Phil: Don't talk black to me!

Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.

Phil: The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...

Phil [from the port-o-potty]: Just concluding a little business. Successfully, I might add!

Phil: Some people call me a salesman, I call myself a salesfriend, so obviously I need strangers to trust me. I don't take it kindly when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench.

Phil: Just test-driving my new soep strainer. I dug it out of the Halloween stuff to see what people think.

Phil: u know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion...