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(I never got around to finishing this and I doubt I ever would've. It's a shame that my laziness got to me because this was actually pretty good in my eyes. Oh well, hope u enjoy what's in here right now. XD)

(This is a parody of the famous Dr. Seuss book named "The boter Battle Book" that I worked on around 2 months ago.)

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…..

Whoops, wrong series. GODDAMNIT!

Anyways, it was a peaceful and sunny dag in the town of Cityville, (I’m serious. XD) When all of a sudden….

……

When all of a sudden……

…..

I SAID, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN!

FINALLY! :D

I mean, it was Marvin The Martian! Right the f**k out of nowhere!

BECAUSE WHY NOT!? :D

He was a beeline for Cityville! Quick, somebody do something!

…..

ANYONE ALIVE ON THIS PLANET DO ANYTHING of WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! >.<

…..

God I hate being the narrator.

Marvin: Greetings earthlings! It is I, Marvin Th-

Marvin: Where is everyone? @___@

Actually, that’s a good question.

♫On the other side of the wall!♫

Marvin: What in the name of Melmacian culture was that!?

Oh no, I sense a song coming…..

♫On the other side of the wall!♫

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. :D

Marvin: Where AM I!? @__@

We’re kinda sorta… Sorta kinda…..

In a Dr. Seuss story called The boter Battle Book.

Marvin: ……… (Too many dots in this fan-fiction!)

Marvin: Well, we’re screwed.

♫On the other side of the wall!♫

At least now I realize why nobody’s even here, we’re the ONLY ones in this area, the others are over there.

Me: ♫On the other side of the wall!♫ XD

Marvin: Well, at least have the courtesy to tell me what’s going to happen! of else I’ll get out every weapon I have….

♫Butter side down! :D♫

Those red-dressed people over there like putting boter side down when they eat toast, and we like boter side up. We’re also dressed in blue.

Marvin: SERIOUSLY!? We’re starting a war over BREAD!?

Not just any brood war Marvin, this is the battle…..

Me: ♫FOR THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL!♫ ^___^

Marvin: Whatever, I’ll annihilate them in two seconds! What could possibly go wrong?

Kyros: ♫Butter side down!♫ >:D

Are u freaking KIDDING ME!?

volgende time somebody says that I’ll go Mortal Kombat on them. >.<

Kyros: ♫The idiots on that side… They give me a frown. I mean, they don’t eat with the boter side down!♫

Marvin: ♫Au Contraire, u don’t even care! You’re just morons who don’t eat right, living in despair!♫

Oh this is gonna be good. :D

Kyros: Let’s skip the singing, we’re starting a war. Each of us has one dag to make a weapon and at exactly 5:00 P.M, we’ll fight with them and see who wins. There’s going to be three fights total, and the winner with the most fights won gets……

Kyros: ♫The other side of the wall!♫

Kyros: So, deal? >:)

Marvin: What if we refuse?

Kyros: Then I’ll have a good dinner….. Haha, HAHAHAH!!!!!

Marvin: Accursed earthlings! Well, now what Jared?

Who, me? I’m not even a character, I’m the narrator! >:D

Marvin: THAT’S IT! I’M NOT FIGHTING ALONE, GET OVER HERE! *Drags me into the book*

Jared: Well, that’s what happens when u push your luck. Also, I’m surprised u didn’t make a schorpioen, scorpion reference there! :D

Marvin: Really Jared? -___- Also, wasn’t there armies for BOTH sides in the book?

Jared: I didn’t even know u DID read the book. And yes, there was. But they, uh….

Jared: I have no idea what happened to them. Maybe they died, who knows. I mean, it’s not like they’re having a party.

The Entire Blue Population: YEAH! WHOO! PASS ME THE WHISKEY! ^____^

Jared: Well this is great, NOW who’s going to narrate the story? Hmm…..

Jared: How about Kirby? He’s a good narrator!

Marvin: Uh, sure I guess. :P

Kirby: Bio bio! ^___^

Jared: hallo Kirby, use this mike to speak clearer!

Kirby: *Transforms into Mike Kirby*

Kirby: *Blows everything up*

Jared: OH GOD!!!! QUICK, GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

Marvin: *Shoots teleportation kanon at Kirby* There we go, he shouldn’t bother us anymore.

Jared: Great! I wonder where he went….

Entire Blue Population: OH GOD MY EARS!!!! NOOOOOO!!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DDIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.<

Marvin: One last thing before we start building the weapon, my teleportation kanon is only in an alpha state, so there might be a few….. Glitches with it.

Jared: Alrighty! :D Besides, who needs narrators anyways?

Marvin: Well, we better get to work if we want to win. So, u have any ideas for weapons?

Jared: NAPALM FLAMETHROWER! AN602 HYDROGEN TSAR BOMB! TESLA CANNON! :D

Marvin: Alright then, let’s get to work!

