Patrick Dempsey: Shonda Rhimes cares deeply about Grey's Anatomy fans | EW.com 

A week before his final episode aired, Patrick Dempsey, 49, sat down with

at Feed Body & Soul in Venice Beach, California to give an exclusive interview about his shocking exit on the April 23 episode of

Below is the entire, unedited Q&A where the actor reflects on what happened, why it happened and what he’s going to do next.

Dempsey: It was an amazing run. At the end of the first season, I thought there was no way we could sustain 24 episodes. I had never done a run that long before. After doing 24 in the first season, I thought,

 Twenty-four episodes is a lot of work for everybody – for the writers, for the crew, who is there every day. I have to be careful in saying that because we are well compensated and fortunate, but its long hours. We were doing 17 hours back then. Now we do 12 to 15 hours in a day. It’s 10 months out of the year. And that’s for 11 years. It’s extraordinary what Shonda Rhimes can do with the shows that she is running and how creative she is to sustain that, and how hands on she is. It’s pretty remarkable.

You signed a two-year deal last year that would keep you on the show through season 12. So…? 

Yes. You’re right. (Pause) It just sort of evolved. It’s just kind of happened. It really was something that was kind of surprising that unfolded and uh, and it just naturally came to be, which was pretty good. I like the way it has all played out.

Job security, why not? It also came with a production deal. It’s hard to say no to that kind of money. How do you say no to that? It’s a very hard decision because it’s remarkable to be a working actor, and then on top of that to be on a show that’s visible. And then on top of that to be a phenomenal show that’s known around the world, and playing a character who is beloved around the world. It’s very heady. It’s a lot to process and to keep a distance on and have the proper prospective on not wanting to let that go because you never know whether you will work again and have success again. There is a time when you’re like, how much more can we do with this character? Where do they go? All those questions. It’s a big decision. It affects so much. It’s 10 months, 15 hours a day. You never know your schedule, so your kid asks you what are you doing on Monday, and you go, “I don’t know. I don’t know my schedule.” So you do that for 11 years, that’s challenging. But you have to be grateful because you are well compensated so you can’t really complain because you don’t really have a right. But you don’t have control over your schedule. So you have to just be flexible.

How much did the show schedule affect your racing?

They let me race, which was remarkable. For the most part they did a phenomenal job at scheduling and making it possible for me to race as much as I have, which I’m so grateful for. Why I don’t have an insurance sponsor, I don’t know, and ironically my dad was an insurance salesman. When you’re in an ensemble you are easily replaceable, which is why I was allowed to race.

Let’s talk about the story arc this season. Derek seemed like kind of an ass this season for taking off to D.C.

How was he ass? It’s hard for me to have the prospective because I’m trying to justify what he does. I don’t see him as an ass. It’s fascinating to see how people perceive it. My job is to make it human and to bring a point of view, which may or may not be understood. So I never saw him that way. I’m in service of the story. I do what’s required to realize what Shonda’s vision is. I don’t have judgment on it. It’s not my job. My job is to do what’s in front of me. I perform.

Was that Instagram shot of you from Seattle meant to be a red herring?

It was such a big symbol for Derek. Ferry boats are a place of freedom and tranquility and we don’t really get to go on location that much. I only tweet when I feel like it and what moves me. I was really inspired by being in Seattle. I wish we shot more there. I don’t like tweeting but I prefer Instagram. I think you can say much more in an image rather than writing it. That’s just me personally.

You gave an interview last November to a newspaper in Maine suggesting that the end for Derek would come very soon. You had just signed a new contract. Why would you say that?

This was the first year that I haven’t been in every episode. I’ve been in every episode since the pilot. It’s been close to 250 episodes. That’s a huge run. That’s major.

When did you find out that your character would be written off? 

Things happened very quickly, where we were like,

. It just sort of unfolded in a very organic way. I don’t remember the date. It was not in the fall. February or March. It happened very quickly.

Were you surprised? Was it tied to your six-episode hiatus?

It was just a natural progression, the way the story was unfolding, the way everything was unfolding in a very organic way. It was like,

! This was obviously the right time. It was just a nice break to sort of go, okay, how’s life look at this time? It was good. I was in Brazil racing for the first part of it.  And then it was a question of… and then Shonda went into storylines. It just played out that way. That’s a question for Shonda.

There must have been a lot of speculation about where you went during those six episodes.

Oh yes. I don’t read that stuff. It’s not productive to read. Some voices are positive, some are negative.

Will you ever talk about why you were gone for so long this season?

Around the same time of your hiatus, you split from your wife. Did troubles at home affect your work life?

You’re a professional. You leave your personal life at the door. I’m not going to talk about my home life as part of show.

