Severus Snape Article: A healthy percentage of perfectly sane women have gone into heat over Snape.

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A healthy percentage of perfectly sane women have gone into heat over Snape.

posted by bri-marie

I didn't write this. I found it link

I don't know if you've noticed, but a healthy percentage of the otherwise perfectly sane women in this country have gone into heat over Snape.

Snape, for those of u have been living under a toadstool and aren't familiar with him, is the baddie wizard in the Harry Potter series. He's the surly Potions Master, and his primary function is to look puckery and to simmer with barely-contained hatred everytime he sees Harry Potter.

Sexy Snape is played in the film door Alan Rickman. Since I live with a horny Alan Rickman fan, I'm already aware that AR has a devoted following of trollops who would gladly give up a thumb in exchange for a night of lovin' at AR's house.

However, when u add Alan Rickman + black cape + wig, that = Snape.

The ladies might like Alan Rickman, but the ladies have gone way past crazy over Snape. Women that never HEARD of Alan Rickman before seeing Harry Potter & the Sorceror's Stone and don't even care that he has a "dreamy" German accent in Die Hard, now spend 40 hours a week making new Snape graphics, uploading Snape poems, writing dirty Snape fanfic, and spending a fortune on bandwidth while their kids scream for pb & j.

I can't understand it. Alan Rickman lust, yes, that's perfectly understandable. What is it about Snape that makes otherwise normal women shriek like schoolgirls? What makes a Snape Shrine such a potent erotic touchstone?

Fascinated door Snape Mania (in a purely clinical way, mind you, I mean it's not like wizards turn me on, even sexy wizards who have really... sexy... *gulp* voices...) I've visited hundreds of Snape fansites. They're all pretty groovy, mainly because,well, it's about Snape and it's really weird.

My favorieten are the websites of the Truly Obsessed. These meer devoted sites will have amazingly exhaustive picture galleries with hundreds of images: a still foto for each microsecond that Snape is onscreen. Snape screaming at Harry. Snape glowering with general malice. Snape verbally abusing his students. Snape glowering AT Harry. Snape blinking. Snape menacing Harry over a tafel, tabel of pumpkins and gelei doughnuts.

All Snape, all the time.

Obviously, the idea of magical sex (fueled door all sorts of Viagra-like potions and whatnot) probably plays a big part in it. What sort of lusty, magical sex fantasy do the Snape Lovers engage in? Let's see if I can concoct a likely one:

I'm a nubile young witch at Hogwarts, around 18 of so - ready to graduate and start bewitching frogs on my own. I'm really quite talented at Potions, and lately I've been exchanging loaded glances over the cauldron with my favoriete teacher, Snape, of as I like to call him in my mind, "Snapey-Poo".

I'm leaving Potions one dag when Snape says, "Miss Fury, a word, please?" in that DREAMY voice. Our eyes meet and then Snape takes me in his arms, hurling the contents of his bureau to the ground with a muttered spell, and then our sweaty bodies... ok, wait. That's not working, because Snape would get fired for screwing a student, even if I was legal. Dumbledore looks prissy and would probably brand Snape for fraternizing.

Ok, I'm a slutty substitute witch at Hogwarts. I've just thrown Harry Potter, that uppity little brat, into Magical Detention, where he is going to recieve a magical spanking door means of a spanking spell. Snape comes up to me in the corridor to compliment me on punishing Harry so appropriately.

We make some small talk and Snape invites me to a mid-air picnic on his broom. We never make it to lunch because we start kissing in the corridor, then we get so riled up that he presses me against the uithangbord and we... no, that wouldn't work either, because one of the Hogwart's ghosts would catch us, tell Dumbledore, and get me fired.

Ok, let's just say that regardless of WHY, millions of women have come down with what I like to call Snape Fever. The best part is that since Snape has such a small role in the boeken themselves, that the films will be FORCED to deviate from the novels in order to give in to the demands of the Snapers for meer Snapery. Can u imagine JK Rowlings' rage that her beloved boeken will be modified?

Even worse, imagine that u are the kid who plays Harry Potter, u know, the one that looks like a tiny little Beatles impersonator?

