Chapter 12,

January 30, 2005,

Tomorrow, the people versus Michael Jackson criminal trial begins and I am the only one out of us kids that knows what is going on. Dad had made me promise him that I wouldn't tell Prince, Paris, and Blanket what's going on because he doesn't want to scare them. It's really hard on me keeping such a big secret because underneath my fearless personality; I'm really scared! I do a pretty good job of hiding it though.

We are back in Los Angeles and are staying in a temporary rental house until the trial is over. I went down the hallway and into the living room. I sat down and turned on my Game Boy. Dad came into the room with Prince, Paris, and Blanket following him. I zei "when he u guys doing?" He zei "nothing much" and sat down volgende to me on the couch. Prince sat down on the other side of me and asked "what are u playing?" I zei "Pokémon Ruby" and turned the power off. Dad asked "are u sure that u don't have anything on your mind AJ?" I zei as I went up to my room "yes dad; for the millionth time I'm fine!" He zei "okay; I just wanted to make sure that you're okay with everything that's going on."

I shut the door and lay down on my bed. I flipped through the TV channels and change the channel to Nickelodeon. I took a deep breath and zei to myself "I can't believe everything that's gone on in this past jaar and it's all because of stupidity!" I opened up my dresser drawer and pulled out a foto album of pictures. Most of them taken a few months before Prince was born. As I flipped through the pages; I smiled at pictures of dad and I when I was just a few months away from turning three years old. I could hear Prince talking with Grace on the other side of my door and then I heard dad say "bye children, I'll see u in about four hours!"

He knocked on my door and asked "can I come in and spend the time with u for a while?" I zei "yeah sure." He walked in and sat down on the bed. He dropped a big box in front of me and zei "look what I found!" I looked inside and it was filled to the very top, boven in old VHS tapes. I asked "what do u have all of these for?" He zei "it's a whole bunch of home pagina films from when u were little and I thought u and I could watch them together. It might help get your mind off of things!" I was reluctant and he zei "just watch a few at first… I'm telling u that it will make u feel better. Don't try to tell me that u aren't stressed out because I know u are! I always know when u are!" I asked "how did u know?" He zei "I just know when my baby isn't doing well. It's part of being a dad." I rolled my eyes and zei "dad; I'm almost 11 years old, I'm not a baby anymore!" He zei "you may be getting older but you'll always be my baby!"

He put a videotape in the VCR and pressed the play button.

Video one:

Dated at the bottom of the screen: January, 8, 1996

We were in the living room at Neverland ranch and I was sitting on dad's lap. He started singing "champion" door Queen. He would sing one lyric and I would sing the next. That went on for about five meer minuten before I got off his lap and started playing with the toy piano that was in the room. He zoomed the camera in on my face and zei "you want to be just like just like me when u grow up, don't you?" I zei "yes!"

(Dad paused the video and zei "even back then u knew what u want it to be!" I zei "I still don't see the point in watching this. If anything it's making me meer depressed! He zei "just give me the benefit of the doubt please! That's all I ask." He switched videotapes and pressed play again as I rolled my eyes.)

Video two:

Dated at the bottom of the screen: February, 2, 1997

We were in a hotel and a woman behind the camera zei "hi AJ!"

(I paused the video and asked dad "who's that holding the camera? I can tell door the voice that isn't Grace." He zei "that Debbie. Do u remember her? It's been a long time since you've seen her." I zei "yeah; I remember her. I always wondered why she stopped coming over every few months after Paris was born." He zei "I'm sure that she is very busy but; u will see her again someday!")

I zei "hi; I want to see" while pointing at the camera. She showed me what the camera was filming and then I ran off. The door opened and dad walked inside. He looked at the camera and at Debbie. He asked "you threw away that B – O – T – T – L – E u found last night, right? I don't want AJ to find it. I'm not ready to go into war all over again!" Debbie zei "yeah; I thought u told me they u through all of those away a long time ago." He zei "I did; I have no idea where she found that one last night! I had to spend 15 minuten convincing her to give it to me!"

