Marisa: I let him think I'm staying in the suite, not cleaning it. I'm the maid, Ty.
Ty: Ma, I hate to break it to you, but I don't think he's after your money.
Marisa: I can't believe u just zei that!

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Marisa: He's not part of our lives, but we wish him luck with his.

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Christopher: Let's go see the penguins!

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Marisa: Can u keep a secret?
Caroline: Yes of course.
Marisa: Good. So can I.

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Jerry Siegel: Who the hell is she?
Christopher: I'll tell u who she isn't. She isn't like anyone I've ever met before. And she isn't a phony. I'll make u a deal, wonder man. u want me at the benefit tomorrow night? Then get her to go, and I swear to God, I'll shake any part of Maddox's body u want me to. Deal?
Jerry Siegel: Deal. All right. Sure. Okay.

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Lionel: To serve people takes dignity and intelligence. But remember, they are only people with money. And although we serve them, we are not their servants. What we do, Miss Ventura, does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling.

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Jerry Siegel: What press are u affiliated with?
Ty: I'm 10.
Jerry Siegel: What about your parents, are they Democrat of Republican?
Ty: What's the difference these days?
Christopher: I love this kid.
Jerry Siegel: Well, what's not to love.

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Marisa: Look, u have to listen to me, I know you're used to getting your way.
Christopher: Yeah, until I met you.
Marisa: There's millions of women who are just dying for u to look their way.
Christopher: [Laughing] Yeah? Then why are u making me work so hard?

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Christopher: You're beautiful.
Marisa: So are you.
Christopher: Thank u for being here.
Marisa: I only came to tell u that this, u and me, can't go anywhere beyond this evening. It just can't.
Christopher: Well, then, u should've worn a different dress.

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Marisa: Marisa Ventura. Housekeeping.
Christopher: Chris Marshall. Candidate for Senate. I'd appreciate your vote.
Marisa: We'll see.

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[Running after Marisa when she leaves a benefit early]
Christopher: Caroline. Caroline. Caroline. Do u have somewhere else u have to be?
Marisa: No, I just have to leave.
Christopher: Well, I don't think you're leaving. I think you're running. And what I can't figure out is, are u running towards something u want? of are u running away from something you're afraid to want?
Marisa: Look, I've made so many mistakes already. I just don't want to make it worse.
Christopher: u won't. I promise.
Marisa: There's something u don't know, ok? Oh, God. How do I tell u this? Look, the first time that u saw me I was...
Christopher: u were mesmerizing.

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Christopher: Do I look as stupid as u think I am?
Jerry Siegel: No. No, I mean, you're not stupid. What, what are u talking about?

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Reporter: Mr. Marshall, what's your relationship with the Latin community?
Jerry Siegel: Excellent! He speaks Latin... Spanish.

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[meeting Marisa's son, Ty]
Christopher: I'm Chris.
Jerry Siegel: I'm bald and no one in particular.
Ty: I know who u are.
Christopher: Yeah? What do u know?
Ty: I know that you're the state assemblyman. I know that you're thinking of running for Senator. I know your voting record and your consistent stand on environmental causes.

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Marisa: The first time u saw me, I was cleaning your bathroom floor! Only u didn't see me.
Chris: What was I supposed to do, introduce myself while I'm taking a leak?

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Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: u know what I just heard? Christina? History after the first!
Marisa: Christina, kitchen? of Christina, assistant manager?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Assistant manager. And u know what that means?
Marisa: Yeah, it means somebody else is gonna be bustin' my ezel on the second.

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Marisa: Come on, who's kidding who here? Do u think u would have taken a seconde look at me if u knew I was the maid? With all due respect.

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Caroline: This would never happen at the Four Seasons.

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Marisa: There was a part of me that wanted to know what it felt like, to have someone like u look at me the way u did just once. And I'm sorry. Truly. If I could rewind the past week, I would.
Christopher: Was any of it real?
Marisa: Yeah, it was real. It was so real I wondered how I was ever gunna give u up. But I had to give u up. That was the plan. And then, last night, I couldn't.

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[first lines]
Marisa: Come on. Get your coat. We gotta go. u have everything?
Ty: Yeah.
Marisa: Hurry up, sweetie. We're late. Ty. Today papí. You're killing me, Ty. Right now you're killing mommy.

