#10: INDIANA JONES - CYSTAL SKULL:
Despite what everyone says.. I actually really enjoyed this movie..
But than the ending comes..
Basically.. The gang The five enter a chamber containing the crystal skeletons of thirteen enthroned skeletal crystal beings, one missing its skull. Spalko arrives and presents the skull to this skeleton. It suddenly flies from her hands to the skeleton and rejoins, whereupon the aliens reanimate and telepathically offer a reward in ancient Mayan through Oxley. A portal to their dimension becomes activated, and Spalko demands knowledge equal to the aliens'. The thirteen beings fuse into one, and in the process of receiving the overwhelming knowledge, Spalko is disintegrated and sucked into the portal. Indy, Marion, Mutt, and Oxley--having regained his sanity--escape, while the Soviets are also drawn into the portal. Mac is caught in the pull while trying to scrounge some of the treasure, and even though Indy offers him his whip to pull him to safety, he antwoorden with a wink of his eye, "Jonesy, I'm gonna be all right," lets go, and is pulled in. They escape and watch as the temple walls crumble, revealing a flying saucer rising from the debris, which vanishes into the "space between spaces," while the hollow in the valley floor left door its departure is flooded door the waters of the Amazon.
Okay... WHAT!?
#9: THE VILLAGE:
The twist at the end here is that “The Village” is not actually set in the 1800s. The inhabitants live in a wildlife preserve in modern times and that the government is bribed not to fly planes over the area so that the children who were born there will still believe in the group’s olde-tymie lifestyle and live as the “elders” want them to. It doesn’t hold up to logic and it’s kind of insulting..
#8: JUST ABOUT EVERY SAW MOVIE:
Saw is always a HAPPY ending.
Hero finally finds out the bad guy is. And than hero dies. And the entire purpose of his character dies along with him.
Don't try getting too invested in Saw characters..
#7: SCREAM 4:
It doesn't take itself too seriously this movie.
But the twist is dumb too me.
The hero's best friend. For no explained reason, was ghost face.. She killed all her friends, cause.. That's what vrienden do I guess..
#6: ROCKET TOO INSANITY:
Cupcakes may be a really dumb creepy pasta when I think about it. But it's sequel is even meer dumb.
Basically Dash is always having a nightmare about Pinkie going all "cupcakes" on her.. Cause, u know.. Pinkie s OBVIOUSLY capable of harming a living creature.. She probably won't even swat a fly.. Anyway, Dash goes insane, kills Pinkie and.. Well.. That's pretty much it.. Is she arrested? Dose she loses it? Was it another dream? Who fucking knows!
#5: JEFF THE KILLER:
Why does Jeff go insane.. It's out of nowhere!
#4: SIGNS:
Everyone talked about it.
And so will I..
Apparently, the only thing that can kill the aliens is water. Yeah, it's like acid to them. One drop hurts them like crazy. Hm, probably should have thought that through before attacking a planet, MOSTLY COVERED IN WATER!!!
#3: TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D:
The protagonist was letherface's cousin.
And the REAL villains were not the cannibalist family that murdered all those people. But the townsfolk that killed Leatherface's family.. Even though the zei family are fucking psychopaths, and murdered hundreds of innocent people..
#2: BLAIR WITCH PROJECT - BOOK OF SHADOWS:
After a jump cut, the audience sees that Jeff, Stephen, and Kim have been arrested. Each is interrogated separately, with the police tonen each person footage of their crimes. Security camera footage shows Kim stabbing the cashier in the neck with the cashier's nail file. Surveillance camera footage shows a naked Jeff killing Erica, arranging her clothes, and putting her dead body in the closet. Jeff's video shows Stephen assaulting Tristen, accusing her of being a witch and pushing her over the banister (but not Tristen putting the rope around her own neck). All three, close to a nervous breakdown, protest they never did any of those things.
Apparently it had too do with the.. I don't know.. BLAIR WITCH!!
#1: SMILEY:
This movie sucks anyway.
But basically, including Proxy, Binder, and the babysitter murdered in the opening, created the Smiley myth as a large-scale prank..
Hahah- PEOPLE DIED!!
Despite what everyone says.. I actually really enjoyed this movie..
But than the ending comes..
