This was what he wrote on his birthday this year:

Two decades - a bit more.
The tears, the scars.
The sweat, the pain.
23 funerals.
The toils of life.
Life itself.
FUCK. The struggle.
I. CANNOT. EVEN.
But today is a different day.
The beginning of a new me.
The end of the old me.
I can lie no longer.
I've got to be true to myself.
All I've lived up to begins to
unravel
to reveal itself.
Today.
No longer am I the
bastard of ole.
The dick of yonder.
I am
XANTONA
ESTAFANO
EVINVALDO
da SILVA
SANTOS
RIVEIROS.
I'm gonna be a fuckin' legend.
I'm gonna be in the books.
But I have already been
bathed
in 21 years:
252 months:
7,560 days:
181,440 hours:
10,886,400 minuten of infamy.
I cannot change what I have done.
But I can change who I will be.
I can be a better me.
And so I ask.
My Lord, your God.
Take my soul.
Clean me of my fallacies.
I have sinned and I regret.
I want to become something
-SOMEONE-
else.
I will never
try to live a lie again.
I let go and I had to chase
my virtue.
A life-long race.
It may never end.
But today it began.
Today is the beginning of me.
Of my future.
Of who I will be.
Today is the end of who I was.
He was.
He is no longer.
He is gone.

[20.2.2013]
--X.E.E.D.S.S.R.