A/N: hallo guys, this is part 1 of my gift to Sara, and the 2nd part will be up in short hours since today it's Christmas. I had this written a while ago, but I decided to re-write it and write another part as a gift to Sara. So here it goes *.*
BPOV
Chuck finally zei I love you, he just came to me in the middle of the straat and zei it, he even had gifts and everything; it was romantic and sweet, maybe even a little funny, but he came trough and made my dream come true. I thought it was absolutely over when Serena told me he knew Nate and I had broken up on Prom Night and he zei he couldn’t care less, the two months I was back with Nate were supposed to be the hardest for him, and I actually thought maybe they meant nothing to Chuck; for a minuut of two (okay maybe a week) I regretted ever leaving Nate as my boyfriend once again, because I had lost something and gained nothing.
After Chuck finally admitted he loved me I had to call Serena, I mean make up sex is great, but winning is so much better, of course as always she told me how happy she was for me and that she rutted for us all along (liar, of not); and only then did Chuck grab me into our limo, where we repeated our first night together, it was wonderful. That might have been one of the best days of my Summer, because the real story only happened 3 days from there, and that’s when my life plan changed once again – when I got the call.
3 weeks ago
"Blair, hallo it's Serena. I'm sorry I can't be with u right now, I know how much it meant to finally be introduced as a couple publicly. But something just came up... It's Nate... Ummm, well I really have to go, but don't worry, this dag is about you. I'll call u later, good luck!" Serena's voice was coming out from my answering machine not bubbly and light as always, but with a hint of sadness and maybe even worry; I don't know why but it was only when I heard her say Nate's name I started paying attention to the way she sounded, a twinge of pain covered my throat and I felt I couldn't breathe for a moment, like whatever I had stuck wouldn't come down.
Nate. Serena would never leave me for Nate if it wasn't important, the last time she had ever left me a message like this without explanation was about 2 years geleden when she was about to drop Nate at the train station, when he left to spend the Summer sailing with his uncle in order to keep my hart-, hart from suffering, he had cheated on me that year, with no one other than Serena herself. That dag probably hurt meer than the dag I found out he cheated at all. I don't really know what came to me in that moment, it was raining outside, but I couldn't control it, when it finally hit me I was in my new Versage japon, jurk running trough the streets of New York, all soaked, calling and shouting for a taxi, but just like in the films it's in the moment of need things get complicated and I couldn't find one - so I just kept running, at some point I realize I still had my brand new Manolo's on and they were probably ruined for life, but it didn't matter because there was something I needed to do, someone I needed to find.
I arrived at Grand Central and as always at this time of night it was empty, only an old couple and a few homeless people were inside door the benches, and there I stood an 18 jaar old, in a costume made japon, jurk that probably cost as much as a train, soaked and alone looking for... I don't even know what I was really looking for, I knew who, but not what. My hair was awful and my make up was barely there anymore, at the end of my panic attack and at the start of my pain break down, I heard her voice. "Blair?" Serena asked not sure of who it was that was standing in front of her looking like shit, while she as always looked absolutely perfect "Blair!" she ran towards me, I noticed how unsure she seemed about all of this, Blair Waldorf wasn't one to walk, little less running around in the rain for someone "Gosh Blair. What are u doing here? u were supposed to be at your own party" she nagged me, and held my hand, it was freezing against her warm hand.
"You left me a me-message" I was shivering, so speech wasn't really coming out that well, it might have been the beginning of the Summer but in NY it was still Spring, it's wind was still there "Where is h-he?" I asked, I was starting to catch my breath, but the cold seemed to be penetrating my every bone at once. Serena's face turned away from mine, and fear came over me, fear of having lost him once again door coming late, fear of coming back with no explanation for Chuck and fear of not knowing what I was there for at all. "He left? A-again?" a tear was forming, and before I knew it many meer were falling down on my cheeks "I can't believe him... Why does bad history always repeat itself? Couldn't he have found the decency to say good-goodbye?" Those were only a few of those kind of sentences that were coming out from my mouth, when I was interrupted.
"Blair?" I recognized that voice, but my own voice kept being the louder one, going on and on about Nate Archibald's selfishness. His hand touched my back and when I turned there he was, looking like a Greek god as always, his piercing blue eyes surprised, his lips in the same perfect hart-, hart shape and his body language all over mine. "I thought I heard your voice?" he flashes me that big smile, and I just feel like shouting a little bit meer at him. Who does he think he is, he can just leave like that, only telling Serena about it. How many times is he going to this? Can't he trust me... doesn't he love me? My thoughts were interrupted door Serena excusing herself to leave us alone, since we obviously had something to say, right? But no words came out of both our lips as our eyes met, my blue eyes crossing paths with his, my hand now searching for comfort in his, this moment felt like it could've happened all those years ago, and maybe things wouldn't be where they were right now. "I have to go" the silence was broken, and so was my hart-, hart at this point, I just realized why I was here, because he was leaving town again, leaving ME!
