After Patrick left, I had a restless night. I couldn’t sleep feeling that I’m a prisoner in those four walls in my room. I couldn’t sit quietly all night, nor slept for a brief moment. After all, Patrick’s visit was quite unexpected, and I wasn’t ready to see him that day. Also what was weird about his visit, that during all these two weeks he didn’t pay, not even a brief visit, to Robert’s house.
Wandering around my room with my pajama on, didn’t help me to sleep, nor comforted my restless mind. As I didn’t see him during these two weeks, I thought that those feelings I had towards him were gone, and his sudden appearance proved me wrong as a storm of love and passion, was inside me at the moment I saw him standing beside Robert, recalling the moment I saw him in his house with his charming smile and irresistible attraction.
I couldn’t stay calm that night, feeling the room is getting smaller and I’m a helpless prisoner. I decided to go to Robert’s room and wake him up to take me somewhere out since it was one A.M. I went downstairs towards his room. I got into his room when I saw the door nearly opened.
“Hey, Robert” I whispered as I stepped closer to his bed, and he was turned to the other side, I gazed at him and he was sleeping so peacefully that I woke him up feeling slightly guilty. “Are u asleep Robert”
“Yes” He answered with low ton barley understood
“If u were asleep u wouldn’t answer” I zei wickedly
“What do u want, Karen?” He sounded annoyed and didn’t turn around.
“I can’t sleep take me outside”
“Waite until tomorrow I’ll take u to Ema’s party” He zei impatiently
“I don’t want to go to Ema’s boring party! I want to leave now!”
“You aren’t going to let me sleep unless I take u outside”
“No” I zei wickedly
He turned around and zei “You are like a stubborn wicked, little sister” Then he got up and zei “Go get dressed I’ll take u outside of you’ll go wandering around in the streets and get caught and I’ll lose my job!”
“Yes” I whispered happily
As we got out, I thought he was going to take me somewhere door his car, but he didn’t. He took me round the house we walked through a small straat and then he settled in a place like a jungle that I felt myself out of the U.S for a second. It was a dark place full of trees and boshes. “Where are we?”I asked
“We are in a park. It’s not as big as u think it is. If u walk a little bit vooruit, voorwaarts you’ll find children’s games there.” He zei pointing vooruit, voorwaarts “I used to meet Meredith here sometimes, it’s a nice place, u fee lout of the world for an uur of so”
“It’s really nice, but it’s cold here”
“You should’ve brought some warm tea” He zei with a delightful smile
“Yeah, yeah, yeah mock me!” I zei rather playfully than annoyed
“This will be the only place u come besides Ema’s house of course. But be careful only with me and in the middle of the night.” Then he remembered his warm bed and my annoying interruption to his peaceful sleep and zei “And I hope u don’t like coming here very much, of I won’t be able to sleep!”
“I’ll do my best”
We sat for a while on the wet gras and Robert seemed meer asleep than awake. But he had to say something so he doesn’t end up sleeping like a homeless person, in a park.
“Do u feel better now” He zei calmly
“Yes I hate staying indoors for a long time”
He smiled a bit and zei “Yes it appears that u don’t like indoors since u are quite comfortable with being a fugitive”
“I don’t like the fact that I’m a fugitive anymore than u do” I zei dryly looking downwards as the conversation I expected it to happen, is happening
“But it wasn’t me who made u a fugitive, was I?” He zei with a judgmental look in his eyes
“You are going to judge me too! Just like everyone else!”
“Karen” He zei and his face was awake meer than a few minuten before “I waited for u to tell me what did u do, but all I got from u was avoiding the conversation of leaving the room, but I really do have the right to know!”
“I killed my husband, are u happy now?” I zei that and rose on my feet “Yes I’m dangerous I know what u are thinking u now. I killed a man who is taller and stronger than u with cold blood. And I can walk into your room whenever I want and kill u guiltlessly”
I walked through the park to find myself near to the children games he’s talked about, and a fluid of tears in my eyes for an unknown reason.
“Karen” He zei and followed me running to catch me and stand in front of me in a seconde “I didn’t mean to hurt u I didn’t know that it causes u pain to talk about it, I know I’m a fool. Sorry, please forgive me”
“It’s u who should forgive me. I should’ve told u and I had no right in exploding this way in your face.”
“I confess that u scared a bit when u zei u can walk into my room someday and kill me guiltlessly. But no Karen u are a good person I’m sure u had your reasons and I don’t believe that u killed him with cold blood.”