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Marisa: Hey, look at me.
Ty: What?
Marisa: u got something on your face there.
Ty: Where?
Marisa: Ooh, right there!
[Marisa starts kissing his cheeks]
Ty: Ma! Mom! Mom, no! Stop!
Marisa: There it is. I got it.

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Marisa: Anything good on?
Keef Townsend: [changes channel on the surveillance monitor tonen a naked man outside his hotel room] He opened the door for the paper. The wife just pushed him out.
Marisa: Ooh, that nasty butt first thing in the morning, I'd kick him out too.
[Keef laughs]
Marisa: Oh, my God. Wait a minute. He's one of mine, the lactose intolerant.
Keef Townsend: I like how u name the people. What do u call me behind my back, I wonder?

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Paula Burns: Onto new business. Mr. Radcliff is checking out of seven oh nine. Mr. Greenwald is checking in. He's back on the wagon, so let's clear out the minibar. Kanga CFO, Mr. Fukimoro is checking into eight fourteen. Stock Evian, shampoo the rugs and extra slippers for his guests. Marisa heads up on the Madison Suite.
Marisa: Housekeeping.
Paula Burns: Mrs. Sage is arriving with the children, preferably after Mr. Sage's girlfriend departs.
Mr. Sage's Girlfriend: u son of a bitch!
Paula Burns: Let's make sure it's a smooth transition. The Guedj sisters are back. Let's track them on surveillance, but do keep an eye on all bathrobes, cutlery and light fixtures. Sotheby's director, Caroline Lane has switched from the Four Seasons. She requested a park view and favors purple orchids and lavender scenes. Assemblyman Chris Marshall arrives today. He's gearing up his campaign, so his suite will be doubling as a conference centre, with the liquor and coffee bars turning over every four hours. And he's bringing his large dog, so we'll need proper accouterments. And finally, Mr. Newman is back in the Sherman Suite. Careful, ladies, he's a Full Monty.
Full Monty: Oh... I had no idea anyone was here.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Don't worry about it, Mr. Monty. It's no big deal. And I do mean...
Marisa, Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: ...No big deal.

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Paula Burns: Friday morning, people. Lot's to do. Heads up.

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Christopher: [reading about himself in the paper] "Sentimental favoriete and playboy politico, Assemblyman Chris Marshall"... guess u missed a few words there, Jer.

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Christopher: Where are u going?
Jerry Siegel: That depends. Where are u going?
Christopher: Bathroom. Alone.
Jerry Siegel: Yeah. Fine. Go. Great. Yeah. Sure.
Christopher: Thank you.
Jerry Siegel: Call me if u need anything.

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Marisa: Keef, do me a favor. These go to the Goddess in the Park Suite, okay?

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Marisa: What?
Veronica Ventura: I'm not saying a word.
Marisa: Can u not say a word somewhere else?

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Marisa: What are u doing?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Ooh... Dolce, nice.
Marisa: No, no, no, come on, out of there.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: I'm just taking a little peek. They're going back anyway.
Marisa: Oh... u know you're gonna get us in trouble.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: [touching the Dolce dress] Hello, ladies.
Marisa: Leave that stuff alone. Come on. u know, you're supposed to be helping me out in here.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Oh, feel this material. I mean, it's like butter. Huh?
Marisa: Oh, my God. This stuff is five thousand dollars.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: For one white outfit? How do u keep it clean?
Marisa: Scotchguard.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Oh, yeah. They're a six, you're a six.
Marisa: What are u doing? What are u doing?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: And shoes too. Shoes. Size nine. Perfect.
Marisa: I'm a seven and a half.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Which means you're an eight. Just put on some gym socks, you're good to go.
Marisa: That's it! Put this stuff back. What are u doing?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Not until u try it on.
Marisa: I can't try on her clothes!
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: They're not hers. They're not Dolce's. Technically, they've been abandoned. Oh, let's not let them hear us.
Marisa: Who, the clothes?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Marisa Ave Maria Ventura... When are u and I ever get to try on a five thousand dollar anything? Come on, feel how the other half feels, huh?

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Christopher: He's friendly. His name's Rufas. So what are u listening to?
Ty: "The Best Of Bread".
Christopher: "Best Of Bread"? Interesting. What's your name?
Ty: Ty.
Christopher: Nice to meet you, Ty.