You're totally, like cool. u know that u have a steady job for the volgende 10 years, you're making millions of dollars, you've been on the cover of Teen Beat 14 times, and u get to brand your parents whenever they won't let u have Fruit Roll-Ups for dinner.

u demand a bigger trailer, and a toilet that flushes Evian. One day, u get so high on yourself that u make the director get on all fours and bark like a dog... what's he gonna do? You're the face of HARRY POTTER!

Life is good.

Until one day, that fateful dag that u surf the Web. Nobody's around, and so you're finally free to look for Harry Potter websites. Not just the generic Potter sites, but sites all about YOU, and your adorable Beatles hairdo, and your dreamy green eyes, and your favoriete food (fish tacos). u know with certainty that the Web is gonna just be crawling with chicks who want to have your baby - of at least wanna take a ride on your Nimbus 2000.

Except, it's not like that. Wait, u think in a panic, where are my $....!*# websites?

The movie was a big success, and the entire $....!*# multiverse is in the grips of Potter Mania, but where are your websites? Where are your SHRINES?

With a growing sense of panic, u realize that Alan Rickman, the old has-been who plays Snape, has meer websites than u do. No, make that a hundred times meer sites than you. Not just regular fan sites, either. No, these broads are clearly insane: they've got clips from the movie, and they've made a bunch of I LOVE SNAPE! cliques, and is that a $....!*# Snape poem u see?

A $....!*# actual $....!*# Snape poem. It's too much. Snape had like what, 15 lines in the entire film? If u blinked you'd g*!#@#$ miss him. Snape isn't even the STAR: you, Harry Potter, are the star.

I mean sure, Rickman's a nice enough guy. For a loser. At least Rickman never gave u any guff on the set like that old +!#$% Maggie Smith did, making u call her "Dame Smith" like her !@#$ didn't stink.

Where's the appeal? Rickman's old, he's way past his prime. He'll never ever be as cute as u in round glasses and a wizard's robe. Rickman's never ever been in anything near as populair as Harry Potter. He made a Die Hard movie like what, a million years ago, but he wasn't even the STAR.

So what's the deal with the Snape obsession? u call your agent and scream at him, but there's really nothing he can do. There's nothing u can do, either, because your little sister can only make u so many websites before everyone catches on.

The ladies of the world, both young and old, have spoken: and what they've screamed is :

SNAPE.

It's a bad dag for child actors.

It's a bad dag to be Harry Potter.

forsnape, Geishir and 14 others like this

LadyLilith I liked it until they started saying bad things about Alan, be it supposedly in Daniel/Harry's shoes or not. =/ Do people REALLY only know him from freaking Die Hard? It's a sad day for Alan Rickman fans. Sad day.

LadyNottingham LOL and brilliant ! Especially the sarcasm at the end. "However, when you add Alan Rickman + black cape + wig, that = Snape." => you forgot the VOICE !!! Well, we're talking about Alan's voice so I suppose it's part of his package deal (no pervert pun intended here...) Well, personally, I won't go after teenagers as I have just hit 40. Thanks JKR for thinking about all the age groups in her saga : - kids and teenagers, with the trio and the rest of the students. - young adult people, with the likes of the Weasley Twins, Bill and Charlie and Percy, Tonks. In another era, James and Lily. - Full grownup adults like me : yes, with Sirius, Remus and SEVERUS (my beloved). For the men, Bellatrix is a sex bomb (yet a dangerous one to handle, I must concede). Lucius and Narcissa are also in this category. - More mature adults, with the likes of Arthur and Molly Weasley, or Andromeda Tonks or Pomona Sprout. Mundungus Fletcher could relate to that category too. - The elderly, with the likes of Minerva and Albus. Should I add Aunt Muriel and Elphias Doge. Another point about Alan : OK, he could be my father. But if he asked me, I would say YES !!! He's still very sexy compared to some men younger. Beyond the part of Severus, he's a wonderful actor in his other movies and he never disappoints me as such. Watching a movie with Alan in it, is a surefire way to have a great time with an actor that - I hope - will get one day an Academy Award. Maybe the role of Severus will bring him that. That would be only justice. A last point about Severus : personally I love his dark, dominating side. Good girls love bad boys. He's no longer a boy but a man in his full power (magical and let's say it, sexual too). He's also someone with a difficult personal history. Women like that too : to side with the weak and many things hint at us that somewhere, somehow, Severus has his own weaknesses. The combination of both (Alan + Severus) exudes infinite raw sexual power. Yes, I said it. *sigh* I'm part of that "healthy percentage of the otherwise perfectly sane women" all over the world that "have gone into heat over Snape." Yes. No problem with that. I take full responsibility for that. But as I said earlier, I don't go for boys. I go for men. Real men. Severus is one of them. I think that at my age, that's completely "sane" indeed.

