Tell me some funny jokes, i wanna laugh. complimenten WILL BE gegeven

A friend told me this a jaar ago.(he was 10 years old)

There once this three guys named Shut up, Crap and Manners.One dag Crap got sick and went into the hospital and Manners took him,but Manners car broke down so he called Shut up to pick him up.So while Shut up was driving to pick up Crap and Manners,he got pulled over door a cop for speeding. The cop asked him "What is your name" and then he zei "Shut up" the cop asked him "What is your name" he zei once again "Shut up" and the cop asked him a third time" what is your name" he zei once again "Shut up" and the cop asked "where's your manners" then Shut up zei "picking up Crap"

Yes I know it's a bit corny but it's the best I got. :D

there was once this girl in Sunday school. she kept falling asleep so the teacher woke her up and asked "who died for our sins?" the boy behind the girl poked her with a pencil and she yelled "oh God!!!"

the teacher went on and the girl fell asleep again. well, the teacher woke her up again and asked her "who died for our sins?" once again the boy behind her poked her with a pencil and she yelled "oh sweet jesus!!!"

the teacher continues again and the girl falls asleep again. the teacher wakes her up and asked "what did Eve say to Adam after their 57th child?" the boy behind the girl poked her again. this time she answered "you stick that thing in me again and i'll break it off!!!"

and if your wondering, yes it does sound better in person.

ok lets see if i can remember this one...a friend told me this it was really funny to me

A pirate goes into a pet store to buy a parrot. The pet store only had one and the pirate took him. The pirate takes him home pagina and says "alright lets see what u can do." the pirate hold a kraker, cracker in front of the papegaai and says "polly want a cracker." The papegaai says "fuck u one eye." The pirate then says "ok lets try this again, polly want a cracker." The papegaai then says "fuck u one eye." The pirate gets angry and says "you know what fuck this." The pirate puts the papegaai in the freezer for five minuten then takes him out and zei "ok lets try this again, polly want a cracker." The papegaai says "f-f-fuck u one eye." Then the pirate puts the papegaai in the freezer for 15 minuten then takes him out again the says "now, polly want a cracker." The papegaai is now freezing and says "f-f-f-f-fuck u one eye." So the pirate puts the papegaai back in the freezer for 30 minuten then looks and sees the papegaai frozen with one wing covering his eye and its middle finger sticking up.

i thought this was really funny.

Me: There is EVIL in my closent
Dad: Evil?
Me: Yeah my sister EVIL.
Dad: Ha! Ha!

its not gonna be funny of make u laugh, but its worth a try:
what do u call a Mexican with a rubber toe??




Answer:
Roberto!!

---->i failed<----

Once upon a time there was a boy who liked to suck his thumbs, his mother told him to stop sucking his thumbs, he continued to suck his thumbs. So his mother cut off his thumbs...

He now has no thumbs.


THE END.

What are the only type of Bee's that make Milk?




... Boobee's.






(it's nearly 3am here, don't judge me!)

What did the blonde name her zebra? Spot! :D

Okay, so I heard this one, it's dirty but I laughed really hard at it:)

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel In his crotch. The barkeeper says, "what the...? Why...?" and the pirate goes, "Aarrgh! It's drivin me nuts!"
Yeah, I know.

Well, I'd love to tell u some jokes, but you'd only laugh at me!

one dag a married couple had sex and then the woman looked under the sheet and saw that the man had a cucumber.she asked him,"do u always do that?" he answered "yes" so the woman
replied "then explain to me our two kids."

i just failed epicly! :D

do u work at subway cuz u gust gave me a foot long!

*walking past a cemetary*
Sam- hallo look, a cemetary!
Rob- Do u know how many people are dead there?
Sam- No...how many?
Rob- All of them.

okey once apon a time a famer had 2 lambs 1 lam zei ''were is my family?"' the other zei ''there at the barbear koop LAMBEY!''

rebecca black has talent.




funniest joke ever.

What do u get after u answer this question?
Props.

































But I prefer a bucket of rainbows, and a gallon of gas.
Free, of course.

ok dumb blonde joke (im blonde too, so dont freak ok?)
a brunette and a blonde were on a desert island. a ginie apeared zei he'ed give them each one wish. the brunette said, ' i miss home. i wish i could go home'. so she went safely home. the blonde said, 'i miss my friend. i wish she was back here'.

this one is door zanhar.
knock knock
whos there?
u know
u know who?
yes! AVADA KADAVRA!

This one is stupid but i am going to try:

Me:How many people do u think are buried in the cemetery?

Person:I dunno' about a thousand of more?

Me:No!All of them!

FAILED!!

(forgive me if I put in on here wrong. It was a joke from my sis's iPod.)

So there were two little boys playin in a field. When one of the boys went to fetch their ball from a clump of bushes, he spotted a women bathing in a stream. He motions for the other boy to kom bij him and after a bit the boy turns and runs away. The other boy catches up to him and asks why he ran away. The boy replied:
"My mom zei that if I ever say a naked lady I would turn to stone and I felt something get hard so I ran."

Yeah I probably typed in wrong :/. Oh well if u get it, u get it.

This one isn't dirty, but it made me die so...

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, u wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman volgende to him says, “Before u tell that joke, u should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black riem in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting volgende to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. u still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny u think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

also

Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Me: together
Police: where is ur house?
Me: volgende to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell u u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: volgende to my house

Joel Schumacher's career.