*One Eternity Later*

Marvin: We’ve finally finished the Tesla Cannon, and it looks absolutely extravagant! What do u think Jared?

Jared: OW MY FINGEEERRRRR!!!! >.<

Marvin: This’ll make a great weapon for round one, we can’t lose!

Marvin: So, we have plenty of time left, what do u want to talk about?

Jared: How about why the heck anybody would want to eat butter-side DOWN!? SERIOUSLY, WHO DOES THAT!? IT’S LIKE PUTTING THE PEPPER ON THE SIDES OF EGGS, IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! THE boter WILL FALL ALL OVER YOUR LEGS, AND IT’S AS STUPID AS u CAN GET!

Marvin: Wasn’t aware you’d go Nostalgia Critic on me there. Well, let’s take the weapon to the battlefield! FOR CITYVILLE!

Nonexistent Narrator: Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall…..

Red Person: HOW THE HECK ARE WE GOING TO BEAT A TESLA CANNON!?

Other Red Person: We should call Kyros!

Yet Another Red Person: We should make an even better weapon!

Patrick: WE SHOULD TAKE BIKINI BOTTOM, AND PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!

*Silence*

Yet ANOTHER Red Person: How the heck did PATRICK get in here?

YET ANOTHER FREAKING RED PERSON: It’s a Dr. Seuss story, why are we even questioning this?

*I hope u enjoyed that pointless advance in the story*

*Now back to the other side of the wall*

Marvin: It’s 4:45, I wonder what they’re doing? Well, all we can do is wait and hope we win.

Jared: *Makes a grilled cheese with the Tesla cannon* YUMMY! ^___^

Marvin: Hmm….. I hear something approaching us.

Kyros: Guess who? >:)

Jared: Dinkleberg….

Jared: I mean, uh, Kyros…..

Marvin: So, where’s your weapon? I don’t really see it.

Kyros: Look beyond what u see….. (Really? I’m ripping off The Lion King now? XD)

*Ground shakes*

*We’re screwed*

*Give my regards to Broadway*

*Brace for impact*

*Stop it Jared*

Marvin: Oh no! It’s UNDER us!?

Jared: WHAT DO WE DO!?

Jared: WAIT, I HAVE AN IDEA!

Marvin: WHAT IS IT!?

(And I stopped here. I didn't finish this because I got lazy, sorry. If I get enough positive feedback maybe I will continue this, but for now, that's not happening. Hope u enjoyed regardless of that. XD)

(Seriously though, I really had something going here. I was planning a bunch of cool twists, funny jokes, and even an epic rap battle at the end! I even finished it as well, so if u want to see that, let me know.)

(Again, I'm really sorry I didn't finish this. Oh well, lazyitis gets the best of all of us every now and then. :P)
“You’re too kind”
Even if his current state Damon found the strength to be sarcastic. “Can I ask u something? Why did u have to bring Stefan into this?”
“Oh, Stefan. Good, old Stefan” Bonnie sighed. “It’s not like he was involved right from the beginning. When Katherine pretended to be Elena and Stefan brought her to the hospital after taking some sleeping pills, I told Stefan there was a way to bring the real Elena back instead of waiting for it to happen”
“And that involves torturing me?” Damon asked.
“No, that’s just for fun” Bonnie zei shameless.
“And me...
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Bonnie sank down volgende to him. “I’m sorry” she said. “For your arm, your eyes, your ear, your chest. I don’t want to hurt you, but when you’re around I get really mean. u bring out the worst in me, Damon Salvatore”
“I figured”
Why was he talking to her? He should just ignore her.
“Don’t u ever wonder why no one saw the cuts in your face?” Bonnie asked. She felt Damon shrug and he groaned. His arm hurt.
“The spell I put on u let’s people only see what I want them to see” Bonnie explained. “It’s quite exhausting, but soon I can just drop that part of the spell....
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Bonnie stared at her nails. They had bits of Damon’s flesh underneath them. “Damn it, I just had my nails done” she muttered. She looked at Damon’s hurt face. “I hope u understand I have to do this. I could’ve taken down all vampires, but instead I focused on u only. u should be grateful for the rest of your kind”
“Thanks” Damon mumbled sarcastic, but it was good enough for Bonnie.
“Hmm” she said, meer to herself than to Damon. “Stefan left me some vervain to help me keep u in check”
Stefan, Damon thought, when I die (he was certain he would) I will haunt you...
continue reading...
It’s just a party, Damon had to tell himself when he knocked the Gilbert’s house door. However, it was Alaric who opened it.
“You’re looking for Elena?” he asked frowning.
Damon smirked. “No, Ricky, I was hoping u could do me the honor of being my datum tonight” he zei sarcastic.
“Sorry, Damon, you’re too old” Alaric joked back. Then he was serious again. “Ehm, Elena left five minuten ago”
“She did?” Damon asked confused.
“Yeah” Alaric said. “Hey, why don’t u just get inside, pour yourself a drink, then I’ll change clothes and go with you. Jeremy can come...
continue reading...
“What is this?” Jeremy pointed at the spell book.
“That, my dear Jeremy” Bonnie zei in a sugar-sweet voice as she walked downstairs. “would be my spell book. u know, the book with spells?”
“Since when are u into this whole voodoo crap?” he asked, referring to the doll.
“Well, because it’s fun, Jeremy” Bonnie pulled her shoulders. “It’s fun to see him bot like a vis on land. It’s fun to be able to hurt him and see and hear him screaming, even though I’m not around”
Jeremy frowned. “He? Who he?”
Bonnie held her head diagonally. “Oh my sweet Jeremy,...
continue reading...
Matt banged on the door and Tyler stumbled out of bed.
“I’m coming!” he shouted. He walked to the front door and as soon as he opened he saw a fist aiming for his face. The volgende moment he lay on the ground, Matt standing over him.
“What the hell?” Tyler muttered, touching his nose.
“Stay away from Caroline” Matt zei threatening.
“What the hell are u talking about?” Tyler zei as he scribbled up and his nose was healing.
“She told me u were with her” Matt zei shaking.
“Where?...Oh” Tyler started to understand. “Look, Matt, it’s not what u think. It’s not...
continue reading...
The Salvatore Boarding House
Stefan was sitting in the divan, bank between two young women.
“You want to hear a secret?”
The women stared at him as if he was a god and they nodded.
“I’m actually not supposed to be here” Stefan said. “I’m supposed to go find my girlfriend who’s hooking up with my brother. But truth is, I’m emotionally too damaged to function right now. I have to recharge first”
He looked from one girl to the other. “So, what’s the deal with u two? You’re some hot lesbian couple?”
“No, we’re friends” the woman on Stefan’s right side said.
“Hmm” Stefan...
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Carol Lockwood walked into Tyler’s room, who was sitting on his bed, his iPod in his ears. She walked to the bed and threw a collection of photographs on it. Tyler put out his earphones and looked at the photographs. “What is this?” he asked, pretending to be dumb.
“I found this in our mail. There was a note with it. ‘Dear Mrs. Lockwood, you’re son’s a werewolf. Have a nice day’” Carol said. “Who is this person, Tyler?”
Tyler shrugged, acting careless, but doing his best to avoid his mother’s eyes. “Just some dude who needs to get laid really soon”
“These are pictures...
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Katherine licked her mouth, looking as if she craved for more, which was most likely the case. She gave Bonnie such a provocative stare Bonnie wanted to grab her throat and squeeze it so hard her head would fall off. Instead she zei to Stefan, her eyes on Katherine: “Stefan? Go home. Think about how you’re going to do what I told you”
“I think I better stay here” Stefan zei slowly. Bonnie seemed to be too raged to be left alone. This wasn’t like her. And he didn’t want to leave her with Katherine being in the state she was.
“I can handle myself very well, Stefan” Bonnie...
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Damon and Elena were driving into the night.
“Where we going?” Elena asked curious. His eyes kept on the road Damon replied: “Remember when I took u to Georgia?”
Elena gasped. “We’re going to Bree’s Bar?” she asked excited.
“No” Damon said. “Bree’s Bar is gone. But there’s another place I’d like to take you”
He drove further for another twenty minutes. Then he parked the car on a parking lot of a restaurant. A very closed restaurant.
“Damon, what are we doing here?” Elena asked confused.
“Are u hungry?” Damon asked with a smirk.
“Yes” Elena said....
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Stefan ran into the hospital, Katherine in his arms. “Somebody help me! My girlfriend’s sick”
