Duets (EP01)
Rachel: "-Broadway toon first..."
Puck: "Shut up."

Grilled Cheesus (EP03)
Puck: "I mean I see God every time I make out with a new chick."
Rachel: "Okay, th-that doesn't make any sense. In fact it's stupid!"
Puck: "Are u calling mister Billy Joel stupid?"

Duets (EP04)
Will: "Bad news guys; Puckerman's in juvie."
Tina: "Really was just a matter of time."
Quinn: "What did he do?"
Will: "He drove his moms Volvo through the front of a convenience store and drove off with the ATM."
Rachel: "W-when is he getting out?"

Never Been Kissed (EP06)
Rachel: "SPIES!"
Puck: "Lighten up."

The Substitute (EP07)
Rachel: "Did someone say something about a substit-uuute!"
Puck: "Yes! It works!"
--
Holly: "Rachel, u suck! Oh my god, you're a total drag! Has anyone ever told u that?"
Puck: "I have."

Furt (EP08)
Finn: "Rachel and Puck were Puckleberry."

Special Education (EP09)
Puck: "Are u okay?"
Rachel: "Why are u talking to me? Are u going to steal something from me?"
Puck: "Look, after six hours in that port-a-John, Ozzie himself would've turned to God. I prayed- I promised him that if he got me out of there I'd start being nicer to people. Then I realized there was no way I could do that so I changed it, to just Jews."
Rachel: "It's Finn..."
Puck. "Boyfriend troubles. I got that covered, considering I'm usually the cause of them, I'd say I'm an expert. Walk with me."
Rachel: "Have u been working out? Your arms seem bigger..."
Puck: "It's the steroids."
--
Rachel: "Puck got Lauren Zizes to take your place,"
--
Santana: "Nobody tells u anything because A: you're a blabber mouth and B: we all just pretend to like you."
Puck: "That's not true, I kinda like her."
--
Rachel: "Is something wrong? Did I bite u again?"
Puck: "I did this to Finn once before. I can't do it again... I'm sorry, I have to go."

A Very Glee Christmas (EP10)
Rachel: "I can't believe that that teacher let her students speak to us like that!"
Puck: "I can't believe she threw her shoe at us..."

The Sue Sylvester Bowl Shuffle (EP11)
Will: "Rachel, Puck- haven't u guys been working on something? Why don't u give it a whirl."
Rachel: "Fine. As offended I am door their presence here, I won't let anything get in the way of a performance."
--
Puck: "-Before I got your girlfriend pregnant and then made out with your other girlfriend..."
--
Finn: "So why'd u sing that duet with Rachel?"
Rachel: *flashback* "I need u to do this number with me to make Finn jealous." *end flashback*
Puck: "Nothing like that will ever happen again."
--
Will: "Rachel, have u actually seen a tackle football game? When they tackle you, it hurts!"
Puck: "Yeah, and not in a good Mellencamp way."
Rachel: "We thought about that."
--
Puck: "Are u ready for this?"
Rachel: "Let's kick some ass!"
Puck and Rachel: "YEAH!"

Silly Love Songs (EP12)
Rachel: "High five!"
--
Rachel: "I-I don't care about Puck."

Blame It On the Alcohol (EP14)
Puck: "What's up my hot little Jewish American princess?"
Rachel: "What do u want, Puckerman?"
Puck: "Well word on the straat is that your dads are out of town and you're all alone in your house."
Rachel: "They are on the Rosie O'Donnell cruise. But, who told u that?"
Puck: "It's the kind of information a guy like me tends to know. So, uh, party this Saturday? I'll bring the bier ball! It's a mini keg."
Rachel: "Forget it."
Puck: "Oh c'mon, just the glee kids! We're losing our minds all stressed about sectionals and stuff."
Rachel: "Regionals. Besides, u just want a place to have sex and get drunk."
Puck: "Yeah, there's a word for that: a party!"
Rachel: "N-no! Noah, my dads, they, left me alone in my house because they trusted me to be responsible!"
Puck: "They left u alone 'cause u suck and are a total bore!"
--
Finn: "-wait where are u going?"
Rachel: "To find Puckerman! Y'know, my journey from little princess to natural woman begins this Saturday night- at my house!"
--
Rachel: "Why's everybody leaving?"
Puck: "Because this party blows."
Rachel: "I haven't even had my first sip yet. How am I supposed to write both sides if I can't even throw a party?"
Puck: "Look, if u want everyone to stay, u have to let me break into your dad's liquor cabinet. No one's gonna get buzzed off two wine coolers! I'll replace it before they can get home."
Rachel: "Let's party!"
--
Puck: "Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!"
Rachel: "It tastes like pink! IT TASTES LIKE PINK!"

Sexy (EP15)
Rachel: "Are u lost, Noah?"
--
Rachel: "I hereby call the celibacy club to order."
Puck: "Where's Ms. Pillsbury?"
Rachel: "She decided to take the hours she was spending here to use it to fix her sham of marriage. In the interim, I'll be taking over."

Night of Neglect (EP17)
Rachel: "There's no way that she's singing in our auditorium, okay! She's the enemy!"
Puck: "I say we give her a chance. I mean, u owe her Rachel, u sent her to a frickin' crack house!"
--
Puck: "We need Sunshine's twitter followers to come and pay for tickets, so there's no point having a benefit at all."
Rachel: "Fine!"
--
Rachel: "Don't worry, Puckerman is out right now scouring the pounds for the perfect Pomeranian!"

Born This Way (EP18)
Puck: "Every year, girls toon up to my temple after their sixteenth birthday, looking suddenly slightly different- and u know what? Even though it's easier to make out with them without getting constantly stabbed in the eye, they're not as hot!"
Rachel: "Well, this isn't about being hot- it's about conquering your destiny a-and finding something in yourself that u want to change it! Plus they zei it could improve my voice, so..."
--
Rachel: "You can't be in here, Noah!"
Puck: "It's cool, I checked through the peephole I drilled last jaar to make sure no one was going."
Rachel: "What can I help u with today?"
Puck: "I just want to talk to you, one hot Jew to another."
Rachel: "Oh God, it's my nose okay? I am tired of the lectures."
Puck: "Hear me out. Why are u getting Quinn's nose? If u want to breathe better why don't u have them give u Com Aldi(?)'s nose? Your nose has been passed down from generation to generation as a birth right- it's a sign of survival among our people!"
Rachel: "This has nothing to do with our religion."
Puck: "I need one uur of your time, just one hour. Give me that and I'll never bug u again."
--
Rachel: "Why did u bring me here? Is there a sale at Claire's?"
Puck: "I brought u here to knock some sense into you. u wont listen to me, u wont listen to Finn..."
Kurt: "But u will listen to Barbra Streisand. Thanks Puck, I can take it from here."

Rumours (EP19)
Rachel: "I mean, look at us. Look at all the different combinations that we've had: Finchel, Puckleberry-"
--
Rachel: "Hit it."

New York (EP22)
Puck: "Okay, can we just talk about the Jewish olifant in the room? Ask her out, dude!"
Finn: "Who, Rachel? But she's totally into Jesse right now..."
Puck: "You're in New York, the city of love-"
Sam: "I thought that was Paris..."
Puck: "Anything's possible here, u need to ask her out tonight! Take her on one of those big awful dates u see in those unwatchable romantic comedies that u girls grow a vagina if u watch all the way through."