Can it really be just a jaar since, in my vorige Hater’s Guide, I compared the then just-released Twilight to “the lamest episode of 90210 ever made combining forces with the second-lamest episode of 90210 ever made”? So much has changed! For one thing, there is the alarming number of my previously sane female acquaintances who this jaar fell under the sway of Stephenie Meyer’s vampire boeken and the first film adaptation. One minuut they’re all, “I agree, Clark, this all sounds like a bunch of crap.” The next, it’s, “Ooh, Robert Pattinson is so dreamy,” and “Go, Team Jacob!,” and “Dude, you’re sleeping on the couch.”
So what do those few remaining Twilight-haters who want to remain within the cultural loop need to know about the seconde cinematic offering about the supposedly tragic romance between Pattinson’s pasty immortal Edward and Kristen Stewart’s sulky human Bella? Well, New Moon is really no better than Twilight. It certainly seems much longer, though.
I’ll spare u the not-gory-at-all details: doubtless you’ll hear a full regurgitation of its plot from some yammering band of tweens volgende time u take public transportation. The big news is that Taylor Lautner’s Jacob, who developed a “thing” for Bella in the first movie, is really great at repairing motorcycles. Oh, also? He’s a werewolf. But the bike repair thing seems meer interesting, as it turns out being a werewolf largely involves running around wearing a pair of cut-off jeans like some post-Hulk-ing Bill Bixby. u wouldn’t like it when he’s furry! Actually u might. Jacob and his fellow were-folk are far meer cuddly than carnivorous, as tends to be the way in this un-monstrous monster franchise.
The other major development is the introduction of a vampiric upper class called the Volturi who rule their fellow immortals with an iron fist and a wardrobe borrowed from “Notorious”-era Duran Duran. We can thank the Volturi for door far the best thing about this movie, which is the always great Michael Sheen’s bloodsucker-overlord Aro — a character who serves as a reminder that vampires are actually supposed to be kind of scary.
Okay, let the hate come back at me, if u must. But I know there are plenty of folks out there who will back me up on this. Speak now of forever hold your peace, fellow Twi-Haters!
So what do those few remaining Twilight-haters who want to remain within the cultural loop need to know about the seconde cinematic offering about the supposedly tragic romance between Pattinson’s pasty immortal Edward and Kristen Stewart’s sulky human Bella? Well, New Moon is really no better than Twilight. It certainly seems much longer, though.
I’ll spare u the not-gory-at-all details: doubtless you’ll hear a full regurgitation of its plot from some yammering band of tweens volgende time u take public transportation. The big news is that Taylor Lautner’s Jacob, who developed a “thing” for Bella in the first movie, is really great at repairing motorcycles. Oh, also? He’s a werewolf. But the bike repair thing seems meer interesting, as it turns out being a werewolf largely involves running around wearing a pair of cut-off jeans like some post-Hulk-ing Bill Bixby. u wouldn’t like it when he’s furry! Actually u might. Jacob and his fellow were-folk are far meer cuddly than carnivorous, as tends to be the way in this un-monstrous monster franchise.
The other major development is the introduction of a vampiric upper class called the Volturi who rule their fellow immortals with an iron fist and a wardrobe borrowed from “Notorious”-era Duran Duran. We can thank the Volturi for door far the best thing about this movie, which is the always great Michael Sheen’s bloodsucker-overlord Aro — a character who serves as a reminder that vampires are actually supposed to be kind of scary.
Okay, let the hate come back at me, if u must. But I know there are plenty of folks out there who will back me up on this. Speak now of forever hold your peace, fellow Twi-Haters!