The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens 

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*Number one on Cyrus Webb\'s list of "Books Every Man Should Read"

Teenagers are left feeling unheard and misunderstood, and parents are left feeling bewildered by the changes in their child at adolescence and their sudden lack of effectiveness as parents. The parent has become unavailable, the teen responds in kind, and a negative, often destructive cycle of communication begins. Well, the truth of the matter is, you can physically be right next to someone and still not really be available to them. If you need them to be something they’re not, if you are harsh, criticizing and judging, if your anxiety is center stage, then you are not truly available.

The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and problem-solving, but not insisting on it. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures – he is available but not controlling. The available parent is self-aware, and keeps his own emotions in check when dealing with his teen. He is unconditionally loving and accepting, and open to new and different ways of thinking. As such, he is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever. The available parent is

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Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and…

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"Every parent of a child or teen will benefit from keeping this wise book on their night stand. It\'s likely they will want it handy to read over and over again." — Judy Ford, author of

Every Day Love: The Delicate Art of Caring for Each Other and Wonderful Ways to Love a Child

"Dr. Duffy provides a clear, straightforward, doable answer for parents: Stay in touch! Research clearly shows that an open, friendly parent-teen relationship is a major factor in protecting kids from harm. The age-old question for parents of teens has always been: ‘How do I relate to these new kids of mine—how should I manage them?’ The Available Parent provides a clear blueprint for a practical and effective response: Manage the problems you have to, but above all else, stay in touch!"

—Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of 1-2-3 Magic and Surviving Your Adolescents

"Dr. John Duffy\'s fresh new concept of availability in parenting is an idea that meets the moment. With the pace of society constantly accelerating, we need The Available Parent now more than ever! Dr. John\'s writing is smart, approachable and right on the mark. His blend of practical ideas and colorful examples delivers great insights. Most importantly, I am a better parent thanks to this book."

—Eric Langshur, Co-author of We Carry Each Other

"I couldn\'t put The Available Parent down because I found my inner voice kept saying "Yeah, that\'s right!" or "Oh, dang, I wish I had known that when my girls were teens." When I finished reading, I called my two daughters, now in their twenties, and asked them if my husband and I were Available Parents. They both reassured me that we were--and still are. John\'s a brilliant writer with keen intuition into how kids think and how parents can, sometimes unknowingly, sabotage their relationship. John has used his vast experience to provide parents with the inside dope into how kids view their lives, and what they really need from their parents to make the leap into becoming mentally healthy young adults. Best of all, John relays their amazing stories of growth in smooth, witty, and helpful prose. Any parent with a child--no matter what the age--should read and learn from this book.

—Eileen Norris, contributing writer and editor of the bestselling You: The Smart Patient by Drs. Mehmet Oz and Mike Roizen

"What a true gift. This outstanding book truly gives you a blueprint to fully be available to your teen son or daughter. You will marvel at your teen’s sense of competence, can-do attitude, and improved self-esteem. Teens and parents are both resilient; with the tools provided in the remarkable book The Available Parent, you and your teenager can both enjoy your new and improve relationship."

—Dr. Kate Smart Mursau, co-author of Smart Parenting: How to Raise Happy, Can-Do Kids

"Every parent who wants to give it their best shot in working with, and not in opposition to, their teen, needs to check in with Dr. John Duffy, and apply his "available parent" strategy. As a professional journalist, author, and mom of three teens who writes about parenting, I was so glad to have found Dr. Duffy in time to give me the tools to quickly understand what it means to be an available parent. To my surprise and delight, as I intentionally make myself more available as a mom, my teens are now purposefully reaching out to engage with me! Dr. Duffy is a trusted guide and cool guy. He truly cares and is all about helping parents and their children find the bright light in each other. He helped to open a whole new channel of communication for me with my teens, and allowed me to appreciate their uniqueness and focus on that, instead of the moments that "challenge."