It was a combination of trying to schedule everything and the level of commitment it takes to do the show, and where the storylines were going. It was a natural way to finish it. It was time.

While you were shooting your final episode, did you think about how the fans would react?

The fans care deeply. I think Shonda cares deeply about the fans and how they will react. Shepherd is a beloved character. People don’t want to lose him. He’s been in their lives for over 10 years. And multiple generations have discovered him. On Netflix, 8 million a week come into the show, which is remarkable. They are passionate around the world. I get to travel around the world to race and people know who Shepherd is. It’s humbling. It is tough. I’m still processing it. It’s very new for me.

Did you watch the dailies from your final episode?

I haven’t watched an episode this year at all. I don’t watch it. In the past for a while, I don’t enjoy watching myself. That’s not something I prefer doing.

I understand Shonda wrote your last episode.

Shonda wrote it.  She’ll do a pass on every episode.

Did they tell you ahead of time that two episodes would tease the possibility of your death?

I cannot confirm nor deny what happens. I’m anxious to see what the response will be.

How long did it take to shoot your final episode and where did it occur?

It was spread out over almost three weeks. Everyone knew it was my last episode. Some was shot at the studio and some on location.

No. I’m still processing it. This is part of the mourning process, the post

experience. I don’t know what I’m getting at.

It was like any other day. It was just another workday. There was still too much going on. You’re in the midst of it; you are not really processing it.

It was very quiet, very quiet. My final day was very quiet. It was very poetic and I very quietly left. It was beautiful. It was raining, which was really touching. I got in my Panamera, got in rush hour traffic, and two hours later I was home. I’m emotional now talking about it because you start to look at the reality of it.

What did you imagine the last day of a TV would be like for you?

I never thought about it. There’s too much. You are always trying to be present. The workload and long hours, it’s best just to be dealing with that scene and that take and try to bring as much truth to it as possible.

Are you leaving in a good place with your fellow actors?

[He hesitates, and then tears up.] Beautiful chemistry. It’s magic. Chemistry. It’s beautiful. We’re like a married couple. It’s 10 years and it was magic from the beginning. Chemistry right away. Very moving, always has been.

Can you see yourself having a follow-up discussion with Ellen about your leaving the show?

I think I’m just processing stuff. I’m starting to feel for the first time. You’re too in the midst of it. Now I’m starting to separate and pull away. You look at everything in context of historically and see through the forest. You aren’t just looking at the tree. You are forcing me to think about it.

The story should be impactful to close it out for the fans. I think it’s going to be very moving. I have no idea what the impact will be or how the final cut will turn out.

Did you think word of Derek’s death would get out before the episode aired?

How can it not? I thought it was going to be really tough to keep it quiet. The crew did a great job, the cast. The guest players who came in were very supportive and very moving to work with.

What did this role mean to your life?

What was it like living with this McDreamy persona?

He is the ideal man and that’s what Shonda constructed. That’s a projection onto me when you come in contact with fans, certainly younger and older fans. There is a certain amount of expectation. There is a responsibility to this. It made me grow, too. There were good qualities that you work on to become. It’s been a good experience. It’s one aspect of my nature and hopefully I get opportunities to do other things that allow me to access different sides of a person.

The first six episodes were done in a bubble and it wasn’t released, so we had no idea what we were doing or how it was going to come out. And then I remember we were midseason,

was the big show break for ABC. We weren’t sure we were going to get picked up and everybody was freaking out about missing pilot season. “What if we don’t get another gig? How are we going to pay the rent?” We wrapped those six and it premiered, and literally overnight, everything changed. After 15 years in the business, overnight success. I understood what that meant and how long it took to get it. And then it was like, here we go. We were off and running. Then it changes, the next show comes along and then it becomes the flavor of the month, but we sustained numbers that everybody has been surprised with. It’s a testament to everything coming together – music, editing, cast, writing – it’s a true ensemble. Winning the SAG ensemble award was the most significant award there is. It was beautiful.

Describe how people would react when you went out and about.

The energy would change when you went into a room. It was like, “Oh, they are talking about me.” It was wild. Wild.

Yes. It’s crazy because you go from trying to get in a room to audition for something to suddenly everybody in the world knows you, no matter where you go, and it happened within a 30-day period. I’m glad I had the experience to handle it because it’s very heady.

 I was working around the clock for the first few years. Racing was a sanctuary and a retreat.

How did the other cast members deal with the overnight fame?

Everybody was in their journey, dealing with it in their own way. It was very much like

What was it about this show and how it suffered so much behind-the-scenes tumult?

I don’t know. I don’t know. There’s a lot of drama in the show. People love gossip. It was unfortunate being in it with success comes scrutiny. If things happen, it’s going to be talked about.

