What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring u riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: u crave attention, u absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, u may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because door being a retard online u can get all the attention u need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If u want to be a retard u must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! of write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like u can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once u have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! u must verplaats on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this u need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as u can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" of "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" of "ebil" are a little too advanced for u at this stage but with practice u can master these meer advanced moves.

Practice Your 1337 Skillz

In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that u are, u will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend u are good door making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'

Learn to be Offensive

To be a retard online u must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short u should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of vrienden and free sex. If u want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" quotes - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard of actually being witty, if u find yourself in danger of actually being witty of somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T of Rick Astley and u will become instant-retard.

Trolling for Dummies

1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. u say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!

Spamming 101

Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if u wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that u may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if u want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First u must spam a lot, door which we mean u must spam until u can spam no meer - spam until u bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until u get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and u can spam no meer -

Spam!

SPAM!

SPAM!!!

SPAM!!!!!!!!!!

Caps Lock

IS YER FRIEND.

Alt-F4

Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and u will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn u with your friends.