I came into the room and zei "I want a drink please." He zei "okay; I'll get u one." He went over to the refrigerator and took a sap box out of it. He gave it to me and I threw it on the ground. He zei "you're not getting what I know u want! It's that of nothing; understood?" I got mad and stormed off into the other room and he zei "that's not going to get u anywhere and u know that." Debbie looked at him and asked "is she always this stubborn?" He zei "this is nothing compared to most of her temper tantrums that she throws!" She zei "I really don't know how u deal with that every single day. I wouldn't have the patience for it!" He zei "its way worse when she knows that I want her to do something and she just 100% refuses to do it! That's the oppositional defiance disorder at its worst!


The video ended and dad zei "that video brings back so many memories!" I rolled my eyes and zei "oh gosh; please don't say anything embarrassing! Every time u say that u tell some embarrassing story to me about when I was little!" He zei "right after Debbie was done filming that video…" I zei "dad; if you're going to embarrass me please stop now!" He zei "as I was saying; after she was done filming that video…” I zei "seriously dad; why do u have to be so embarrassing all the time!" He zei "I'm not trying to embarrass u but; I'm just having a hard time accepting that you're growing up." I zei "yeah well; u need to accept it because there's nothing u can do about it! I'm not that two-year-old anymore!" He zei "I think the only thing that needs to be accepted in the fact that you're scared and u don't want to admit it." I zei "I don't know what you're talking about; I'm not scared at all!" He zei "you're scared that at the end of this trial there is a chance that I might not come home. I know you're scared! You're not the only one; Grace is scared and so am I.” I zei "okay dad; can u seriously leave my room now?" He zei "fine but; u can't hide it forever! The longer u keep your feelings inside, the worse it will be in the long run."

February 10, 2005,

I can already tell that this trial is not going to be good on dad's health. He physically drained and all he does is sleep when he gets home. I can honestly say that I've never seen him like this in my entire life. I'm worried that if his trial lasts as long as he thinks it's going to; he is not going to be in the best shape door then.

It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon and dad walked through the door dressed in a suit and tie. He sat down on the divan, bank and he just looked so sad. I walked up to him and asked "are u okay dad?" He didn't answer me as tears filled his eyes. I hugged him and zei "it'll be fine! u have to try and stay optimistic about things because that's all u really can do." He zei "I know; I just didn't want it to come to all this!" I zei "I know that this is hard for u and I'm going to do my best to be well-behaved while u are going to all of this! I can't make any promises though because u know how I am!" That made him laugh and he zei "yeah; I have a feeling that won't last very long!"

Grace came into the room and hugged dad. Dad zei "AJ; I promise that I will be the best father that I can possibly be; even with all this going on! Don't worry… I'm not checking out as your father. There is one thing that I would like of u guys though. Grace asked "what's that Michael?" He zei "the seconde I walked through that door every day, we make a habit of not talking about the trial. It's easier on me that way! I zei "that's fine with me! I don't like talking about it either, it's depressing." He zei "the only time the three of us will talk about the trial beyond this point is if there is a bad outcome… I doubt and hope that there won't be a bad outcome."

February 16, 2005

Today is the start of the weekend so; dad doesn't have court for a few days. I went upstairs to get something out of my room and when I looked at my Jesse McCartney poster on my uithangbord there was a mustache drawn on it. I ran downstairs and zei "you're done for Prince!" Dad zei "wait! What are u talking about?" Prince smiled and ran up to his room. I zei "Prince drew all over my Jesse McCartney poster with a sharpie marker! He's really going to regret doing that in a few minutes!" Dad zei "hey, just calm down; besides I'm not going to let u beat him up on my watch! That's not going to get u anywhere and u know that." I zei "oh I see how it is! You're just going to let him get away with drawing on my poster!" He zei "no; I didn't say that at all! I'll make him buy u a new one with money from his own piggy bank." I zei "he deserves worse than that though!" Dad zei "stop saying stuff like that! He's your brother and u need to be nice to him!"

