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posted by Usui--takumi
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His troops, led door four of his finest commanders wona great battle for him, and Napoleon Bonaparte was in a generous mood.
“Ask for anything and I’ll give it to you,” he zei to the four officers who had distinguished themselves.
“I’ve always wanted a house in Paris,” zei one of the men, a German.
“Done!” zei Napoleon. “You’ll get a mansion in the city.”
“I’ve always desired to own a hotel,” zei the seconde officer, a Frenchman.
“Done!” zei the emperor. “I’ll order a hotel to be gegeven to you.”
“I’ve always wanted a brewery,” zei the third man, a Pole.
“Done!” zei the emperor. “I will give u a brewery!”
“And you, sir?” he said, turning to the fourth man. “What will u have?”
“Grant me a fortnight’s leave,” zei the man.
“Done!” zei the emperor. “Your leave begins from tomorrow!”
Now the fourth man happened to be a Jew, and in those days at least, Jews were supposed to be shrewd and possess great business acumen.
So his colleagues were surprised that he had asked for so little. They felt he had missed a rare opportunity to become rich, and were elated that they themselves had kept their wits about them and asked for worthwhile things.
They asked him about it when they ran into him later that day.
“Why did u ask for so little?” they taunted him. “Did courage fail you?”
“You asked for a lot,” replied the Jew. “But u must remember that the emperor is a busy man. He will order his secretary to fulfill his promises. His secretary too is a busy man. He will pass on the order to his assistant who too is a busy man. So the emperor’s order will go down from subordinate to subordinate and finally in the course of a few months…it’ll get lost!”
“We’ll appeal to the emperor!” shouted the Frenchman.
“The emperor will not know what you’re talking about,” zei the Jew. “By then our great victory will have become a dim memory. u should have asked for something that the emperor could give immediately – like I did. Now, if you’ll excuse me gentlemen, I have work to do.”
And leaving the three officers gaping, the Jew went off to arrange for his holiday.
added by BlindBandit92
posted by slytherin360
found this on the net:

29 Annoying Ways to Order a pizza

1. Start the conversation with "My call to (Pizza Place), take one... and... ACTION!"

2. If using a touch-tone phone, press random numbers while ordering. Tell the person taking the order, "would u please stop doing that...?"

3. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

4. Do not name your toppings; rather, spell them out.

5. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

6. Order 52 pepperoni slices arranged in a fractal pattern following from an equation u are about to dictate. Ask if they're getting all of this...
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added by bubblegum_kiss
added by Bluekait
added by kicksomebut23
added by greatestwarrior
Source: Deviantart
I absolutely adore a good and well written villain. From the crazies to the sympathetic ones with a tragic back story to the ones who do it for the lols, I love me a fun fictional baddie. And there are just so many of them, so here are my favorites. Listed as a count down.

I'll start with the honorable Mentions: Jadis and Nehelenia. I couldn't not put Nehelenia on this lijst as she was pretty much the first villain I ever liked--I just didn't know I liked her at the time. When I was 5 years old, not gonna lie she kind of scared me. And that's part of why I love her character today. Jadis, most...
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1.Go out for coffee
2.Cut a stencil and put a design on an old t-shirt
3.Learn a new recipe
4.Properly fold all of your cloths
5.Find a marker with a blue of green lid and run around pretending it’s a sonic screwdriver
6.Walk to McDonalds and get a McFlurry
7.Organize your iTunes bibliotheek and make sure everything has album art
8.Start a blog
9.Read through old posts on your favourite blog
10.Have a movie marathon
11.Ride the transit all the way around, until you’re back to where u started
12.Make a friendship bracelet for yourself
13.Shave off all your body hair
14.Go shopping with only $5
15.Try to...
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I realized I loved Ashley a while ago. We were onstage and my microphone cut out. I was forced to use Ashley’s until mine was fixed. For just a moment our lips brushed together and I realized I loved him.
                        ***    
It was the end of Valentine’s Day. I wished I could get something for Ashley. Maybe volgende jaar I would be braver. I was alone in my room when I decided to call Ashley. I wouldn’t tell him I loved him yet, I just wanted...
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The ending of the film "Scary Movie" when Shorty videotapes himself inside a gas station.
video
random
hilarious
scary movie
shorty
snatch and run
epic
parody
weird
funny
video
random
funny
hilarious
stupid
charlie sheen
epic
facepalm
scary
movie
This is my favoriete parody of Only girl. :)
video
random
weird
crazy
stupid
muziek
parody
on;y girl
rihanna
eekhoorn
XD LOLLMAOROLF! THIS IS FUNNAY!
video
random
funny
hilarious
lol
dora
soulja boy
added by randomgirl3000
Source: tumblr
added by animegrl52p
Source: google
added by peterslover
Source: photobucket
added by Tamar20
Source: Desktop Nexus
added by jlhfan624
Source: 1280x800.com
added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus