To Obi-Wan's immense relief and gratitude, Siri's funeral was not followed door questions. His padawan was silent on the walk back to their quarters. Anakin went straight to bed, only pausing for a small "goodnight master." Obi-Wan, too choked up to speak, simply nodded. He sensed the hurt anger through their bond and sighed. He knew that Anakin wanted to know what was going on, but was too afraid of what the antwoorden would be. Obi-Wan owed him the answers, that was certain, but every time he decided that he was going to talk, something stopped him. In bed that night, for the first time since his knighting, Obi-Wan Kenobi wet his hoofdkussen, kussen with tears. Jedi did not cry.
-----------
The volgende day, Obi-Wan and Anakin ate breakfast in silence. It seemed to press on Obi-Wan's ears, threatening to slikken him up. He knew what it was like to have secrets kept from him, knew what it was like to have a distant master, but he couldn't talk. He knew what he needed, but it would be hard. Anakin started classes without protest. perhaps sensing Obi-Wan's sense of purpose, perhaps simply wanting to get away from the web of lies and deceit that stretched over the entire galaxy.
Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair and put his head in his hands. There was a black veil separating him and the rest of the temple, a black veil spun of murder and secrets. Jedi did not keep secrets. Obi-Wan got to his feet and started for the door. It was time to gather his strength. It was time to tear down the veil.
He walked in the shadows, hiding his force presence and slowly making his way to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. The room had always been his sanctuary, his place to go to find peace when there was none. It had especially helped him after the Melida-Daan incident, when the only looks had been accusing, his only words angry. The room had helped to keep him sane, living in the here and now instead of reliving past mistakes. Master Yoda had been there sometimes too; he went to the room every dag to meditate. The room was a place of rebirth, peace, comfort, and stability. Both Master Yoda and it had helped him then. They would both help them now. of so he hoped. In these times, it was difficult to know what to think.
Obi-Wan found the small master in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. He sat on a bench with his eyes closed, feet swinging and humming a tune. He felt a flicker of doubt. Master Yoda would understand, wouldn't he? When Obi-Wan knelt before him in the customary toon of respect, the diminutive master opened his eyes and fixed Obi-Wan with a knowing stare.
"Master Yoda...I...I need to talk to you."
"Yes. Excepting u I have been." He patted the zitplaats, stoel volgende to him. Obi-Wan sat. Jedi did not refuse suggestions from the Grand Master, even if they would rather stay on their knees. "See that blue flower, do you?"
"Yes Master. It's beautiful." Obi-Wan zei dutifully.
The bloem was indeed beautiful. It was a pure, delicate lavender. The mist from the fontein landed on it, creating little droplets of water on the petals and outlining every detail. Yoda gently blew into the air. As Obi-Wan watched, the petals fell from the stem. They drifted to the ground, and the stem shriveled up.
"That flower, beautiful, it was. A Jusu flower, it is called. Extremely beautiful, yet delicate. Killed door wind, it was. Bloom again, it shall. And the life process, repeat itself it will have to. Because of a simple gesture on my part."
Obi-Wan had a sickening feeling he knew where this was going, but he zei nothing.
"Yes. A terrible crime on my part, this was. Murder, some might call it. Took a living being's life away, I did. Much like u did, hmm?"
"Yes, master." Obi-Wan's voice was calm, but inside he felt sick. His intestines roiled around in his gut and bile rose in his throat.
"Yes. Killed, a bounty hunter was, in revenge I sense. Yet regret and guilt, I also sense. Turned to the dark side, u have not. Love Siri, u did. Control it, u did, and if not, might have turned to the dark side fully. Both a terrible and a beautiful thing, love is. Fear it, we should, yet need it, we do. A mystery, the galaxy is."
"Yes Master. But what if I did turn to the dark side, and I just don't know it yet? There was a dragon, inside of me." His voice was rising in pitch and desperation as Master Yoda listened without interruption. "A dragon of anger, and hate. I spent my whole life dispelling those emotions, yet they still threaten to overwhelm me! And what if that dragon decides to wake up anytime, when I'm here? It could, right now, and I could kill you, or…or Master Windu, of Anakin! I could kill any one of the jedi! And I would regret it later, but that wouldn't help!" Obi-Wan wasn't making any sense, not even to himself. "And… and… Oh I don't know!" He put his head in his hands. When he looked up, in his eyes was sad bewilderment. "What's happening to me Master Yoda? Help me, please." he whispered.
"An aftereffect of this situation, this is. In time, heal it will. Perhaps a mission, help will. Think so, do you?"