I ran up to my room and dad followed me. I went to slam the door and he stopped it with his foot. I ripped the poster off my uithangbord and sat down on the edge of my bed. He sat down volgende to me and zei "I'm not leaving here until u calm down. Ever since the trial started; u have been having outbursts. I know exactly what's wrong and u do too but; you're in denial about it!" I zei "I'm not in denial about anything!" He zei "yes u are! You're bitter and angry because you're scared! u need to talk about it because the longer u keep your feelings inside the worse it will be when u finally let them out." I zei "I'm not scared of anything! Will u please leave me alone now! He zei "this isn't about the poster at all; u just want to make it seem like it is!"

After about 20 minuten of waiting for me to talk to him, dad zei as he threw his hands up in the air feeling defeated "fine if u don't want to talk to me; then don't! I'm here if u need me but; I'm done trying for now." He left my room and I stood in the doorway listening to a conversation between him and Grace from downstairs. Dad zei "I don't know what else to do! I know all Alanna needs to do is cry! I don't know if she's specifically mad at me of mad at this whole situation in the first place. She won't talk to me about anything. I can tell door the look in her eyes that she is absolutely terrified of what's going to happen to me at the end of this trial." Grace asked "have u thought about where the children would end up if u went to prison?" He zei "well; Blanket, Paris, and Prince would live with my mother. I haven't talked to her about the situation with AJ because honestly I don't think she can handle Alanna's ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder!" Grace zei "if I can't handle her there's no way your elderly mother is going to be able to! I mean u yourself can barely deal with her!" He zei "look at how red she turned and that was just because Prince colored on her poster! I'm worried that as AJ gets older it's going to get physical one of these times! He zei "you know that I would never hurt her. I don't care if she hurts me but; when she's that angry it's hard to calm her down before the situation escalates!" Grace zei "I just hope that it never reaches that point!"

March 1, 2005,

I was in the keuken-, keuken of our rental home pagina in Los Angeles and dad had just put my brothers and sister to bed. I zei as I put dishes in the sink "I wish that the Jesse McCartney tickets were not sold out when u looked at them when u got home pagina today! Are u sure all of the tickets are sold out?" He zei "I promise you; ALL the tickets for the Beautiful Soul tour are gone! You're just going to have to wait until he goes on tour when the volgende CD comes out. I'm sorry; I really did try to get them for you. Since I had to go to court today, I had Grace go online the seconde the tickets went on sale but; door the time she filled out the shipping address for the tickets they were all sold out." I zei "well; at least u tried! I hope it doesn't take Jesse too long to come out with a new album."

Dad got up from his chair and walked over to hug me. I zei "I'm going to go listen to my Jesse McCartney CD before I lie down and watch TV until I fall asleep." He zei as I walked up the stairs "I'm sorry AJ… I know how bad u wanted those tickets!" I zei as I shut my bedroom door "it's fine dad; I'm not mad at you. The volgende tour will definitely be worth the wait!" When dad had told me that he wasn’t able to get any tickets I was crushed inside! I knew it wasn't his fault and that I couldn't act upset because I didn't want to make him feel bad. I guess I'll just have to settle for listening to the CD and staring at my poster for a while.

March 9, 2005,

Dad walked through the door, after another dag in court and ended up right in the center of an argument between Grace and me. I shouted "I didn't do it so; I shouldn't be on punishment for it!" Grace zei "yes u did do it; I saw you." Dad asked confused "what's going on?" Grace zei "she was hiding video games in her room so Prince couldn't play them. When I caught her taking them out of her dresser, she zei that the games weren't even in the cases and when I looked in them every single game was in its case. Not only did she hide the games from Prince; but she also lied right to my face!" Dad looked at me and zei "you know that one of the things that I just can't tolerate in this house is lying! Go up to your room. No Xbox for a week starting today."

I ran up the stairs and slammed my door. I opened the door back up and yelled down the stairs "you guys are ridiculous! All I did was lie and I can't use the Xbox for a whole week!” Dad walked up to my room and shut the door. He asked with a serious look on his face "do u want to make it two weeks with no Xbox?" I zei "I don't really care at this point!" He zei "alright; then I'll change it to a maand if u don't care." I zei while in shock "I didn't agree to a whole month; I agreed to two weeks without it!" He zei "that's not how it works! u don't get to pick and choose your punishment. u better stop talking back to me because I'll punish u from using the computer and watching TV!"