—Mary Beth Sammons, author of Second Acts That Change Lives: Making a Difference in the World

"John Duffy has written one of the most eye-opening parenting books around, an inspiring, important tool for all parents. From his expertise and experience working with teens, John gives us the key ingredient for a healthy, successful parent-teen relationship…. being The Available Parent. What a simple yet profound title, and what a rude awakening for me! John masterfully defines available parenting and helps parents stop the unhealthy dance with their kids. He gives excellent insight, advice and approaches to become the effective parent we desire to be. And throughout the book, he uses real life excerpts from teens discussing their issues so parents can understand what is really going on in their world. This is a must-read and is essential to building a healthy relationship with your teen."

—Megan Walls, CEC, ACC, Founder, Conscious Connections Coaching

"The Available Parent is a valuable and thought-provoking resource that’s filled with many precious lessons and gives parents a unique perspective on cultivating a healthy relationship with their kids."

Suddenly, it seems, you are the parent of a teenager. It’s a role you

have looked forward to for several years with a good deal of concern

and apprehension. And sure enough, now that the job is upon you, you

realize it is a different world! Your formerly friendly son now seems

more sullen, moody and distant. Over the last few months your daughter

has apparently come to believe that her parents are out of touch with

reality. Where are these kids coming from?

As one mother put it, “My daughter went to high school her

first day as a freshman and never returned. I lost my baby!” Through

things like Facebook and texting, teens nowadays seem to spend their

entire days “wired” to each other. When they’re not connecting with

peers, they are surfing the Internet, playing video games or watching

TV. It’s as if there is no more room in their lives for parents.

Attempts to communicate at the dinner table, such as the notorious “How

was your day?” are met with curt responses like “Fine.” End of

conversation. Another attempt at pulling teeth has failed.

You feel hurt, rejected, angry and scared. What if my son

starts using drugs? What if my daughter starts having sex? What in

God’s name am I supposed to be doing with This Kid!?

In The Available Parent, Dr. John Duffy sticks his neck out

and offers a clear answer: As the parent of a teenager your top

priority—before anything else—is to stay in touch with your rapidly

changing youngster. Staying in touch is the essence of what Dr. Duffy

means by availability. Availability is the ability to understand your

child’s need to pull away. It’s the ability to remember your own

teenage years and—even though you may feel rejected at times—to treat

your retreating child with respect. Availability is the ability to

leave your fears and your ego behind and to really listen to what your

gives a clear roadmap for carrying the mission out. Dr. Duffy first

takes you inside the mind of a teenager, so you can understand where

this kid is coming from. He then explains why some parents’ natural

inclinations, such as snooping, micromanaging, blinders and bribery,

never work. Next Dr. Duffy describes the notion of parental

connection with your adolescent offspring. For those who are fearful

that availability means laissez faire parenting, there is a chapter on

The goal of Dr. Duffy’s book is to help parents of teens

understand and define their job. For moms and dads that means, among

other things, accepting the fact that their children are supposed to

eventually break away, leave home and become attached to new people.

But the goal of The Available Parent is also that teens and parents

enjoy one another’s company as much as possible now while they’re still

What in God’s name am I supposed to be doing with This Kid?

1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

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Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #338,938 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Dr. Duffy offers solid advice for parenting teens!! 

And best if all, The Available Parent allows the parent/reader to reconnect with their children in such a loving way. 

This is absolutely one of the best parenting books I have ever read. 

Great book for advice on parenting older kids

This book is a just a fantastic read! Duffy gives great advice, backs it up with interesting examples from his practice, and puts it all into nice easy chunks to digest (and try to put into practice). I always felt that my husband and I had moved from the parent role to more of a "coach" role for our teenagers, but was never really sure that I could explain why I felt it was better for them. He does all that and more. He also makes it clear that parenting teenagers shouldn\'t be a chore, that these are precious years that should be enjoyed. (Not that there won\'t be any tough spots, but you know what I mean.)

If you have time to read only one book about parenting teens, I would choose this one. (And I\'m a librarian, so I see a fair number of parenting books.) I don\'t think you\'ll be disappointed.

