1. At the airport, wear a uniform and claim u are the pilot, get annoyed if they don't believe u but DONT give up, see how far u can get ( WARNING, may result in u being arrested)
2. Whilst boarding the plane, say in a loud voice "THAT WING SURE DOES LOOK RUSTY!!"
3. When everyone is seated, do your own demonstration of what to do in an emergency, let this include 'comical' situations such as "in the (likely) event of the plane setting alight and becoming a plummeting fireball of death, please remember to tighten your seatbelt" look surprised when u are the only one laughing.
4. when the plane is still on the ground, Rock back and forth in your zitplaats, stoel and say aloud "THIS TURBULANCE SURE IS ROUGH!!"
5. Wear rags and a headscarf, claim that your name is Svetolafoson Frojhkyhkjuhjdj and that u are being deported back to Estonia, look pleased when your told that this plane is not going there. say "Really?!, u haf not met me if zey ask zen, ok?!"
6. As the plane is landing, adopt the 'Duck and Cover' position as u scream "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH! ONLY DEATH AWAITS US ALL NOW! DEATH I TELLS YA!!!!" when u land safely, stand up and leave the plane normally, thank the stewardess for a lovely flight.
7. Go in to the toilet and make loud vomiting noises, keep going for a few minutes, then come out and announce to the plane that the toilet is blocked, act like its not your fault.
8. Stand up and ask the passengers if anyone " wants to kom bij the mile high club with you?" wink suggestively at various people...of both sexes.
9. Get the pilot to toon u round the cockpit, come out afterwards and say "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGH HE COULD FLY THE PLANE AFTER SO MUCH wodka BUT IT JUST SHOWS, THEY REALLY ARE TRUE PROFESIONALS!".
10. Delight your fellow passengers with your impression of a plane crashing in to the sea, complete with sound effects.
11. Enthrall your companions on the plane door telling them that u knew the pilot of Buddy Holly's plane and you're pretty sure he trained at the same place as your current pilot.
12. Give a fact filled guide of the area u are flying over, this can include " And if u look to your right u will see the wreckage of our sister plane, after she was shot at and subsequently crashed in to that mountain side which, as u can see, her burnt out hull remains embedded in, the bodies were never found.'
14. Occasionally scream........loudly.
15. Get up and announce that u are going to hi-jack the plane, make to get out a gun, but act like its not there, check all your pockets and then say " OH CRAP, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE OTHER COAT, OK, NEVER MIND!" Sit down like nothing has happened.
16. From the seconde u take off, every ten seconden say in the same voice "are we there yet?"
17. Keep sniffing around and eventually say in a loud voice "CAN u SMELL BURNING?"
18. Go to the cockpit, wait a few second, then come back and say in a loud voice, "UMM SHOULD'NT THERE BE...LIKE....A PILOT?"
19. When your on a small, ten person plane, Inform everyone that u used to be an aerodynamic engineer and this plane is VERY badly built.
20. As u get of the plane, look worried and announce loudly" VAIT A MINUTE, VOT IZ ZIS PLACE?! ZIS IZ NOT POLAND, VERE ZE HELL IZ ZIS?!?!?!?"
21. If you're flying first class, make sure to sit behind someone. When that person is sleeping, grap your motion sickness bag and vomit in it. After u do that, hold the bag in the air and then pop it on the person. See what happens......