I didn't say a word as he left the room and he zei "lose the attitude; neither Grace nor I deserve to hear that!" He shut the door and I turned my TV on. I whispered to myself "they both overreact way too much!" Even though deep down I knew I deserved to be in trouble!" Nine times out of ten I deserve it; whether of not I want to believe it!

March 15, 2005,

Today is my 11th birthday and dad is still at the courthouse but; zei he would be home pagina in about 20 minutes. I was downstairs doing my schoolwork and was about to walk down the hallway when Grace zei "no; u can go down there until your dad gets home." I looked at her confused and went back to the keuken-, keuken to sit at the table.

Dad opened the door and up ran to me. He gave me a hug and zei "happy birthday!" I zei "thank you" and I put my boeken away on the bookshelf. He zei "come on; let's all watch a movie together in the living room!" The two of us walked into the living room and he shielded my eyes. I asked "why are u covering my eyes?" He moved his hands out of the way and I couldn't believe my eyes. Standing in front of me was a life-size cardboard cutout of Jesse McCartney. I shrieked and zei "oh my gosh; for a seconde I thought that was really him; not a cardboard cutout!" Everyone started laughing and dad zei "sit down; I have something else for you!" I sat down on the couch; leaving a space volgende to me for dad to sit down. He passed me a big box and zei "go ahead and open it!" Whatever was in the box weighed a lot! There must have been a whole roll of tape used on that box. I asked while they all laughed at me struggling to open the box "did u really have to use this much tape on it dad!"

I finally got the box open and the first thing I saw was two rolled up pieces of paper. I took them out and unraveled them. One of them was a new copy of the poster that Prince had drawn on and the other one was a different one of Jesse McCartney that was exactly the same size as the blue one. I zei "thank you" and dad zei "keep going; there's a whole bunch of stuff in there for you!" The volgende thing I took out was 11 teen magazines like Tiger Beat and Bop. Dad zei "one magazine for each jaar you've been alive! I've been collecting them for about five months now.” One of the bodyguards named Will zei "I've been the one to go buy those magazines and I can't even begin to tell u about some of those awkward looks I get being a grown man buying boy band magazines. It actually makes the cashiers laugh!" We all laughed and I started pulling out something else from the box. I grabbed two Jesse McCartney T-shirts and zei "I'm going to wear these all the time!" One of the shirts zei "Jesse McCartney: beautiful soul tour 2005." Dad zei "since I couldn't get u the tickets; I figured I should buy u the tour T-shirt to try and make up for it!" I zei "at least I can pretend that I got to go to the concert when I wear this."

I hugged everyone and thanked them for the gifts. Dad zei "I was so bummed when I couldn't buy u the regular tickets to the concert because they sold-out so fast!" I zei "that's all right; I know u tried." Dad zei "I wasn't able to get u the tickets u wanted but; I hope what's inside this envelope will at least make waiting for the volgende tour a little easier." I looked at him confused as he passed me the envelope. I looked inside and there was a folded piece of paper. I took it out and opened it up and dad zei "read the part that I highlighted." I read it out loud "Jesse McCartney VIP experience package." I didn't understand what it was and zei "oh that's cool; u got me another package of Jesse McCartney stuff that's coming in mail." Dad laughed and asked "you don't know what that is?" I zei "yeah; it says right here that it's another Jesse McCartney package." He laughed even harder as he looked at Grace and zei "she really doesn't know what it is!" I zei "alright; what's going on? What's so funny? What is this piece of paper?" Grace zei while gasping for air because she was laughing so hard "its tickets to a Jesse McCartney concert!" My mouth dropped and dad zei "the seats are in the front row!" I was speechless and then he zei "there's one meer tiny detail that I forgot to mention." I asked "what else could there possibly be?" Blanket, Prince, Paris, and Grace covered their ears. Dad zei "guess what!" I zei "what?" He zei "you're going to meet Jesse McCartney at the concert!!!"