SnapeSoulmate Interesting someone points up something like this. I was just rounding about some questions about it actually. O_o thing is, its the story behind severus and his character, usually. certain people would be fascinated by the tale of a hidden hero, and in severus's case, feel sympathy for him. and some, of us fortunate(if you can say) few, who have started with the books, may have had part of the myersious character mayhem as the person they are find themselves dark. people relate to characters, love characters. we find them as closure when it comes to life and its hardest moments, endearing moments. some even see a character as a whole other entity.... like a real, existing person... thats how I think of severus. so yes, I do think its only hiddenly normal for people to lust after him. I can see no blame- the man is absolutely beautiful in all ways possible. never have I had such an attraction to someone in my entire life. despite my age, yeah, I would probably have sex with alan(moreso if he were dressed as severus), because I idolize the man for who he is, and find a mind of lust. sex is human nature. your attracted to someone that way, then well its how you roll lol. in my basis of my religion, its common to not give a hoot whether someone is AGES older than you or not; but yes really, you cant stop love, you cant stop to help but think about it. who cares if alan is past his prime? to me age is nothing more than the years someone has lived. it has absolutely NOTHING to do with love connection(in alans case, and I suppose severus too even if hes younger). hell, I'd do things with severus that would be too much for society to deem appropriate *snicker* -and thats the main bloody reason. SOCIETY. and its petty, petty ways. I swear its the probable main reason. all the "rape laws" and stupid crap. its safe to say its the era of romeo&juliet when it comes down to this shit. honestly and I agree with the above. severus is the only person I was EVER this interested in, not a single exaggeration in those words. boys are just so immature, senseless. severus is the perfect example of how a man should act. some people just lust after different kinds of men. so the f*ck wot? people will find its absolutely horrid of us, but we'll find it just as horrid it is about them, to having a fetish for well groomed and outgoing men who think their everything that stretches across the world. our love for our greasy, beautiful, handsome and radiant potions master is just as the same. love is love.

bri-marie @LadyLilith: Unfortunately, there are people who only know him as Hans or Severus :/ Luckily, though, his true fans know him as Alan and know that there is a difference between him and the roles he plays. @LadyNotitngham: I've never been interested boys, always the men. I started Harry Potter when I was nine, and, even then, I never really cared much for the trio. Draco was the only one in that age bracket that I ever cared for. All the others were adults (Remus, Severus, Lucius). I've never cared about the age differences. I love Alan just as much as Severus. Alan is the few stars that never let his fame go to his head. He doesn't flaunt his relationship, or the fact that he's in such a huge franchise right now. He could have made millions selling the secrets JK told him about Severus, but he didn't. He's in acting simply for the acting, not for the money, and I love that about him. @SnapesSoulmate: Alan's "prime" is, I think, subjective. I, personally, think he's never looked or acted better. I mean, crikey, he's a 64 year old bombshell that's playing the part of a man half his age and many people don't even realize it. "Love is love." Exactly. We love Severus (and Alan). That's the end of it :)

nene72 I also think that people identify a lot more with a character who is as flawed as Severus, someone who has made big mistakes, is socially awkward, tries hard to do the right thing and in the end still doesn't have things to go their way. As opposed to someone in the golden trio who no matter how many rules they break or how irresponsibly they behave, in the end always come up smelling of roses. In fact, speaking for myself here, those kind of people really give me the s#its!