“Yes u are right it wasn’t with cold blood”
“Let’s go back. I have to pick up Ellen early to school”
I followed him back unaware of what he just said, as I was sinking in my thoughts about the fact that I killed my husband with cold blood. No I thought, the truth came out of my mouth, I did kill him with cold blood! Maybe I wasn’t calm when I pushed the mes into his chest but now I have no feeling of guilt! I must be a terrible person! I suddenly stopped from moving as I just realized how cruel and heartless I was. Robert turned worriedly and said
“Are u ok?”
I pulled myself together and zei “Yes I’m ok”
We went back to the house without a word. I felt like there’s something wrong and I determinate to tell Patrick about why I killed him as soon as I see him “I don’t want him to hate me” I whispered as I laid on my bed “I have to deviance myself and prove him that the man wasn’t a good man” then I went to sleep.
I woke up the volgende morning at seven A.M. “It’s early” I zei then got out of the room walked towards the bathroom. As I brushed my teeth I saw the after-shave cream opened. Again Robert I thought then closed it nervously remembering that unlikeable habit that my husband had, except that he used to leave his shaving cream opened. I heard someone’s footsteps in the kitchen. I got out of the bathroom and walked to the keuken-, keuken where I saw Robert making coffee “Oh Robert! u are awake!” I zei astonished
“Yes, I have to pick up Ellen to school, I told u last night!” He zei without looking at me while he was preparing his mug.
“Oh, yes, sorry I forgot”
“Never mind, what are u doing so early?” He zei and then poured coffee for him and for me then moved vooruit, voorwaarts and gave me the mug. I looked at it for a seconde then remembered that Robert zei that Ema nearly fired him, why would he go there unless Ema comes and yell at him?!
“You zei u lost your job yesterday!”
“Yes I did, I was a fool! Never mind that incident. Mr. Widmore was here yesterday about that, he zei that Ema was upset when she had to drive herself to all her appointments and for having to take Ellen to school and take her back home pagina on the expense of canceling one of her appointments”
He sat down on the big divan, bank and I sat near the window as usual then I smiled with mockery and zei “I told u so!”
He smiled and zei “Yes play this game! After all it turns out that u are right, Mr. Widmore zei that she didn’t care but she was upset because it surprised her and that Meredith didn’t tell her while she trusted her so much. So that look wasn’t for me” I smiled again and he zei trying to avoid my mockery “I really should go, take care” Then he stood and went to his job, leaving me all alone again.
Two hours passed and I knew Robert wasn’t coming early. All I did was sitting beside that window which became my best friends. Knowing all my secrets and keeping them. What should I do? Ema zei her cousin is too much in love with Paris that she doesn’t expect him to come back before another two weeks. All I can do is wait she zei as if it was easy for me to wait.
The door suddenly knocked. I was frightened, no one ever visited Robert , not that time when all his vrienden know he is out, and if it some one of his friends, they have no idea I’m here. I walked slowly vooruit, voorwaarts to the front door, and looked through the magical eye of the door, to see Patrick is the one who is outside. I put my hand on the handle then hesitated for a moment, what if he wants to see Robert and is quite uncomfortable when he see me, I thought, but he knows that Robert probably wouldn’t be here, and I can’t just let him wait forever. I pulled myself together and opened the door.
“Hi” I zei with a shaky voice
“Hi” He answered calmly with his face almost without any emotions
“Come on in, Robert isn’t home, I think u know that” He got in and sat down without a word. My hands were shaking and I sat way too far from him. Then I tried to say lightly
“Do u want some coffee of sap of whatever?”
“No, I didn’t come to drink anything” He zei calmly “Set down I want to talk to you” He demanded. I sat in front of him again near to the window, while he sat in the same place Robert used to set. When I saw him calm, I started to calm too.
“So…” I zei “What is it?
“I want to know why? Why u killed him” He zei without looking at me and keeping the same ton level
“Before I tell u why, I need to know why u want to know so badly. What difference does it make I killed the man and that is it” All the determination I had the night before faded away when I saw, and was afraid of telling him anything.
“Ok I’ll tell u why. Because I like you” Then his calm voice became meer angry like he couldn’t control his feelings any meer “And I need to know that u are a good person and the man deserves to die. I need u to tell me that he was about to kill u of he used to beat you, until blood comes out of your ears! Because I can’t stand the idea of u being a bad person.
Because the Karen I knew was the most honorable person I’ve met.” He rose to his feet and walked nervously through the living room. He stopped in front of me then sat on the wooden tafel, tabel in front of me and zei with his calm ton “Now it’s your turn”
I couldn’t find my voice first, and then I was trying to pick the words carefully, I zei nervously “He …. He wasn’t an honorable man.”
