1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Tell him that he should get plastic surgery. When he’s done say :I told u u had a pig nose!!”
3. Wake him up door singing strand Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...’
4. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say u taught him everything he knows.
5. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
6. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
7. If u ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
8. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
9. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
10. Insist that u have met chunks of cheese with meer cunning plans than his.
11. When he tries to impress u with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
12. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'
13. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out goud stars.
14. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
15. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
16. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
17. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
18. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say u 'thought u were helping!'
19. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
20. Buy him a stress ball.
21. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
22. Call him Tommy-boy. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
23. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
24. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'
25. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
26. Politely exclaim now and again that u 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'
27. Sing 'California girls' at the top, boven of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment'
28. Tell him u know this great therapist in London....
29. Steal, snap and bury his wand. (You might want to do this BEFORE u do all this other stuff)
30. Then tell him Lucius Malfoy did it.
31. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
32. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
33. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do of say something particularly clever and nasty.
34. When he's done something particularly nasty - kruis your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do u really think Salazar would have approved of that?'
35. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
36. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy that Lucious Malfoy destroyed."
37. Cuddle him at random moments.
38. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
39. Tell him u think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie'
40. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter of Dumbledore.
41. Mock his baldness.
42. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
43. Be Harry Potter. Be alive
2. Tell him that he should get plastic surgery. When he’s done say :I told u u had a pig nose!!”
3. Wake him up door singing strand Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...’
4. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say u taught him everything he knows.
5. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
6. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
7. If u ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
8. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
9. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
10. Insist that u have met chunks of cheese with meer cunning plans than his.
11. When he tries to impress u with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
12. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'
13. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out goud stars.
14. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
15. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
16. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
17. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
18. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say u 'thought u were helping!'
19. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
20. Buy him a stress ball.
21. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
22. Call him Tommy-boy. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
23. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
24. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'
25. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
26. Politely exclaim now and again that u 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'
27. Sing 'California girls' at the top, boven of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment'
28. Tell him u know this great therapist in London....
29. Steal, snap and bury his wand. (You might want to do this BEFORE u do all this other stuff)
30. Then tell him Lucius Malfoy did it.
31. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
32. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
33. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do of say something particularly clever and nasty.
34. When he's done something particularly nasty - kruis your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do u really think Salazar would have approved of that?'
35. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
36. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy that Lucious Malfoy destroyed."
37. Cuddle him at random moments.
38. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
39. Tell him u think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie'
40. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter of Dumbledore.
41. Mock his baldness.
42. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
43. Be Harry Potter. Be alive
Hermione Granger 1st Year