SnapeSoulmate @ bri-marie precisely. even my mother has said it and she can barely give a bloody hoot. that alan has aged so damn well, and its incredibly beyond truth. I have never EVER seen in my entire life someone who has aged as well as he. he looks so damn GOOD for his age man. <3 hell, its gotta be true, if he has a flood of girls with churning harmones gnawing at his very will for him, all him, and ONLY him! @ nene its exactly how it is with everyone. its someone whom they can relate to. most severus fans I've met have some sort of a darkness in their life. usually a multitude of collisions to feelings for the man. he lives in breathes in dreams; a man we cherish and hold as someone we dearly need. hah, and I totally agree with you, on those kind of people.

nene72 I also liked Julia Lipman's "Professor Severus Snape" article that was posted by HappinessInSlytherin further down in the comments section.

severusgirlx you know alan is as DEEP as Severus maybe this is why it works so well..alan can strut his stuff round that castle totally engulfing the role of severus to the point you actually believe in severus where you actually struggle to see alan in there..it is a master piece in many ways without doubt..this part would not have worked like this without alan behind it it is very very bizarre but very very lovely..i have never been so ensnared with a man real or otherwisw which in itself is quite bizarre..as for your romantic notions with sev i think youd better get yourself a detention down the dungeon NO ONE EVER goes down there apart from ME!!!!!!!!!!

BlackHound Wow...so much to say to this, and yet, I can't bear to say most of it. Not on an online public forum, anyway. Part of the reason I was instantly attracted to the character of Severus (I was already a fan of Alan) was because of my own flaws, my own personal darkness. It was the very same thing that made me a lover of Clive Barker's novella "Cabal", about the Nightbreed...with them I felt I found a piece of my 'self'...with him I felt I had found a Kindred Spirit. In both cases, I felt I had found something I thought I had lost. All I can say is that what I feel for this 'virtual person' we know as Severus Snape goes far deeper, is more powerful and profound than anything I have ever known, and has taught me things about myself I don't know that I could have learned otherwise. The only other thing I feel comfortable saying openly is that I'm forever grateful to JKR and Alan for making it possible.

Perfidia I personally do not LOVE Snape....but I can understand why people think he's hot. He doesn't look usual! He's mysterious in a way, sure I understand how one can be attracted. Alan Rickman is a wonderful actor too. Too old for me that's true but if I had to pick between him and Daniel Radcliffe I'd SO pick Alan! Seriously, who could pick a boy when there are enough handsome men? The ladies have free choice...Lucius Malfoy(the good-looking bad guy), Sirius Black(the good-looking not so bad guy), Remus Lupin(the not so good-looking good guy) or Snape(the mysterious outsider) so why consider one of the main characters? PLUS the lesser we know about a character the more is left to imagination!!!

jester616 I've read this article several times since I first found this site, and what has always stuck w/me, even w/the writer's sarcastic, humorous tone is the puzzlement over women finding someone so old so attractive. As if it's somehow against the laws of nature to find anyone over the age of 25 attractive! Frankly, I'd be more concerned if we were all drooling over Justin Bieber, or some other young person. I haven't deliberately watched any of Alan's other films, although based on other fans' reactions, I've added them to my queue. So I can't comment on his sexiness in other roles, but I am floored by what he brings to Snape. While an interesting yet difficult character in the books, he becomes something totally else in the movies. I wish I could pinpoint what it is that makes movie Snape so compelling. After spending too much time on this question, I realized that for myself, I once had the attention of an artsy, long-haired young man--the kind of person I never thought would give me the time of day. While we didn't have anything I would call a relationship, I think his physical appearance triggered something for me! As for the Snape's difficult backstory, I think that makes him so much more realistic. Many of you have mentioned how you can relate to his experiences, and how this makes him such an interesting character. Now that it's been well over a year since I've read the series, I look back and enjoy how Snape was still a challenging personality, all while doing the "right" thing. So many of us love Snape? No mystery there.

snowwhite2 Great article, one of my favs.I've seen Alan in other shows and he is truly talented and has a special something, but I just like Alan. I absolutely LOVE Severus Snape. This character has so much depth to him and Alan pulls it off so well. His voice and the way he moves alone could melt frozen butter. Then there's also that deep loyalty,courage without flaunting it, the ability of long and lasting love and his unwavering strength. In short, the perfect man. Sure he has sarcasm, but beautiful quick witted sarcasm usually well aimed. Proves the man has a great sense of humor. No, as others have said there's no mystery as so many of us really actually LOVE Severus Snape.