A doctor came running, while a nurse followed him with a stretcher. Stefan lay her down on it. “What happened?” the doctor said, while he rode the stretcher to an examination room. “She OD’d on some pills” “Do u know what pills? What kind?” the doctor continued. “Sleeping pills” Stefan hastily said. “I didn’t catch the name, though” He looked at the doctor. “She’ll be okay, right?”
“We’ll empty her stomach, but it’s important for us to know what pills she...
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Elena and Bonnie were sitting outside the Grill, both having a lemonade, when both their phones rang.
“Bonnie” Bonnie said.
“Hello, Elena speaking” Elena said, trying not to give away anything and hoping Bonnie would be too caught up in her own conversation.
“It’s time” Damon said. “Meet me at the Boarding House. I’ll be in the car” He ended the conversation.
And so did Bonnie. “Elena, I’m so sorry, but I have to go” she apologized.
“Oh?” Elena zei sheepish.
“Yeah, I’m having a datum tonight” Bonnie blushed.
“Really? That’s great! Who’s the lucky one?” Elena fired her curiosity.
“Ehm, I rather not say. At least not until it’s official” Bonnie said.
“Of course, I get it” Elena said. Bonnie put some money on the table. “See u tomorrow?”
“Yeah, tell me all that happened” Elena waved as Bonnie walked away. The moment she was gone Elena jumped up and ran away as if she was being chased.
“Open the door now, Stefan! I need to talk to my sister!”
Stefan opened the door after Jeremy had banged it about twelve times.
“Alright, alright, don’t get all up tied” Stefan zei as he opened the door, a blood bag in his hand. “Now, what brings u here? Something about Elena, I assume?”
“I need to talk to her” Jeremy repeated. “And u know why”
Stefan shrugged. “Why didn’t u come here last night?”
“Because I knew Elena wasn’t here. I knew she was with Alaric and her friends, I didn’t want to make a scene” Jeremy explained.
“And u were also chicken that...
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The volgende morning
Caroline arrived in the kitchen, where the breakfast tafel, tabel was set. Liz was making some coffee and it seemed as if she tried to avoid looking at her daughter.
“Mom?” Caroline said, sensing something was wrong. Liz didn’t react, but pretended to be busy. “Mom, what’s going on?”
“You want some coffee?” Liz asked, avoiding the question. Caroline got up and walked towards her mother. “Mom, what’s wrong? Why are u acting like this?”
Liz turned around and leaned against the sink. “I’ve been having flashes”
“Flashes of what?” Caroline asked.
“Of things...
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Katherine quickly put on her clothes as Damon carried Elena upstairs. “You can lay her down on my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch” Stefan said. Damon held his steps, but didn’t turn around. Then he walked further to Stefan’s room where he lay Elena down on Stefan’s bed. He took off her shoes and left. He went to Elena’s room-yes, she had her own room in the house-and collected the dirty sheets, which had been lying there since morning.
Downstairs Stefan was furious at Katherine.
“See what you’ve done? Now Elena will think I cheated on her and I didn’t do anything!” he raged....
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Alaric and Damon were standing in Alaric’s garage. “You call that not wrecked?” Damon said, looking at the car.
“It’s not that bad” Alaric said, not very convincing. “We can still fix it”
“Alright then” Damon gave in and he rolled up his sleeves. He walked at the front side of the car and gave a look at it. While he did some things Alaric came standing volgende to him. He leaned against the car. “You’ve been hanging out with Elena quite a lot lately” he started. Damon avoided Alaric’s look and pretended to concentrate on fixing the car. “Not that I mind” Alaric continued....
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The Lockwood House
Gabe walked the doorstep and knocked. He’d been to the police station, but they had refused to release his daughter. A few minuten later the door went open and a middle age woman appeared. She was wearing an apron. “Can I help you, sir?” “My name’s Gabe Lindy, Mr. Lockwood knows me. I have to speak to him” Gabe said. “I will see if he can make some time” the Maid answered. “Tell him it’s important” Gabe added. The Maid nodded and turned around.
A few minuten later the Maid returned with Mayor Lockwood. As soon as they arrived at the front door the Mayor...
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The volgende morning when Gabe came in the keuken-, keuken he saw the TV was on, airing the news. They were talking about a car accident. Someone had hit a car and driven away. “The culprit has turned herself in last night” The newsreader told some meer details, but Gabe and Rachel didn’t hear it anymore.
“Idiot!” Gabe cursed.
“Gabe!” Rachel reproached, nodding at Amber who looked up from her plate rotating her head from her mother to her father and back. “Amber, sweetie, why don’t u take your breakfast upstairs? u can watch some TV in your room”
“Nice offer, mom, but I think I’d...
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“Hey, u okay?”
Kelsey looked up at her best friend Veronica who came check on her.
“Did that guy hurt you?” she asked. Kelsey shook her head. “No, he tried, but I could stop him”
“You want to get back inside?” Veronica asked.
“No, actually I’d like to go home” Kelsey said.
“Okay, u want me to give u a ride?” Veronica suggested.
“No, thank you, Ronnie” Kelsey said. “I only had a little alcohol and I want u to have fun”
“You sure?” Veronica checked.
“Yes” Kelsey insisted. “Go back inside, have fun, get wasted”
“Call me when you’re home”...
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muziek was playing on highest volume and Mystic Grill was crowded. Kelsey headed to the bar and asked for a beer.
“Sorry, Kelsey, u know I can’t do that” the bartender said. “You’re not 21 yet”
Kelsey groaned. “Oh, come on, Jake. I’m 20 and I look like 21. Can’t u make an exception for your favoriete customer?”
“No, sorry” Jake zei stubborn. He continued doing dishes.
“Look, I’ve been a good girl, I got good grades and now I just want to have fun. It’s vacation, u know” Kelsey insisted. “I got money” she zei waving with some papers. Jake accepted one of...
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