“That’s why u killed him!” His face was pointed to the floor that I couldn’t read his expressions but from his voice which was very calm and cool
“No, of course not! I knew from dag one that he was cheating on me, that he wasn’t faithful. But I could keep myself calm \, even when he yelled at me, and when he used to beat me when he comes back in the middle of the night drunk. But I wasn’t complaining. Maybe because I was too much in love with him, of because he saved my life that I felt I owed him something, of because I felt so lonely before we got married.” Then tears started to come out of my eyes “But I couldn’t stand the pain when I went once from work and saw him setting in our house, with my best friend in his arms, planning to run away. He didn’t notice me since I got into the house from the backdoor, and my friend left a few seconden after my arrival. I was in the kitchen, and he followed me, he zei cruelly, mocking from my feelings, u heard everything; good I don’t have to explain anything. I started to lose control, he lost his job because he used to go too damn drunk that he can’t do anything. So I zei it’s fine I’ll find a job, working dag and night just to let him eat and drink. So, I took the mes and pushed it into his chest, yelling I hate you. u arrogant, selfish, bestirred. And then, I realized what I did, and left his soulless body in the keuken-, keuken and ran away.”The tears were like a rain out of my eyes. I didn’t see Patrick’s reaction as he stood and moved to the couch, then he walked to the front door, wanted to get out, but he stopped beside it and zei “Maybe he wasn’t an honorable man, but it isn’t u who should punish him, it’s not your right, u could’ve left and then live in peace. But jealousy blinded you. Karen, I hope u feel guilty, because no matter what he did to you, u have no right for punishing him”
Although his face looked very angry his ton was calm. He left, leaving me thinking of what he said. I’m not a good person then, because I don’t feel guilt, but I should be feeling guilty, indeed I should.
Wandering around my room with my pajama on, didn’t help me to sleep, nor comforted my restless mind. As I didn’t see him during these two weeks, I thought that those feelings I had towards him were gone, and his sudden appearance proved me wrong as a storm of love and passion, was inside me at the moment I saw him standing beside Robert, recalling the moment I saw him in his house with his charming smile and irresistible attraction.
I couldn’t stay calm that night, feeling the room is getting smaller and I’m a helpless prisoner. I decided to go to Robert’s room and wake him up to take me somewhere out since it was one A.M. I went downstairs towards his room. I got into his room when I saw the door nearly opened.
“Hey, Robert” I whispered as I stepped closer to his bed, and he was turned to the other side, I gazed at him and he was sleeping so peacefully that I woke him up feeling slightly guilty. “Are u asleep Robert”
“Yes” He answered with low ton barley understood
“If u were asleep u wouldn’t answer” I zei wickedly
“What do u want, Karen?” He sounded annoyed and didn’t turn around.
“I can’t sleep take me outside”
“Waite until tomorrow I’ll take u to Ema’s party” He zei impatiently
“I don’t want to go to Ema’s boring party! I want to leave now!”
“You aren’t going to let me sleep unless I take u outside”
“No” I zei wickedly
He turned around and zei “You are like a stubborn wicked, little sister” Then he got up and zei “Go get dressed I’ll take u outside of you’ll go wandering around in the streets and get caught and I’ll lose my job!”
“Yes” I whispered happily
As we got out, I thought he was going to take me somewhere door his car, but he didn’t. He took me round the house we walked through a small straat and then he settled in a place like a jungle that I felt myself out of the U.S for a second. It was a dark place full of trees and boshes. “Where are we?”I asked
“We are in a park. It’s not as big as u think it is. If u walk a little bit vooruit, voorwaarts you’ll find children’s games there.” He zei pointing vooruit, voorwaarts “I used to meet Meredith here sometimes, it’s a nice place, u fee lout of the world for an uur of so”
“It’s really nice, but it’s cold here”
“You should’ve brought some warm tea” He zei with a delightful smile
“Yeah, yeah, yeah mock me!” I zei rather playfully than annoyed
“This will be the only place u come besides Ema’s house of course. But be careful only with me and in the middle of the night.” Then he remembered his warm bed and my annoying interruption to his peaceful sleep and zei “And I hope u don’t like coming here very much, of I won’t be able to sleep!”
“I’ll do my best”
We sat for a while on the wet gras and Robert seemed meer asleep than awake. But he had to say something so he doesn’t end up sleeping like a homeless person, in a park.
“Do u feel better now” He zei calmly
“Yes I hate staying indoors for a long time”
He smiled a bit and zei “Yes it appears that u don’t like indoors since u are quite comfortable with being a fugitive”
“I don’t like the fact that I’m a fugitive anymore than u do” I zei dryly looking downwards as the conversation I expected it to happen, is happening
“But it wasn’t me who made u a fugitive, was I?” He zei with a judgmental look in his eyes
“You are going to judge me too! Just like everyone else!”
