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posted by ilovepenguins
1) If love is blind, then why is there lingerie?
2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
3) Should u believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
5) Why is it that dogs love to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at u if u blow in their face?
6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
7) If a boom falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
9) If the pentagon were run door women, would missiles be shaped differently?
10) How do u plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
11) If your zitplaats, stoel can become a floatation device, why can't the airplane become a boat?
12) Isn't a "free gift" redundant?
13) Why do people say it's a nice dag in summer but complain it's way too hot?
13) If a Smurf is choking what color does he turn?
14) Many builders refuse to have a 13th floor. Why aren't book publishers afraid to have a Chapter 11?
15) Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
16) Why is a completed building still called a "building" since it's already built?
17) Why sterilize the equipment used to administer a lethal injection?
18) How can there be self-help groups?
19) What was the best thing before they invented sliced bread?
20) Why is that schapen don't shrink when it rains?
21) If a 24 uur convenience store is open 24 hours per day, 365 days per year, why are there locks on the doors?
22) Why does the term "wind up" mean both start and end?
23) If the word for meer than one gans is geese, then why aren't groups of moose called meese?
24) Did u know that Evian spelled backwards is naïve?
25) If olijf-, olijf oil comes from smashed olives, how do they make baby oil?
26) If it is true that practice makes perfect, and also true that nobody is perfect, why bother practicing?
27) Are vegetarians allowed to eat animal crackers?
28) How do u know if zuur, zure cream has expired?
29) Why are there no Preparations A-G?
30) Do caskets come with a lifetime warranty?
31) Why are they called marbles if they are made from glass?
32) Ever notice that people who talk to God are saying prayers, but those that God talks to are crazy?
33) Why do people insist on stating things that "go without saying"?
34) Does the military have any misguided missiles?
35) Are all shifts at the cemetery considered graveyard shifts?
36) Do modern dag witches run spell check before they cast their spells?
37) Do mermaids wear algebras?
38) How can there be civil war?
39) Do astronauts with sweaty feet get "missile toe"?
40) If people have nightmares, what do horses call their scary dreams?
41) Do u get to keep the time u save?
42) If time heals all wounds, then explain belly buttons.
43) Why do bars have parking lots if it is illegal to drink and drive?
44) How do they treat people who become addicted to therapy?
45) Why do they call it "rush hour" when the traffic is so slow?
46) If it is illegal to shoot them, why do they call it "tourist season"?
47) Why aren't moustaches called "mouthbrows"?
48) Why does the sun make our hair light and our skin dark?
49) Why does minuut rijst have to cook for 15 minutes?
50) Why aren't wiseguy and wiseman the same thing?
51) How do u slam revolving doors?
52) If u put food colouring in a potato seed will the potato grow purple?
53) If an oranje is oranje and called an orange, why is a bannana yellow and not called a yellow?
My friend geplaatst these on her bebo page a while geleden so I thought I'd share them with u :D

1) Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say ``oh geez, better get cracking'' and do some gibberish work.

2) Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming ``Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!''

3) If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the surface integral symbol.

4) Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5) Talk the entire way through the...
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posted by shiriny
one in 10 of the world's population is left handed.
four out of five machintosh computer designers were left handed,and one out of four Apollo astronauts were left handers too.

meer famous left hander:

drew barry more

Angelina jolie

nicole kidman

Marilyn monroe

demi moore

Mary-kate and ashley olsen

julia roberts

Hans christian anderson

mark twain

Billy straal, ray cyrus

celine dion

Pierce brosnan

jim carry

Hugh jackman

brad pitt

Michelangelo

leonardo davinci

Picasso

newton

Albert einstein

george bush

charlie chaplin

cary grant

napeleon bonaparte

bill gates

marie curie

rachel adams

mark spitz
posted by shiriny
-chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's hart-, hart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.

-Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.

-Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.

-Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

-Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

-A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head

-Brains are meer active sleeping than watching TV

-There are meer chickens than people in the world

-The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows...
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posted by BellaCullen96
After u cut off a vehicle, give a "Thanks-for-letting-me-in" wave and nod to the other driver.
Always save your nose picking for when you're behind the wheel.
Drive closely behind speeding ambulances and brand trucks so u get ahead of everyone who pulls over to let them pass.
Drive with a pen and ATM envelope in your hand and write down everything a moron driver does.
If another driver honks at you, ignore it, continue to do exactly what u are doing, and give him a dirty look.
If another driver is courteous enough to let u in front of him/her, toon your appreciation door letting the entire...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Take large objects on the train with you.
Sing songs. Start a round with everyone on the train.
Eat onions and garlic and talk to the people volgende to you.
Sell stuff.
Stand in front of the doorway and glare at people when they try to get by.
Yell to your vrienden at the other end of the train.
Make fun of other people while they are in hearing distance of you.
Ride the train while drunk. Extra points if u throw up.
Constantly ask people for directions.
Ask people where they are from.
Ask people where they are going.
Quiz people on the meaning of life.
Start a game of poker. Extra points if it's strip poker....
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posted by BellaCullen96
Ask everyone u meet, "Hot enough for you?"
Sing the "Barney" theme song as loud as u can.
If u see kids building a sand castle, say, "That's not a real castle!"
Every time when you're about to eend under the water, yell, "Down periscope!"
Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdos.
Put sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.
Throw jellyfish around.
Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as u can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're listening to some happenin' tunes.
Act like a sea gull.
Wear t-shirt that says, "I'm the coolest dude on this pathetic beach. No autographs please."
posted by boomy678
Materials:
Petroleum Jelly
Eyeshadow,body shimmer, of pigments (for color)
small discardable and microwavable bowl
Discardable stirrer
lipgloss container with lids


Procedure:
1.Scoop some petroleum in the small bowl (more petroleum meer gloss!)

2.Microwave for 5 min of completely melted

3.Take out the petroleum and mix in the eyeshadow keep on putting meer till u reach your desired shade.

4.Mix well. Then pour in your mixture into the lipgloss container. Put in the freewer for 15-30 minutes.

Enjoy!!


Tip:to make flavored lip gloss add kool-aid instead (will stain lips).
posted by Mallory101
1. Recycle aluminum and glass.
2. Buy energy efficient appliances
3. Run clothes washers only when fully loaded, but don't overload
4. Plant a tree
5. Do all ironing at one time
6. Buy recycled paper
7. Buy low wattage of compact fluorescent light bulbs
8. Turn off lights that don't need to be on
9. Use cold water instead of hot
10. Use small ovens of stove-top cooking methods instead of your large oven
11. Bring your own reusable bags to the grocery store
12. Write companies urging them to use paper rather than plastics and styrofoam
13. Buy products that will last
14. Support environmentally conscious...
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posted by MrsPattinsonXO
Okay, so I was sitting on the divan, bank last night watching some rubbish televisie toon and texting my boyfriend Liam. Anyway I think he'd had too much sugar that night cause he was all like 'I feel special when I wear my regenboog colored raincoat' and stuff. So then he text and was like 'I love u soooooo much' and so I was like 'I love u more' and he was like 'NO!' and I was like Yes! and he was like 'No cause... cause... cause well I'm getting u a birthday present! And so I'm like 'I'm getting u one first' (cause his birthday is before mine) and then like ten minuten later he's like damn. And so I'm like 'I win'.

THE END
posted by big-fat-meanie
www.thebeatles.com/
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www.myspace.com/
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www.amazon.co.uk/
www.vogue.co.uk/
www.usa.gov/
www.usatourist.com/
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www.jessicasimpson.com/
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www.burgerking.co.nz/
www.walmart.com/
www.bigw.com.au/
www.kmart.com.au/
www.target.com.au/
link
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www.google.co.uk/
barbie.everythinggirl.com/
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ten.com.au/
ninemsn.com.au/
au.tv.yahoo.com/
www.bratz.com/
uk.youtube.com/
www.messengerfreak.com/
link
link
link
www.tv.com/
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www.jenniferlopez.com/
www.apple.com/itunes/
www.facedub.com/
link
fotoflexer.com/...
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A little motavational poem I found link. Enjoy. ;P



