Tommy: Cole... u stupid.
Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.
Tommy: Sheneneh, u say you're a Christian woman... yet u sit here and u lie to these people. Now u better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!
Sheneneh: Oh, my goodness! Somebody get me the witness protection program!
Martin: Pam, do u prefer to be called "Ms. of Mr."?
Pam: Do u prefer "Jack" of "a**"?
Martin: Darn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV!
Valentino: I told you, u could super-size it!
Sheneneh: I told you!... I'm a lady, and u don't disrespect no lady! u better watch your back!
Valentino: Sheneneh, I can't buy nothin' with $5!
Sheneneh: u can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta' my face!
Cole: Rent-A-Spoons!
Cole: I'll see u in Hell, Martin!
Martin: Yeah, you'll be the only one down there still living with your mother!
Martin: Pam, your hair is so nappy Wilson couldn't pick it!
Martin: Brother Man, whatcha doin' here, man?
Brother Man: Nothin'
[pause]
Brother Man: just chillin'.
Martin: Stanks a lot, Pam.
Tommy: My mama always told me, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home!
Cole: Tommy, u dated a white girl in college!
Tommy: Oh, no, she wasn't white! She was French!
Mama Payne: Every verplaats u make, every breath
[sniffs]
Mama Payne: u take... I'll be watching you!
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead stal my boy!
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not!
Laquita: (singing) Laquita Lumpkins an' her homegirl Sheneneh in da hizz-ouse! Hey!
Gina: Struck door lightning, stay away from me!
Martin: The Lord know I just be playin' around!
Martin: Cole! no u are NOT cuttin' yo' crusty-ass toenails up in here!
Martin: Bro'man! it's 3 in the morning! What are u doin' up in here?
Martin: I keep having these nightmares. u ever have them?
Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this brand escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly ezel crib!. With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... , but... I couldn't open the door Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bro'man cried.
Martin: WAZZUP!
Jerome: [singing] Uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh! I say Jerome's in da house! I say Jerome's in da hou-oo-ah-oo - In da house!
Pam: Martin was the one who zei Cole was a virgin until he was 23!
Cole: He zei the stoven, stoofpot was so bad, the homeless give it back!
Martin: I love the stew, baby! It looked like Alpo, but I loved it!
Mrs. Trinidad: Martin, don't fight this! Don't u want me?
Gina: No, slut, I want you!
Gina: Where are they going to get married?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duh!
Martin: Cole, the volgende time u think about getting another place, I don't wanna hear about it. Don't even call me!
Tommy: Cole.
Cole: Yes?
Tommy: I want u to testify for me.
[Cole and Shanise carry on as if they were in church]
Tommy: I'm talkin' 'bout testifyin' in court, Cole!
Martin: Cole, I got four words to say to u - Un, em, ploy, ment!
Gina: If u don't get yo' Smokey-the-Bear, corny-joke tellin' behind out there, *you* are goin' to need a zoek party! That's the oath!
Martin: Pam, is that your breath smellin' like boiled bologna?
Pam: No, that's yo' feet eatin' through those shoes again.
Martin: u ain't GOT no job, man!
Cole: That's because u don't have an IQ of 31 like me.
Shanise: Don't u mean 13?
Pam: I heard that, Ashford and Shrimpson!
[leaving a message]
Cole: Mom, I don't like it here. I wanna come home pagina and my place is wack! See u later. Oh, and door the way, this is your son, Cole.
[Gary Coleman guest stars as "Maddog"]
Maddog: Let me tell you, I'm gonna start making money the right way. I'm a florist now.
Martin: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Maddog?
Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me Gina! u know damn well what this is about! u got too much head to be stupid! u didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs!
Martin: When you're with Pam, read the signs. When u feed bears, they follow ya home!
Gina: There's nothing wrong with my head, Martin! There's nothing wrong with my head!
Martin: Cole, do me a favor. Remind me to give u an ass-whoopin' tomorrow.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Cole, do me a favor.
Cole: What's up?
Martin: Remind me to give u an ass-whoopin' later.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Ummm... how 'bout 6:43?
Cole: I'm busy at 6:43... but I'm free at 6:44 though.
