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added by TheGLaDOS
Source: http://hr.ucsb.edu/worklife/
posted by isabelle_905
More emails.

Best "out of office" emai responses:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to u if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. u are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are u wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and hart-, hart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to wis all the emails u send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will...
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posted by isabelle_905
More emails!

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give meer than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving meer than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants u to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help u answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11...
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posted by isabelle_905
From another emai I received. Just for fun!



EMPLOYEE MEMO


Dress Code

1. It is advised that u come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see u wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume u are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If u dress poorly, u need to learn to manage your money better, so that u may buy nicer clothes, and therefore u do not need a pay raise.

3. If u dress just right, u are right where u need to be and therefore u do not need a pay raise.


Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof...
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posted by isabelle_905
From an email. Just for fun!!

This is a test for Highly Intelligent People.....I have determined that u qualify. The following short kwis consists of 4 vragen and will tell u whether u are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The vragen are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL u have answered the question!

1. How do u put a giraffe into a refrigerator?








Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This vraag tests whether u tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.


2. How do u put an elephant...
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posted by isabelle_905
From an email...

Not that this would ever happen to any of us!
10 best things to say if caught sleeping at your desk.
Just in case u ever need a quick excuse:


10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minuut power nap they raved about in the time management course u sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top, boven of the Whiteout off. u probably got here just in time! Thanks!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business strategy."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing...
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