“Karen” He zei and his face was awake meer than a few minuten before “I waited for u to tell me what did u do, but all I got from u was avoiding the conversation of leaving the room, but I really do have the right to know!”
“I killed my husband, are u happy now?” I zei that and rose on my feet “Yes I’m dangerous I know what u are thinking u now. I killed a man who is taller and stronger than u with cold blood. And I can walk into your room whenever I want and kill u guiltlessly”
I walked through the park to find myself near to the children games he’s talked about, and a fluid of tears in my eyes for an unknown reason.
“Karen” He zei and followed me running to catch me and stand in front of me in a seconde “I didn’t mean to hurt u I didn’t know that it causes u pain to talk about it, I know I’m a fool. Sorry, please forgive me”
“It’s u who should forgive me. I should’ve told u and I had no right in exploding this way in your face.”
“I confess that u scared a bit when u zei u can walk into my room someday and kill me guiltlessly. But no Karen u are a good person I’m sure u had your reasons and I don’t believe that u killed him with cold blood.”
“Yes u are right it wasn’t with cold blood”
“Let’s go back. I have to pick up Ellen early to school”
I followed him back unaware of what he just said, as I was sinking in my thoughts about the fact that I killed my husband with cold blood. No I thought, the truth came out of my mouth, I did kill him with cold blood! Maybe I wasn’t calm when I pushed the mes into his chest but now I have no feeling of guilt! I must be a terrible person! I suddenly stopped from moving as I just realized how cruel and heartless I was. Robert turned worriedly and said
“Are u ok?”
I pulled myself together and zei “Yes I’m ok”
We went back to the house without a word. I felt like there’s something wrong and I determinate to tell Patrick about why I killed him as soon as I see him “I don’t want him to hate me” I whispered as I laid on my bed “I have to deviance myself and prove him that the man wasn’t a good man” then I went to sleep.
I woke up the volgende morning at seven A.M. “It’s early” I zei then got out of the room walked towards the bathroom. As I brushed my teeth I saw the after-shave cream opened. Again Robert I thought then closed it nervously remembering that unlikeable habit that my husband had, except that he used to leave his shaving cream opened. I heard someone’s footsteps in the kitchen. I got out of the bathroom and walked to the keuken-, keuken where I saw Robert making coffee “Oh Robert! u are awake!” I zei astonished
“Yes, I have to pick up Ellen to school, I told u last night!” He zei without looking at me while he was preparing his mug.
“Oh, yes, sorry I forgot”
“Never mind, what are u doing so early?” He zei and then poured coffee for him and for me then moved vooruit, voorwaarts and gave me the mug. I looked at it for a seconde then remembered that Robert zei that Ema nearly fired him, why would he go there unless Ema comes and yell at him?!
“You zei u lost your job yesterday!”
“Yes I did, I was a fool! Never mind that incident. Mr. Widmore was here yesterday about that, he zei that Ema was upset when she had to drive herself to all her appointments and for having to take Ellen to school and take her back home pagina on the expense of canceling one of her appointments”
He sat down on the big divan, bank and I sat near the window as usual then I smiled with mockery and zei “I told u so!”
He smiled and zei “Yes play this game! After all it turns out that u are right, Mr. Widmore zei that she didn’t care but she was upset because it surprised her and that Meredith didn’t tell her while she trusted her so much. So that look wasn’t for me” I smiled again and he zei trying to avoid my mockery “I really should go, take care” Then he stood and went to his job, leaving me all alone again.
Two hours passed and I knew Robert wasn’t coming early. All I did was sitting beside that window which became my best friends. Knowing all my secrets and keeping them. What should I do? Ema zei her cousin is too much in love with Paris that she doesn’t expect him to come back before another two weeks. All I can do is wait she zei as if it was easy for me to wait.
The door suddenly knocked. I was frightened, no one ever visited Robert , not that time when all his vrienden know he is out, and if it some one of his friends, they have no idea I’m here. I walked slowly vooruit, voorwaarts to the front door, and looked through the magical eye of the door, to see Patrick is the one who is outside. I put my hand on the handle then hesitated for a moment, what if he wants to see Robert and is quite uncomfortable when he see me, I thought, but he knows that Robert probably wouldn’t be here, and I can’t just let him wait forever. I pulled myself together and opened the door.