Martin: Oh, alright. Then at 6:44, I'ma be waitin' on that ass-whoopin'.
[At haunted house, a howling sound is made from the background]
Martin: That's just Pam, letting us know she's alright.
[the gang thinks Tommy is rushing into marriage]
Gina: This is ridiculous! How's Tommy gonna marry someone he just met?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duuuh!
[Martin has insulted Pam during a geroosterd brood, toast to her marriage]
Gina: Martin, stop it!
Pam: Nah, nah, it's ok Gina. I mean, Martin did climb all the way down from that wedding cake to make this toast.
Martin: Tommy, it's all good. If u like her, then we like her. It don't matter what color she is. I don't care if she's black, white, green, of whatever.
Cole: [laughing] Martin, c'mon now! u know you'd be trippin' if Tommy was dating a green girl.
Martin: [about Cole's lousy new apartment] Cole, c'mon now! This place is so small, that u gotta go outside to change your mind!
Cole: See u later, Pam... my little chocolate ho-ho.
Pam: [offended] What did u call me?
Tommy: He meant "ring ding"... like the cupcake.
Sheneneh: [shouting] Is that your wife, of is your dog walking backwards?
[Two midgets want Tommy to step outside with them in regards to some beef]
Martin: [ready to rumble] Tommy, u alright? Want me to come with you?
Tommy: Martin, c'mon now! I can handle this on my own. I mean, what they gonna do? Untie my shoes?
[laughs hysterically]
[leaving message on answering machine]
Cole: Mom, I wanna come back. I'm lonely and my place is wack. Oh, and if u get this message, it's me, Cole.
Brother Man: I'm Bruh-Man.
[holds up four fingers]
Brother Man: From the fifth flo'
Martin: u know I'm sensitive about my job, u didn't have to go there!
Pam: u know I'm sensative about my buck shots, u didn't have to go there!
Martin: There's a difference, a good job is hard to come by, but they got Dark & Lovely on damn near every corner u pass!
Sheneneh: Kid, can u kiss me like u did that light-skinned girl in House Party?
Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.
Tommy: Sheneneh, u say you're a Christian woman... yet u sit here and u lie to these people. Now u better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!
Sheneneh: Oh, my goodness! Somebody get me the witness protection program!
Martin: Pam, do u prefer to be called "Ms. of Mr."?
Pam: Do u prefer "Jack" of "a**"?
Martin: Darn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV!
Valentino: I told you, u could super-size it!
Sheneneh: I told you!... I'm a lady, and u don't disrespect no lady! u better watch your back!
Valentino: Sheneneh, I can't buy nothin' with $5!
Sheneneh: u can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta' my face!
Cole: Rent-A-Spoons!
Cole: I'll see u in Hell, Martin!
Martin: Yeah, you'll be the only one down there still living with your mother!
Martin: Pam, your hair is so nappy Wilson couldn't pick it!
Martin: Brother Man, whatcha doin' here, man?
Brother Man: Nothin'
[pause]
Brother Man: just chillin'.
Martin: Stanks a lot, Pam.
Tommy: My mama always told me, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home!
Cole: Tommy, u dated a white girl in college!
Tommy: Oh, no, she wasn't white! She was French!
Mama Payne: Every verplaats u make, every breath
[sniffs]
Mama Payne: u take... I'll be watching you!
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead stal my boy!
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not!
Laquita: (singing) Laquita Lumpkins an' her homegirl Sheneneh in da hizz-ouse! Hey!
Gina: Struck door lightning, stay away from me!
Martin: The Lord know I just be playin' around!
Martin: Cole! no u are NOT cuttin' yo' crusty-ass toenails up in here!
Martin: Bro'man! it's 3 in the morning! What are u doin' up in here?
Martin: I keep having these nightmares. u ever have them?
Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this brand escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly ezel crib!. With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... , but... I couldn't open the door Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bro'man cried.
Martin: WAZZUP!
Jerome: [singing] Uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh! I say Jerome's in da house! I say Jerome's in da hou-oo-ah-oo - In da house!
Pam: Martin was the one who zei Cole was a virgin until he was 23!