Basically.. The gang The five enter a chamber containing the crystal skeletons of thirteen enthroned skeletal crystal beings, one missing its skull. Spalko arrives and presents the skull to this skeleton. It suddenly flies from her hands to the skeleton and rejoins, whereupon the aliens reanimate and telepathically offer a reward in ancient Mayan through Oxley. A portal to their dimension becomes activated, and Spalko demands knowledge equal to the aliens'. The thirteen beings fuse into one, and in the process of receiving the overwhelming knowledge, Spalko is disintegrated and sucked into the portal. Indy, Marion, Mutt, and Oxley--having regained his sanity--escape, while the Soviets are also drawn into the portal. Mac is caught in the pull while trying to scrounge some of the treasure, and even though Indy offers him his whip to pull him to safety, he antwoorden with a wink of his eye, "Jonesy, I'm gonna be all right," lets go, and is pulled in. They escape and watch as the temple walls crumble, revealing a flying saucer rising from the debris, which vanishes into the "space between spaces," while the hollow in the valley floor left door its departure is flooded door the waters of the Amazon.
Okay... WHAT!?
#9: THE VILLAGE:
The twist at the end here is that “The Village” is not actually set in the 1800s. The inhabitants live in a wildlife preserve in modern times and that the government is bribed not to fly planes over the area so that the children who were born there will still believe in the group’s olde-tymie lifestyle and live as the “elders” want them to. It doesn’t hold up to logic and it’s kind of insulting..
#8: JUST ABOUT EVERY SAW MOVIE:
Saw is always a HAPPY ending.
Hero finally finds out the bad guy is. And than hero dies. And the entire purpose of his character dies along with him.
Don't try getting too invested in Saw characters..
#7: SCREAM 4:
It doesn't take itself too seriously this movie.
But the twist is dumb too me.
The hero's best friend. For no explained reason, was ghost face.. She killed all her friends, cause.. That's what vrienden do I guess..
#6: ROCKET TOO INSANITY:
Cupcakes may be a really dumb creepy pasta when I think about it. But it's sequel is even meer dumb.
Basically Dash is always having a nightmare about Pinkie going all "cupcakes" on her.. Cause, u know.. Pinkie s OBVIOUSLY capable of harming a living creature.. She probably won't even swat a fly.. Anyway, Dash goes insane, kills Pinkie and.. Well.. That's pretty much it.. Is she arrested? Dose she loses it? Was it another dream? Who fucking knows!
#5: JEFF THE KILLER:
Why does Jeff go insane.. It's out of nowhere!
#4: SIGNS:
Everyone talked about it.
And so will I..
Apparently, the only thing that can kill the aliens is water. Yeah, it's like acid to them. One drop hurts them like crazy. Hm, probably should have thought that through before attacking a planet, MOSTLY COVERED IN WATER!!!
#3: TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D:
The protagonist was letherface's cousin.
And the REAL villains were not the cannibalist family that murdered all those people. But the townsfolk that killed Leatherface's family.. Even though the zei family are fucking psychopaths, and murdered hundreds of innocent people..
#2: BLAIR WITCH PROJECT - BOOK OF SHADOWS:
After a jump cut, the audience sees that Jeff, Stephen, and Kim have been arrested. Each is interrogated separately, with the police tonen each person footage of their crimes. Security camera footage shows Kim stabbing the cashier in the neck with the cashier's nail file. Surveillance camera footage shows a naked Jeff killing Erica, arranging her clothes, and putting her dead body in the closet. Jeff's video shows Stephen assaulting Tristen, accusing her of being a witch and pushing her over the banister (but not Tristen putting the rope around her own neck). All three, close to a nervous breakdown, protest they never did any of those things.
Apparently it had too do with the.. I don't know.. BLAIR WITCH!!
#1: SMILEY:
This movie sucks anyway.
But basically, including Proxy, Binder, and the babysitter murdered in the opening, created the Smiley myth as a large-scale prank..
Hahah- PEOPLE DIED!!
#1: FRIDAY THE 13th, ORGINAL:
I just don't get how THAT gave us Jason Voorhees.. It's so stupid.
#2: KILL BILL:
It's weird.. I just always found this movie TOO action-y.. I don't know if it's Uma Thurman.. The over acting.. The subtitles.. of just that I had to sit though it over a thousand times..