People come and go, storylines change. It’s like life, it’s constantly changing and evolving. There’s a lull and a build up. It goes up and down. It was constant.

Did you ever fear the show would suffer because of Shonda’s new show 

No fear. Because that moment had happened when Kate Walsh left to go to 

How much does each episode change from the read-through to the final cut? 

You never go where you are going to go. I think they’ll see an episode and they’ll read it, and it will change, it keeps evolving. It’s an ongoing creative process. It’s constantly in flux and very organically keeps changing, so you never know what’s happening. For me, it was an exercise in just being present and focusing on what am I doing today. I don’t know where it’s going to be. Learn the lines, be in the moment, and go from there.

They are watching it now because they want to understand, but I try to protect them from watching. I don’t like them watching my stuff. My son is into the gore and the makeup of it because of his mother. He’s fascinated by that. My other son could care less. My daughter is aware of it because her friends are aware of it. I didn’t have the boys when I started this. That was Season 2. They grew up with it. And my daughter was 2 when they started so it’s been a big part of everyone’s life for a decade.

I have a couple of things that I have developed. One is called

in the racing world in the 1960s. That’s moving forward. I’m also talking to NBC International about a show called

. It’s basically a travelogue spy thriller. I would love to do something else. I’m going to take the rest of the year off to develop, I would like to be a producer, I would commit to a show that is 10 to 12 episodes, but 24 again, I don’t know if I would do that. It’s a very hard life, it’s financially rewarding but there comes a point where how much is enough, really? I’m very grateful for what that character, what Shonda and ABC have given to me. It allows me to do so many things. I want to try something different. Will I be allowed to do something different? Is Derek so identifiable that I can’t go on and be someone else? That will be the challenge, to see if people embrace me as someone else.

I will always be. That’s what keeps you hungry. I really enjoy it. I like the discovery. What I would like to do is focus on not being spread so thin, which is why it’s good to focus on the racing while developing on this other material and not be so diluted. Those days are over.

There is going to be an explosion on social media after this episode

I think it’s going to be interesting to see what happens. It’s like a Broadway play. When you go watch the original cast, and someone replaces a cast member. I’ve been on both sides. It’s not the same. I think any time an original cast member has left; there’s always been a void that will never be filled. But it goes on and it will evolve.

What will you be doing on the night your final episode airs?

I’m going to be racing in Europe or Dubai. I’ll be training. I won’t be in the country. I won’t be around a TV.

How did you stay present in a role you’ve played for 10 years? 

With Ellen that was the magic. I just played with her. You have all this crazy shit going on around you and then you’re in front of the camera. We were just present to each other and listening to each other. It was always very magical, very professional. We always knew that.

Can you reflect on your favorite moments over the years?

The pilot was great. The discovery of what was happening. I couldn’t believe how it came together, and the bands that came on and the emotional impact the music had on the show. Everybody had these great moments. You realize how powerful an ensemble can be, and it was the collective that made it successful, not one individual … with Shepherd going out or not. It all becomes a bit of a blur, it’s so intense.

actors now. Do you keep in touch with any of them?

No. Eric Dane, I’ve always enjoyed being around him. He’s reached out. I see him every now and then. It’s such an intense period when you spend 15 hours a day with someone over 10 years. In time you will come back and go, wow. Everybody is still processing this. I’m still in it to reflect on it.

No. I don’t need that. I have it inside. I don’t need to have anything material to make me remember. I’m focusing now on developing and racing and being a father to my children. Those are my priorities.

You can’t be looking forward to people asking you why did you leave?

Yeah but it’s been almost 250 episodes. Everything has a beginning, middle and an end. Life isn’t that way. Life isn’t that simple. Hopefully I get reincarnated somewhere else and people will embrace me.

I would like to be racing all the time. I love it. My dream as a kid was to be an Olympic skier. I ended up riding the unicycle to improve my balance and then that got me in a vaudeville troop, which got me performing, which led to acting. So I really love acting, but my first love has always been racing.

What does it feel like when you are driving?

You don’t think, you are present. You’re dealing with what’s happening in the moment. It’s an incredible metaphor for how you should live life. You can’t deal with the past, you can’t deal with the future. You can only deal with what’s happening right now which will inform the future. That’s the beauty of it. That’s what good acting is.

I just read an article you did for an international publication, in which there was lots of talk about your sponsors.

It helps because Tag Heuer and Spyder and Porsche are my sponsors. They make it possible for me to go racing.

bought that me. That car, I won’t sell. I’ve had a lot of cars, but I don’t need a lot of cars. I don’t need as much as I’ve had in the past. Less is more. I drive it all the time. I was down at Porsche North America today with

about what happens this year and my reflections on why I race. It was fun to talk to the editors about that and get a game plan moving forward.

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