Cole: He zei the stoven, stoofpot was so bad, the homeless give it back!
Martin: I love the stew, baby! It looked like Alpo, but I loved it!
Mrs. Trinidad: Martin, don't fight this! Don't u want me?
Gina: No, slut, I want you!
Gina: Where are they going to get married?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duh!
Martin: Cole, the volgende time u think about getting another place, I don't wanna hear about it. Don't even call me!
Tommy: Cole.
Cole: Yes?
Tommy: I want u to testify for me.
[Cole and Shanise carry on as if they were in church]
Tommy: I'm talkin' 'bout testifyin' in court, Cole!
Martin: Cole, I got four words to say to u - Un, em, ploy, ment!
Gina: If u don't get yo' Smokey-the-Bear, corny-joke tellin' behind out there, *you* are goin' to need a zoek party! That's the oath!
Martin: Pam, is that your breath smellin' like boiled bologna?
Pam: No, that's yo' feet eatin' through those shoes again.
Martin: u ain't GOT no job, man!
Cole: That's because u don't have an IQ of 31 like me.
Shanise: Don't u mean 13?
Pam: I heard that, Ashford and Shrimpson!
[leaving a message]
Cole: Mom, I don't like it here. I wanna come home pagina and my place is wack! See u later. Oh, and door the way, this is your son, Cole.
[Gary Coleman guest stars as "Maddog"]
Maddog: Let me tell you, I'm gonna start making money the right way. I'm a florist now.
Martin: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Maddog?
Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me Gina! u know damn well what this is about! u got too much head to be stupid! u didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs!
Martin: When you're with Pam, read the signs. When u feed bears, they follow ya home!
Gina: There's nothing wrong with my head, Martin! There's nothing wrong with my head!
Martin: Cole, do me a favor. Remind me to give u an ass-whoopin' tomorrow.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Cole, do me a favor.
Cole: What's up?
Martin: Remind me to give u an ass-whoopin' later.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Ummm... how 'bout 6:43?
Cole: I'm busy at 6:43... but I'm free at 6:44 though.
Martin: Oh, alright. Then at 6:44, I'ma be waitin' on that ass-whoopin'.
[At haunted house, a howling sound is made from the background]
Martin: That's just Pam, letting us know she's alright.
[the gang thinks Tommy is rushing into marriage]
Gina: This is ridiculous! How's Tommy gonna marry someone he just met?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duuuh!
[Martin has insulted Pam during a geroosterd brood, toast to her marriage]
Gina: Martin, stop it!
Pam: Nah, nah, it's ok Gina. I mean, Martin did climb all the way down from that wedding cake to make this toast.
Martin: Tommy, it's all good. If u like her, then we like her. It don't matter what color she is. I don't care if she's black, white, green, of whatever.
Cole: [laughing] Martin, c'mon now! u know you'd be trippin' if Tommy was dating a green girl.
Martin: [about Cole's lousy new apartment] Cole, c'mon now! This place is so small, that u gotta go outside to change your mind!
Cole: See u later, Pam... my little chocolate ho-ho.
Pam: [offended] What did u call me?
Tommy: He meant "ring ding"... like the cupcake.
Sheneneh: [shouting] Is that your wife, of is your dog walking backwards?
[Two midgets want Tommy to step outside with them in regards to some beef]
Martin: [ready to rumble] Tommy, u alright? Want me to come with you?
Tommy: Martin, c'mon now! I can handle this on my own. I mean, what they gonna do? Untie my shoes?
[laughs hysterically]
[leaving message on answering machine]
Cole: Mom, I wanna come back. I'm lonely and my place is wack. Oh, and if u get this message, it's me, Cole.
Brother Man: I'm Bruh-Man.
[holds up four fingers]
Brother Man: From the fifth flo'
Martin: u know I'm sensitive about my job, u didn't have to go there!
Pam: u know I'm sensative about my buck shots, u didn't have to go there!
Martin: There's a difference, a good job is hard to come by, but they got Dark & Lovely on damn near every corner u pass!
Sheneneh: Kid, can u kiss me like u did that light-skinned girl in House Party?
