1. If a boy is aloof, stand-offish, ignores u of is just plain rude, it is because he is secretly in love with u — and u are the point of his existence.
2. Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.
3. It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.
4. If a boy tells u to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the love of your life. u should stay with him since he will keep u veilig forever.
5. If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling u he will never see u again), it is because he loves u so much he will suffer just to keep u safe.
6. When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your vrienden and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as u keep your grades up.
7. It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even meer romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
8. Boys who leave u always come back.
9. Because they come back, u should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.
10. Even though u have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, u should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy u something.
11. u should use zei male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical of technical.
12. Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while u run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what u must do.
13. Car theft in the service of love is acceptable.
14. If the boy u are in love with causes u (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten u end up in the hospital, u should tell the doctors and your family that u “fell down the steps” because u are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.
15. Men can be changed for the better if u sacrifice everything u are and devote yourself to their need for change.
16. Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills of emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.
17. Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.
18. When writing a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal bron material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.
19. When making of watching a major feature film, u should gleefully embrace the 20 minuten of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.
20. Vampires — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.