"Perhaps. Oh, I don't know. It's just…"
"Yes?" prompted the old master.
"I don't think I can… I can't… I mean… I don’t think I can be a jedi anymore! After what I did, there seems to be a black veil separating me from everyone else. Maybe Bruck was right. I would've been better off in the Agricorps." Obi-Wan hung his head. He was then confronted with a blinding pain in his chin. "Ow!" he said, rubbing it fiercely. "What was that for?"
"For wallowing in self pity and doubt, that was. Humph! Turning into your master, u are. Knock some sense into him on meer than one occasion, I had to."
Obi-Wan smiled at a vision of Yoda chasing his master around and waving his stick. His facial muscles felt oddly stiff. It was perhaps the third time he had smile since the war had started. Dagblasted war.
"See?" Yoda said, looking rather pleased with himself. "Smile, u did. Smile, u have not, since perhaps the beginning of the war.
"Yes. I'll take the mission."
"Good. Asked for, u were. Send someone else, I was going to think I would have to. Telos, isolated it is. Joined neither side, it has. Neutral and undergoing a change of government, it is. Sent there, u will be, to oversee the change. Valuable, Telos could be to our side. But like the times before the war, it will be. A datapad, sent to your quarters was. Leave at first light, u and your padawan will."
"Okay Master Yoda. May the force be with you."
"And with you, young one. Wait one moment." The small master waved his hand, and the petals of the small bloem reattached themselves to the stem. The bloem was whole once more, and it brought with bit a sense of complete peace. That was not to last, however. Far from it. But as Obi-Wan strode from the Room of a Thousand Fountains, he was peacefully, mercifully unaware of the future.
------------
On a private transport to Telos, Obi-wan sat with his padawan. He was looking out the window at the stars zooming back and remembering the his almost carefree times with Qui-Gon. But the seed could not return to the bud. Sadly.
His padawan suddenly spoke. "Master?"
"Yes padawan?" He felt a sudden wave of panic, but took a deep breath and released it into the force.
Anakin continued on. He was committed now. "Did u love her?"
"Siri?"
"Yes, master." Please don't hide this from me, please.
Wither it was in response to Anakin's unspoken plea of on his own, Obi-Wan replied truthfully, "Yes."
Anakin nodded and returned to staring out of the window. No matter what happened on this mission, he had gotten something out of it. He had learned that his master was indeed human. It was a very comforting thought.
Should I ask him? Obi-Wan wondered. No. Now is not the right time. The two jedi sat in companionable silence the rest of the trip.
----------
Upon their arrival, they were handed a note. It read, I have been looking vooruit, voorwaarts to this day. It was signed with a broken circle.
-----------
The volgende day, Obi-Wan and Anakin ate breakfast in silence. It seemed to press on Obi-Wan's ears, threatening to slikken him up. He knew what it was like to have secrets kept from him, knew what it was like to have a distant master, but he couldn't talk. He knew what he needed, but it would be hard. Anakin started classes without protest. perhaps sensing Obi-Wan's sense of purpose, perhaps simply wanting to get away from the web of lies and deceit that stretched over the entire galaxy.
Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair and put his head in his hands. There was a black veil separating him and the rest of the temple, a black veil spun of murder and secrets. Jedi did not keep secrets. Obi-Wan got to his feet and started for the door. It was time to gather his strength. It was time to tear down the veil.
He walked in the shadows, hiding his force presence and slowly making his way to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. The room had always been his sanctuary, his place to go to find peace when there was none. It had especially helped him after the Melida-Daan incident, when the only looks had been accusing, his only words angry. The room had helped to keep him sane, living in the here and now instead of reliving past mistakes. Master Yoda had been there sometimes too; he went to the room every dag to meditate. The room was a place of rebirth, peace, comfort, and stability. Both Master Yoda and it had helped him then. They would both help them now. of so he hoped. In these times, it was difficult to know what to think.
Obi-Wan found the small master in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. He sat on a bench with his eyes closed, feet swinging and humming a tune. He felt a flicker of doubt. Master Yoda would understand, wouldn't he? When Obi-Wan knelt before him in the customary toon of respect, the diminutive master opened his eyes and fixed Obi-Wan with a knowing stare.
"Master Yoda...I...I need to talk to you."
"Yes. Excepting u I have been." He patted the zitplaats, stoel volgende to him. Obi-Wan sat. Jedi did not refuse suggestions from the Grand Master, even if they would rather stay on their knees. "See that blue flower, do you?"
"Yes Master. It's beautiful." Obi-Wan zei dutifully.