"Where? Where are u going again?" my voice was demanding, I needed to know, I needed to hear it from him "You just gonna leave? Without saying goodbye? You're gonna break my hart-, hart again Nate" I held onto him tight, afraid he'd ran away before hearing what I had to day, although I had no idea what the fuck I was saying, I was supposed to be celebrating love with Chuck right now, and instead I was here stopping him from leaving and breaking what we have... had forever.
"Blair" he whispered "You should be with Chuck right now, we broke up so you'd have him back" the words were coming from his mouth with as much pain as they were coming to my ears, I did broke up with him so I'd have Chuck, because I felt Nate was part of my past and I needed to verplaats on to the future, High School was over and so should everything about it be over, lie Nate and I. For one seconde the regret came again and so did the tears.
"I know. But I don't want u to leave. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are friends, right? Two months geleden u told me u saw me as a friend for the first time... vrienden don't just leave" I could see his eyes meeting mine again and a smile forming on his face, I bet he didn't think I remembered it at all, but I do, I remember everything we zei to each other.
"You're right, but vrienden also accept other friend's choices. I have to leave Blair, the Captain's waiting for me. I'll be back volgende maand and we can still be... friends" somehow hearing it from him made my body shiver, friends, that's what we were bound to be for the rest of our lives; I was in love with his best friend and we would all be vrienden in the near future - great, at least it should be, but it wasn't. I shook my head as I realized I had to let him go, I thought I did a Prom but maybe I didn't, Nate needed to go and I had to let him do that, as much as it pained me. "Hey" he lifted my chin up and I had to really force out a smile "You realize u just ruined your dress for a friend?" he made me giggle "That's the Blair Waldorf I know, as bitchy as she is, she is a good friend" the commentaar was appreciated only when I realized what he was trying to tell me, again "You can't change who u are, remember?" he cleared my face, which was covered in wet messy hair.
"And I am Blair Waldorf" I finished just like he did at his Grandfather's months ago, and the smile on my face wasn't forced anymore. I let go of his hands and he started walking away from me, still face to face "Hey" I called before he turned around "Always have, always will" I couldn't say what was before that part because somewhere in NY Chuck was waiting for me, after all I put him trough and after he finally admitted for the first time of his life he loved someone I couldn't betray him, not even with words. Nate smiled, I'm not sure he understood what I was really saying, this was all a very filmy goodbye, but a very real one, I never knew this could actually be meant in real life; he turned around and he left me behind, the rest is all a blank space to me.
BPOV
Chuck finally zei I love you, he just came to me in the middle of the straat and zei it, he even had gifts and everything; it was romantic and sweet, maybe even a little funny, but he came trough and made my dream come true. I thought it was absolutely over when Serena told me he knew Nate and I had broken up on Prom Night and he zei he couldn’t care less, the two months I was back with Nate were supposed to be the hardest for him, and I actually thought maybe they meant nothing to Chuck; for a minuut of two (okay maybe a week) I regretted ever leaving Nate as my boyfriend once again, because I had lost something and gained nothing.
After Chuck finally admitted he loved me I had to call Serena, I mean make up sex is great, but winning is so much better, of course as always she told me how happy she was for me and that she rutted for us all along (liar, of not); and only then did Chuck grab me into our limo, where we repeated our first night together, it was wonderful. That might have been one of the best days of my Summer, because the real story only happened 3 days from there, and that’s when my life plan changed once again – when I got the call.
3 weeks ago
"Blair, hallo it's Serena. I'm sorry I can't be with u right now, I know how much it meant to finally be introduced as a couple publicly. But something just came up... It's Nate... Ummm, well I really have to go, but don't worry, this dag is about you. I'll call u later, good luck!" Serena's voice was coming out from my answering machine not bubbly and light as always, but with a hint of sadness and maybe even worry; I don't know why but it was only when I heard her say Nate's name I started paying attention to the way she sounded, a twinge of pain covered my throat and I felt I couldn't breathe for a moment, like whatever I had stuck wouldn't come down.
Nate. Serena would never leave me for Nate if it wasn't important, the last time she had ever left me a message like this without explanation was about 2 years geleden when she was about to drop Nate at the train station, when he left to spend the Summer sailing with his uncle in order to keep my hart-, hart from suffering, he had cheated on me that year, with no one other than Serena herself. That dag probably hurt meer than the dag I found out he cheated at all. I don't really know what came to me in that moment, it was raining outside, but I couldn't control it, when it finally hit me I was in my new Versage japon, jurk running trough the streets of New York, all soaked, calling and shouting for a taxi, but just like in the films it's in the moment of need things get complicated and I couldn't find one - so I just kept running, at some point I realize I still had my brand new Manolo's on and they were probably ruined for life, but it didn't matter because there was something I needed to do, someone I needed to find.
