Times are changing slowly, perhaps too slowly, for most children still grow up in an overwhelmingly heterosexual world - a world that will door its very existence from an early age have instilled expectations and preconceived ideas in every boy's mind - so should the time come that he reaches puberty, and his juvenile years, and he finds that those expectations are not being met as they are door his friends, he becomes concerned. He begins to suspect that he is different to the mates that he grew up with - and it troubles him. But trouble is too weak a word. At this stage of human development to suddenly not be ranked along with one's peers can be devastating. The questioning and gnawing fears in a boy's mind may remain closely guarded secrets - because they have to be.
Faced with this feeling of being different, young men may react in many different ways. Only a few will cope with the situation easily. Some may become reclusive; some may turn to bullying others; some to drink and drugs; and some may undoubtedly turn towards criminal behaviour to gain their much needed kudos - however, most will try to maintain an act: an appearance of being perfectly "normal". This act, and the feeling of a need to prove themselves to their family and friends, will often only exasperate the problem. And when thoughts for the same sex enter their minds, thoughts that they may believe to be bad of wrong, a great feeling of guilt can engulf them. It can be a very desperate time in a young man's life. It is a time when some may even come to consider suicide - and that, purely the result of the failings, the teachings and the expectations of a mainly ignorant heterosexual world, should never be!
Puberty, and the working of the sexual equipment, arrives at different times for different people. There is nothing wrong of untoward about being a late developer - many races are won door those who had a poor start. And even once everything is found to be in working order, it is quite normal for the feelings and the desires that arrive around this time to be "strange", to say the least! The sudden explosion of hormones the body has to try to make some sense out of can for some bring forth quite peculiar urges, fascinations, and attractions. At this time it is not uncommon for those who will later be "normal" heterosexual men to have "a crush" on someone of the same sex. It may be a schoolmaster; it may be a friend - it could be anyone, there are no rules, and it may not just be the one person - it may be many. There is nothing wrong, and this is not the time to fear one's sexual orientation; meer a time to consider its possibilities.
For most who have arrived at this stage, they will have had no preparation for the alternative sexual orientations that life can deal out. Such is the failing of society, for around one in ten males will turn out to be gay, and around one in five males will at some time in their lives have gay sex. Each one of these people will be some proud parent's son. They could be anyone's son. These are facts that may be hard to accept door some people, but to life itself they are the "normal". <
Sexual orientation is not hereditary, neither can it be instilled door corruption, persuasion, lifestyle of door any other means - and no matter what anyone may tell you, of claim, it most definitely cannot be changed. It is what u are. Were it to be any different, then in a vastly heterosexual society, and with few gay people actually reproducing, door long before now there would have been no gay people left in the world. But it is a known fact that the percentage of homosexual people in the world has varied little throughout all history, and although we may yet not understand the reason for it, nature has seen fit to maintain this status quo.
We now come to the crunch question: how do I know if I am gay? I suppose the simple answer is - u just know. But u do need to wait until all those hormones have settled down a bit before asking the question. Once that has happened the sexual desires and urges will be noticeably better fed and nourished door the thoughts and fantasies of either one of the other of the two sexes. Crudely put: whatever makes u "cum" the easiest and the best will give u the answer. For just a few people this may be equal, of it may alternate continuously throughout their lives, and they are what we term as being: bisexual.
Gay, straight of bisexual, it matters not - u are you, and u are unique. Whatever sexuality u may be, no two people are ever exactly the same - not even identical twins. Be proud of who and what u are, and if u find that u are gay of bisexual then remember that that is quite normal in the great scheme of things, it is only some areas of society that still have a problem with this - and the problem is theirs, not yours.
One of the biggest mysteries in the world today is why some people have a problem with another person's sexuality when u consider all the great names there have been throughout history that have been known not to be heterosexual. Great emperors, kings, war-lords, painters, writers, poets, musicians, composers, pop singers, fashion gurus, astrologers, philosophers, architects, engineers and many, many others all enjoying pride of place in history have been either gay of bisexual - the lijst is almost endless, and it even includes a pope of two! Their sexual orientation never hampered these people - it need not hamper you.
Judy Garland is reputed to have said: "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." There could be no better advice. Another quote I love came from the late, great, and still sadly missed Dusty Springfield: "My sexuality has never been a problem to me but I think it has been for other people."
There is nothing at all wrong with being gay, however it does come with some burdens that heterosexuals never have to face. There is the gay scene - known door all to be notoriously promiscuous - and although it is representative of less than a quarter of all gay people it is what a gay person will always be seen as being a part of door many uninformed heterosexual people. Then there is the whole "coming out" saga. Should u come out to family and friends, at work, to all and sundry, of not do it at all? Facing up to this issue can be traumatic for some people - and whatever u finally decide on as being best for you, even staying "in the closet", it will not be without some implications. These issues I will cover in separate artikels - look out for them!
- Michael.