“Hi” I zei with a shaky voice
“Hi” He answered calmly with his face almost without any emotions
“Come on in, Robert isn’t home, I think u know that” He got in and sat down without a word. My hands were shaking and I sat way too far from him. Then I tried to say lightly
“Do u want some coffee of sap of whatever?”
“No, I didn’t come to drink anything” He zei calmly “Set down I want to talk to you” He demanded. I sat in front of him again near to the window, while he sat in the same place Robert used to set. When I saw him calm, I started to calm too.
“So…” I zei “What is it?
“I want to know why? Why u killed him” He zei without looking at me and keeping the same ton level
“Before I tell u why, I need to know why u want to know so badly. What difference does it make I killed the man and that is it” All the determination I had the night before faded away when I saw, and was afraid of telling him anything.
“Ok I’ll tell u why. Because I like you” Then his calm voice became meer angry like he couldn’t control his feelings any meer “And I need to know that u are a good person and the man deserves to die. I need u to tell me that he was about to kill u of he used to beat you, until blood comes out of your ears! Because I can’t stand the idea of u being a bad person.
Because the Karen I knew was the most honorable person I’ve met.” He rose to his feet and walked nervously through the living room. He stopped in front of me then sat on the wooden tafel, tabel in front of me and zei with his calm ton “Now it’s your turn”
I couldn’t find my voice first, and then I was trying to pick the words carefully, I zei nervously “He …. He wasn’t an honorable man.”
“That’s why u killed him!” His face was pointed to the floor that I couldn’t read his expressions but from his voice which was very calm and cool
“No, of course not! I knew from dag one that he was cheating on me, that he wasn’t faithful. But I could keep myself calm \, even when he yelled at me, and when he used to beat me when he comes back in the middle of the night drunk. But I wasn’t complaining. Maybe because I was too much in love with him, of because he saved my life that I felt I owed him something, of because I felt so lonely before we got married.” Then tears started to come out of my eyes “But I couldn’t stand the pain when I went once from work and saw him setting in our house, with my best friend in his arms, planning to run away. He didn’t notice me since I got into the house from the backdoor, and my friend left a few seconden after my arrival. I was in the kitchen, and he followed me, he zei cruelly, mocking from my feelings, u heard everything; good I don’t have to explain anything. I started to lose control, he lost his job because he used to go too damn drunk that he can’t do anything. So I zei it’s fine I’ll find a job, working dag and night just to let him eat and drink. So, I took the mes and pushed it into his chest, yelling I hate you. u arrogant, selfish, bestirred. And then, I realized what I did, and left his soulless body in the keuken-, keuken and ran away.”The tears were like a rain out of my eyes. I didn’t see Patrick’s reaction as he stood and moved to the couch, then he walked to the front door, wanted to get out, but he stopped beside it and zei “Maybe he wasn’t an honorable man, but it isn’t u who should punish him, it’s not your right, u could’ve left and then live in peace. But jealousy blinded you. Karen, I hope u feel guilty, because no matter what he did to you, u have no right for punishing him”
Although his face looked very angry his ton was calm. He left, leaving me thinking of what he said. I’m not a good person then, because I don’t feel guilt, but I should be feeling guilty, indeed I should.
Shaun
Three months later, we were apparently "an item".
She had me twisted around her little finger. She could have made me jump in front of a bus, all that was needed was one look from her "love me, u know u want to" chocolate brown eyes.
I paid attention to her every move, her every word.
**************************************************
When I first told her I loved her, I was expecting rejection, but she surprised me. She kissed me, and zei she loved me too. The sun revolved around where she stood.
Nothing else mattered.
Three months later, we were apparently "an item".
She had me twisted around her little finger. She could have made me jump in front of a bus, all that was needed was one look from her "love me, u know u want to" chocolate brown eyes.
I paid attention to her every move, her every word.
**************************************************
When I first told her I loved her, I was expecting rejection, but she surprised me. She kissed me, and zei she loved me too. The sun revolved around where she stood.
Nothing else mattered.
I thought it would be a good idea to try and write goodbye
but i was stuck when I realized there were too many lovely things to write about.
and not enough words invented yet to say them aloud.
and i know there are a number of things wrong with this,
but i really don't want to fix it right now.
i don't feel like doing anything but sitting upside down
but trust me, when it comes down
to having the choice of being right..
of protecting you, I'll be wrong every single time.
Because it's just who I am...
but i was stuck when I realized there were too many lovely things to write about.
and not enough words invented yet to say them aloud.
and i know there are a number of things wrong with this,
but i really don't want to fix it right now.
i don't feel like doing anything but sitting upside down
but trust me, when it comes down
to having the choice of being right..
of protecting you, I'll be wrong every single time.
Because it's just who I am...