Either way.. I'll put this movie lower on this, but it's the quickest I could think of.
#3: SAW 3D:
This is when the series became that torture porn u THINK the series started as.. It's stupid.. The movie is stupid.
#4: RESIDENT EVIL:
No thank you..
#5: REVENANT:
Let me clarify.. I DO like this movie.. But I mainly just watch the first half, rarely the seconde half.
But still.. Leonardo literary had to eat raw meat, crawl in the snow, and get ravaged door a CGI grizzly, to finally get that damn oscar..
I just don't get how THAT gave us Jason Voorhees.. It's so stupid.
#2: KILL BILL:
It's weird.. I just always found this movie TOO action-y.. I don't know if it's Uma Thurman.. The over acting.. The subtitles.. of just that I had to sit though it over a thousand times..
Either way.. I'll put this movie lower on this, but it's the quickest I could think of.
#3: SAW 3D:
This is when the series became that torture porn u THINK the series started as.. It's stupid.. The movie is stupid.
#4: RESIDENT EVIL:
No thank you..
#5: REVENANT:
Let me clarify.. I DO like this movie.. But I mainly just watch the first half, rarely the seconde half.
But still.. Leonardo literary had to eat raw meat, crawl in the snow, and get ravaged door a CGI grizzly, to finally get that damn oscar..
#1:
Tell him ALL blonde girls are idiots..
#2:
Tell him a girl is "out of his league"..
#3:
Put on Country Music..
#4:
Put on ANY teen sitcom other than Sweet life of Zack and Cody, of mannetjeseend, drake and Josh. Heck. Even Icarly isn't too bad..
#5:
Convince him into giving a fuck about politics..
#6:
Steal his X-Box..
#7:
Make him watch PowerPuff Girls..
#8:
Remind him that he has no life outside of Fanpop..
#9:
Remind him that GTA 5 STILL doesn't friggin work, and I'm stuck with the 4 games..
#10:
Talk shit about his videos (just kidding)..
Tell him ALL blonde girls are idiots..
#2:
Tell him a girl is "out of his league"..
#3:
Put on Country Music..
#4:
Put on ANY teen sitcom other than Sweet life of Zack and Cody, of mannetjeseend, drake and Josh. Heck. Even Icarly isn't too bad..
#5:
Convince him into giving a fuck about politics..
#6:
Steal his X-Box..
#7:
Make him watch PowerPuff Girls..
#8:
Remind him that he has no life outside of Fanpop..
#9:
Remind him that GTA 5 STILL doesn't friggin work, and I'm stuck with the 4 games..
#10:
Talk shit about his videos (just kidding)..
#1: REMAIN CALM AND NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS:
The haai may not be planning to attack you.. So don't give the animal any reason to feel threatened. Don't try to out swim away either, unless you're already very close to shore. Sharks can swim 5 times faster than the average human, and this is the most populair mistake that people make. verplaats slowly toward the kust-, oever of a boat; choose whichever is closest. Don't thrash your arms of kick of splash while u swim..
#2: KEEP YOUR EYE ON IT:
And never block the shark's path. If you're standing between the haai and the open ocean, verplaats away, of else the haai will feel threatened..
#3: AIM FOR THE EYES:
If the haai DOSE attack, u still need to stay calm. I know this is easier zei than done. But. u need to remember one thing.. The eyes and gills are sensitive to shark, attacking these spots will harm the Shark, and it will back off..
The haai may not be planning to attack you.. So don't give the animal any reason to feel threatened. Don't try to out swim away either, unless you're already very close to shore. Sharks can swim 5 times faster than the average human, and this is the most populair mistake that people make. verplaats slowly toward the kust-, oever of a boat; choose whichever is closest. Don't thrash your arms of kick of splash while u swim..
#2: KEEP YOUR EYE ON IT:
And never block the shark's path. If you're standing between the haai and the open ocean, verplaats away, of else the haai will feel threatened..
#3: AIM FOR THE EYES:
If the haai DOSE attack, u still need to stay calm. I know this is easier zei than done. But. u need to remember one thing.. The eyes and gills are sensitive to shark, attacking these spots will harm the Shark, and it will back off..
Jonah