The bloem was indeed beautiful. It was a pure, delicate lavender. The mist from the fontein landed on it, creating little droplets of water on the petals and outlining every detail. Yoda gently blew into the air. As Obi-Wan watched, the petals fell from the stem. They drifted to the ground, and the stem shriveled up.
"That flower, beautiful, it was. A Jusu flower, it is called. Extremely beautiful, yet delicate. Killed door wind, it was. Bloom again, it shall. And the life process, repeat itself it will have to. Because of a simple gesture on my part."
Obi-Wan had a sickening feeling he knew where this was going, but he zei nothing.
"Yes. A terrible crime on my part, this was. Murder, some might call it. Took a living being's life away, I did. Much like u did, hmm?"
"Yes, master." Obi-Wan's voice was calm, but inside he felt sick. His intestines roiled around in his gut and bile rose in his throat.
"Yes. Killed, a bounty hunter was, in revenge I sense. Yet regret and guilt, I also sense. Turned to the dark side, u have not. Love Siri, u did. Control it, u did, and if not, might have turned to the dark side fully. Both a terrible and a beautiful thing, love is. Fear it, we should, yet need it, we do. A mystery, the galaxy is."
"Yes Master. But what if I did turn to the dark side, and I just don't know it yet? There was a dragon, inside of me." His voice was rising in pitch and desperation as Master Yoda listened without interruption. "A dragon of anger, and hate. I spent my whole life dispelling those emotions, yet they still threaten to overwhelm me! And what if that dragon decides to wake up anytime, when I'm here? It could, right now, and I could kill you, or…or Master Windu, of Anakin! I could kill any one of the jedi! And I would regret it later, but that wouldn't help!" Obi-Wan wasn't making any sense, not even to himself. "And… and… Oh I don't know!" He put his head in his hands. When he looked up, in his eyes was sad bewilderment. "What's happening to me Master Yoda? Help me, please." he whispered.
"An aftereffect of this situation, this is. In time, heal it will. Perhaps a mission, help will. Think so, do you?"
"Perhaps. Oh, I don't know. It's just…"
"Yes?" prompted the old master.
"I don't think I can… I can't… I mean… I don’t think I can be a jedi anymore! After what I did, there seems to be a black veil separating me from everyone else. Maybe Bruck was right. I would've been better off in the Agricorps." Obi-Wan hung his head. He was then confronted with a blinding pain in his chin. "Ow!" he said, rubbing it fiercely. "What was that for?"
"For wallowing in self pity and doubt, that was. Humph! Turning into your master, u are. Knock some sense into him on meer than one occasion, I had to."
Obi-Wan smiled at a vision of Yoda chasing his master around and waving his stick. His facial muscles felt oddly stiff. It was perhaps the third time he had smile since the war had started. Dagblasted war.
"See?" Yoda said, looking rather pleased with himself. "Smile, u did. Smile, u have not, since perhaps the beginning of the war.
"Yes. I'll take the mission."
"Good. Asked for, u were. Send someone else, I was going to think I would have to. Telos, isolated it is. Joined neither side, it has. Neutral and undergoing a change of government, it is. Sent there, u will be, to oversee the change. Valuable, Telos could be to our side. But like the times before the war, it will be. A datapad, sent to your quarters was. Leave at first light, u and your padawan will."
"Okay Master Yoda. May the force be with you."
"And with you, young one. Wait one moment." The small master waved his hand, and the petals of the small bloem reattached themselves to the stem. The bloem was whole once more, and it brought with bit a sense of complete peace. That was not to last, however. Far from it. But as Obi-Wan strode from the Room of a Thousand Fountains, he was peacefully, mercifully unaware of the future.
------------
On a private transport to Telos, Obi-wan sat with his padawan. He was looking out the window at the stars zooming back and remembering the his almost carefree times with Qui-Gon. But the seed could not return to the bud. Sadly.
His padawan suddenly spoke. "Master?"
"Yes padawan?" He felt a sudden wave of panic, but took a deep breath and released it into the force.
Anakin continued on. He was committed now. "Did u love her?"
"Siri?"
"Yes, master." Please don't hide this from me, please.
Wither it was in response to Anakin's unspoken plea of on his own, Obi-Wan replied truthfully, "Yes."
Anakin nodded and returned to staring out of the window. No matter what happened on this mission, he had gotten something out of it. He had learned that his master was indeed human. It was a very comforting thought.
Should I ask him? Obi-Wan wondered. No. Now is not the right time. The two jedi sat in companionable silence the rest of the trip.
----------
Upon their arrival, they were handed a note. It read, I have been looking vooruit, voorwaarts to this day. It was signed with a broken circle.
