Chapter 9: My Futile Attempt to Protect Her (Jake’s POV)

It was the first time ever that Nessie couldn't hold my full attention with her kiss. My mind was racing she looked happy but physically she was a scary sight. Her face was gaunt after a week and a half of not eating of sleeping right. Her eyes had circles underneath them that were so dark they were almost black; her eyes normally bright and effervescent were dull. She was so weak that she was shaking uncontrollably at times. It was Bella all over again only worse. I now was putting everything that I had on the table. My best friend; my wife as well as our child. Our entire future had the possibility of being swept away with a roll of the dice. I wouldn't survive it if I lost them. She looked up at me in concern as she lovingly touched my face, "it will be alright Jacob" she consoled me; her voice barely a whisper. She was the one at risk and yet she was reassuring me? I felt as though I would be sick I knew it was all in my mind but I had to get out of there. I kissed her forehead as I put on my best happy face (which probably was unconvincing as I suck at acting and she knows me too well).
"I know Ness now just sit back and rest. Can I get u anything?” She shook her head wearily, "Just hurry back." I nodded and wordlessly turned to get up but she pulled me back to her with surprising strength despite the condition that she was in. "I love u Jacob Black. Marrying u was the best verplaats that I ever made. Being blessed enough to be gegeven your child is the most wonderful thing that could happen to me. This is one of the happiest moments in our lives don't weigh yourself down with what could be when we already know what will be. Remember, Amore saw it ending well. I have never been happier than I am right now. I love you.No regrets, ok?" she looked at me so earnestly that it angered me. I was mad at myself for not being able to share in her happiness. I shook my head it was so Nessie to say something like that. She was really something. From the looks of it our child was already harming her and she was happy about that? I was possibly killing her yet it appeared that it was making her love me even more. Right then and there I determined without a doubt that something must be wrong genetically with the zwaan-, zwaan blood. Her mother had been the same way with Edward. If Renesmee pulled through this I was going to get Carlisle to run some tests on her to make sure that she was mentally sound. I shuddered at the memory of Bella's pregnancy I had to get out of there. I kissed her cheek as I stood up, "I will be right back do u need anything?" she shook her head with a tiny smile," just you." I winced but she didn't seem to notice. "Hurry back so that we can tell everyone her eyes flashed with excitement. I nodded and walked out of the room," get some rest" I told her as I quietly shut the door. I flew down the stairs ignoring the stares, "Who forgot to let the dog out" Blondie joked but I didn't reply I was too wrapped up in my concerns. I was about as excited to tell her family that she was pregnant as I would be to tell them that she had been issued a death sentence. That is what I feared this was. When I was in the woods I lay my clothes on a boom branch and phased I ran until I thought my legs would give out. When I came back it was dark out and Edward was sitting on the front porch waiting for me.
Again he was the burning man. His face pale, circles starting to form. His hair in every direction as he as constantly running his hands through it. When he looked up at me he recoiled and I wondered for a spleet, split seconde if I looked even worse than he did. He slid over and gestured for me to sit beside him. I sighed and gave in. “How is she?" I asked gruffly. He faced me, his face stoic, “Jacob she has been worried about u all day. She was frantic she thought that u had taken off. I tried to reassure her that u were clearing your head for a bit but she was so hysterical that we had to sedate her. I know that this is a lot for u to absorb but u can’t take off like that again. She needs u meer than ever.” I felt as though he had hit me. “How do I not hurt her Edward, I stay with her and look at what happened. I leave and it hurts her. What do I do, how do I keep her safe?” I was shouting at this point. He calmly placed a hand on my arm, “I know. I was there myself. But u saw what happened to Bella when I left her. It was the biggest mistake in my entire existence.” I sorted in confirmation remembering how broken up she had been, "That's the biggest understatement of the the century Edward." I was the one who put the pieces back together I should know. He looked at me strangely, “Jake, she wasn’t pregnant when I took off.” I looked at him with my mouth open. He looked down, “That was a cheap shot. I'm sorry. This is as emotionally draining for me as it is for you. That is my baby girl up there. I am as apprehensive about this as u are.” I shook my head slowly, “No its ok, u are right. I shouldn’t have taken off today I just had to get out of here for a little bit. I cannot take this. I thought it was hard with Bella but this…” I felt my voice breaking, “She is everything that I have Edward that woman up there is my reason for being. If anything happens to her…” He looked into my eyes knowingly, “Like I zei I have been there Jacob. It won’t be easy and there will be days that u would rather be torn limb from limb and thrown into a brand than watch her go through what she will have to endure but u have to be there for her. As horrible as it is for u what she is going through is a million times worse. She wants nothing but your happiness and your blessing Jacob.” I nodded, “And there is no way that we can talk her out of this?” I asked in vain hopes. He looked at me with a dark smirk, “She is your wife Jacob u know her as well if not better than