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posted by ShadowFlame
THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY. Check out these actual cases:

brand authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section
of forest while assessing the damage done door a forest fire. The deceased
male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his
back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully
clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the dag of the fire, the man went diving off
the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The brand fighters, seeking to control
the brand as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very
large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site
of the forest fire.

u guessed it. One minuut our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a brand dip bucket
300 feet in the air.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
___________________________________________
Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio; his wife was nearby
in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally
slipped into gear. The man, still l holding onto the handlebars, was
dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut
and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for
an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went
down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to
her husband.

While the attendants were aan het uploaden her husband, the wife managed to
right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up
the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the
toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went
into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to
his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers
blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again
phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the
paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked
the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started
laughing so hard, one slipped. They dropped the stretcher and dumped
the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
____________________________________________
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a zeehond, seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers. A minuut later, in full view, a
killer walvis ate them both.
_____________________________________________
Still think u are having a bad day?

A woman came home pagina to find her husband in the keuken-, keuken shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his
waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm
in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his
walkman.
_______________________________________________
STILL think you’re having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand
pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.
The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
___________________________________________
What?! STILL having a bad day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was
the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
9) verplaats everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an olifant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While...
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10. we have a slim chance we might be able to make a non hangover wine.....more amazing things have happened.....Actually that might be a lie.
9. We've all got our vrienden and family....And chocolate.
8. We also have light chocolate!
7. we also have dark chocolate!
6. Did I mention we have chocolate?
5. If the "Waters of mars" doctor who special scared the cra* out of you, at least your not alone...
4. Even if u sometimes feel sad of depressed, the sun will come out tomorrow....OR if your used to typical british wheather then this doesn't apply to u sorry, but if your in any other country, then u still have ten reasons to stay sane!
3. When u think of chocolate everything seems to go your way...
2. There's someone for everyone!
1. Thats the lot! :)
-Pandawinx. :)
(PS thanks for reading! :) )
posted by Shelly_McShelly
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their vragen with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
1. "Do not use if u cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.

2. "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

3. "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

4. "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

5. "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

6. "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

7. "Do not use while sleeping of unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

8. "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Colonel Sanders
There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. u can't do any business from there.

Roseanne Barr
Experts say u should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

W.C. Fields
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Milton Berle
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

George Gobal
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching televisie door candlelight.

Groucho Marx
I find televisie very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the...
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WELDONE!

YOU HAVE FAILED TO IGNORE THIS MESSAGE TO u - THE PERSON WHO FAILED!

dear fellow fanpop failures...

i have failed to bring u the news of fail blog sooner...

some of u may know but the rest of u probabley fail to know what im talking about. well fail blog is the brand new fail site. it's stuffed full of posts of your dag to dag FAILS. it does have the occasional win... there are the most random posts of failed foto shots of failures geplaatst door dedicated failed fail-er fail finders some are plain stupid but it won't fail to make u laugh! u can take failed pictures your self...
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Hey,it's werewolflover.you seemed to like my other artikel like this so here's another one.I hope u enjoy and please rate and comment.
#1 sit in your front yard and every time someone walks door (even a dog) moo where they can hear.
#2 Have a thee party with Mr.Wiggles.If anyone wals door say "would u like to kom bij us?"
#3 scream at everyone to hide because the roze fuzzy bananas are taking over the world.
#4 go to a park/any large grassy area where people are,sit down and scream.
#5 Start coughing and then say "sorry my chipmunk,Fred was trying to get out of my stomach.Then say to Fred,be good of I'm taking your DS away.
I personally think my first one was better,but what do ya think?
posted by xxXsk8trXxx
1. Go to a Miley Cyrus concert with an obsessed Twilight Fangirl, and go up on stage with her in the middle of the concert and talk about Edward Cullen (fangirl of not). Make sure u both wear My Chemical Romance T-Shirts.

2. Make a gossip magazine write about a Joe Jonas and Robert Patterson scandal.

3. Tell Selena Gomez of Demi Lovato that they're bad role models.

4. Diss Selena Gomez's fasion style.

5. Bring Marilyn Manson and Gene Simmons (both with makeup) to the set of Sonny With A Chance.

6. Compare Joe Jonas's jas in "Burnin Up" and a The Black Parade jacket. Farmiliar?

7. Morph Miley...
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toon this to your math teacher, and tell me what his/her reaction is! ^_^

Pi = 3.
141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399 375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825 342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582 231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559 644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475 648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610 454326648213393607260249141273724587006606315 588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360 011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057 270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548 074462379962749567351885752724891227938183011 949129833673362440656643086021394946395224737...
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"ATTENTION TDI AND TDA FANS!!!! GUESS WAT... FOR TOTAL DRAMA ACTION EPISODE 14 IS COMING OUT IN 3WEEKS!!!!!!! I REPEAT 3 WEEKS!!!! OMIGOSH THIS IS BIG NEWS THE EXACT datum IS: September 1, 2009 in both canada and the usa every1 should watch!!!!!!"
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My friend geplaatst these on her bebo page a while geleden so I thought I'd share them with u :D

1) Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say ``oh geez, better get cracking'' and do some gibberish work.

2) Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming ``Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!''

3) If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the surface integral symbol.

4) Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5) Talk the entire way through the...
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posted by shiriny
one in 10 of the world's population is left handed.
four out of five machintosh computer designers were left handed,and one out of four Apollo astronauts were left handers too.

meer famous left hander:

drew barry more

Angelina jolie

nicole kidman

Marilyn monroe

demi moore

Mary-kate and ashley olsen

julia roberts

Hans christian anderson

mark twain

Billy straal, ray cyrus

celine dion

Pierce brosnan

jim carry

Hugh jackman

brad pitt

Michelangelo

leonardo davinci

Picasso

newton

Albert einstein

george bush

charlie chaplin

cary grant

napeleon bonaparte

bill gates

marie curie

rachel adams

mark spitz
posted by shiriny
-chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's hart-, hart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.

-Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.

-Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.

-Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

-Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

-A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head

-Brains are meer active sleeping than watching TV

-There are meer chickens than people in the world

-The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows...
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posted by BellaCullen96
After u cut off a vehicle, give a "Thanks-for-letting-me-in" wave and nod to the other driver.
Always save your nose picking for when you're behind the wheel.
Drive closely behind speeding ambulances and brand trucks so u get ahead of everyone who pulls over to let them pass.
Drive with a pen and ATM envelope in your hand and write down everything a moron driver does.
If another driver honks at you, ignore it, continue to do exactly what u are doing, and give him a dirty look.
If another driver is courteous enough to let u in front of him/her, toon your appreciation door letting the entire...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Take large objects on the train with you.
Sing songs. Start a round with everyone on the train.
Eat onions and garlic and talk to the people volgende to you.
Sell stuff.
Stand in front of the doorway and glare at people when they try to get by.
Yell to your vrienden at the other end of the train.
Make fun of other people while they are in hearing distance of you.
Ride the train while drunk. Extra points if u throw up.
Constantly ask people for directions.
Ask people where they are from.
Ask people where they are going.
Quiz people on the meaning of life.
Start a game of poker. Extra points if it's strip poker....
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posted by BellaCullen96
Ask everyone u meet, "Hot enough for you?"
Sing the "Barney" theme song as loud as u can.
If u see kids building a sand castle, say, "That's not a real castle!"
Every time when you're about to eend under the water, yell, "Down periscope!"
Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdos.
Put sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.
Throw jellyfish around.
Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as u can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're listening to some happenin' tunes.
Act like a sea gull.
Wear t-shirt that says, "I'm the coolest dude on this pathetic beach. No autographs please."
posted by boomy678
Materials:
Petroleum Jelly
Eyeshadow,body shimmer, of pigments (for color)
small discardable and microwavable bowl
Discardable stirrer
lipgloss container with lids


Procedure:
1.Scoop some petroleum in the small bowl (more petroleum meer gloss!)

2.Microwave for 5 min of completely melted

3.Take out the petroleum and mix in the eyeshadow keep on putting meer till u reach your desired shade.

4.Mix well. Then pour in your mixture into the lipgloss container. Put in the freewer for 15-30 minutes.

Enjoy!!


Tip:to make flavored lip gloss add kool-aid instead (will stain lips).
posted by Mallory101
1. Recycle aluminum and glass.
2. Buy energy efficient appliances
3. Run clothes washers only when fully loaded, but don't overload
4. Plant a tree
5. Do all ironing at one time
6. Buy recycled paper
7. Buy low wattage of compact fluorescent light bulbs
8. Turn off lights that don't need to be on
9. Use cold water instead of hot
10. Use small ovens of stove-top cooking methods instead of your large oven
11. Bring your own reusable bags to the grocery store
12. Write companies urging them to use paper rather than plastics and styrofoam
13. Buy products that will last
14. Support environmentally conscious...
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posted by MrsPattinsonXO
Okay, so I was sitting on the divan, bank last night watching some rubbish televisie toon and texting my boyfriend Liam. Anyway I think he'd had too much sugar that night cause he was all like 'I feel special when I wear my regenboog colored raincoat' and stuff. So then he text and was like 'I love u soooooo much' and so I was like 'I love u more' and he was like 'NO!' and I was like Yes! and he was like 'No cause... cause... cause well I'm getting u a birthday present! And so I'm like 'I'm getting u one first' (cause his birthday is before mine) and then like ten minuten later he's like damn. And so I'm like 'I win'.

THE END
posted by big-fat-meanie
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www.apple.com/itunes/
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fotoflexer.com/...
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