Christian Bale: Hot of Not?
By Ted Berg

Christian Bale’s beauty cannot be put into words, but I will try.

That which does not kill Christian Bale only makes him hotter.

Before I expound, let me state for the record that I am a fiercely heterosexual man. I have engaged one woman to marry me and spend every morning on the subway attempting to engage several others in mutual eye contact. And it’s not because I am in any way nefarious. I am loyal; I just want women to acknowledge me in some small way because I find them mesmerizing. Achingly beautiful.

Just not quite as beautiful as Christian Bale....

collection.

CHRISTIE
You have a really nice place here...Paul.
How much did u pay for it?

BATEMAN
Actually, that's none of your business, Christie,
hut I can assure u it certainly wasn't cheap.

Bateman leaves to refill his wine glass and Sabrina takes a
pack of cigarettes out of her purse.
Bateman returns, carrying a tray of chocolates.

BATEMAN
No, no smoking. Not in here.

He walks over to Christie.

BATEMAN
Varda truffle?

Christie stares at the plate and shakes her head. Sabrina
takes one.

BATEMAN
I don't want u to get drunk, but that's a very
fine Chardonnay you're not drinking.

Bateman goes over to his...