Dr. Duffy\'s insight on the many situations that arise during those fragile yet rocky teenage years hit home. My ex-husband and I disagreed on how to handle our "very social" teenager who was constantly getting caught doing the wrong thing and began sneaking around us due to our strict household. Dr. Duffy\'s vision to being an "available parent" is almost exactly the approach I fought to take to ensure our child\'s confidence and trust was not lost. It proved successful. I have a wonderful, loving, high academic achieving, Division 1 college athlete who now realizes their mistakes. I truly believe, if a less available approach was used, we would be dealing with some very serious issues at this young adult age of 20. Thanks Dr. Duffy for a great read. You were able to put into words my thoughts and ideas of successful parenting. Looking forward to your next book.

In a post-Jerry Springer age, it seems that the only way for struggling parents to get advice is to be yelled at, ideally in front of a camera. This book offers parents straight-forward, common sense advice that might seem easy to think of but might be difficult to remember without coaching. The author understands that what popular media might deem negligence or bad parenting often stems from relatively innocent misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misconceptions. If you\'re about to start raising a teenager, take this book and study is advice now, before you make any of those stupid mistakes you\'re so sure you\'d never make.

This book will give parents, grandparents or anyone involved in the lives of teens and tweens a helping hand in understand how our children think and relate to different situations. I think helps to gives the child a voice towards getting the parent or guardian to relate to them with insight. I purchased a copy for myself (grandmother), my husband (who reads abundantly) and my daughter (parent of a preteen). She thanked me for giving it to her. I also added the book "Getting to Calm".

I have been confident that I am a fairly good parent. I read all of the "What to expect..." books when I was pregnant and when the kids were toddlers. I almost forgot to look for help during the scary teen years. I loved this book. I was surprised to find it was not just a guide but a good read. The stories were great. I know that I will handle situations better for having read it. It was like getting condensed therapy sessions in the privacy of my home!

Living with two teenage girls is not an easy task. As I was reading this book, I kept saying " Oh, I get it now". I realized, I didn\'t "get them". I can\'t say I agreed with all his tips but I am utilizing some and I can see the difference in my relationship with my girls. This book is practical with great examples and covers almost all the basis on parenting a teenager. It\'s an easy read.

Dr. John Duffy\'s THE AVAILABLE PARENT Shares The Importance Of Being There

I should start this review first by saying that I have no children of my own, but as someone who works around young people of all ages I can say that Dr. John Duffy\'s book THE AVAILABLE PARENT is a home run for all adults. One of the best lessons that I got was the importance of realizing that a child---no matter what they say---wants discipline. They also want to know that someone is going to be there for them through the good and bad that they are facing.

What Dr. Duffy showcases in such a thoughtful way is that we have to make sure that we are showing children that they are loved, but that you are not there to be there friend. The book emphasizes the importance of letting them know that you deserve the respect that comes with the title of parent, and that you want the very best for them.

To bring home the points that he is discussing in the book the author also includes comments from tweens and teens that tie into the points he is making. No matter what the topic that may come up, the book shows us a way that we can not only deal with it, but make sure that the young person comes away knowing that they are not alone in what they are going through.

THE AVAILABLE PARENT is that kind of book many have been looking for when they try and answer the question \'What do I do?\' The answer is simple: BE THERE. Let the child know that they have you in their corner regardless of what life throws at them. For them there can be no better ally.

This book is an absolute must-read for any parent going through the wilderness of the teenage years with their child. Read more

This book is just what young parents need.

The Available Parent is a positive handbook for parents. It reinforces the positive behaviors they have and makes suggestions for other alternatives.

Dr. Duffy offers solid advice for parenting teens!! More Parents need to make this book a part of their lives!!

Excellent advice presented in a clear and concise manner. Enjoyable and easy to read. Left me feeling less hopeless about my relationship with my teen.

Watch it Kris, Mommy will be ready for your teen years :) Thank you Dr Duffy! Looking forward to more books by you!

I ordered this book after I saw him on Steve Harvey. The reason I haven\'t given it 5 stars is because I haven\'t finished yet, but I like his straight forward advice. Read more

This is absolutely one of the best parenting books I have ever read. Entertaining, informative, and relatable. Dr. John Duffy is clear and concise. Read more

"A parent has a lot to think about when raising their child. Because ofthis, they may make assumptions or decisions more quickly than they

As a single mother of two tween girls, I must admit that I was terrified for the \'scary\' years ahead. Read more

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