At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
___At age 12, success is...having friends.
____At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
_______At age 20, success is...having sex.
________At age 35, success is...having money.
________At age 50, success is...having money.
_______At age 60, success is...having sex.
_____At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
___At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.
added by KateKicksAss
 I don't care who u are, it still looks like a Nazi salute to me.
I don't care who you are, it still looks like a Nazi salute to me.
Over the past few months, I’ve noticed that, when it comes to Britain, the majority of Fanpoppers know very little. As a result, I have decided to write a guide. u can thank me later.

1.    Money

We use pounds (£). Pounds are basically dollars, but are coins instead of notes. Our coins are 1p,2p,5p,10p,20p and 50p. The ‘p’ stands for pence. There are 100 pennies to a pound. After the coins, we then have the £5,£10,£20 and £50 notes, although £50 notes are very rare.

2.    Schools

The first real stage of school in Britain is Primary school for...
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The European Union recently expanded to include a total of 25 member states. Some people are concerned,however,that problems will arise with anemployment,and that high influx of immigrants from the former Eastern block countries will cause difficulties for the the other member states. What are the positive and negative consequences of including former Eastern block countries in the EU? Which do u think are greater,the advantages of disadvantages,for the newly expanded,25-member EU?


^^PLEASE someone help me :'(
posted by bubblegumm16
THE BOYFRIEND GUIDE
1) She walks away from u mad *follow her*
2) She stares at your lips *kiss her*
3) When she pushes u of hits u *grab her and don't let go*
4) When she brushes your hand *grab hers*
5) If she's cold *give her your jacket...or hold her*
6) If she don't talk to u first *go talk to her*
7) When she goes to her vrienden house *prank call her*

THE GIRLFRIEND GUIDE
1) If he pokes u *get closer*
2) If he want's a guys night out *don't complain*
3) If he doesn't text back *don't jump to conclusions*
4) If he doesn't say anything *don't think he doesn't care*
5) If he's ticklish *he's a keeper*
6) If he lets u wear his clothing *he likes u in his stuff*
7) If u are tired of waiting for him to make the first verplaats *make it yourself*
When creating a lijst of 100 ways to motivate yourself it struck that there were some commonalities inherent in a lot of the entries. Most of the items on the lijst consist of a physical of emotional state that u don’t currently have but can make into a goal of some type that u can then strive after. The motivation in this is two fold if u keep in mind that the journey of striving is just as important as the goal of endpoint. If u can periodically look at how far u have come from where u started then the distance left to the goal won’t matter as much because u will have a sense...
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added by SheWolf11
Source: I DO NOT OWN THIS IMAGE
posted by mini17
ARIES - The Aggressive (March 21 to April 19)
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny... Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an Aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world!

TAURUS - The Tramp (April 20 to May 20)
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for...
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1. Because, let's face it, if u are one of those Democrats that spews constant rubbish about how being environmentally friendly will cost too much, then you'll realise that u didn't quite think it through... Where do u think we get all the resources from to make money and meer technology?

2. Because... Life isn't all about humans. There's a whole planet out there and Joe (common Joe) thinks about his stomach.

3. Sustainability. Being meer sustainable, funnily enough, will actually give humans the chance to be able to use a relative amount of resources and not have to worry about them running...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Welcome to the block. And now for your hosts, Master Sword, and Tom Foolery.

Audience: *Cheering, clapping, and whistling*
Master Sword & Tom Foolery: *Standing in front of a house*
Master Sword: Why are we always standing in front of the exact same house?
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: Don't ask me. Ask the director.
Master Sword: He's not even here.
Tom: Why not?
Master Sword: He got arrested for drunk driving, and attacking a police officer, thinking it was a zombie panda.
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: Strange.... very very strange. Today's crossover parody, Barbie: Life In The Russian Front....
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