I'm sorry for asking so many vragen but I need help with this please :'(

Yes God can read your mind. But remember, God loves u and the people that u are thinking about. So he will not make bad things happen because u are thinking about them. God made u and loves u the way u are. I don't think he will change u into someone different unless it was for your good and His glory.
God does allow bad things to happen, but promises to bring good from it for all who love him.
The thing about having these thoughts and fears is without meaning to, u may act in a way to bring them to be. It's called self fullfilled prophecy.
God still heals. He also uses doctors to help people. My thoughts are u need a proffesional to talk to and a doctor to possibly get the correct medication. It sounds like there may be a inbalance that can be corrected. There is no shame in getting help. But it is sad seeing someone living with this.
u seem to have a really good heart. I hope and pray that u receive the help u need. I want u to live and enjoy your life to your God gegeven potential. God bless.
P.S. u know u can always send me a message if u ever need to chat. (:

well if it just randomly pops into your mind God knows whether you're serious of not serious because that crap happens to me too but i'm not serious about it