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Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Hi, honey.
[to Marisa]
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: It's Ty! What are u doing up here?
Ty: Where's Mom?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: [seeing Chris walking in] It's for you, ma'am.
Marisa: What are u talking about? Ty, don't you...?
Ty: Hey, Ma, this is Chris. He's got a giant, grey dog named Rufas. And if u say okay, I'm gonna walk with him, okay?
Christopher: Hello.
Marisa: Hi.
Ty: Let's not forget. I'm a kid and I need fresh air. Please, can I go, Mom? Please? Please?
Christopher: I'm Chris Marshall.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Caroline... u want your coat?
Marisa: What?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: The weather can be so tricky here. Weren't u just saying, what a beautiful dag it was?
Christopher: Oh, you're going out?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Weren't u saying how u wanted to stretch your legs?
Christopher: Well, if your husband wouldn't mind...
Ty: She doesn't have a husband.
Marisa: I don't have a husband.
Christopher: Well, I insist, then. Come with us, if you're free.
Ty: Yeah. Come on, Mom.

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Christopher: How long are u in town for?
Marisa: I'm not sure.
Christopher: u always stay at the Beresford?
Marisa: Sometimes I feel like I live there.

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Marisa: Monday? I'm busy, sorry.
Christopher: You're busy u can't? What? Can u change it?
Marisa: It's complicated. Which reminds me, I gotta get out of here. Come on, Ty. We gotta go.

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Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: "It's complicated"? What kind of answer is that?
Marisa: Honest.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: The only thing complicated between me and him would be unhooking my bra strap.
Marisa: Look, what am I supposed to do? Make his bed with me in it? Get real! He thinks I'm a guest, here.

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Paula Burns: A Beresford maid is expedient. A Beresford maid is thorough. A Beresford maid serves with a smile. And above all, a Beresford maid strives to be invisible.
Clarice: Maybe we can disappear one dag all together?

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Marisa: [seeing a picture of her in the paper] Do u understand this could be bad?
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: Don't be such a Catholic. Please?

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Caroline: [to Marisa] u are so good. Thank God! u should be a personal assistant.
Rachel Hoffberg: She's a maid.
Caroline: So are they, with better titles.

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Caroline: What do u think? Dolce coat, Gucci pants of Ralph Lauren skirt, Manolo pumps?
Rachel Hoffberg: Ooh, they're both divine! Let's see. How about the pants, open sandals, see-through blouse, colored-bra and I'd carry the Dolce jas for effect.
Caroline: Maria?
Rachel Hoffberg: She barely speaks English.
[Marisa mutters something in Spanish under her breath]
Rachel Hoffberg: What?
Marisa: Excuse me?
Caroline: Maria, what do u think?
Marisa: What about the beaded rok with that beige crocheted halster, halter u have hanging in the closet? u know, casual sexy. No stockings. Definately eighty six the coat. It sends the wrong message. Looks like you're going someplace.
[looking at Rachel who is wearing a see-through blouse and colored-bra]
Marisa: Besides, that whole see-through blouse, colored-bra thing... reads a little, u know, desperate, older gal, trying to hard. Don't u think? Yeah, u want to make him work for it.
Rachel Hoffberg: Who does she think she is, to talk to me like that?
Caroline: Thank you, Maria. I have two words for u Rachel Hoffberh: Eric who?
Marisa: [accidentally deliberately whips Rachel with the bed spread] Excuse me. Sorry.

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Caroline: [to Marisa] Oh, that needs pressing.

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Chris: She's about five-six, dark hair, really beautiful, has a kid named Ty. What the hell happened?
Lionel: I'm sorry, Sir.
Chris: Don't be sorry. Just find her.
Caroline: Oh, Chris, I loved your quote in "The Times".
Chris: Please!

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Marisa: I mean, I don't know what I'm doing here, Steph. What am I doing? This is all a lie.
Stephanie Kehoe, Maid: No, honey. It's meer like a dream, u know? And for one night, you're living it for all of us. Don't think about tomorrow. Don't think about anything but tonight. Tonight, the maid is a lie. And this, this is who u really are.

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Caroline: At least let me buy u lunch. After all, we've only got each other to get through this humiliation.
Christopher: Caroline, the first lunch was a mistake. A seconde would be complete torture.
Caroline: Drinks, then?

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Christopher: Look, can we start over? seconde chance, seconde date? u as you, me as me. No secrets. What do u think?

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[last lines]
Reporter: What do u think, Sir? u two got a chance? Sir?

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Ty: Why'd they break up?
Marisa: Who?
Ty: Simon and Garfunkel.
Marisa: u got me. u can Google it at school.