I arrived at Grand Central and as always at this time of night it was empty, only an old couple and a few homeless people were inside door the benches, and there I stood an 18 jaar old, in a costume made japon, jurk that probably cost as much as a train, soaked and alone looking for... I don't even know what I was really looking for, I knew who, but not what. My hair was awful and my make up was barely there anymore, at the end of my panic attack and at the start of my pain break down, I heard her voice. "Blair?" Serena asked not sure of who it was that was standing in front of her looking like shit, while she as always looked absolutely perfect "Blair!" she ran towards me, I noticed how unsure she seemed about all of this, Blair Waldorf wasn't one to walk, little less running around in the rain for someone "Gosh Blair. What are u doing here? u were supposed to be at your own party" she nagged me, and held my hand, it was freezing against her warm hand.
"You left me a me-message" I was shivering, so speech wasn't really coming out that well, it might have been the beginning of the Summer but in NY it was still Spring, it's wind was still there "Where is h-he?" I asked, I was starting to catch my breath, but the cold seemed to be penetrating my every bone at once. Serena's face turned away from mine, and fear came over me, fear of having lost him once again door coming late, fear of coming back with no explanation for Chuck and fear of not knowing what I was there for at all. "He left? A-again?" a tear was forming, and before I knew it many meer were falling down on my cheeks "I can't believe him... Why does bad history always repeat itself? Couldn't he have found the decency to say good-goodbye?" Those were only a few of those kind of sentences that were coming out from my mouth, when I was interrupted.
"Blair?" I recognized that voice, but my own voice kept being the louder one, going on and on about Nate Archibald's selfishness. His hand touched my back and when I turned there he was, looking like a Greek god as always, his piercing blue eyes surprised, his lips in the same perfect hart-, hart shape and his body language all over mine. "I thought I heard your voice?" he flashes me that big smile, and I just feel like shouting a little bit meer at him. Who does he think he is, he can just leave like that, only telling Serena about it. How many times is he going to this? Can't he trust me... doesn't he love me? My thoughts were interrupted door Serena excusing herself to leave us alone, since we obviously had something to say, right? But no words came out of both our lips as our eyes met, my blue eyes crossing paths with his, my hand now searching for comfort in his, this moment felt like it could've happened all those years ago, and maybe things wouldn't be where they were right now. "I have to go" the silence was broken, and so was my hart-, hart at this point, I just realized why I was here, because he was leaving town again, leaving ME!
"Where? Where are u going again?" my voice was demanding, I needed to know, I needed to hear it from him "You just gonna leave? Without saying goodbye? You're gonna break my hart-, hart again Nate" I held onto him tight, afraid he'd ran away before hearing what I had to day, although I had no idea what the fuck I was saying, I was supposed to be celebrating love with Chuck right now, and instead I was here stopping him from leaving and breaking what we have... had forever.
"Blair" he whispered "You should be with Chuck right now, we broke up so you'd have him back" the words were coming from his mouth with as much pain as they were coming to my ears, I did broke up with him so I'd have Chuck, because I felt Nate was part of my past and I needed to verplaats on to the future, High School was over and so should everything about it be over, lie Nate and I. For one seconde the regret came again and so did the tears.
"I know. But I don't want u to leave. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are friends, right? Two months geleden u told me u saw me as a friend for the first time... vrienden don't just leave" I could see his eyes meeting mine again and a smile forming on his face, I bet he didn't think I remembered it at all, but I do, I remember everything we zei to each other.
"You're right, but vrienden also accept other friend's choices. I have to leave Blair, the Captain's waiting for me. I'll be back volgende maand and we can still be... friends" somehow hearing it from him made my body shiver, friends, that's what we were bound to be for the rest of our lives; I was in love with his best friend and we would all be vrienden in the near future - great, at least it should be, but it wasn't. I shook my head as I realized I had to let him go, I thought I did a Prom but maybe I didn't, Nate needed to go and I had to let him do that, as much as it pained me. "Hey" he lifted my chin up and I had to really force out a smile "You realize u just ruined your dress for a friend?" he made me giggle "That's the Blair Waldorf I know, as bitchy as she is, she is a good friend" the commentaar was appreciated only when I realized what he was trying to tell me, again "You can't change who u are, remember?" he cleared my face, which was covered in wet messy hair.
"And I am Blair Waldorf" I finished just like he did at his Grandfather's months ago, and the smile on my face wasn't forced anymore. I let go of his hands and he started walking away from me, still face to face "Hey" I called before he turned around "Always have, always will" I couldn't say what was before that part because somewhere in NY Chuck was waiting for me, after all I put him trough and after he finally admitted for the first time of his life he loved someone I couldn't betray him, not even with words. Nate smiled, I'm not sure he understood what I was really saying, this was all a very filmy goodbye, but a very real one, I never knew this could actually be meant in real life; he turned around and he left me behind, the rest is all a blank space to me.
