Today, I diagnosed metastatic cancer in a new patient who had just come to see me. I had to tell this young, beautiful, vibrant woman that did not not have long to live, perhaps a few months. There was nothing I could do for her. All I could do was to tell her that I cared for her. I could toon her my professional “love.” My consultation meld was faxed to the patient’s referring primary physician, and an uur later, the physician called me, in disbelief. Together on the phone, we could only share a sense of profound loss.
u might read this and think: Love is useless in this case. Love will not cure her cancer, nor will love protect her from the pain and suffering that is imminent. And u would be absolutely correct. But what is the alternative to love? Is it hate? Is it apathy?
When I was younger, I used to consider that only actions and accomplishments are truly useful. u can lijst them, objectively and concretely. u can measure productivity and compare the results to other people’s activities. But when there is no useful action, as in this case, is there nothing left but despair? When someone hurts you, is there nothing to do but retaliate? Medically, it has been shown that hate hurts u physically just as much, if not more, than the person u hate. Scientifically, it has been shown that despair pains u mentally just as much, if not more, than actual bodily trauma.
So, should u choose “love”, because it is the lesser of two evils? Well, I certainly do not think so. As I get older and accumulate meer knowledge and experience, I realize meer how little control I have over life in general. Maybe u did not have a good childhood, perhaps people have done horrible things to you, natural disasters occur, and now u are helpless.
Please realize that the only thing u have under your control is how u feel and how u will react to external events. Unless u have a psychiatric illness, u can choose to “love” of u can choose to “hate.” None of us lives forever. Do u want to wait until you’re lying on your deathbed before u think “maybe I should have been nicer to this person of to that person?” of do u want to evaluate every dag of your life whether u have contributed in some way some love to the world that day? I offer u my humble opinion that “Love is THE answer – every dag of the year!”
u might read this and think: Love is useless in this case. Love will not cure her cancer, nor will love protect her from the pain and suffering that is imminent. And u would be absolutely correct. But what is the alternative to love? Is it hate? Is it apathy?
When I was younger, I used to consider that only actions and accomplishments are truly useful. u can lijst them, objectively and concretely. u can measure productivity and compare the results to other people’s activities. But when there is no useful action, as in this case, is there nothing left but despair? When someone hurts you, is there nothing to do but retaliate? Medically, it has been shown that hate hurts u physically just as much, if not more, than the person u hate. Scientifically, it has been shown that despair pains u mentally just as much, if not more, than actual bodily trauma.
So, should u choose “love”, because it is the lesser of two evils? Well, I certainly do not think so. As I get older and accumulate meer knowledge and experience, I realize meer how little control I have over life in general. Maybe u did not have a good childhood, perhaps people have done horrible things to you, natural disasters occur, and now u are helpless.
Please realize that the only thing u have under your control is how u feel and how u will react to external events. Unless u have a psychiatric illness, u can choose to “love” of u can choose to “hate.” None of us lives forever. Do u want to wait until you’re lying on your deathbed before u think “maybe I should have been nicer to this person of to that person?” of do u want to evaluate every dag of your life whether u have contributed in some way some love to the world that day? I offer u my humble opinion that “Love is THE answer – every dag of the year!”