I think the entire family was expecting me to let out an ear piercing scream but; what I did volgende shocked everyone including me. I started crying uncontrollably and shaking. Once dad realized that I was crying; not screaming, he asked "what's wrong? Why are u crying?" I zei "I'm so happy! I never thought I'd actually get to meet Jesse!" He smiled and hugged me. He looked like he was about to cry because he had never seen me so happy in my life!" Grace removed her hands from her ears and zei "I didn't see that reaction coming at all! u made your tough tomboy cry tears of joy Michael!" Dad zei "I'm glad u like the tickets that much! Are they better in the regular tickets that u originally wanted?" I zei in between sobs "so much better! Thank u so much dad!" He zei as his voice broke from trying to hold back tears "you're welcome! You've got to stop crying though because you're going to make me cry! I knew u wanted the normal tickets badly but; never in 1 million years would I have thought that u would cry because u are so happy!"

After I composed myself; I asked "who's going to take me to the concert?" Grace zei "I will be if your dad has court that dag but; if he doesn't he is going to take you." Dad zei "now that you've stopped crying I have to tell u this. u better be on your best behavior between now and the dag of the concert because if u really do something that I don't like… I'm going to sell those tickets faster than u can say Jesse McCartney! Do u understand that I'm not messing around when I say that? I'm hundred percent serious too! I guarantee u that there is another girl out there that would love to meet Jesse also!" I zei "I promise you; I'll be a whole different kid until after the concert! I don't want to lose the tickets! u saw how much they mean to me!" He hugged me and I zei "I'm going to go upstairs and put my two big posters on the walls in my room! Then I'm going to take all the posters out of the magazines u got me and put those ones up also!" As I headed for the stairs; dad zei "don't forget to bring your Jesse cardboard cutout and other stuff upstairs with you." I walked over and grabbed the cutout. I zei "you're going to have to help me carry the T-shirts and magazines to my room because my hands are kind of full!" Dad tossed the two T-shirts, two big posters, and 11 magazines on my bed with a brand-new roll of tape and a pair of scissors. He shut the door behind him as he left and I pressed play on my "Jesse McCartney: beautiful soul" CD that was in my CD player. The first track "beautiful soul" started and I moved my cardboard cutout to a corner of my bedroom. Out of all the posters I got there was a total of 23 Jesse McCartney posters that I now have up on the walls of my bedroom! I think it's so funny when dad walks door my room and he gets startled door my cardboard cutout of Jesse because it really looks like he's standing in my room! This is door far the best birthday I've never had… It's going to be hard for dad to top, boven this one!

May 14, 2005,

I was chasing Prince around the house and dad walked through the door. Dad zei "AJ; I need u to empty the dishwasher please." I zei "I don't want to." He zei "I wasn't asking you; I'm telling u to please empty the dishwasher for me." I grabbed the Xbox controller from Prince and dad zei "I know u heard me AJ." I jumped over the back of the divan, bank and switched the batteries out of the controller. Dad looked at me and zei "remember what I zei about the Jesse McCartney tickets! u better do what I told u to do of I'm going to take them away from you!" I got a worried look on my face as I ran over to the dishwasher and started taking dishes out of it. He zei "that's what I thought!!"

After I was done unloading the dishwasher, dad zei "thank you; u need to go outside and take your bicycle and verplaats it out of the way because it's laying in the driveway and I don't want to have to buy u a new one. Someone could easily run it over!" I was about to say something when he raised his eyebrows and zei "don't forget about the Jesse McCartney concert." I immediately ran outside and moved my bicycle out of the way. I came back inside and Grace zei "I think that's the first time that AJ has done something without putting up a fight!"

I went upstairs to my room and about 20 minuten later dad came in. He zei as he sat down on the edge of my bed "I just wanted to let u know that on June 15, the jury in my court case will decide whether they think I'm innocent of guilty." I zei "I hope they come to their senses; it's obvious that Gavin is lying and I will be really mad if u get sent to jail because of him!" He zei "I know; u just have to think as positively as possible and hope for the best." I zei "alright; I love u dad, I'm going to go to bed now." He zei "I love u meer and I'll see u tomorrow afternoon when I get home." He kissed my forehead and shut off the light as he passed me the remote to my TV.