I do, what u think?” My face fell into my hands, “Renesmee, what are we going to do,” I whispered to myself. He patted my back, “You need to get back in there, go to her. Convince her to eat, we have all tried but she refuses. Then u need to bring her downstairs and put on the happy face for her to share the news with the family.” I felt my face turn to stone as I nodded. I stood up to go inside and he called me, “Jacob?” I turned back to him, “It’s not your fault. I beat myself up with Bella blaming myself for the whole ordeal. It ended up being the best thing that ever happened to us. I cannot imagine my life without my daughter. Try not to be too hard on yourself. u have been very good to her, u tried as hard as u could to protect her u love her and I am pleased that she chose you. u cannot escape what u are believe me I have tried; it is not your fault Jacob.” His face twisted in disgust, “From what I have heard in her thoughts it was actually Renesmee who initiated it all anyway.” He shuddered at the memory. I cracked a smile of embarrassment. “Yea…awkward.” I zei as he smiled at me, “There are times when I wish I couldn’t read my daughters mind.” I smiled at him weakly. “What is she thinking right now?” I pleaded. “She is dreaming restlessly. She is looking for u and can’t find you. Please go to her. Reassure her, convince her to eat u know as well as I do that she will need her strength. u are both weak apart but together u will make it.” I looked at him gratefully. It was odd I never would have thought that I would someday look up to Edward, respect him even. He wasn’t so bad for a father in law. He chuckled amused door my thoughts, “You aren’t so bad yourself, son.” I ran up the stairs to Renesmee. When I got to the door of Amore’s room I knocked quietly. Amore opened the door and placed a finger to her lips, “She’s sleeping, no thanks to you” she hissed. I nodded, “I know, listen are u sure that she and the baby will be alright?” She stuck her lower lip out and placed a hand on her hip obviously offended. Her perfect eyebrows furrowed, “You know Jake u are kind of starting to hurt my feelings here. Do u really think I would lie about my best friend’s future? If I had any doubts u know I would have told her.” I hugged her, “I’m sorry Amor; this is just ripping me apart. I hate seeing her like this.” She kissed my cheek, “Relax; man if u weren’t already dead I would be worried about u getting an ulcer of having a hart-, hart attack of something. u are much too high strung.” I shot her a withering glare and she giggled and ran off calling behind her, “Let me know if she needs anything.” I slowly walked up to my wife. She looked beautiful although her face looked like death. The pallid skin and dark circles were paralleled door the beauty of her face, the pale but full lips. Her perfect nose, her bronze hair that fell around her face in waves cascading down her shoulders. My personal seraph, this was even harder than I thought it would be. She was sleeping so serenely that I didn’t want to disturb her. Her chest rising and falling evenly. She must have sensed a presence because I was being so quiet she couldn’t have heard me. She stirred and her hand touched the cheek as she stretched and slowly opened her eyes. They were bloodshot. She looked horrible. “Jake?” She whispered. Suddenly her eyes snapped wide open. “Where have u been? I thought that u left, well not that I blame u but u scared me so badly.” Her beautiful eyes filled with tears. It was all wrong my angel shouldn’t be crying. I wrapped my arms around her as she sobbed. I was so tired of making her cry. I pulled her back. “I had to get my head in the right place Renesmee. I am not going to make u cry anymore. I am here I am not going anywhere. If Amore and u both believe that it will be ok that is good enough for me. I am here, I am happy. Relax.” Her breathing evened out a bit and the sobs turned into sniffles. “Jake?”
“What sweetheart?”
“You are a crappy liar.” I looked at her in surprise as she snorted in laughter, “but I will take it. At least u are trying” I smiled at her. I couldn’t help it, Renesmee's laughter had a magical effect and it had been so long since I had last heard it. I picked her up and placed her in my arms. “So I guess we have some important news to share with your family.” She smiled so brilliantly that for a seconde her face was almost restored to its normal beauty, but then her smile faded. “I wonder what aunt Rose is going to say.” I rolled my eyes, “Forget about Blondie I can handle her.” I looked at her seriously, “Listen to me, I am going to try to not be so negative and consumed with worry but u need to start eating and do exactly as your grandfather says. u need to stay strong for u as well as…our daughter.” The words sounded funny on my tongue as I choked them out. “I love u and I am here for u both we will get through this.” I promised her. She smiled in amazement, “What did I ever do to deserve u Jake?” I grunted, “You must have been a serial killer in your past life.” She laughed as she weakly swatted my arm, “Oh stop it. I meant that u make me so happy I don’t see how I was lucky enough to end up with you.” I stared at her in awe of the potency of her undying love for me. I vowed then and there that I was going to do all that I could to pull them both through this. I kissed her nose and then trailed down to her stomach. “I love u Sarah, be gentle with your mommy, Ok?” As I kissed her stomach I felt something hit me from the inside. Renesmee and I both looked at each other in shock. Her tiny hand flew to her stomach, “Oh!” She exclaimed. “Did u feel that?” I looked at her in shock, “The kid has a hell of a right hook.” She laughed as the tears filled her eyes again. I kissed them away until my lips found hers. This time, the tears didn't bother me. I knew it was purely happiness that caused them.