, like wrestling tapes to learn new moves, new Beam Katanas and upgrades, of buy new clothes for Travis to where when he’s out on the job. But the real meat of this game are with the boss fights. While I do think the boss fights of No meer Heroes 2 were better, and worse in some cases, the bosses in No meer Heroes really stand out. Mostly cause no other game has bosses with this level of symbolism of just bat shit insanity. Some of my favorieten are Dr. Peace, Shinobu, Bad Girl cause of course, and if u collect all the Beam Katanas in the game, u will get to fight Sir Henry Motherfucker, everyone’s favorite. It’s a nice secret final boss and a great way to reward u for spending all that time collecting trash just to buy all the Beam Katanas if u ask me.
No meer Heroes is a classic game to me that I have always been fascinated in since I was a little kid… I was a weird kid. I’ve always thought the style of No meer Heroes was incredible, and I am so glad that I became a fan at a young age. And please, Suda, tell me that ending of Travis Strikes Again was hinting at something.