June 15, 2005,

Today's the dag that we find out if dad is going to prison of not. Grace put a Disney movie on in Blanket's bedroom to occupy my siblings. Grace and I went into the living room and put it on the channel that will be announcing the verdict on dad's case. It seemed like it took forever to get to the point where the jury had come to their decision. Finally; a woman walked outside the courthouse and zei "we the jury in the above entitled case find the defendant, Michael Joseph Jackson…" I whispered to myself "come on; lady hurry up!" The woman zei "not guilty on all accounts!" Grace hugged me and I zei "he's coming home!"

10 minuten later, I heard the front door open and dad walked through it. I turned around, jumped over the back of the couch, and literally jumped into his arms. The both of us just started crying and he didn't even care that he was carrying me. I must've been heavy for him but; he didn't even notice. I zei "don't ever scare me like that again!" All the emotions that I had been holding back for the entire trial just poured out right then and there! He wiped the tears off of my face and put me down on the counter top. He zei "trust me; I'm not going to let anything like that happen again!" Blanket, Prince, and Paris came out into the living room to see what was going on. Dad hugged all three of them and blanket asked "why were u guys crying?" Dad zei "never mind that; let's go watch a movie!"

While I was getting ready for bed; dad walked into my room and zei "you must be excited for this weekend!" I looked at him confused and asked "why? What's this weekend?" He zei "you forgot… It's the Jesse McCartney concert!" I zei "oh yeah; so u have your disguise that you're going to wear when u take me to the concert?" He zei "I'm just going to wear a really dark sweater, sweatshirt and big sunglasses with a pair of faded jeans… No one will suspect that I would wear something like that!"

June 17, 2005,

I rushed to put on one of my Jesse McCartney shirts and dad and I ran out to the car. I had spiked my short blonde hair were some gel and dad sat in the drivers zitplaats, stoel of the Rolls-Royce. This was one of the few times that my dad had driven us himself, instead of bringing a bodyguard along to the concert because he didn't want to blow his disguise. I could barely contain my excitement as we pulled up to the concert arena. Dad passed me a VIP lanyard and I put it around my neck. He put his on and we got out of the car.
"
We gave one of the staff members our tickets and he zei "all VIP concertgoers need to line up over there. There is a guide that will take u where u need to be." We walked over and I was surprised that there was only a small group of fans that would also be meeting Jesse. Then the guy brought us to a big room and we waited for Jesse to toon up.

Jesse walked into the room about 40 feet away from the crowd of fans. I placed myself at the end of the line. When he finally got to me he whispered "hi Michael; it's nice to see u again!" Jesse looked down at me and zei "you must be AJ!" I stuttered and zei "hi Jesse, I love you!" Jessie zei "your dad told me that u have a bunch posters of me in your room!" I zei "yeah; every time I see a magazine with u on the cover I buy it! I love watching u on "summerland" that's my favoriete show." He passed me a poster he signed and zei "that's for you!" I zei "thanks; I love it!" He zei "of course; anything for my number one fan. The security guards are telling me that I have to go get ready for the toon now; I hope u enjoy it!" Dad zei "wait one second; I've got to take a picture of the two together before u leave!" Jessie zei "you can hug me if u want to!" I hugged him and zei goodbye after dad the picture.

Dad and I made it to our front row seats just as they started rolling the introduction video. The Jumbotron read "get ready… 10, 9, scream, 8, 7, I can't hear you, 6, 5, it's time for, 4, 3, 2, 1… Jesse McCartney!" Jesse came on the stage and sang each song from his album. Then Jesse brought a girl that was in a wheelchair on stage and sang "take your sweet time" to her. That was dad's favoriete part of the concert, just knowing that there is still a lot of beroemdheden out there that care about helping those in need as much is he does. My favoriete part of the concert was definitely getting to meet Jesse. This is the best dag of my life so far. I will never forget this day! Thank u so much dad only