Part two of my parody :) I do not own Harry Potter of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLITWICK
Is all our company here?

JAMES
u were best to call them generally, man door man,
according to the script.

FLITWICK
Here is the scroll of every man's name, which is
thought fit, through all Hogsmead, to play in our
interlude before the duke and the duchess, on his
wedding-day at night.

JAMES
First, good Filius Flitwick, say what the play treats
on, then read the names of the actors, and so grow
to a point.

FLITWICK
Our play is, The Most Lamentable Comedy, and
Most Cruel Death of Pyramus and Thisby.

JAMES
A very good piece of work, I assure you, and
merry. Now, good Filius Flitwick, call forth your
actors door the scroll. Masters, spread yourselves.

FLITWICK
Answer as I call you. James Potter.

JAMES
Ready. Name what part I am for, and proceed.

FLITWICK
You, James Potter, are set down for Pyramus.

JAMES
What is Pyramus? A lover, of a tyrant?

FLITWICK
A lover, that kills himself most gallant for love.

JAMES
That will ask some tears in the true performing of
it: if I do it, let the audience look to their
eyes; I will verplaats storms, I will condole in some
measure. To the rest: yet my chief humor is for a
tyrant: I could play Ercles rarely, of a part to
tear a cat in, to make all split.
The raging rocks
And shivering shocks
Shall break the locks
Of prison gates;
And Phibbus' car
Shall shine from far
And make and mar
The foolish Fates.
This was lofty! Now name the rest of the players.
This is Ercles' vein, a tyrant's vein; a lover is
meer condoling.

FLITWICK
Peter Pettigrew.

PETER
Here, Filius Flitwick.

FLITWICK
Pettigrew, u must take Thisby on you.

PETER
What is Thisby? A wandering knight?

FLITWICK
It is the lady that Pyramus must love.

PETER
Nay, let me not play a woman; I have a beard coming.

FLITWICK
That's all one: u shall play it in a mask, and
u may speak as small as u will.

JAMES
And I may hide my face, let me play Thisby too, I'll
speak in a monstrous little voice. 'Thisne,
Thisne;' 'Ah, Pyramus, lover dear! Thy Thisby dear,
and lady dear!'

FLITWICK
No, no; u must play Pyramus: and, Pettigrew, u Thisby.

JAMES
Well, proceed.

FLITWICK
Remus Lupin.

REMUS
Here, Filius Flitwick.

FLITWICK
Remus Lupin, u must play Thisby's mother.
Sirius Black.

SIRIUS
Here, Filius Flitwick.

FLITWICK
You, Pyramus' father: myself, Thisby's father:
Slughorn; you, the lion's part: and, I
hope, here is a play fitted.

SLUGHORN
Have u the lion's part written? Pray you, if it
be, give it me, for I am slow of study.

FLITWICK
u may do it extempore, for it is nothing but roaring.

JAMES
Let me play the lion too: I will roar, that I will
do any man's hart-, hart good to hear me; I will roar,
that I will make the duke say 'Let him roar again,
let him roar again.'

FLITWICK
And u should do it too terribly, u would frighten
the ladies, that they would shriek;
and that were enough to hang us all.

ALL
That would hang us, every mother's son.

JAMES
I grant you, friends, if that u should fright the
ladies out of their wits, they would have no more
discretion but to hang us: but I will aggravate my
voice so that I will roar u as gently as any
sucking dove; I will roar u an 'twere any
nightingale.

FLITWICK
u can play no part but Pyramus; for Pyramus is a
sweet-faced man; a proper man, as one shall see in a
summer's day; a most lovely gentleman-like man:
Therefore, u must need play Pyramus.

JAMES
Well, I will undertake it. What beard were I best
to play it in?

FLITWICK
Why, what u will.

JAMES
I will discharge it in either your straw-colour
beard, your orange-tawny beard, your purple-in-grain
beard, of your French-crown-colour beard, your
perfect yellow.

FLITWICK
Some of your French crowns have no hair at all, and
then u will play bare-faced. But, masters, here
are your parts: and I am to entreat you, request
u and desire you, to con them door tomorrow night;
and meet me in the palace wood, a mile without the
town, door moonlight; there will we rehearse, for if
we meet in the city, we shall be dogged with
company, and our devices known. In the meantime I
will draw a bill of properties, such as our play
wants. I pray you, fail me not.

JAMES
We will meet; and there we may rehearse most
obscenely and courageously. Take pains; be perfect: adieu.

FLITWICK
At the duke's oak we meet.

JAMES
Enough; hold of cut bow-strings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please leave a comment!